Name» AstralWings
Oh wow! This is a very original and unique name, a name I've never seen before. Because it's kinda related to the stars, it reminds me of the NightWings, but I'm sure they're very different. Good job!
Lifespan» 90-100 years on average, depending on their lifestyle
Hmm. Based on their diet, which is nutritional and healthy, I'd say they'd live a lot longer than that — at least 150 years, maybe a few years more.
Typical Diet» The AstralWings feed primarily on fruits that are home grown, most typically oranges, peaches, nectarines, and apples, as well as meat from animals they raise and farm themselves, mainly sheep, cattle, birds, and some of the strange creatures on their island, like the fae birds, who are hunted at night, and attracted to the stars on the AstralWings underbellies.
Oh, cool!
On special occasions, goats, mangoes, horses, big cats, bananas, grapes and strawberries are eaten. For drinking, since they are quite small, they are able to milk cattle for cows milk, along with water from streams on their territory. Special occasions bring out drinks such as fruit juices, goats milk, and fermented fruit juices (mainly fermented grape juice. Yeah that's wine).
Lmao, sounds good my dude. This all sounds very well thought out. Well done!
Naming System» AstralWings take names based on plants and animals. Royal hatched dragonets are named after rocks, stars/constellations, or crystals.
Oo, neato.
Leader» King Pieces
King? Interesting.
«Royal Family»
Queen- Flax
Princes- Fossil - Obsidian - Amber
Obsidian is canon, actually. He doesn't make his appearance in the book for very long, and is only mentioned for a few pages, but still. I won't take points off for it, though.
Princesses- Emerald - Scorpio - Quartz
Royal Council- Jaguar - Hen - Bloom - Stem - Kaimanawa (a horse breed) - Birch - Eucalyptus - Lapis (royal cousin) - Coconut
Okay, Coconut is a more prominent figure in the books. Although he isn't that important to the series, he's still there and has conversed with the main characters before. Although it isn't THAT important, I still recommend you replace the name with something else.
Royal System» Once a prince or princess reaches eighteen years (which I believe is late twenties dragon maturity wise?)
You would be correct — eighteen years would be late twenties maturity wise.
and has a potential mate, or, a few potential mates, he or she is allowed to challenge the current king or queen for leadership. A battle to the death is held once this occurs, between the current leader and the challenger, and the survivor becomes ruler of the tribe. The leader rules beside their mate, with a royal council with nine to ten members, along with royal siblings. Each child of the ruler has a counsel who is usually about three to five years older than them, who is duty bound to both watch over them and help them with all decisions, be it what necklace to wear to an event or whether or not to execute someone for a crime.
This is very well thought out. I'm impressed, honestly.
Typical Appearance» AstralWings are very small, only slightly larger than scavengers (think Hookfang from HTTYD size).
Wow... they are SMALL. They are much smaller than regular dragons. I recommend making them a little bit bigger so that other dragon tribes (at least, the Pyrrhian tribes) aren't utter giants compared to them. At this size, AstralWings would be crushed in an instant.
They have delicate builds, perhaps similar to that of an Arabian horse. They have the same dished faces as the horse, at least, with a tiny hook on the end of their noses, German Shepard like ears, and horns that flick back and curve up at the ends. They are mainly darker shades, with pastel underbellies (of the same tone) though those tones vary greatly, though green, blue, purple, and red are the most commonly seen, and have small stars on their underbelly, that glow in the dark, and lure some of the mythical creatures of their island in, as pray, of course.
Because you're going with this "luring mythical creatures in", I feel like their underbellies should be as dark, if not darker than the main color — imagine if they're flying across the sky in the night (since their underbellies have stars, I feel like the "luring" part would only work at night), their underbellies should be dark to match the darkness of the sky, otherwise the mythical creatures would have to be amazingly dumb to fall for it.
As hatchlings, they all have black scales, with white underbellies, the colours fade in as they grow older, and reach peak colouring once they are about fifteen. They also have feathery plumes that flick back with their horns on their foreheads, males plumes are shorter, and the same colour as their body, while females have longer plumes, and tend to show more colouring and design on theirs.
I won't take any points off, but these feathery plumes remind me of birds (as it should, lmao) but male birds are typically more colorful than the female birds. Again, won't take any points off, but maybe you should consider switching them around — males having more color and design on theirs.
