The big day was tomorrow and Shen Wei was as functional as dumpling dropped into in a bathtub.
Zhao Yunlan was coming tomorrow.
Excitement and terror clawed at his chest. He wanted him to come here, to experience what he alone at helped Shen Wei build.
He couldn't fail Ye Zun, their dreams or Zhao Yunlan. So he had funneled his emotions into creativity, exactly as Zhao had unwittingly suggested, creating nine new dishes this month alone and had forced his kitchen staff to excel to near superhuman abilities.
The result? The dishes that Zhao had inspired him to create over the years had been called everything from "The cutting edge of the culinary world", to "Creations only the best city restaurant can dream up", giving his career and more importantly the restaurant, the boost they needed to survive. He had saved everything. Zhao Yunlan always did.
This month though, he had gone overboard. Apparently, a famous celebrity was coming and that was enough of an excuse, an actress that everyone knew except him. An actress bringing a massive entourage and paying through the nose for the best. But for him, her presence, the fame it gave his restaurant was irrelevant.
Zhao Yunlan was coming tomorrow.
He had envisioned which table, the exact chair and it was on the other side of the wide room, to where the party was gathering. He wanted him to enjoy the atmosphere, the sculptures and the food, not capture the eye of a famous actress. It was also closest to the kitchen. He could hear Ye Zun laughing at him and could just about see his approving, savage grin.
Times like this he missed his twin more than ever. Didn't miss the ribbing or the risk that Ye Zun would sit across from Zhao and announce his brother wanted to meet him and that Shen Wei was his super fan, but the warmth of being able to freak out about meeting Zhao Yunlan, with someone who cared. Ye Zun would go out there. Daring Zhao to disappoint him. Disappoint them both.
Not that he would. Confused? Regularly. Amazed? All the time. His Savior never disappointed. Besides, other than meeting him, giving him the best culinary experience of his life and getting the chance to see him perform at the end of the week, was everything Shen Wei wanted. He had no higher hopes than that.
So here he was. Lunch service was over, the staff were exhausted and Shen Wei needed a break. His kitchen was nearing spotless and his nerves were starting again, now that he had nothing to focus his mind on.
His manager, Chu Shu Zhi suggested with the air of someone trying to stay respectful, that he take a break and conveniently gave him the list of things left to do for tomorrow, to finalize the decisions regarding the menu for the actress. Things he needed time to think about, as he had already forgotten about the actress, all his attention on making the Zhao-inspired dishes shine.
"Don't forget," He reminded Old Chu, "We have two important guests tomorrow night."
Chu consulted the list but before he could ask or agree, Shen Wei continued, "Zhao Yunlan will be seated at table twelve."
Table twelve was the rival best table in the house. The actress had booked the dramatic seat that Ye Zun had designed and Zhao Yunlan was seated at the one Shen Wei had re-done with Zhao in mind. Not that he admitted that part aloud. The first opening in the bookings, Shen Wei had seized like a mad-man, knowing Zhao would say yes, as he had meticulously planned the timing. Free food as the prize for winning the biggest international music competition, was not something Zhao Yunlan and Da Qing, because the invite was for both, would ever turn down. He lived on pot noodle for Heaven's sake.
Old Chu didn't know he worked with a man devoted to Zhao Yunlan, so he just nodded quickly, refocusing the conversation on the menu. Realizing just in time, that this was the prize winner, before he annoyed Shen Wei any further.
He begrudgingly left the restaurant to Old Chu's care and walked to the park, making phone call after phone call, organizing the deliveries and the fresh ingredients they needed to buy at dawn tomorrow.
Ending the last call, he sat down on a park bench and stared the wallpaper on his screen. It was nothing lewd nor one of the promotional pictures that he often received as part of Patreon. No. This was a special picture. His Savior was leaning against a railing, wearing a blue t-shirt laughing at Da Qing who was off camera. Da Qing had posted it and in a moment of weakness, Shen had downloaded it. He traced a finger over that stunning face.
How do you tell someone that they are the only reason you kept your head above the thrashing seas? Gave the relief you craved, an outlet for your pain and most importantly, gave you the confidence you needed at your lowest point? He was where he was now because of Zhao Yulan. A debt that could never be repaid, because he had given life and kindness when it was needed the most.
It was here in this park that he found his Savior, five months after that concert. Two weeks after his brother had killed himself.
