Grace was in her bedroom, just laying there, on her bed, staring up at the ceiling like a broken soul cuz that's what she was
"Gracie?" She heard, being called through her house
"Upstairs," she called back, recognizing the voice and choice of nickname to be John and heavy footsteps on the stairs followed after and she rolled onto her back when he came through the bedroom door and sighed
"Hunter and Steph miss you at work," he said, sitting on the edge
Grace didn't reply. It was true though. She had taken some time off from work, she couldn't stand to see Randy at all right now, she would break down.
"How is he?" She asked and John sighed
"Angry and depressed, he doesn't talk to anyone besides me," John replied and Grace sighed and sat up next to John
"I miss him, so much," she told him and sighed
John pursed his lips as he watched Grace twirl the ring on her left hand, it wasn't the engagement ring Randy gave her, but it was the diamond ring he had gifted her for her 25th birthday. It was a simple diamond ring, but Grace loved it because it was one of the first gifts Randy had gotten her
"You know what it feels like to wake up one morning and feel like you have nothing to live for anymore?" She asked, eyes getting wet already as she sat up next to John
"What it feels like to know you fucked up the best thing in your life?" She continued
"How it feels to feel completely alone in a room full of people because the one person you loved with everything in you fucking hates you?" She asked, tears filling her eyes
"He doesn't hate you Gracie," John told her but she shook her head
"John, you don't know how I feel. I feel like I can't do anything without him. I used to hate people that said someone was their world but now I know, that when someone is your world, their your familiarity, your norm, what you need to learn and to strive, a home, a loving environment, filled with new things that makes you want to be a better person," Grace said and John looked at her
"Something that teaches you to love and how to be loved, what teaches you how to accept people's imperfections and to not think of them as flaws, but as assets, Randy was my world John," she told him and he looked down, feeling his own tears in his eyes
"And now that he's gone, I feel like my soul is crumbling, I feel like I can't be myself anymore. Randy was the one who kept me on my toes and I did what I do best and I fucked everything up." She said and sighed
"The worst goddamn part is that I was so fucking afraid to accept Randy's love that I pushed him away and I lost him, marriage was something I always dreamed about and that dream intensified when I met Randy, and now, I fucked it up, I just want Randy back, I hate myself without Randy, I hate everything without Randy, I hate life without Randy," she admitted and John wiped a tear from his eyes
"Randy meant and still means the absolute world to me and I can't see my life without Randy in it. I don't want a life where I can't see Randy. He doesn't wanna talk to me. He doesn't wanna see me, I fucked up so badly that I can't even look at my own reflection. I hate the person I see John. I broke the heart of a good man all because I couldn't get over myself." Grace cried
"And like, I'm not trying to make anyone feel sorry for me because I know I fucked up, I know I'm a terrible person and I couldn't possibly hate myself more than I already do." She said and John shook his head but Grace continued
"I'm so upset, my mind is tired, my heart is absolutely shattered and I miss Randy so much, his mom's been calling to tell me how much he's hurting and that we should talk, and I'm thankful for her but how am I supposed to talk to him when he doesn't wanna see me?" She asked, looking to John, then away
"John, no one gets it. It feels like I lost the best thing to ever happen to me and now I'm fucking alone again. It always happens. I love him John, I always will. I hate myself so much right now and I just wanna end it all, but I can't. He'd hate me more if I did." She said and John nodded in agreement
"He'll get over it babe, right now he's just really torn up," John told her and she looked down at her ring
"Steph wants me to come back next week, but how am I supposed to, when all I see is Randy 24/7?" She asked
"I don't know how I'm supposed to do that," she told John, looking away, tear streaks on her face
"I feel like disappearing and just never coming back, if I don't have Randy, what do I have?" She asked with a shrug
John reached over and hugged her tightly as he pressed a kiss to her temple
"I just want Randy." She said, when they parted, Grace was looking at John and John was looking at Grace's ring
"I don't care if he wants to get married. I don't care if he wants kids on the wedding night. I don't care. I just-" she paused and threw her hands down in frustration
"I just want Randy," she repeated
"I wish I could fix this but I can't. I hate seeing you two like this. I hate it. You two so desperately need each other and it's just heartbreaking that you two aren't together." John said and Grace sighed and looked away
John was really glad he came over. He knew since it happened, and Randy and Grace broke up, he knew Grace was holding everything in. She needed someone to talk to and he was glad it was him.