I followed Guy upstairs, my hand in his. He seemed pensive, and I wondered if I was finally going to find out all the things I wanted to know. At the top of the stairs he stopped and looked back at me, his smile less bright than usual and his eyes sad. I reached up and touched his jaw softly, and he closed his eyes for a moment. Sighing, he led me on to our bedroom door and ushered me in. We helped each other undress, slowly removing my dress and his leather outfit, and when we were done we climbed into bed.
Although we were exhausted, sleep didn't come easy to either of us, and we spent most of the night talking, punctuated with lovemaking. We started out with me snuggled up against him, his arms around me. I told him all the things I had told him before, when he was unconscious -- about growing up the daughter of a Sheriff, my mother's death, and what Robin was like as a young landowner. He seemed surprised when I talked of how Robin really took on the responsibility for the people on his land, even though he was still young and selfish in a lot of ways.
"Now I understand your...admiration...of him," Guy admitted, drawing me closer. "But I'm glad your feelings took a little turn." I kissed his cheek softly.
"As am I, Husband." We were both quiet for a few moments, and then we shifted so his head was on my chest, his fingers lightly tracing my slightly expanding stomach, as he started talking about his past.
He was born in England, the son of a woman from Normandy and an Englishman, Ghislane and Roger. When he was young his father was given land after going to battle for the King -- land that was originally part of Locksley land. This meant that Guy actually did currently own his own land, as well as Robin's. Guy and Robin grew up as neighbors, although they were very different and didn't really get along too well. Robin always felt that Guy's father had stolen part of the Locksley lands, and continually made it clear how much he resented the Gisborne family. Guy was much more reserved than Robin, who continually spouted off his feelings to whoever would listen. I smiled ruefully at this description -- Robin was still like that.
Guy was a few years older than Robin, but it was Robin who rejected Guy's overtures of friendship. Robin was an only child, so I would have thought he would have appreciated having as many friends as he could get. But he wanted nothing to do with the son of the man who had moved into his own father's land. An extremely popular child, Robin turned his friends and would-be friends against Guy, who had a rather lonely childhood as a result. My arms tightened around him as he said this, wanting to soothe the long-ago hurts Robin had inflicted. He smiled gratefully against my chest and was silent for a few moments.
He was fortunate to have parents who loved each other, although a father who was gone much of the time, fighting wars for the King. Robin's mother had died when he was young, and Guy had never met her. Although Robin hid it well, I knew that he had always felt sad that she wasn't around. It was one of the things that I had felt a bond with him over as we grew up. I now felt a bond with Guy because although Robin hadn't rejected me, he hadn't paid much attention to me, either.
As Guy began talking again, I shook myself out of my reverie and listened as he continued his story. My hand found his hair and I ran my fingers through it as he spoke. When Guy was twelve, his father had gone back to fight for the King, leaving Guy's mother to raise him and his sister, Isabella. I gasped softly, not realizing Guy had a sister. He paused and gave a rueful chuckle.
"Yes, I have a sister. But more about her later." I nodded, letting him tell his story in the order he wanted to, but I was anxious to hear about her, what had happened to her, and where she was now. He cleared his throat and continued the story.
Because Roger was gone a lot when Guy was growing up, Robin's father, Malcolm, had almost been more of a father to him and Isabella. Malcolm had not yet remarried after Robin's mother's death. He was always a friend to the Gisbornes, and after Roger left the last time, Malcolm and Ghislane became closer than just friends. They were neighbors, and he could demand his land back from her if he wanted to, but they had other plans. Roger had now been gone for almost two years, and was thought to be dead. One day Guy saw Ghislane and Malcolm embracing in the stables. Upset at his discovery, but unable to leave, he heard some of their conversation. They were in love, and waiting for the right time to announce their decision to get married.
"I wasn't happy about their desire to wed, or about having Robin for a brother, but since my father was dead, I realized that it would make things better for all of us. There was a bailiff who wanted my mother's land for himself, and kept trying to get it away from her by various methods." I snuggled closer to him, wanting to comfort him any way I could, and he continued his story.
