Thomas' p.o.v
Newt had to turn the pages three times until he was finished writing. As he was writing I saw that he started shaking and I think I noticed a tear slipping from his gorgeous brown eyes and put my arm around him for comfort.
No matter what he had or had not done in the past I just couldn't stand to see him hurting.
When he was done writing, Newt ripped out the pages, folded them and put them on my bedside table. Then he handed me a smaller note and stood up walking over to my door.
Please read these pages when I am gone. I hope you can some day forgive me. /Newt
I looked up at Newt and nodded.
"Ok, I'll read and then I'll send you an SMS. Sounds good?" I asked him.
He nodded and gave me a halfhearted smile before exiting my room. I waited until I heard the front door closing, then I turned my gaze to the papers still lying on my bedside table.
I reached out with my left hand and grabbed the papers. I looked at them and without really knowing why I lifted them to my nose and breathed in their sent.
Disappointment washed over me as the basic smell of paper hit me. I don't know what I had expected but surely not that.
I enfolded the pages and started to read:
Dear Tommy,
I am so sorry that I didn't tell you this earlier. I should have told you when we got together, you deserved to know. But we can't change the past so I am going to tell you what happened now. You may hate me after reading through this letter and perhaps you will never want to se me again. I fully understand that, I hate myself for what I did every second of every day as well.
I stopped reading there. How could Newt think that I would ever hate him? I love him, no matter what!
I hate myself for what I did every second of every day. Those words got stuck in my head. No matter what he did, Newt obviously regretted it with his whole heart.
The second I realized that, I also realized that I didn't care. I didn't care what awful things Newt had done earlier in his life, because he had changed. I believed in second chances. I always had. And Newt had changed, he was a good person now.
So I grabbed the papers and walked over to my paper bin. I ripped the papers into small pieces and threw them away. Then I went back to my bed, grabbed my phone and texted Newt.
But he didn't reply. I tried to text him again and again but there was no response.
At last I decided to walk over to his house. But as I arrived there only his dad was home and he told me that Newt hadn't come home since he left this morning.
If he hadn't gone home, where on earth did he go as he left me?
I hate myself for what I did every second of every day. My face paled as that sentence popped up in my mind again.
What if he wrote where he was going at the end of the letter he wrote. I hurried back home and ran up the stairs to my room and picked up the pieces of Newts letter out of the bin.
It took me a while until I had puzzled together the last sentences whilst I was trying not to read what he had written. But finally I had the last sentences compete.
Now you know everything Tommy. And I know that you can't forgive me now, but maybe someday, when I'm not around anymore, you can.
Goodbye mate,
Newt
A tear rolled down my cheek. Did he actually think I could never forgive him?
I still had no answer to the question of where Newt was. Instead a new question made its way into my mind.
What did he mean with when I'm not around anymore ?
This feeling of illness in my gut returned as the gears in my head started to turn and my mind came up with yet another question.
Could Newt be thinking about. No I didn't dare to think the end of that sentence. Newt would never do that.
Or would he? I mean he didn't seem very fond of him self in the letter. Suddenly I got really scared.
" Shit, shit, shit"
I groaned and ruffled through my hair. I had to find him. And I had to hurry.
" Newt where are you?" I asked and that was when I remembered something Newt told me about two weeks ago, short after we got together.
I had asked him if he had a favorite place to be at and he had told me about a bridge he liked to go to near some waterfalls not to far from here. What if he was there?
I grabbed my phone and dialed the number of Newts home phone. His dad picked up.
" At Isaac's" his dark but soft voice not unlike Newts came through the phone.
" Hi, Thomas here."
" What's up kiddo?"
"I was wondering if you know where this bridge is that Newt likes so much?" I asked.
"Oh yeah, of course I do. I'll tell you the way, do you have a pen and a paper to write it down?" he answered.
I wrote down the way.
" Ok, thank you so much Mr. Isaac. Bye" I pressed the red button and jumped up from where I was sitting on my bed and ran down the stairs into the hallway.
I grabbed my jacket and fetched my moms car keys. Then I rushed out of the house and into the car. I turned the key and started driving where Newt's dad had instructed me.
I think I went far to fast and ignored at least two red lights, but I did not care anymore. Not about that anyway. I just hoped I was fast enough and that Newt was alright.
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Hi!
Sorry for my few updates (again😂). But I hope you like this one. It is actually one of my favorite chapters so far. There are only going to com 1- 3 more chapters so soon you'll be done reading this story. I hope you enjoy!
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