CHAPTER FORTY ONE- These four words.
“Okay so I bet she’ll like totally throw a diva tantrum right before she goes in or something. Oh I pity you Ashley, having to be there every step of the way, her best friend her-“
Harry teased inching closer to me as he said this.
“Shut up Harry, guys this isn’t nice. You’re all bitching about her and you don’t even know her.”
I frowned and Harry chuckled leaning back into his seat and smirking, proud with himself. Elise’s wedding had been the centre of the conversation for the past half an hour now. I myself couldn’t see it being completely smooth and I would agree, she is a diva, but I knew her well enough to say this, they, did not.
“Wait show me a picture again.”
Zayn commanded and I sighed giving him a tired look I spun the laptop around which was displaying her twitter, in all her hair dying, shoe buying, tantrum throwing, wedding mad, glory.
“Can’t wait to be the princess of the castle. Baby I love you.”
Zayn recited one of her recent tweets, and they all burst out laughing, even Niall found this hilarious. For the sake of being nice I didn’t laugh. Even if she was a complete diva, I didn’t like bitching.
“That is…” Niall said in between laughs. “That is fucking diva gold!”
I rolled my eyes giving him a nudge in the ribs but he only began to laugh harder, I just sat there refraining from laughing too.
“Guys, guys, guys…” Liam’s laughter quickly subsided and everyone slowly turned to look at him. “Maybe Ashley’s right, this isn’t nice.”
“Oh come on Liam, we’re hardly saying anything. We’re just looking at her tweets.”
Louis re-assured patting him on the shoulder.
“Yeah and totally mocking them.”
I added and then the attention turned to me as Zayn passed the laptop back and I began to scroll down her profile supressing a cringe at the majority of her tweets.
“We’re not mocking them; we’re just…Observing the personality behind them.”
Zayn nodded curtly and I narrowed my eyes at him.
“You’re mocking them.” I repeated. “And it’s not nice.”
“Awh come on Ash just because she’s like your only friend in New York it doesn’t mean you can say you like her.”
Harry chimed in and I slid my gaze to his raising my eye-brows. Somehow, Harry always managed to get underneath my skin, it’s so weird, and some day I’m just wondering if he’s gonna catch me in a bad mood and push it too far. I can almost picture it. A low round of ooos chorused as I narrowed my eyes at the younger boy shifting in my seat to face him. Niall distinctively snaked an arm around my stomach as if I needed restraining. I’m not that violent, gosh.
“Awh come on Ash just because she’s like your only friend in New York it doesn’t mean you can say you like her.” I mocked him and he raised his eye-brows, his eyes silently daring me to push it further. So this is what I did. “Can’t say I like Faye. Or I can’t say I like it when you’re on a break from Faye and you bring home about ten whores every night, but I put up with it, don’t I? Learn to tolerate, Harry.”
Maybe the mention of Faye was a little bit too far. But after his recent comment yesterday on my underwear I figured he deserved it. And I could tell I had provoked now as he was silent for a few seconds and then discreetly licked his lower lip and everyone around us fell silent. And Niall’s arm got that little bit tighter around my body.
“You know what Ashley?” He taunted and I quirked an eye-brow narrowing my eyes at him. “Just shut up about Faye. Just because she dumped you as her best friend because she realised that spending time with me was better than you, there’s no need to get bitchy about it. And it’s none of your business neither does it affect you who and how many girls I bring home, it’s my life, isn’t it?”
“Harry stop it.”
Niall cut in and I rolled my gaze around the room to examine all their facial expressions. Zayn seemed to be loving this and was lapping up all this fresh frenemy business between Harry and I like a thirsty puppy. Louis was just looking bewildered and unsure of what to do and Liam was rolling his eyes probably knowing his role as Daddy Direction would be necessary soon.
“Why Niall? Why should I stop it? And so you’re just gonna side with Ashley again now because she’s your girlfriend and you can’t afford to get on the wrong side of her cus she’s a temperamental little rich girl? Or is it because as always it’s my fault and Ashley’s completely innocent? Because that’s always the way, isn’t it?”
“Harry that’s not fair. Stop it before you dig yourself deeper.”
Liam scolded and Harry shook his head looking over to him and narrowing his eyes.