Having cut short plumes marks one as a criminal, and is done when one breaks something mid range (stealing artifices, that type of thing).
I'm assuming the "something" means "a law", but I can't understand the "mid range" part. Mid range? Of what?
Royals and nobles dye their plumes bright colours, but those of lower rank are not allowed to do so, as it is considered imitating royalty, and not allowed. Eye colours are usually browns or blues, and are usually mid tone type shades, on rare occasion one may have turquoise eyes.
Oo, pretty cool.
Egg Appearance» AstralWing eggs are spheric shapes.
Hmm. There's a reason why eggs aren't spherical, though — a good reason. So why are AstralWing eggs different? If there's not a particularly good reason for their eggs being a different shape, then just make it a normal egg shape.
They are a pale shade of pink, with grey specks all over, sometimes a singular splotch of a golden colour too.
This coloring doesn't quite make sense — normally, eggs match the coloring of whatever is inside the egg, so it would make more sense if the eggs coloring is dark colors with paler/pastel colors on the bottom to match the adult dragon's appearance.
Abilities» They have a skill for illusion, the ability to create and destroy things with a simple puff of smoke. But these acts are nought but illusion. They may create a wall, but anyone who isn't fooled could walk straight through it. This ability sort of lets them manipulate thought. They can make an illusion of fire, and it FEELS like fire, it burns like fire, but it won't leave any burn marks, it is literally nothing but an illusion.
This is a wonderful ability. It isn't OP, but it is very interesting and unique. I love it! I am kinda wondering on how they do this, but it's not like anyone can explain how NightWings can have the power to see into the future, right, so this is okay.
They also have natural flexibility, that can be improved with practice but doesn't disappear if you really suck at exercising. They can bend to impossible angles, even without practice. Most have the ability to blow out weak fire at the right temperature, but a rare few are hatched just unable to do this. At all.
This is a pretty good set of abilities! They have one major ability, and they have a few other things. Really great. I recommend a few other minor abilities — for example, although it isn't very well-known, SkyWings can withstand the cold very well, albeit not as well as IceWings can. It's a minor ability, but it's still there. I recommend something like that for AstralWings — maybe they have spectacularly good balance, or they have extra stamina. Something small, but still there.
Special Abilities» Every now and then, a rare dragonet with a pure white egg is laid. These dragonets are born albino, and stay that way permanently. They are treated as gods, because, although they have weakened normal powers, they have the ability to read minds, like a psychic, and tell the future using 'tellstones' which are a small bag of specially made stones with small carvings, each with a different meaning, depending on the way they face and what is carved down. An even rarer hatchling is one with a pure black egg, who needs no tellstones to know the future, though they can only see potential paths, usually only the four most likely ones, and are able to, with use of ingredients, usually very specific ones, create potions. The pure white ones are called the Tellers, while the pure black ones are known as Witches. Both are highly valued and adored.
Hmm. Since these are very similar to a NightWing's powers, how about you make them related, like AstralWings are descendants of NightWings?
Other than that, though, their weaknesses and strengths are balanced and I like them. I have only one question — are the Witches able to read minds? You only say that they can create potions and tell the future without the tellstones, and normally I wouldn't ask but the Tellers can read minds and so I'm curious.
Opinions on Animi» AstralWings do not actually have animi, but, speaking hypothetically, they would believe animi to be dragons blessed by their goddess, and treat them as gods themselves, also they would likely be searching for a way of stopping the soul destroying part from taking action.
This is believable and goes along with their other opinions. So they have their own religion? They believe in gods and goddesses? That's really cool.
Opinions on Hybrids» Hybrids are common, as the AstralWings share territory with both the BugWings and the BirdWings, and have intermingled villages. They are considered fine among lower rankings, but once they reach the higher ranks they are simply unacceptable. Royal hybrids are thrown into orphanages or to their other parent in the other tribe.
Makes sense. The only part of this that I would like to comment on is the names "BugWings" and "BirdWings" — I think you have an idea on what I'm about to say here.
Mostly, it's just really broad. Why not "BeetleWings" or something like that?
As for the "BirdWings"... nah. What kind of territory do they live in? What's their habitat? Try and make a name related to their habitat.