Malcolm and Ghislane decided that the best way for her to keep the land, at least for the moment, was for her to declare that she was the Lady of the Manor, and that there would be no Lord of the Manor. They gathered all the Gisborne tenants and she made the announcement, which the bailiff wasn't happy about. Robin's father supported her, however, so the bailiff didn't have a say. In celebration, there was to be a feast provided by Ghislane and Malcolm. They were also preparing a fire wheel for after dark -- firecrackers attached to a wheel on a scaffold, making it go around and lighting up the sky. It would have been magnificent. But Robin (and here Guy's voice picked up an edge), in his childish stubborness and impetuousness, wanted to show how good a shot he was by shooting a lantern on the scaffold -- with a flaming arrow.
There had been some hurt feelings earlier in the day, when Robin had been trying to show off, and he was still upset about it. He thought shooting an arrow at a lantern near a combustible wheel would show everyone that he really was a good shot. Guy, who was a few years older by age, and much more mature, at least when it came to dangerous situations, stopped him, but he grabbed Guy's arrow and shot. The arrow missed the lantern, but hit the wheel, which was still being lifted, and lit a firecracker. The firecracker went off, blinding the lifters so they couldn't see what they were doing. One of the lifters got hurt and the rope slipped out of his hands, causing the wheel to drop. The wheel crashed down on the man overseeing the lifting, crushing him.
"Because it was my arrow, they assumed I had shot it as a prank, and Robin wouldn't take responsibility for it. So I was placed under arrest, and the only thing that kept me from being hanged was Robin's father. Robin almost got me killed because he refused to take responsibility for his actions," Guy finished bitterly. Now I understood the rivalry between them, and why Guy had wanted to hurt him by marrying me. But this wasn't the end, not by a long shot.
Guy's father came home the next morning, just in time to save Guy from a second hanging attempt by the same bailiff. Guy was overjoyed to see him, and at first it seemed they woud be a happy family again. Roger and Ghislane did love each other, after all. Not long after he returned, however, Roger told them that he had contracted leprosy. They knew that if it became known he would be cast out, along with his family, unless Ghislane declared herself a widow. To make matters worse, she was pregnant -- with Malcolm's child. Thinking she was doing the right thing, she turned Roger in, and at first he understood. But Guy was angry that his father would give them up so easily, and went to him at the leper's colony.
"I couldn't watch my mother marry another man when my father was still alive. I felt like he had abandoned us, and I needed him." Guy's voice broke, and I held him tighter. His arms tightened around mine in response. I stroked his head softly, thinking about how devastating it would be for a boy his age to lose his father twice. Cupping his face, I urged it up to mine for a tender kiss. He clung to me, like he did during one of his nightmares, and I realized he might be reliving them right now. My heart broke for him.
"You don't have to tell the whole story now. You can stop if it's too difficult to continue," I told him softly, but he shook his head.
"No, I need to tell you everything," he responded, then so softly I almost couldn't hear it, "so you know what kind of man you married."
"Nothing you have done will make me stop loving you," I asserted, and he shook his head.
"Don't say that until I've finished," he almost spat out, and continued.
His words had made his father reconsider what he was doing, and he came back to talk to Ghislane, to tell her he wanted to come back. He wanted to be her husband, and Guy and Isabella's father. But Robin saw him and alerted everyone -- another reason for Guy's animosity. Malcolm came in to talk Roger into leaving -- it was really for the best for everyone -- and Guy brandished a burning stick at him. During the ensuing scuffle, Guy dropped the stick, which quickly caught the house on fire. Guy grabbed Isabella and got her out of the house. Here he faltered, but continued after a moment. He should have gone back in, he asserted, and tried to get his mother out, but he didn't. All three of them - Roger, Ghislane, and Malcolm - died in the fire. So did Ghislane and Malcolm's unborn child.
"I was a coward, not going back into the house, and I lost everything because of it." Here he broke down, and I understood the reason for one of his nightmares. He was asking forgiveness for setting the fire that killed his parents and Robin's father. I held him, murmuring soothing words...I was here, it was an accident, of course he didn't mean to kill them, and of course he wasn't a coward. I held him until his sobs stopped and the shuddering subsided, and I still held him. I realized somewhere in there that the burnt down house I had seen when touring Locksley lands was his house. I had had no idea that he had grown up in this area -- I only knew that he had come from Normandy.
Finally he spoke again, only to tell me the story wasn't over. My heart broke at everything he had gone through already, and I was shattered to think there was more. How truly I now realized that I didn't know him at all before. He acted the way he did to hide this sad, scared little boy from the world. I kissed the top of his head as he spoke.