“Oh yeah, Harry stop it, that’s always the way isn’t it? It’s never Ashley stop it is it? I just don’t get you Ashley, do you enjoy this?”
Harry shot back and I raised my eye-brows. Niall snaked a second arm around me now pulling me further away from him.
“Do I enjoy this? Harry you’re the one who always provokes, it’s not my fault you get under my skin and if you do you can’t expect me to not retaliate back. And for the record I’m not a temperamental little rich girl. Believe it or not Harry, nobody’s perfect and that includes you. Your heads full of air, you know that? Why don’t you just stop being so damn conceded and get a grip on reality?”
Harry snorted folding his arms over his chest he looked me up and down.
“Better to be conceded than a mess like you.”
He spat and everyone was a bit taken aback by this, so was I and I felt myself feel sicker. He did not just twist this on me.
“Harry just shut the fuck up. That isn’t funny.”
Niall warned but Harry just smirked shaking his head.
“Niall’s right Harry, that isn’t funny.”
Zayn chimed in and Harry narrowed his eyes at all of us.
“Maybe it’s not funny but it’s freaking true. All I’ve heard for the past god knows how long is awh don’t say anything to Ashley she’s fragile, don’t force her to do this, don’t force her to do that and I’m fucking sick of it. Ashley gets all the attention because she’s…like that and it fucking pisses me off. Why is she so special? What makes her different to any other girl that’s insecure? You’re all just…Delusional, I don’t get why she gets treated like royalty.”
“Harold!”
Liam hollered startling everyone slightly. I could feel my chest tightening and a lump rising in my throat. This was too far.
“Harry do you even realise what you’re saying mate? I’m not joking just shut the fucking hell up before you get yourself a punch or something. Ashley’s right, your head is full of air. You’re not invincible Harry, you’re the same as the rest of us and so is Ashley, you can’t say things like that and expect to get away with it. I suggest you fucking apologise.”
Niall spat but I was already wriggling myself out of his grip. Harry laughed bitterly and then shook his head at us.
“Niall’s right Harry. Apologise.”
Louis cut in for the first time and I was taken aback by this. Louis sticking up for me instead of Harry?
“You’re defiantly delusional if you think I’m going to apologise. Fuck off this wasn’t my fault. She started it.”
Everyone was shaking their head at him but he just sat there with a bitter look on his face.
“You know what,” I started as I shakily got up but Niall refused to let me go his hands resting lightly on my hips as he stared up at me remorse filling his eyes. “Just fucking leave it. I’ll just get out of your ways.”
I snapped and then began to walk out.
“Ashley, no, come back!”
“Ash just come here and we’ll make Harold fucking apologise.”
I shook my head already out the room.
“Fucking well done Harry look what you’ve done now.”
Niall stammered and I could hear them all scolding him now.
“Oh whatever. That’s it Niall go and chase after your always-on-her-time-of-the-month girlfriend, you go fucking after her. See if it makes a difference.”
“Harry you’re a freaking dickhead, you know that?”
Zayn insulted, I would have normally found this funny but not now.
“Award for best charmer goes to Harry Styles, congratulations Harry you won best conceded airhead award.”
“Really? You can’t get any bloody insults of your own?”
Harry retorted, I just leant against the wall already feeling the tears brewing, dampening my eyelashes and brushing my cheeks they were hot and warm. What started off as a bit of brief annoyance suddenly escalated into this massive shouting match picking out each other’s flaws, I know I’m a mess, I know I’m not special and I know I’m nowhere near perfect, in fact I’m quite the opposite. But to have it said to your face like that, so bluntly, so full of colourful language, that wasn’t our usual playful banter, this was different, this was serious and it hurt.
“He’s such a dickhead.”
Niall’s voice floated in the air the only thing bright and comforting as he slipped his arms around my waist prying me from leaning against the wall and into his chest my tears immediately subsiding. He traced circles in my back sending small jolts of hype through me, soothing but at the same time so shocking, so sudden and electric.
“Harry you really need to learn to just shut up. Look at how far you’ve dug yourself down now. Not even I’m that stupid.”
Zayn chipped in.
“Shut up Zayn. She was asking for it.”
“She wasn’t and you know it. Maybe the Faye thing was a little too far but no way did it call for that, that was low Harry Styles, low.”
“It’s okay, shh.”
