I felt my eyes fill with tears as I tried to continue reading, but It didn't matter that I couldn't see well enough to make out the words written there, because I really didn't want to know what they said. I didn't want to know that she had left me, or why.
~ ♡ ~
You didn't know where to start, except to ask for forgiveness. This was the hardest thing you had ever done. You knew what you felt in your heart, but trying to put it down on paper was not easy at all.
Dear Taehyung, Please forgive me. I don't know where to start, so I'll just start by saying that I love you. I wish I had had the courage to stand and face you, and tell you that I was leaving, and why, but I didn't, I couldn't. I'm sorry.
I want you to know that it wasn't your fault. You didn't do anything to cause me to leave. I made a choice, because I didn't want you to have to. I couldn't let you choose me over your career. I would have felt like I was taking your livelihood away from you. I love you too much to do that to you.
Please know that you really are my whole world. That won't ever change. I will love you forever. You've taught me things about myself that I'd have never learned without you. With you, I smiled every day, for a million different reasons. It became impossible not to smile.
There are so many things I'm going to miss. The warmth of your hand holding mine. The sound of your voice, especially when you'd sing, but even when you'd just say my name. Your lips pressed against mine, and how your kisses tasted like cocoa. Your eyes, and how you'd look at me like I was the only person you could see. Your smile, and how it was often there for no particular reason. Your laugh, it was the most beautiful music of all. You...I'm going to miss you, so fucking much...
Just remember that I am never not thinking of you. You have made me a better person, by showing me how to love, and be loved. I'll never love anyone like I love you, and I'll never forget you, I never want to.
Please, don't hate me.
Love, Y/n
You couldn't hold back your tears. You really wanted to say more, but you were too emotional to think straight.
You left the letter on the table, and walked into the living room, crying so hard you had to sit down. You looked around, but everything was just a blur, your tears refusing to stop.
You finally reminded yourself that you were doing the right thing, wiping the tears away and getting up. You were sad that you wouldn't get to live here, with Taehyung. But this way, he could sell it if he wanted to. You took your phone out, and silenced it, because you didn't want to get a message from Tae, and be tempted to stay. You would ignore any for now.
You walked to the door, grabbing your bag and suitcase, swallowing the lump in your throat as you opened the door. You stepped out, making sure it was locked, and pulled it closed behind you.
This was it. You were going home. You were going to forget about Tae. No you weren't. You would never forget him. But you were going to let him live the life he wanted to live.
You stepped off the porch, opening your maps app, and searching for the train station, finding it easily and tapping the directions button. Then you started walking, turning when it told you to.
You don't know how long it took, but you got there. You were pretty early, but it was fine, you waited.
You finally boarded your train, riding to the airport in a trance. The lady next to you asked if you were okay and you simply nodded. You really weren't.
Once at the airport, you got your boarding pass, then immediately put your phone in airplane mode. You noticed you had a msg, but you didn't click on it.
You waited for your flight to board, and once you were in your seat, you fastened your seatbelt and closed your eyes. You didn't move, except to use the restroom once. Other than that, you slept for the entire flight.
It was almost 5 in the afternoon in NY when you landed, and you hailed a taxi, and gave him Donna's address. You sat silently on the ride to her house. When the car pulled up in front of her house, she came out the door, taking your shoulder bag from you and giving you a hug.
You immediately asked to use the bathroom, and she told you where it was. Once in the bathroom, you took your phone out of your pocket, and took it out of airplane mode. All your msgs came thru.
You took a deep breath, thinking maybe you should just delete them. But you couldn't make yourself do it. So you clicked to open them.
'Taehyung: I can't wait till today is over so I can come home and hold you. I love you. Tae 😘'
You wrinkled your face up, determined not to cry.
'Taehyung: Y/n, is everything okay? You never replied to my earlier text. 😕 Tae'
'Taehyung: I'm on my way home, namjoon let me leave early! 😆 Tae'
'Taehyung: I can't wait to get there. I've missed you all day. 🤪 Tae'
'Taehyung: Please reply, I'm getting really worried. Tae'
'Taehyung: Y/n, I hope you're okay. My heart is pounding with worry. I don't know why you aren't replying. Tae'
You sat there, with your hand over your mouth, trying to silence the sobs that shook your body. What had you done? He had been so excited to be coming home early. You didn't want to think about what it may have done to him to come home and find that you were gone. You hated that you had caused him pain.
There was a small knock on the door. "Y/n? Are you okay?" You couldn't answer, all you could do was cry. "I'm coming in."
The door opened, and Donna came in. She took one look at you, and put her arms around you, hugging you. She finally coaxed you up, and got you out of the bathroom, and into the guest room. She sat with you on the edge of the bed, and waited until you stopped crying enough to talk.
You explained everything to her, from when you'd met Taehyung to why you left, and then you showed her the texts.
She read them, then looked at you sadly. "Oh honey, I'm so sorry. Maybe you should call him."
You shook your head, your fist pressed to your lips. "I can't" you whispered. "He probably hates me."
"It doesn't look to me like he hates you. I'm thinking he's probably devastated. But I'm sure he doesn't hate you. Love doesn't go away in an instant, just because we're hurting."
You closed your eyes. You couldn't call him. You couldn't, because you wouldn't be able to handle the hurt in his voice. "I can't Donna, not yet."
"It's not going to get any easier later."
You knew she was right. Did you really plan to just avoid him forever?
"How bout we go have a cup of coffee, and you can think about it?
You nodded, and followed her to the kitchen. You sat at the table as she made coffee, feeling lost, when your phone dinged. She glanced up at you, as you picked up your phone, hands shaking.
You taped on the message, and it popped open.
'Taehyung: Why? Just please tell me why. I love you. I told you that I would choose you, and I'm so sorry I left you alone when you were upset. I should have chosen you. I do choose you. Nothing means anything without you. Please come back. Please, I need you. Tae