The bailiff chased him and Isabella away and tried to take their land, but obviously he hadn't been able to since it had belonged to Robin once they abandoned it, and he had owned it before the Sheriff gave it (back) to Guy. They ran to Normandy, where they lived with relatives for over a year, before being kicked out. After that they lived in poverty until an Englishman expressed an interest in Isabella. Thinking this was their ticket back to England, and out of poverty, he sold her to him. I gasped before I could stop myself.
"Yes," he said wearily, "I sold my sister. I thought it was the best for both of us, for he brought us both back to England, but he turned out to be a horrible husband, making her do things to him, or forcing her to let him do things to her, and beating her when she resisted. I don't know how to get her out of that situation, though." He sighed softly. "And now I think she hates me for it."
"So that's why, although you coerced me into marrying you, you wouldn't force me to be with you?" He nodded and shuddered.
"That and my...training from my first lover, when I was in Normandy. She taught me that the only bedding of a woman that is worth it is when she is willing." He looked at me then, fear in his eyes. He thought I would turn from him now that I had heard his story. Shaking my head, I framed his face with my hands and kissed him tenderly. His relief was evident, as was his deisre to show me how much he appreciated my support and love.
Raising himself on his elbow, he took over the kiss, making love to me in such an achingly slow and tender way that I almost cried. I thought he might cry too, from the relief of unburdening himself and not losing me. Afterward as we lay together, he thanked me for believing him. I shook my head...of course I believed him. How could I not? I responded softly, assuring him of my continued adoration.
"You have been through so much, my love, and I am proud of you for making it the way you have. We must figure out what to do about your sister, though." He smiled with relief, and chuckled at the last part.
"I should have known that's the one thing you would get from this...that we have to help my sister." His fingers, which had stilled after our lovemaking, began stroking my stomach again.
"Not the only thing...now I know more about why you are the way you are. I understand you better. And it makes me love you more." I gave him another tender kiss, and he returned it with one of his own, capturing my lips with his, and then drawing back and giving me a concerned look.
"You don't...regret marrying me?" He asked softly, his voice breaking. I shook my head, smiling tenderly at him.
"The only thing I regret is not looking past who I thought you were, and judging you based on appearances." He looked at me in amazement, his eyes searching mine. Letting out a soft sigh of relief, he gave me a small smile.
"I love you so much, Marian. It killed me to tell you all of this, thinking that it could chase you away. And to see you stay..." He trailed off, unable to find the words, and shrugged helplessly.
"I love you too, Guy. This is all in the past, and I know that you are a good man. You may have your rough spots, but I love those too. I am not such a weak woman that I run at the first sign of danger. I did marry you, after all, even though I didn't think I would like it, to protect my father." I placed my finger over his lips when he would have protested. "We both know that's the truth. But I have come to know you, and I do love you. I am glad I made the choice I did. You must believe that." I looked into his eyes, and at last he nodded his head.
He laid his head back on my chest, and we lay like that for some time, each thinking about what the other had said. I thought about Guy's life growing up, and his relationship with Robin. I hadn't realized it went that far back, and that their families were so intertwined, especially in such a hurtful way. Could I blame Guy for wanting to get back at Robin by marrying me? Robin's actions had almost gotten Guy killed, more than once, and started a series of events that killed Guy's parents and Robin's father.
Robin had never mentioned any of this to me. Perhaps because it didn't show him in the best light? I decided that the next time he was over I would try to find some time alone with him to ask him about it. Suddenly I remembered what Robin had said about me being too young to remember the history between him and Guy. He had said a lot of it wasn't good, but did he mean it put him in a bad light? I was beginning to think so. I didn't think it would be good to launch into that conversation with Guy there, though. I wanted to get to the bottom of it, not dredge up old rivalries.
Guy's fingers wandered up to my breast, drawing my thoughts away from Robin quite well. Sighing softly, I cupped his face and urged him up to kiss me, which he did thoroughly. We savored each other, his kisses slow and measured. My nipple hardened with the continued attention it received from his fingers. Once he was satisfied with its performance he moved on to the other side. We made love again tenderly, me seeking to heal his hurts and him seeking to show me just how much my acceptance meant to him.