Niall cooed hugging me tighter to him and pressing his lips to my forehead for a while. I lifted my head from his chest looking up at him he used his thumb to wipe away my tears leaving my skin feeling strangely damp but tingling.
“You wanna go upstairs?”
He asked me leaning down and resting his forehead against mine. I nodded bleakly trying to tune out the comments and scoldings’ from the living room. He gave me a small sad smile and placed his hands underneath my bum scooping me up into his arms I decided not to protest and snuggled into his chest the feeling of warmth against my body feeling good.
“He didn’t mean it. But you know it’s not true, right?”
I just shrugged settling myself in his covers I leant against the wall tucking my knees up to my chest and resting my chin on them.
“Well it’s not. Wait here and I’m gonna go and tell him where to stick it.”
He announced pressing a kiss to my forehead but I grabbed his hand pulling him back.
“No, don’t. Just leave it.”
I pleaded and he raised his eye-brows and then sighed sitting back down in front of me he leant forward resting his forehead on mine.
“Just because it’s Harry, it doesn’t make it any different to anyone else. He can’t expect to say things like that and get away with it and he’s not going to.”
He breathed brushing my bangs from my eyes with his thumb and tucking them behind my ear as I stared back at him feeling the remorse flooding through me. Maybe if I hadn’t of made the Faye comment than things might have just been brushed off there but there was no way I deserved all that just for the mention of Faye, did I? They fight all the time and when they do all Harry does is bitches about her. Faye and Harry are on and off like a light switch at the moment, so why does one mention of her not even in too much of a harsh way like this land me in that lengthy load of insults he decided to run his mouth too?
“No it’s between me and Harry. I don’t need everyone else to fall out with him too.”
I protested as he just looked at me seeming a bit bewildered by my words, but they were true, as much as what he said was harsh and hurt it didn’t mean he deserved everyone else to turn on him.
“Why not? He deserves it. That was harsh Ash, and you didn’t deserve it. I’m not gonna let it slip, he wouldn’t let it slip if I said something like that about Faye, and you know it.”
I frowned at him. I hated it when he disagreed with me, in situations like this he’s so stubborn, so am I, but it doesn’t work if we both are and he knows that.
“It’s not fair Niall-“
“Not fair?” He raised his eye-brows confusion flooding his face. “You know you’re way too nice sometimes. The only thing that’s not fair is how he treated you. You know that was out of line Ash and so do I and he’s not getting away with it.”
I sighed running a hand through my hair seeing this as being an impossible situation, he wasn’t going to give up, I could tell. That was the thing with Niall though we could both see what was coming and how far the other was willing to bend in a different light but yet we continued to protest at each other’s wishes. I suppose it kind of came with our childish competitive streaks, kind of like a poke war on Facebook, it’s a stupid, petty, pointless little game with no physical prize, but yet you’re still so determined to win, just to prove, that you will get what if you want it and that always, you’re better than your opponent.
But before I could retort, shoot back another pointless remark that we both knew wouldn’t change anything, before I could even open my mouth to think about forming a reply; Liam burst through the door a worried and pained expression on his face. Niall and I both snapped our gazes to his and I wondered how much of our conversation he had heard, how long he had been lurking in a place where our voices were audible to him, but the four words that he said slammed all pondering and pointless thoughts into a sinister oblivion. These four words made my heart speed up, my head spin with a daze of confusion and fear, these four words made everything seem as if it was slipping away into nothingness and now this was the only thing that mattered – which was true – and the only thing that I could register. Or not register, it didn’t seem true. These four words they were the most unexpected ones yet, she was never in trouble, she was always the lucky one, the perfect one who never made mistakes. It was me who ended up in the rough of things, me who was emitted into these situations. But these four words countered for something completely different.
“Ellie’s in the hospital.”
-
“No it’s not okay, so don’t tell me it is!”