History» AstralWings BELIEVE they were created originally by the gods of the island. They have a few there, one for each of the tribes and then some for other aspects. They believe that the goddess Triamphe (goddess of AstralWings, aren't I basic?) crafted the first five AstralWings from five fallen stars, and that the Tellers and Witches are Triamphe's special ones, the ones she took a liking to, and gifted extreme talents, to help them through the world. They have had minimal wars, and the island's tribes are all at peace. There was, one war, though. BugWing and PixieWing eggs started to disappear from their nests, and BugWings threw the blame on AstralWings (as they could use their illusions to sneak in and sneak out without being caught), when, it was actually large island cats to blame. The AstralWings reacted by saying 'excuse you the BirdWings are more likely to have done it get stuffed.' The BirdWings blamed the OakWings, OakWings blamed SkullWings, then the SkullWings started the fighting by showing up fully prepared to fight at the OakWing castle and smashed the eggs of two royal heirs. The war lasted twenty years, and ended when someone found out what was really happening to the eggs and everyone realised the fight was for nothing. The peace was very uneasy for a loooooooong time, but eventually the AstralWings and SkullWings, working as a pair, fixed it all up with a bunch of royal get togethers. Now some tribes are so at peace with each other they share territory.
Pretty good! The only thing I recommend changing is the "twenty years" thing... it seems a bit too long for a war that was started because of stolen eggs.
Oh, and also, what does Triamphe mean? I feel like it means something, but I looked it up and it came up with no results.
Relations With Other Tribes» The AstralWings don't live on Pyrrihia, hence have no interaction with canon tribes, they live on a far off island, that is much smaller.
Okay, seems fair.
(Fantribes)
PixieWings- Allies to most extents. Some PixieWings believe the AstralWings use their illusions to cause the mayhem in their main city, but that's actually just other PixieWings. They're mischievous little creatures.
Seems fair. Also — there's mayhem in their main city? I'm kinda interested lol.
BirdWings- Allies, they share territory and are bordering each other so peace between the two tribes is a requirement. There's a few scraps in the intermingled villages, but they are personal problems not tribe wide problems
BugWings- Bordering and allies. BugWings and AstralWings commonly trade jewels and artworks with each other, among the royals, and get along well, they have intermingled villages, as well, though sometimes a personal fight breaks out there, but again, it's personal, not a scrap between their whole tribe.
SkullWings- Permanently forged allies. They don't share borders, and each is on the opposite side of the island to each other, making it easier for them to attack from both sides if ever a war starts again.
OakWings- They are, very close. There's a lot of rumours that the royal families only visit each other so much because Princess Scorpio is having an affair with Prince Sturdy. Definitely allies, as AstralWing royals enjoy OakWing's wood craving talents.
GlowWings- Allies, sometimes uneasy, as the GlowWings like to annoy the OakWings, and the AstralWings are very tight with them. But no fights or disagreements have happened yet, and Prince Amber still wears Prince Star's enchanted crown. Are they a couple? Maybe. Rumours rumours.
OoooOoo also GlowWings sounds gr8
«Residence»
Kingdom Name- The Kingdom of Stars
Yee
Kingdom»
Location- On the far east side of the island Pikaia. Mainly beach and meadows, with a few cave systems and some planted forestry, but riiiiiight where they border the BirdWings, is a large rainforest, the AstralWings have ownership of a small section of this, where they
And this kind of cuts off. Eh, whatever, won't take any points off for it.
Climate- Pikaia is a very mid way type place. The climate varies heavily depending on the season. Winter is basically just blizzards and summer is heatwaves. Well, maybe not that extreme, but summers are prone to be quite hot, yet winter is commonly very cold, and also very snowy, particularly further up from sea level.
Palace- A large palace made from a very very strange type of stone, only found on the island, known as nightstone, though it has no magical properties, it is very pretty. It's a metallic black colour with constant white and grey spots all over. Very easy to enchant for the Witches. The castle is a very typical medieval castle, with towers and a lot of rooms. It houses the royal family, and each royal bedroom has a smaller, less extravagant, side room, for the royal consuls. It has a large dining room, that has a large amount of velvet gifted from the GlowWing royals for assistance a very long time ago, that has enough space to fit all the royal families from all the tribes, and possibly a bit more. It's built by the beach, though it faces in toward the rest of the island.
Capital- A shockingly small city where the royal castle was built. Most those who live there are the royal servants and guards with their families, and those who live closest to the castle are the royal cousins, or those of nobility. There are other larger settlements not far from it, where those who farm animals, or grow crop live. There are also villages on the borders that are shared with other tribes, as well as dragons who are, notably richer, living by the rainforest, farming the fruits that grow there.
