CAMILA
I was staring to feel sad again so I went out and went here. Where was here? At the school parking lot. I wanted to be alone for a bit so I went here to smoke. I didn't have to worry students would see me because this part of the school was secluded and exclusive only for teachers' parking area.
Usually when I got sad I drink but I couldn't because I was trying to get sober.
Sober. I hate being sober it made me feel the pain so much more when I was drunk.
I took a hit of my smoke and laid down on the hood of the stranger's car feeling everything while looking at the sky. I closed my eyes and started humming the tune of the song that was first to come in my mind.
I was humming, then I was singing already.
(The song is called "Sober" by Joy Oladokun)
A/N: There is also an acoustic version of this. Listen to it! And tell me what do you like more the original or the acoustic.
Now that I'm sober my temperature's a little colder
I see it clearly now, I only fell for you
'Cause I was young, dumb and broken
I hate being sober
My hands are shaking and the nights are lonely
I put my body and my soul through hell for you
Why does it hurt that it's over?
I've been drunk for three years and fifteen days
Off that perfume that you wear
And that good look on your face
I ignored all my worst fears
And now this liquor won't chase
The thought of you from my head
My mouth still stings from the taste of it
It has been three weeks since my mental breakdowns. Yes, breakdowns. Plural. I had my first in Lauren's car and the second in my grandmother's office. I couldn't believe I had two breakdowns in a day that previous weeks. I couldn't believe that I let them saw me in my vulnerable state. I had told myself that I wouldn't let the past get me at every chance that turned me into a raged psycho but it was easier said than done. When you had a past like me. Tell me if it was that easy to move on and go on like every fucking thing was normal.
It was all too much to take in and all too much to deal with and... forget. It hurts me every time when I remember them. I just couldn't what kind of person who would hurt their loved ones like I did.
My mom.
Keana.
Kamil Marie.
Tears welled up in my eyes when all the memories of them came rushing to my head again- my dau-
"Camila?" I heard the familiar raspy voice that made me weak every time. I quickly wiped my eyes with my palm when I heard footsteps.
I sit up then coughed to hide my after cry voice.
"What are you doing here in the parking lot?" She eyed the vicinity like she was looking for someone. "Alone?"
I rolled my eyes and took a puff from my cigarette to annoy her but she didn't seem faze by it. She probably used to see people smoking... or maybe Tyra smokes too. Whatever.
I didn't really want to talk with Lauren even though I missed her so fucking much this past three weeks. You might ask why. She kept her distance. She thought she was doing a great job to not make it so obvious that she was basically avoiding me well she was wrong.
She was not talking to me like she used to like when I teased her I got no comebacks or any sarcastic witty comments. When I talked to her she wouldn't look into my eyes. It got to the point that I pretended that something got in my left eye and I asked her to blow it out or maybe check it but she started to be awkward like she couldn't blow my eye because she couldn't look into my eyes. And the worst part was, she didn't laugh at my jokes anymore! I mean come on!
I've stopped bothering her or making her to notice me when I realised maybe she didn't want to be friends with a person who has anger management issues like me. I couldn't blame her though.
But! Still!
I'm pissed at her for ditching me just like that.
I took another hit on my cigarette closing my eyes like I was making a wish and blew it out slowly.
"Camila? Do you see me?"
I always saw you. I wanted to say but didn't.
"Yeah." I said with no emotions and heard her sigh deeply.
"I need to go but were you waiting on me?"
I turned my head and finally saw her face. God she was beautiful her hair was in a bun, her eyes were striking than ever, her face had no make up but still managed to look flawlessly beautiful and her chapped lips that I wanted to get a proper taste — oh wait! Camila! You were supposed to be mad at her not fucking worship her beauty! Be mad! Mad! I'm mad at Lauren!
"You're mad at me?"
Did I say that out loud?
"No! Why would I be mad at you!!?"
"You just said you-
"No. I didn't leave me alone, Lauren."
"I would but you're kinda blocking my way." Lauren nodded to the car where my ass was comfortably perch on the hood. I looked behind me and noticed just now that this was Lauren's mini cooper. What a way to tell people that you're a bottom, Lauren.
"What, you want me to get my fine ass off your car?"