I protested desperately trying to swallow the prominent lump in my throat but it wasn’t working, my voice cracking at almost every syllable as I blurted this out to Niall. Louis glanced at me from the front seat his eyes seeming bleak and full of concern too. Harry licked his lower lip, he had his arms folded over his chest and a scowl on his lips, his expression impassive he was avoiding my gaze and when he accidentally caught it he’d glare at me and then shoot it away as if he couldn’t stand the sight of me, I couldn’t stand the sight of him. Liam was the other side of Niall tapping his foot impatiently and biting his lower lip he was fumbling with his phone and seeming as if he didn’t know what to do with himself. Zayn was sat behind us madly tapping away on his phone he was remaining silent too. Now, the only sound was the hitched breathing of me and the low and crackling hum of the radio murmuring the lyrics of a sappy country love song. As if reading my thoughts Louis took a hand off the wheel and leant forward in his seat, his fingers enclosing around it he turned the knob and the radio clicked off. The only sound now being the noise of the engine and the tyres ploughing through the snow and slippery ice.
Niall said nothing back to that sensing my fragile mood he just placed his hand on my knee over mine slipping his fingers in between mine he gave it a gentle squeeze but I was too numb to move. I rested my head against the window, the glass was benumbed the same as the atmosphere outside, brumal and algid. The clouds were dense as they merged with the sinister ebony colour of the sky as they spat out thick, feral streaks of snow. Tumbling down onto the roads, blanketing the tarmac and coating the roofs, it wasn’t even nice. It was freezing, inconvenient and completely depressing. It did nothing for the mood right now and it just made things even harder. Who thought something so pretty and innocent could cause such a brutal act, such a danger to the world, the human race. Shifting families, relationships and most of all jarring people’s health.
I scowled to myself as I felt the vibrations of the engine channelling up the window, through the windowpane and rattling against my forehead. Denting my skin and causing a fickle pounding, it was that cold. But somehow I stayed like that; it was half relaxing, blotting out the reality. Just to have something genuinely numb seemed slightly better, as if, even though all hell was breaking loose, all traces of disorder instantly welcoming themselves into our lives, there was still a way to blur the feeling of life. To make it seem like even for a few seconds, it was possible to distract yourself from the things you neither wanted to see nor hear.
Suddenly I felt a movement below me, this was of course nothing new since we were rocketing along the tarmac, but this felt different. Out of sync and distorted, like it shouldn’t have happened.
“We’re gonna have to slow down.”
Louis’ impassive and remorseful tone brought me from my thoughts, but it wasn’t much different to everything else. And then I found myself not even bothering to open my eyes in reply to this remark, as if it didn’t surprise me – which it didn’t – when you start a run of bad luck, you find yourself not even twitching an eye-brow or lifting a finger when something else happens. Some other inconvenient decision is made. Because you know, that nothing you do is going to make it better and this is probably just you being warned to batten down the hatches, because this isn’t the worst of the first of the run of events that are going to correspond with this. This is only the beginning of the storm, and guess where you are? Right in the freaking middle of it. The middle of ocean, and guess what? You have no boat. So suck it up, compose yourself, and swim until the end. Because we all know, it has to get worse before it gets better.
Just like that, the noise was back. The infrequent crackle, the indefinite sound of imperfect hope. And then suddenly a prominent burst of sound, blaring through the speakers. For a few seconds, a chirpy presenters voice barked something about the snow and then it fell silent, it’s noisy demeanour falling slack it went completely silent. It came back, and then dipped out again and finally after a bit more crackle, it completely cut out. The orange display blinked a few times, suddenly going scarcely bright and then it fell dim too. Now, the only light being the thin and improvising glow of the streetlights wavering through the window, petering out by the snowfall.
“Drugs.” Liam’s tone was monotonous as he blurted this one word, his tone fill of remorse. His phone shaking in his fingers. All eyes slowly turned to look at him – apart from Louis who was driving, and Harry who was refusing any kind of social contact – he bit his lip and I forced my gaze to stick on him, as we all waited for him to expand on this, wondering if this was actually relevant. “The other driver was high.”
In a split second my world fell, it came crashing down, the rubble scarring me just in that mere second. I closed my eyes again feeling Niall’s arm snake around my body, pulling me close to him but any of my weight he tried to shift I let move on it’s own. I just sat there, still, numb and completely unmoving. The car continued to move, the snow continued to fall, the tarmac continued to slip past the wheels and the streetlights continued to glow. But I was just impassive and completely full of incompletion, all motivation lost, I wasn’t going to do or say anything.
I felt something warm brushing my cheek and then the feeling of dampness spread in a wispy streak across my skin and I realised a single tear had spilled from my left eye and Niall had wiped it away. His other fingers working their way through my hair. But I just couldn’t do affection, not right now. However I let him continue, too many things were changing, I didn’t need to force any others if it wasn’t necessary.
