"Taylor, Taylor"
The voice of my boyfriend snapped me out of my thoughts. I spun around to face him, giving him a questioning look.
"Yes Erick?"
"Are you okay baby? You've zoned out" I nodded as I grabbed my hot chocolate and drink it.
He gave me a worried look before he went back to his friends. I turned to watch the trees swayed back and forth by the strong cold winds from the early winter. It must've be nice being free like the wind.
Erick was too busy talking with his friends that he didn't notice me walked out of the cafeteria. I didn't blame him for being too caught up with his conversation. I'm just glad that he has settled his problems with his friends after they heard what happened between the two of us.
I walked down the quiet hallway as my mind drifts to the memories when we first had a fight. Not exactly a fight, it's more to a break up. I just couldn't believe he did that to me. Even when we're now back together, my heart still felt aching after that incident he made.
I went out to the freezing school yard as I sat down under a large tree. It felt calm and peaceful, makes me want to forget everything that happens around me. Then again, it can't and we need to face the fact that everything can change even when we're not expected to.
It was a perfect spring when it happens and I was too stupid to realize it. I was walking down the hallway when I heard it. A girl said as I passed by her
"Hey, have you heard the latest gossip about those happy couple?"
"Yeah, I can't believe him. How dare he cheat on him? He has an adorable and perfect boyfriend. He was lucky to have him, but he chooses to cheat on him. Especially when he cheated with a girl"
I couldn't care less about the rumors since I'm not the type who likes to listen to other's people businesses. I walked down to my locker as I ignore the stares everyone giving me. I opened my locker hoping that Erick would come to comfort me from these eerie stares. But that turns out differently as I felt two hands covering my eyes.
"Guess who this is?"
"The Queen of England?" He chuckled
"Nah, it's her son, Prince David of England" as he took away his arm
I spun around and tackled him with a hug. He caught me and returned the hug. He laughed "You're such a baby"
"But I am your baby" giving him a cheeky smile
"Yeah, yeah, I love my baby"
"Fine, I guess I'm just another background character then" Brad interrupted us as we tackled him with a hug.
"Hey, hey, I asked for a hug, not to be strangled" we pulled away as we laughed
The bell rang as we all parted and went to our respective classes. I entered my class as I looked around but no luck. I couldn't find him anywhere even at his usual seat next to his friends. I sat down as I try to distract myself from thinking all the negative thoughts of why Erick hasn't come to class yet.
I grabbed my iPod as I turned it on. 'My happy ending' was played as I opened my math book and solve some algebra. The teacher came in a few minutes later and Erick still hasn't come yet. I tried to focus the whole lesson but my mind kept thinking over Erick. He never even once skipped class since we started dating.
The lesson ended and I was glad that my mind wasn't fully distracted over the thought of Erick's absentees. I walked down onto my next class and this time, I made sure before I entered my class, I put aside all my thoughts about Erick and focused on my studies.
When the school ends, I planned on visiting Erick as I called him on his phone. But he didn't pick it up. I decided to bail on the plan as I went straight home with my friends.
I was busy listening to David when a guy started talking about the same rumor I heard this morning.
"Have you heard? The so called innocent boyfriend actually skips school today with a chick?"
"Yeah, I heard that. I thought he was gay. But apparently, he's just using him"
"Obviously, half of the school admits that they're gay when actually, they aren't. They just said it just so they could be with him and then dumped him when they're popular. Such a jerk, I actually felt pity for him"
The other nodded as they went off to their homes. I began to get curious about this guy I kept hearing from everyone. Who the hell did that? They admit to be gay when they aren't and dumped this poor kid just so they could be popular. What a jerk.
When I arrived home, I went straight to my room and began to think. Where in the world could he be? He usually calls me when he didn't show up to school and everything. It's his way of showing he loves me and opportunity to listen to my voice. He would never go a day without hearing my voice. That's what he says.
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For the past few days, Erick hasn't come to school. I kept calling and texting him every single day, but he hasn't answer or replied every single text I sent him. I began to wonder, is he trying to avoid me? Did I do something wrong to him? But everytime I tried to think all the mistakes I made, I surely apologize to him after what I did.