He had known for years that Ye Zun struggled with mental health issues. It was something they battled together. Or at least he had thought they did. The guilt of missing the signs that must have been there, nearly tore him to pieces. The pain of losing his only family, his twin brother was unbearable and then possibly the restaurant had tipped something in him.
He had held it together at the hospital, at the morgue even though that was hardest day of his life, telling their staff, temporarily closing the restaurant...Even at the funeral, he didn't cry, feeling hollow and broken. When prayers were given, he had the urge to laugh. Religion was always beneath Ye Zun. He had suppressed the humor and the tears, finding the strength to thank and trade words he didn't remember.
He had no memory of leaving the funeral. No memory of coming here to a park bench.
He did remember sitting here watching the rain pour over him, drenching him slowly, the water seeping into his clothing as the cold, hollow core of him filled with the storm of grief. He could give himself this. Let the rain wash away his tears like footprints in the sand. The ocean of despair could join the rain, in this one moment where he could truly grieve his brother. What he had been and what he had done.
Shen Wei never knew what might have become of him, trapped and broken on that bench, because twenty meters away, Zhao Yunlan began to play. The sound had startled him, dragging his attention up to where he was. Their eyes met, and Zhao Yunlan had smiled, the sweetest, kindest smile. He had nodded to himself, to Shen Wei, he didn't know. Then, he nodded as if taking an oath, as if a request had been made.
When he played, the world stopped. Shen was paralyzed, he stayed where he was lost in the ethereal music that flowed around the grass. The sound was the cruelest sorrow echoing the pain in his very soul. Agony expressed with violin strings in its purest form, as though he too was mourning, this incalculable loss. As though his heart was bleeding too with the very idea of a world without Ye Zun, as though he wished to take Shen Wei's pain and force it to manifest.
Then it changed. As the last breathtaking notes faded away, he switched to his cello, giving Shen no time to adapt to the change. This was tragic still, but had the low growl of anger.
For four hours, he listened and grieved while Zhao played, to an ever expanding crowd. Again and again, Zhao looked straight at him, smiling sweetly. With Zhao he worked through his rage and sorrow, his regret and confusion, until the notes became tentatively hopeful, making him think of the happier times, making him laugh softly through the pain. Zhao's smile widened, seeming happy that he felt happier, altering the notes until they were nostalgic and almost wistful.
The sun set, the lengthening shadows and fading light only seeming to enhance the magic of this world Shen Wei had found himself in.
The notes faded and silence followed the applause, from the small, excited crowd. Shen Wei slumped back against the bench, his strings cut. His soul was still crying and he felt raw, exhausted. He didn't want to see Zhao packing up or worse still, watch him leave.
The last thing he remembers is thinking that Zhao Yunlan was even more beautiful close up and so incredibly kind, as he helps him into the back of a cab. He had gripped Zhao's arm, to thank him or what he didn't know, but Zhao Yunlan had gripped back and asked, "What's their name?"
His eyes were as dark as the cosmos, pulling him into depths unknown. His lush mouth was twisted slightly in sympathetic pain and Shen Wei fell. Fell in love then, he will think later.
Grief rose but the storm didn't drown him, the waves hurt but with Zhao Yunlan's foxfire eyes gazing into his own, they were no longer fatal.
"Ye Zun. My twin brother."
He patted Shen's arm and released him. Shen Wei felt lost again without that grounding touch, felt as he might still shatter at any moment. But Zhao Yunlan smiled again, sweet and unbearably sad. "Grief...loss makes warriors out of all us...but one day the peace comes back. I held onto that. It got me through. I'm sorry."
Shen Wei had stared shocked, wondering who Zhao Yunlan might have lost, but that smile turned wistful, those eyes holding his as if through willpower alone, he could help Shen Wei through this. "Take care of yourself."
It shouldn't felt as though he was making a promise to this beautiful stranger with the world in his eyes, but it did when he wordlessly nodded.
Zhao Yunlan shut the car door and stepped back, still standing there when the taxi turned the corner. Beautiful and remote with a violin case in his hand and a cello at his hip.
Two hours later when he was back at his apartment he had looked him up. He had a website with a video channel link and a bottle of alcohol. That marriage led to a slightly love-struck and very drunk Shen Wei, watching every video and signing up on Patreon.
In the morning, he had experienced agony from his head, a phantom brother sneering at him and after getting over his shock at what he had done, zero regret. Not with Zhao Yunlan's beaming face looking right at him from the laptop screen.
Shen Wei shook his head and looked back down at his phone. There was a new video. His heart soared.
Here was a man he could love.