“We’re here.”
Louis’ was tone was too – monotonous – he cranked the handbrake, switched off the engine, but nobody moved. I didn’t even open my eyes, I could just feel that everything was a lot more stable now, although that didn’t counter for anything, or help the nauseated feeling in my stomach. I didn’t need my vision to know that he was getting out, the weight of the car shifting, the front seat pressing tighter against my feet and then the cool air slapping into my body as it breach distance into the car, the clicking sound of the door opening and then shutting as he heaved a sigh. I could hear the sirens; the blue lights were even invading my vision even with my eyes closed. But still – I stayed where I was, unmoving – then I felt some more weight shift and I then knew that Harry had got out. The same routine followed, the slamming of the door, the slight gasp as his feet hit the most likely multiple inches of deep snow and then the sigh of someone else.
“When you’re ready love, when you’re ready.”
Niall’s voice was so quiet, a breath of a whisper as his lips brushed my ear, it was igneous but foreign at the same time and for a second it replayed in my brain. When you’re ready love, when you’re ready. But that wasn’t the case, things never happened when I was ready, the moment picked me – I didn’t pick the moment – this wasn’t true, this didn’t happen to me. But for some reason he was so keen to make sure it did, to make sure that nothing happened out of my comfort zone. But there was no resuming that now, too many things had happened, things had gone too far to backtrack. There were no U-turns in this, no do-overs; this was my train of bad luck, or maybe pure fate, to complete.
Suddenly I realised that I must have zoned out for a minute or so as now it was only Niall and I left, the car shook slightly as Zayn slammed the door and then his simultaneous gasp sounded at how deep the snow was. Suddenly feeling guilty and selfish, as if I was overreacting, I slipped my hand into Niall’s. My hand felt so small, so fragile and lost in his but that gave me a feeling of safety and I endured it further holding his hand so tight it almost hurt my fingers but I carried on anyway. And then my shaky fingers enclosed around the handle, the door open, the cold air surrounding me I slid off the seat and my feet met the snow. It was so cold and damp and it sunk into my shoes, dribbling onto my socks but I brushed it off – it was already past ankle depth – and then I heard the door slam and Niall was behind me. As I looked across the car park I could see Louis and Harry just rounding the corner, about to enter the hospital, Louis was jogging and tugged at Harry’s jumper to get him to come with him but Harry remained where he was, stalking through the snow on his own. Hood up, hands in pockets and eyes glued to the floor, he was anything but sociable let alone forcibly sociable in a situation like this.
I felt it rising inside of me, it already had my body breaking out into a clammy sweat, I let go of Niall’s hand feeling my legs buckle as I power walked ahead making a dart for the grass as I dodged the cars. It was getting closer, almost there now, scalding it burned the back of my throat and then I bent over and emptied my insides into the grass. I felt my hair being tugged out the way and Niall’s hand on my back as he held my hair and then my body endured into round two. Another lot burning the back of my throat as I emptied myself onto the banks and then when I was content that it was done I stood back up wiping my mouth with the back of my hand I sent Niall an apologetic look but he just shook his head rubbing my back.
Niall did all the talking, the checking in as immediate visitors to her, but I didn’t think I wanted it to be instant, I didn’t think I was ready. But I didn’t have time to think as I was being shoved down next to Zayn and then I watched blinking every few seconds as I watched Niall fill a plastic cup with water out of one of those machines as the receptionist eyed him suspiciously. But he didn’t seem to notice, as he made his way back across the waiting room and handed it to me motioning for me to drink it. My hands were shaking vigorously as I took it from him; he and Zayn both watched me as I brought it to my lips. Even the feel of the plastic made me feel sick. The water was slightly warm as it hit the back of my throat, mixing with the taste of vomit, I swirled it around my mouth not even registering it’s dampness as I slowly but surely downed the whole cup.
“Thank you.”
My voice was barely a whisper as I thanked Niall placing the cup by my feet. Zayn twiddled with his thumbs. It was only him, Niall and I in the waiting room since apparently there was a limit on visitors. All I knew was that my Father was already here but I didn’t even ponder over the awkwardness of me being here with Niall after our last conversation, it wasn’t important right now.
“How do you feel?”