I keep planning to visit him at his house, but my mind kept telling me that I shouldn't go. He did told me that if I ever planning to go to his place, I should called him first or even text him. But, yet again, he didn't even answer me or even replied my text.
The rumors that I've heard lately kept on getting worst. It goes from just a cheater to a criminal of a relationship. Some of them said that they saw him kissing; going on a movie theatre and even went to a date at the place where Erick and I used to go together. And yeah, it's not a mistake that I said 'used'.
Last 2 weeks, he asked me to go on a date with him last Friday night, but he didn't show up. He said it before that we both will be meeting at the restaurant but I ended up sitting alone for the rest of the night. I would never let the negative thoughts consumed me or even cursed words to sink within me, but after what he did for this past few days, I couldn't even let myself hold much longer.
I start to think that he might hate or something and my mouth could no longer hold it as I spent one whole night cursing him after that lonely date. I did called his mother, but she said that he's fine and everything so I couldn't afford to tell her that her son might have skipped school or even break my goddamn heart. So I choose to hide it until today. I planned to break every rules that he put up in our relationship so I could finally knew what has he been up to.
I was walking down towards his house as fast as I could. I couldn't even stand his attitude anymore. He didn't even come to school, he didn't even call me back and he didn't even show up to the date he planned on.
I stood in front of his house and hoping that this was all necessary. I knocked the door and without ea hesitation, his mother, Rachel swung open the door with her bright morning smile. She was surprised to see me here, early in the Sunday morning to meet his irritating foolish child.
"Well hello Taylor. Erick didn't told me you're coming over"
I chuckled "Well, I came here to surprise him. I missed him so badly"
She laughed "Okay, well he's upstairs, still asleep"
I nodded as I went over to his room. I hesitated before I began to grab the door handle and turned it open. His room was a little bit too dark before I pulled open the curtains, revealing two naked bodies on his bed.
Obviously, one of them belong to none other than my ex, and yes, My Ex. I scanned over to the person 'sleeping' next to him was a female around the age of 17 or 18. I scanned all over the room and find a condom, filled with semen flowing out of it, lying next to the bed. My mind just couldn't believe all of this. He was actually the one who's everyone been talking about at school. All this time, I thought he really loved but now I knew it was just a fake. They were right; he was just using me to become popular. He wasn't really gay; he's just wanted to be popular. Well now he's get it, he would become popular with all these crazy gossip of him cheating on me.
But before I leave, I decided to approach them quietly as I grabbed a paper from his desk along with a pen, writing down a note for him.
Dear E..
I hope you're having fun last night, I hope so. It felt just like yesterday when we did it the first time and I couldn't believe I was too stupid to realize it sooner... I was actually just a toy for you, aren't I Erick. You never did love me or even care for me; you just want the attention, the fame and the respect from everyone else. I think I better cut it short since you probably going to have plans with that girl of yours, so I have a fun time with you and everything bla bla bla... and I regret of saying those three words for you bla bla bla... I hope you're happy with her and enjoy your life with her and don't worry, I'm not going to be sad or anything, so you don't have to feel guilty. I don't have a heart anyway, I'm just a robot, a sex toy, isn't that right. And most importantly, thank you for showing me how useless, weak and stupid I was... That's all and I hope you won't burn in hell for what you did to me and lied to me about your sexuality and everything... I enjoyed being a part of your scheme... Thank you...
Sincerely, the stupid boy you called SEX TOY...
P.S. Don't come looking for me, or meet me or even apologized because I forgave you. I hope you have fun playing with me while it lasted...
I put down the note over the nightstand as I got out of his room and ran out of his house with tears flowing down my cheeks. I ignored the calls I get from his parents as I just ran out of his house, making my way to the only place where I could kept all this tears falling.
I made my way to the forest as I entered it, running and dogging through until I reached the one place where I always felt safe and alone. This was the only place where I could pour out all my thoughts, scream as much as I want to and burst into tears without anyone stopping me.