"No, I'll just ran you over." She rolled her eyes and then heard her car door opening! Was she serious?!
I looked behind me and saw her smiling at me. I noticed her bag and folders she was carrying were gone. She put her stuff in the car, she wasn't about to run me over!
She smiled. What the hell was she playing now?
"Did you think I was going to run you over?"
I didn't answer, instead I continued to smoke. I was trying to be a jerk you see.
"I didn't know you smoke." I tried my best not to close my eyes in bliss when I got a whiff of her Victoria's secret perfume when she passed in front of me to sit on the hood of her car too.
"I didn't know you cared." I answered coldly and flicked my Marlboro on the cement floor and step on it then was about to leave when Lauren spoke.
"I'm sorry." Oh. She knew she had done something wrong. She was playing with her fingers to avoid my eyes again. I just shook my head like she was seeing me and turned my back on her to leave again. "Please, Camila!"
I put my hands in my pocket and continued to walk way from Lauren.
I got another stick from my pack of Marlboro when I saw someone standing at the exit of the parking lot.
I stopped my tracks, cigarette between my lips.
"Fuck." I mumbled and my Marlboro would've dropped if it wasn't for my sticky lips.
I couldn't deal with Presley right now. I had been successful of avoiding her for the past three weeks but I knew she would be this desperate to wait for me in the parking lot. Huh! I didn't have a car you bitch!
I just needed some time to think what to do with her. Presley's back was facing me so I took this chance to walk back where Lauren's was.
When I reached the spot where Lauren was she was starting the engine of her car already. God, this was going to be embarrassing I had been a jerk to her and now I was going to ask her if she could give me a ride!
I had two choices. Swallow my pride and get to Lauren or swallow something else if I get to Presley. Ugh!
"You're never kind to me!" I whispered yell and look up trying to talk to God.
Lauren was driving away I need to do something!
I decided to call her.
What I saw made me smile like an idiot. The contact photo of Lauren making this face at lunch when we were arguing about the grammar error she believed was right all these years! She claimed that "Clothes is big on me" was the correct term for saying "Clothes are big on me"
..........
"I'm thinking we could go to the beach next weekend, you know just chill and vibe and I need a tan." Ally said wiping the mayo off her mouth.
I look at her whole body like I was checking her out.
"What?" Ally asked.
"If there was one person who needs tanning it's not you, Ally." Then I turned to Lauren who was chewing her sandwich.
"Leave-my skin awon, Camz." Lauren said her mouth half full. She didn't even look at me while she said this and just continued eating her disgustingly healthy sandwich.
"Lauren doesn't get tan she will just turn bright red under the sun." Ally commented looking at Lauren now too.
Lauren drunk from her water bottle and agreed to Ally, "Yeah, the only thing I will get on the beach is sunburn."
"Yeah, it's probably safe that you don't go to the beach, Laur." Lauren frowned probably trying to figure out what I said.
Say what bitches.
"What?" Ally and Lauren asked simultaneously.
I smirked to myself, "Lauren is so white she will blind people on the beach once she strut there in her bathing suit."
I laughed at my own joke. Of course! And Ally's laugh followed, "Oh-oh I get it!"
Ally and I continued laughing like it was the funniest shit ever while Lauren just glared at us.
"Fuck you, guys!" Lauren said a little louder that she intended that made the other teachers in the lounge look at us.
"Put a dollar in the swear jar Lauren." Jemima's attention was now on us.
"Camila made me curse because she was being a fucking dick! She should put a dollar in the jar... oh fuck now I realised I wasn't helping my case by swearing more." Lauren just glared at us and begrudgingly took a dollar from her wallet walked slowly to the jar. Lauren look at us her whole way to the jar making puppy dog eyes probably trying to guilt trip us.
Ally and I just shrugged that says we don't give a damn.
That made her more annoyed than she already was. She was so cute because when she was annoyed Lauren would pout and god help me I wanted to kiss her pout away.
"Fu—fork, you guys! I will not waste my money on people like you." Lauren sat back to her seat glaring at us.
"Aww, I'll buy you mangos later. I'm sorry." Lauren half-smiled when she heard mangos.
"Really, Als?" Ally nodded then pinch Lauren's nose.
I felt Lauren's staring at me so look up from my phone.
"What?"