Niall asked whispering this into my ear, Zayn looked at me an expectant yet distant look on his face; I bit my lip knowing that now they were waiting for an answer. After all, I always owed someone something.
“Fine,” I lied, but maybe it wasn’t a lie, I wasn’t unhealthy, just messed up. “I’m not sick. I’m shocked…W-worried.”
Niall nodded, this being my first full sentence for at least an hour maybe this showed progress, or maybe this just showed that I was good at acting, either way, this was something.
“She’ll be okay.”
He told me. But it was always like this, he was always Mr Positive, it’ll be okay, everything will be fine, maybe it will be, but that doesn’t promise anything. I don’t know if he truly believes this himself or if he just feels obliged to say this, because maybe, just maybe, it might make me feel a fraction of a bit better. But that was the thing with Niall, in the grimmest of situations, the most sinister and drained of hope ones, he still manages to say it’ll be fine. To assure me, because my tension within myself is more important to him than my own, it’s quite sweet; really, I just wish I was more of a state to appreciate it than this.
“M-Maybe…Maybe it wasn’t that bad.”
Zayn offered, his tone too – cracking – but I knew straight away that he didn’t believe this himself. It was clear as day to me, after all, I’d grown up with that hopeful tone, that wasn’t even hopeful, some people were good at sweetening things up, giving false hope, but he clearly wasn’t one of them. Which was okay, because not many people are.
“It was a river Zayn, a frozen river.” I stated. “It was bad, it is bad.”
He said nothing seeming as if he regretted saying that now, he tried, but it didn’t work. Which was also okay, after all, maybe it’s just easier to expect the worst. Niall sighed and then I felt his arm settle around my shoulders pulling me closer to him, I wasn’t feeling particularly affectionate, so I hoped he could deal with giving and not receiving, since right now, maybe I just wanted to feel closer to someone, to something, so I obeyed, nuzzling into him. The feeling of his lips against my temple brought slight sunshine onto the thunderstorm on my parade, and for a split second I was distracted but then a remorseful looking nurse scanned the empty waiting room her eyes settling on us, pity filling her eyes as she looked at Niall and I and then slid her gaze to Zayn. She looked as if she was at a funeral, which was probably an extremely bad link for me to make, considering the situation.
“Visitors for Ellie Dawson?”
Pity was even haunting her tone. I couldn’t help but grimace at it, I hated the pity, I’d been so used to it. They thought they felt sorry for you, they thought that they knew how you felt, but in reality, they had no idea.
Someone must have nodded because as we got up she looked down the hall stepping aside slightly motioning for us to go through. I couldn’t even breathe, my mouth was so dry. Niall’s arm was tight around my waist, gripping onto my hip so tightly it should have hurt, but I couldn’t feel anything.
The corridor’s seemed to go forever; Zayn was walking in front of us with the nurse even though the conversation was barely small talk. Niall kept on whispering reassuring things into my ear and kissing my temple or forehead in order to comfort but nothing was going to work out. Not even his knee weakening kisses.
The smell of chemicals and traumatized hope was what greeted me as the door was creaked open. On a bench down the hallway, were Harry and Liam. Harry still had his hood up, his arms folded over his chest ignoring Liam by the looks of things, but he wasn’t my main focus of attention. I was about to go in when I almost collided with Louis, he appeared to be rubbing his eye with his finger so I couldn’t see his face and pretty soon he turned his back taking shaky steps down the hallway. I brushed off his incapability to even look at me and held Niall’s hand tight in mine as we entered the room.
As soon as I saw it, all those machines, all those tubes she was hooked up to. I couldn’t do it; her hair was wet, sopping even dripping onto the pillow. My knees buckled and the tears spilt and I could feel everyone’s eyes on me but I didn’t care. Right then, I just needed to break. I needed to break so I could fix myself again. I had mostly always been a silent sobber so right then thankfully I wasn’t too dramatic. But even though I was quiet, my body only shaking with the tears I could still feel everyone staring at me, wondering if I, was in fact was the one who needed to be in the hospital bed. But then I felt hands around my waist lifting me up, at first I fought it, at first I wanted nothing but to be left as a heap on the floor but then I gave in. Realising that as always, he was too strong for me.