It was the only place where Erick would never find me. He never knew about this place, only my two bestfriends, David and Brad. So if anything happens, I figured out they would know where to find me since this is the only place I love to go when I'm not feeling well or upset. I sat down under a small tree, pulling up my knees and cried onto them.
I cry, I screamed, I roar, pouring out all my anger to my surroundings, letting all my feelings took over me. I closed my phone so no one would interrupt me. I felt betrayed, I felt disgusted, and yet, I felt happy. I don't really know what I'm feeling right now. My emotions were a messed. But I didn't care as long as I could pour all my hearts and soul, I'm satisfied. This is the only way I could stop myself from grabbing a knife, went to his house and stabbed him repeatedly.
My friends came probably after a long hour since it was almost dark. I couldn't believe that time had passed so quickly. They came running to me, hugged me and soothed me with comforting words as they saw me yelling to the world. They must have known since they didn't even mention his name in front of my face. When I was done, they brought me home and that's when everything starts to change for me.
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It took three months for him to break up with the chick and realize how much a mistake he made for choosing that girl over me. Even when his friends start to avoid him due to the news, he still hangs on with that girl. Not only have that, the whole school become wild once more when they heard about my status as single. I was again attacked by boys and girls, trying to flirt with me or even get my attention but mostly I tried to act oblivious to my surroundings.
I began to get invitation to parties, practices or even some friendly date. Although I'm bisexual, I still found myself attracted to guys more than girls, but mostly guys since they often do their shirtless flirt. My friends had to stay with me whenever I was invited to some practices so they could cover my eyes from getting hypnotized by those freaking awesome abs.
While him, he kept on apologizing me for the past three months for not telling me and everything, but my friends did a good job in keeping him away from me. But after his break up, he came to his senses. He starts to hang out back with his friends, become the soccer star and everything that he used to have come back to him, even his popularity.
His friends were still mad with me but nevertheless, they helped him trying to get me back with him. They kept convincing me that he's change and everything but I still couldn't believe him. He even tried the old fashioned way, apologizing through the school's PA system but I kept on bailing on him.
It's not until last week I rethink about him. I do still hate him and will never ever apologized to him, and even trust him, inside I still have those old feelings for him. I remember he told me his 'stupid' reason for cheating on me
"I'm afraid of what the world would think of me and hate me for who I am"
Isn't that just stupid? Obviously I did answer him well and clear.
"Why do you have to care what people would think when I, myself love you for who you are. Screw them for thinking like that. Why do you think I always said 'you're perfect'? That's because I never care about what anyone think about you because in my eyes, you're the most perfect human being on earth"
It wasn't an excuse for him having sex with anyone else other than me. If it was just a kiss or a small kind of mistakes, I could probably forgive him, but he just step it way too far.
But most surprisingly, my friends tried to convince me to forgive him. I was shock when they even said that I somehow should get back to him since I've changed a lot ever since we broke up. I couldn't believe what they've said, especially Brad, the most sensible and smartest person in the group would said that.
I've rethink my decision on going back to him, even considering the fact that he might one day would do it again on me. It took me few weeks to decide until last week, I decided to give him one last chance. He surely was shocked but promised me that he won't waste it. He asked me on a date afterwards and I accepted as this was a way for us to catch up with each other.
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And now, my head still hangs on with all those memories, how he hurt me, betrayed me and apologized to me. It was a hard decision but my feelings still wants him.
An arm wrapped around me as I looked up to face him. He has a huge smile plastered on his face until he saw my expression. I looked down onto my lap, but his hands grabbed my chin as he lifts my head up to face him. He whispered
"I promised you I won't do it again and I get it that you still can't forgive me or even trust me. I understand that. I will wait and do everything to get your trust me again. But please, smile. I love watching you smile"
I put on a small smile for him as he leaned down and kissed me. It was passionate and filled with love. He pulled away as he whispered
"I Love You and I'm sorry for making you hurt"
I nodded as he leaned down and kissed me once again. Even if this relationship works in the future and I love him once again, will I ever trust him again? Even after what he did. Well, let's just go on with it, but for now, let's try and restore our bond together.