"Aren't you gonna give me something?" Lauren asked me.
"You want mango flavoured ice cream later, baby?" I answered in very soft and sweet voice. Lauren grinned and nod her head yes.
"Asked Tyra to buy you then." Then just like that I crushed her dreams. Lauren's face fell while Ally laughed and was about to say something but Lauren stopped her, "Don't you dare, Ally," She then turned to me, "You have no idea how much I'm swearing at you in my head right now."
"Fine. I'll do something for you." I said and went back to my phone again. "Lo, I liked your picture you posted on insta where you sat on the couch wearing that cute big sweater. There, happy?"
"Aww.. thank you, Camila Cabello! I feel so validated because you liked my photo!" She clasp her both hands and dramatically wiped fake tears in her eyes. "Like you don't like my pictures all the time." She smirked at me.
"I don't like your pictures all the time!"
"Uh- really? What year is it now? 2018? Let's talk about the specific photo you liked the one I was on the beach that was from 2016?" Oh. Shit. She saw that?
"I-um- I sneezed and accidentally liked it." I shrugged and tried to play it all cool.
"And accidentally liked my other photos where I was all sexy?"
Fucking hell. How did I get into this?
"Well— I had a flu." I said blushing because I got busted. Lauren was grinning because she won this time.
Ally giggled then leaned towards me to look at the picture, "Yeah, that big sweater really look good on you, Lo."
"Thanks, Als I like it when my clothes is big on me."
I heard it. Ally heard it. The man on the moon heard it. We all heard it.
"Clothes are! Not is."
"Is, Lo, not are."
"What?" Lauren asked in confusion.
"Clothes are big on me. It's plural." I said then Ally was grinning and added, "Yeah clothes are."
"No! No.. no. Clothes is big on me! Cos clothes is a singular thing that encompasses a whole thing.. it's like a family.. it's like the same thing." Lauren was explaining while Ally and I were chanting "plural, plural!" to stop Lauren. I can't wait to see the look on her face when we proved the grammar queen wrong.
"You know what? I'm gonna look it up." Lauren took her phone from her bag.
"You know what I'm gonna look it up faster. Let's settle this with the old typing skills." I said while Ally scooted closer to my side and wait for the Google's answer to load up.
"I said, I love when my clothes is big on me." Lauren was furiously typing on her phone now.
"That doesn't makes sense." Ally and I shook our heads no and continued to type on my phone too.
"That does makes sense! I always said it that way."
"That's not the proper grammar." I reached for her arm and said, "This is for your own good."
"You always knew your stuff, Lo, but today you might have made a mistake." Ally added in fake sadness.
Meanwhile Lauren, "Englishforums.com..."
"You said you like it when your clothes is big on you, instead of clothes are..." Ally commented in background.
"Take off her invisible crown, Ally."
"I will later when she—
"Clothes is.. is possible! And it's from englishforum.com!" Lauren said a little louder and prouder.
"Lower your voice, Lauren, trust me once we have proved you wrong you would never want anyone to know about this." Ally whispered to us then giggled. She was loving this.
"It doesn't matter... english forum can kiss my butt." I told Lauren.
"No! It's correct. You guys can kiss my butt!"
"No, cos english forum would kiss my butt before I kiss your butt."
Lauren ignored me and continued reading on her phone. " No! It's correct it says it can be both ways... wait!.. Clothes cannot be is... it says it's impossible...."
"Wait, what?" I asked then Ally cheerfully said, "Exactly!" Then Lauren mumbled a defeated "Oh" realising her mistake.
Ally and I cheered then sung We Are The World, while Lauren said, "you're right.. you're right."
"What we can't hear you." I teased Lauren she looked a little pissed.
"It's alright to be wrong sometimes and I stand corrected."
"There you go!" Ally said patting Lauren's shoulder.
"No one shall speak about this. Now, let's go to our classes." Lauren stood from her seat and wait for us to follow her but we remained seated. "What are you waiting for? Christmas?"
"Sit yourself down, Lauren. You ain't going nowhere." I said then Ally stood, And had to tiptoe to reach Lauren's ear then whispered something.
Lauren sat back down, "Are you fucking serious?" Lauren whispered through gritted teeth.
Ally and I just nodded.