Landmarks- There is the castle, which took over one hundred years to complete. But there's also many sculptures in the capital city, most notably the marble statue 'A Pair of Hurt Lovers' featuring a pair of unnamed AstralWings, genders unknown, bound together in a hug, while both are covered in wounds of all sorts, carved by a famed artist, Princess Diamond. It is rumoured that it is meant to be herself and her royal consul, as their relationship would have been frowned upon no matter how much she wanted it. There is the Prince Sirius Plant Reserve, where there's a multitude of strange, rare plants, not far from the castle, which was grown by the estranged Prince Sirius, just before he ran off with his forbidden SkullWing mate. Honestly these royals just can't control themselves when it comes to bad love choices. There's Sir Fern Library, the kingdom's biggest library, which was renamed after a noble knight, Sir Fern, who died protecting it during the war, when BugWings tried to burn it to get rid of their large amount of knowledge. Originally called the Starlit Library.
I love all of this so much, it's all so well-made. Like honestly I would love to make an AstralWing OC
Mating Rituals» Royals select mates for life, and are bound to their partners until one dies, then they may take another but ONLY if they have had less than two dragonets to their first mate. In the instance of same sex couples in royalty, they must select a suitable surrogate dragon so they can have dragonets of their own, who will have royal blood. Nobles also select mates for life, though they don't have to, leaving their partner for another would make them 'unfavourable' so they kind of just stick it out and cheat on each other if they don't like each other anymore. Lower classes dragons just do whatever. Same sex couplings are accepted but not really super accepted among royalty because they need to have dragonets.
Seems fair.
Dragonets» The dragonets grow up primarily raised by their fathers for the first two years of their life, as they believe the mothers did the hard job of carrying the egg and laying it, so they get a break after that. Once a dragonet is two years old, they take up a temporary job, sort of like an after school job, to earn their place in the tribe. At two years their mothers will often take more of a role in their lives, as they usually take the same job as their mothers, and the mother would mentor them in it. In the case of an orphaned dragonet, depending on their parents previous rank, they will be either taken in and given to a royal servant to raise, if they were of an important rank, or, if they were of a lower rank, ditched on a less well off coupling in the farming villages, either a same sex couple or a couple unable to hatch dragonets of their own.
Okay, all of this seems reasonable and pretty well thought out.
Typical Dragonethood» Royal dragonets are raised by their own personal maid, who is to raise them to be pRoPeR.
Lmao
A bit of rebellion isn't discouraged though, as they believe that dragonets shouldn't be unable to live have a free dragonethood. Generally very spoiled. They receive education from tutoring. Nobility is similar, but, it depends on their parents whether they are raised by a maid, and whether or not they are given a sense of freedom. Poorer families dragonets usually help out until they take their job at two years old. They receive free education five days of the week. Each village will have at least five teachers, paid by the royals, to teach the dragonets. Their education is free from when they hatch to five years old. Those who wish to take extra classes can pay five coins a week once they are past five. As you can tell they use fives a lot. Anyone below nobility must take up work at two years old, or else they are considered to just be a waste of the tribe's supplies.
Again, well thought out. I honestly love this
Religions and Traditions» The number five is a very special one, as the goddess Triamphe is said to have crafted five AstralWings from five fallen stars when the tribe first came to life.
And then here's a good reason for why they use the number five a lot! This is really well thought out and honestly, it's great.
They believe in the island gods, one for each tribe, plus the other gods, like Almach, the god of feast and good hunting, Lachlan, the goddess of rot and bad hunting, and a few others. Each god (with the exception of the tribes patron gods), has another to balance them out. The AstralWings also believe in the law of threefold, everything you do comes back on you, times three. Karma sort of thing I guess. They consider crystals and herbs to have special properties, and that star signs can have affect on ones personality.
Pretty cool!
Society» They have ranks, but the royal family TRIES to avoid people being judged for their rank, as all of them are required. Nobles usually own land with rich soil on it, and pay other dragons to grow the plants, which is then sold at market or kept, or sometimes they hire it out, depends on the dragon.
I see
Facts»
AstralWings preach peace and harmony but were quick as heck to get involved in the first war to occur.