He just hugged me supporting my weak and trembling body as I hid my face in his chest and my hands. His heartbeat filling my ears, the warmth of his body a blessing against mine but then a loud and fickle beeping noise sounded from one of the machines and that was it for and it took all strength I had to break away from him. I pulled my body weight violently out the door, spinning on my heel away as I did so, my upper torso suddenly seemed too heavy for my legs to carry and they buckled again but this time I leant against the wall catching myself, before Niall did too.
“Shhh.”
His voice was so soft, so differing to my racing heartbeat, my dizzy headache and my nauseated stomach. I knew he could feel it, this horrible atmosphere, I knew he was nervous, worried, but still, he stayed so calm.
“She’s in a state of shock. She needs to sit down.”
It was the nurse again and for a moment I wondered who she was talking to but then I felt Niall’s arms tighten around me, which always meant somebody was telling him what to do or what not to do with me and he didn’t like it. Which now meant that she was talking about me, state of shock? Is that not understandable?
“I know.” Niall’s tone was impassive, assertive as he spoke to her hugging me even tighter. “Come on Ash, let’s go and sit down.”
He cooed calmer, to me, and then I felt his hand find mine folding his fingers around he began to tug me to the right as I sobered up my tears but we were stopped, as always, someone telling us what to do.
“She needs to be on her own.”
For a minute there was silence and I felt Niall hug me even tighter, my tears began to subside but they weren’t stopping, I knew they weren’t. I’d always hated being the weak one and not being able to stop it and now here I possessed myself to be that one so prominently.
“Are you kidding me? She needs to be on her own when she’s like this? Do you even know her? I didn’t think so.”
Niall retorted. I felt so helpless just standing there listening to this conversation as I wallowed my weakness into his chest but it always seemed to be like this, I would be the one who couldn’t handle it, who broke and he would always be the one there to comfort me. The one so keen to stop treading water and to actually swim through it all, I wanted that to change, I was fed up of him always giving and never receiving anything back from me. But unfortunately, this life and this relationship didn’t come with a how to guide, and right now, I’m questioning whether there are actually any rules or not.
“Sir, please just calm down and let me handle her. I know what I’m doing.”
The nurse assured but Niall didn’t move, I wanted to do something, to say something to allow Niall to just stay with me but I couldn’t even breathe, let alone speak.
“Handle her? She’s not a fucking animal.”
“Sir, if you don’t co-operate now then we will just forget any contact with the patient all together.”
Niall sighed and then loosened his arms around me, a sign that he was giving in, this wasn’t the time and place for a battle and he knew it.
“I’ll be back in a bit.”
He whispered to me and then pressed a kiss to my forehead before scowling at the nurse and then walking away looking back at me every two seconds. Without further comment I was ushered down the hall and placed onto the seats that Liam, Harry and Louis had been recently occupying but for some reason they weren’t there anymore so I was on my own. The nurse sat beside me, her glasses falling to the end of her nose as I desperately tried to compose myself, but nothing was working.
“Now I want you to listen real close sweetheart and not to worry.” She told me, I said nothing as I stared back at her. “Your sister…She’s-She’s in a coma.”
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A/N.
because we all know drama is my middle name;)
Listening to some Ed Sheeran because he's just a god okay
so today I went with my daddy to go and pick up some fence pannels for the garden and we had to stop four times on the way back to make sure they were still on the roof of the car. The man who was helping my father load them onto the car said I had nice hair;) and all the sawdust was going in my eyes and I wnated to put my sungless on but they broke and I was like crying:( and then we got stuck behind a tractor on the way back like fml I could of got out and walked home quicker than the speed we were going.
omg right the other day we went for a BBQ at one of my Dad's friend's houses and they've just moved into their new house I don't even know if it's a house it's like a fucking mansion man, they had it built for them and omg it's just so freaking nice. They have three year old twins, a boy and a girl and they were so cute omg, the boy picked me some flowers and then kissed my cheek goodnight when he went to bed at half seven I was like dying he was so cute:')
anyway
I am not totally convinced I;ll be able to upload tomorrow cus I'm not happy with the chapter:3 I like things to be perfect okay so yeha if I do it will most likely be in the evening (England time)
and I've hit 2000 fans:O I freaking love you guys so much like seirously I just love you that much that it took me almost an hour yesterday to go through the 1443 emails I had from wattpad in the space of 4 days:3
-Emily.