"You both are ridiculous I-
"Just take off the invisible crown, grammar queen." Ally cut her off "Former." I said correcting Ally.
"I should take a picture of this victory." Ally put up her phone and snap a picture of really pissed Lauren.
Ally showed it to me and I looked at it adoringly.
"Send that picture to me, Als."
Lauren stood and walked out on us. Leaving us with the invisible crown.
It was another well spent lunch with Lern Jergi.
..........
The loud "Hello" took me out of my good times with Lauren. Speak of the devil. She was the one yelling through the phone.
"Camila, I'm going to hang—
"Wait- I'm here! Don't hang up."
"Oh-thank god, I thought someone took your phone and—
"Called you? Why would the person who found my phone call you first? Dinah was number 1 on my speed dia—
"What the fuck— what do you need Camila?"
"You." I said on impulse that made my eyes go wide.
"Wha-what?"
"I meant-um I kinda need you right now. I need a ride home. But if you don't want—
"Sure. I'll wait out here."
"Okay..." I hung up and decided I should probably wait for a couple of minutes before I go to Lauren so she would not think I was here the whole time.
Then my phone dings.
LERN JERGI 💘: Okay, Camila. I've watched you crouch by that car for a couple minutes but I'm not waiting for another minute. Cut the crap, Camz. 🙄
Fuck. How did she see me? Did she have x-ray eyes? How could she see me—oh crap. I turned around and saw Lauren waving from her open window through this stupid car's open window! Who the hell leaves their windows open! I look at the dashboard of the car and saw an I.D I should've known it was Jemima!
Lauren honked her car signalling me to come out already.
I stood up slowly and kicked Jemima's car.
"Hey, Lauren I didn't see you there."
"And I saw you the whole time." Lauren smirked. "Now, get in your legs must hurt for all the crouching you did there."
If I wasn't just avoiding Presley. I wouldn't have taken any shit from Lauren right now.
I was about to open the door in the back seat but it wouldn't budge.
"I'm not your chauffeur, Karla. Get in the passenger seat."
She unlocked the passenger side and I got in.
"Call me that one more time and I'll break your fucking door."
"Angry much? What you don't like it?" Lauren asked starting her car.
"I don't. And don't ask why. Don't talk to me."
Lauren's face fell when she heard me say this. I wanted to say that I didn't mean it that way, I wanted to talk to her but not in the car especially we were not really okay. But my pride took over and didn't say anything. Or there was a part of me that wanted to hurt her too like she hurt me by ignoring me these past few weeks.
"Can you at least tell me your home address?" She asked without looking at me. I told her my address and she looked surprised.
"What?" I asked her but then she didn't respond. "What is it Lauren?" I repeated annoyed.
"I thought you didn't want to talk to me?"
"Fucking hell, Lauren."
"What?" Lauren killed the engine of the car. "I'm just doing what you want."
God forbid this woman was aggravatingly beautiful! Ugh!
"Fine! Don't talk."
I said this because I know she would definitely talk. Because women do the fucking opposite of what you tell them.
"I was about to tell you that your home address is like fifteen minutes away from mine. But then decided to keep my mouth shut because you told me so and you're mad at me!"
See? She wouldn't have shut up even I tell her millions times.
"Okay, cool."
Fuck. Wrong answer. Now she was going to think I was trying to pick a fight with her by agreeing with her.
"So, you're really mad at me?"
"No! I want you to shut the fuck up and take me home!"
"So, you are not mad at me? We're okay?"
"Of course I'm mad at you! You ignored me for almost three weeks! Three weeks, Lauren!"
"I'm sorry, Camz."
"I thought you were my friend but then the moment you saw the bad side of me you just bailed!"
Lauren shook her head, "No- no- Camila, Camz, I wouldn't do that to you. Trust me."
"I tried to talk to you! So I would know what I had done wrong and make it right! But what did you do? You pushed me away!" I was trying to keep it together but I don't think I could because I could feel my emotions were going to explode in my face.
Lauren unbuckled her seatbelt and turned her whole body facing me. "Camila, I'm sorry okay? Please listen to me." She reached for my knee and gave me a pleading look. I didn't say anything so she continued, "Yes. I did avoid you, but not because — you scared me off I'm not that kind of friend. I was just trying to figure things out." She was looking down at her hand on my knee.