Oof
The first recorded AstralWing leader was Queen Astri, who is believed the whole tribe after herself, though there's no proof and nothing to say they ever had a different name. She was just really air headed and none of her subjects liked her.
Legit
The current princes and princesses are rumoured to be about to just stuff up tradition, since everyone's pretty sure they'be all fallen for dragons in the other tribes.
Another oof
With the exception of Quartz, because she's rude and horrible and lacks empathy. She's also the most likely to take over because she's the strongest and most aggressive. So the guards all kinda ganged together to make Amber sort his life out and get bugged up so he can challenge his father first. Good times in the AstralWing tribe.
O o f
Overall Review:
The Good Parts::
— The name "AstralWings" are ON POINT.
— Everything is unique and all very balanced.
— The royal systems, diet, naming systems, etc. are all very clear and it all makes sense.
— Overall, this is very unique and extremely well thought out; the most well thought out tribe I've ever seen.
The Bad Parts::
— The average lifespan doesn't match their healthy diet.
— Coconut is a canon name.
— Their size is just a little bit too small.
— With the luring of mythical creatures, the color doesn't quite make sense; the underbellies should be darker to match the darkness of the sky.
— The egg coloring. From what I know, eggs match the color of whatever is inside the egg, like their appearance as an adult, so it would make more sense if AstralWing eggs had dark colors with paler colors on the bottom.
— The tribe names "BirdWings" and "BugWings" are... not great.
How To Improve + Suggestions:
For their lifespan — Their lifespan should be 150-160 years.
For Coconut — Change this character's name to another name — maybe something like Coco, I don't know.
For their size — I understand you want them to be small, but, being slightly bigger than scavengers — I mean, scavengers are SMALL compared to Pyrrhian dragons. Just make AstralWings bigger, even a little bit bigger, so AstralWing dragons are safely out of the "easily killed due to small size" zone.
For their color — AstralWings' color scheme doesn't really make sense for the whole "luring in mythical creatures" part since their underbellies would make a stark contrast to the dark night sky. Perhaps you should remove the "paler underbellies" thing — make their underbellies a lot darker.
For their egg coloring — Their egg coloring doesn't match the coloring that they have as an adult, or even as a dragonet. I simply recommend changing their egg coloring so it matches their own coloring as an adult.
For the other tribes' names — BugWings could be "BeetleWings" and BirdWings could have a name that has something to do with their habitat and living conditions. I would recommend some alternative names, but I don't know what their living conditions are nor what their habitat is like.
I suggest changing the feathery plumes — I'm not saying trash the idea, just perhaps switch it around so that the males have more color and design? Not because I'm against females (Obviously not — I am female), just that, since it reminds me of birds and male birds in nature typically have more vibrant and attractive colors, I feel like I should suggest switching it around.
I suggest changing the name "Obsidian" — Obsidian is a good name, but of course, it's canon. I didn't take any points off for it because of how minor the character is and how rarely the character is seen, but perhaps it's a name you should consider changing.
I suggest taking off the part that AstralWing eggs aren't spherical — What's the point? No, seriously, is there a reason for this? If there is, I would like to know it, because there is a good reason for why eggs are the shape it is. No points were taken off, just something you need to take into consideration.
I suggest a few minor abilities — an ability that isn't very important, large or well-known but is the result of living in the conditions that they do and living the lifestyle that they live. Who knows, maybe they're slightly more resistant to disease than the other tribes for whatever reason. See, small abilities — small abilities like that is what I recommend for the AstralWings.
I suggest making the NightWings and AstralWings have some sort of blood relation — Ancestors? Distant cousins? AstralWings and their powers seem very similar, and it would make sense if they were related somehow.
I suggest making the war less than twenty years — twenty years seems to be a bit too long for a war to go on that was started because of some stolen eggs that were blindly blamed on a few dragons.
Additional Comments:
This tribe is absolutely magnificent, just so you know. It's so well thought out and I am really loving this tribe.
My Rating:
9.4/10
Originality: 23/25 (1 point knocked off for the name "Coconut", 1 point knocked off for the tribe names "BirdWings" and "BugWings" — see above for further details)
Realism: 21/25 (1 point knocked off for the lifespan, 1 point knocked off for their size, 1 point knocked off for the coloring, 1 point knocked off for the egg coloring — see above for further details)
Interest: 25/25 (I am very interested in this character)
Uniqueness: 25/25 (This character is very unique)