I could tell she was nervous by the way she distractedly drawing circles over the fabric of my jeans.
"Did you figure it out?" I asked her and put my hand on top hers to stop her hand.
She shook her head. "Not yet."
I sighed. "I don't get it. Does avoiding me helps you to figure these stuff out?"
She pulled back her hand and lean her head on the seat facing me but not meeting my eyes.
"Lauren, why can't you look at me? Don't I deserve your attention now?" It pained me when Lauren couldn't even find her will to look at me.
"I miss your face honestly. I want to look at you all day! But I cant!" Lauren said like she was feeling the pain I was feeling.
"Jesus, then look at me! It's not like you're not allowed! It's a free country, Lauren!"
"God, Camila. You don't get it." She shook her head looking down at her fingers.
"You're not doing a better job at talking to me thats why I don't get it! And for the last fucking time look at me!"
Lauren finally look up and felt my knees gone jelly because of the intense gaze she was giving me.
"I can't look at you! Because, if I did. I looked at you in the eyes for a little too long to "not have feelings for you" Camila! And I know this is a fucking mess because we are friends but was that the case? Because we looked at each other a little too long to be just friends!!"
Silence.
Did she just say she has feelings for me?
Did she just admit she had feelings for me?
Did I hear her right?
Did I-
"Please.. say something." Lauren said biting her quivering lip.
There's no way I could speak right now.
So, I did the simplest thing in the world. I leaned over and kissed her and put everything I felt at the moment in the kiss.
Lauren didn't kiss me back and I pulled my head back.
"I'm sor-
"No, come here and kiss me hard." Then she grab my face and kiss me. She kissed me with urgency like my lips were giving her life. I took control of the kiss and I made it slow and passionate. I sucked on her upper lip and didn't move to her lower lip until it was swollen enough. Then sucked the tip of her tongue. I pulled her face closer to me and pulled her hair. Her moaned was music to my ears and it made me want her more. I moved my lips to her jaw then her earlobe, suck on it then went back to her lips again. Sucking alternately on her lower and upper lip. God her taste was intoxicating me. I couldn't get enough.
I paused to catch a breath and all I could hear was our heavy breathing that I was pretty sure was fogging Lauren's car. Lauren was about to lean in to continue kissing but I had different plan.
"Come here, baby." I said tapping my lap telling her to sit on them.
Lauren shook her head no then her lips formed a smirked. God her smirk was hundred percent hotter having her red lipstick smeared all over it. I did that. I smirked to myself.
"I will sit on your lap for what? So you can kiss me more, grind and feel each other up?" Lauren seductive voice echoed in the car. God she was killing me!
"You knew me so well, baby girl." Enough with the teasing I need to fucking kiss her right now. I leaned over and kissed her again. I was pulling her by the loops of her jeans guiding her to straddle me. Once she was straddling me I kissed her harder this time. My other hand was holding her face and the other one travel down her spine to her bum then gave it hard squeeze.
"Oh, God.." Lauren moaned. I kissed my way down her jaw leaving few light sucks until I reached her pale neck and suck on it hard like I was a vampire.
"Camz, not too hard." Lauren said through her heavy breathing.
"I'm sorry did I hurt you?"
"No... it just don't leave a hickey."
I checked at her pale neck and I'm pretty sure it would bruise tomorrow. I traced the spot with my forefinger then leaned in to give it a good lick.
"Better?" I whispered to Lauren's ear and felt her nod. I was now running my hands up and down her thighs while I continued to devour her mouth. She started grinding on me and I had to take a break from the kiss to groaned. I was breathing heavy in her neck while she grind faster and harder. Faster and harder.
Then she stopped. Put her hands on my shoulder and look at me wide eyed.
"What's wrong?" I asked concerned.
"What the fuck was that?" She asked shocked evidently on her face.
"I don't understand did I do something wrong?"
"No, Camila! What was that?" Lauren looked like she had seen a ghost.
"Baby, what was what?"
"The thing that is poking my crotch right now?"
Oh fuck.
"Oh- tha-that would be my dick."
AN: Well, it's about time Lauren knows about Camila's little secret, right?
PS, it's not really little.😉😏
Have a nice week!!
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