I roll over, turning my head straight into the bed frame, jolting myself awake. "Ah, shit." I groan, rubbing the spot of my forehead I hit before I look at the mess surrounding me and the lack of Hayes's ring on my hand.
By the time I manage to clean the room up, still not finding the ring and shower, it's finally light outside. I don't bother with blowdrying my hair because it's too much effort, and I'm too nervous to tell Hayes that I can't find his mom's ring, but it's not like he isn't going to find out.
I presumed he'd be in the kitchen drinking his cup of coffee, but I'm surprised to find he's not there, or the living room, or in his room which leaves the only possible place he could be in the study or maybe he's just not here at all.
I'd only been in the study once because I never had a reason to find myself in there. What if he doesn't forgive me for losing it? I mean for Christ sakes it's his mother's ring, and I was careless enough to completely space on where I put it? Who does that?
I hesitate because I have no idea what I'm going to say if he's even in there. But then my hand makes contact with the door, and I brace myself kind of hoping that Hayes isn't here, but he opens the door with his phone up to his ear, looking at me with surprise.
Hayes holds up a finger telling me to wait a minute as he offers me a soft smile, and I only feel the lump in my throat grow bigger. "Send it to my computer, and I'll take a look at it later." He nods his head, listening intently to what the person on the other side of the phone is saying while I bite my lip to keep the tears from welling up in my eyes. "Thanks Marcus, I appreciate it."
He hangs up and sets it on the desk as I fidget with the bottom of my shirt. "Are you some kind of secret early riser..." He trails off as the first tear escapes my eye, "What's wrong? Is it your shoulder?" Hayes asks concerned as he brushes the tear away with his thumb, but I feel myself crumble at the simple touch.
I shake my head, "You're going to hate me," My voice cracks as I lose control of it and the tears as they start to stream. All I can think about is the fact that it was his mom's ring and I'm a terrible person for losing it.
"Seph, I don't think I could hate you even if I tried. Believe me; I've tried." He jokes, and my hands shake as I start to stammer out the words before I lose my nerve.
"I'm so sorry. I don't know what happened, I could have sworn I left it on the dresser by the door, but it's not there, and I tore the room apart looking everywhere for it. But I couldn't find your mom's ring. I'm so sorry, Hayes."
And then Hayes laughs. "Montgomery, if you had just slept a little bit longer, I would have made you breakfast and had the actual chance to ask you this, but I guess I can't now."
I wipe my cheeks, not sure what he's saying. "Ask what?" And then in the middle of Hayes's office, he drops to a knee and pulls the ring I spent hours looking for last night out of his pocket. "Where the hell did you get that?" I ask, covering my mouth with my hand.
"This is crazy, and I know it, but so is everything we've gone through. I know what I want even if you don't, and I know that I've waited for seven years to get you back. I know for a fact that I don't want to lose you again." My eyes widen as I realize what's happening, and Hayes finishes uttering the words I know I'll never forget. "I should probably be nervous because I'm asking the woman I think I've been in love with for seven years to marry me, but I'm not. So Sephine Claire Montgomery, will you marry me for real this time?"
He's completely serious, and I'm speechless at this point. "I'm sorry, what? You realize this is insane, right?"
Hayes shrugs, "It's no more insane than you agreeing to be fake engaged to me."
"Are you being serious? I mean, like actually?"
I want to believe him, but I'm not sure. I mean, what am I supposed to do when my fake fiancé asks me to be his real fiancé when everyone else thinks we've been real the entire time, yet again!
Hayes stands up, and I let him put the ring back on my finger where I'd gotten used to wearing it, and it feels just as familiar as being with Hayes does. "I'm being completely and entirely serious. This isn't the first time we've been together, and I know what I want. But I can't answer it for you."
I don't want to lose him again because after finally having him back in my life for two months, I can't imagine Hayes not being a part of me. But this is insane. He realizes my hesitancy and presses a chaste kiss to my temple. "You don't have to give me an answer right now, just when you're ready."
I can't do anything but nod completely mute as I take a few steps back and retreat to my room. I'm no longer panicking about Hayes hating me for losing the ring but instead panicking because he had it all along.
*********
My phone has been blowing up all morning with texts and calls from various people since the article about our engagement was released two hours ago. It was ridiculous how much it spread, considering we are trending again on Twitter, thanks to another call from Liv, who practically screamed in my ear. However, the one thing that surprised me was the only other phone call I answered, not recognizing the number.
I hadn't expected to hear anything from them at all, and I was baffled how they even got my number, but I guess in this day and age, it wouldn't be too tricky to find someone else's phone number if you wanted to. But I'd be lying if I wasn't curious as to what they had to say, so I find myself sitting in a small coffee shop in the outer half of the city. Mostly because I can't go anywhere without cameras following me, so I figured going somewhere low key would be better.
A People magazine sits in front of me where Hayes and I are on the front cover thanks to the exclusive interview we gave. I didn't know what photo they were planning on using, but I hadn't expected it to turn out so well since I never got to see the proofs.
The ring is glimmering on my hand as I catch sight of it and smile again, thinking back to this morning, all of the hysteria from last night forgotten. The confusion of this morning is extremely prominent in my thoughts. "Well, you certainly look happier than the last time I saw you," Tessa says, sitting in the booth across from me, and not even she can make the smile disappear, but it's a lot smaller now.
"Well, I think that's because you're not outing me to the entire school for being an addict." I retort, trying to keep the grimace off of my face.
But to my surprise, hers softens. "That's kind of why I wanted to meet. It's long overdue, but I wanted to apologize for that. It wasn't my place to tell everyone. I was just angry at everything, and I took it out on you because you were happy and I wasn't."
"What are you talking about?"
Her hair, instead of long like the last time I saw her, is cut in a textured bob that rustles with every movement. "I'm not sure how much you knew or even remember considering it's been years, but at the beginning of my junior year, I caught my dad cheating on my mom. I got paranoid that the same would happen to me even though Hayes was a great person, and I just let my insecurities get the better of me."
I never knew any of this even when we were friends at Bayard.
"So I started getting jealous of other girls that Hayes would talk to even though I knew nothing would happen. We fought for weeks about those parties, but I was taking all of my anger towards my dad out on him. But then I realized that it wasn't fair for me to be doing that because being with Hayes was everything my parents' marriage wasn't. And then I caught my dad with his assistant again when I went home after my finals."
She sucks in a deep breath, and I feel sorry for her. "So I got really drunk at a party that night and got into a huge fight with Hayes because I was afraid. I was crying in a bedroom when Cam walked in, and I don't know why I did it, but I kissed him. And then I couldn't stop myself because I wanted to destroy everything so that I could make things feel as shitty as I felt. But afterward, I realized that I'd truly fucked up, and Hayes being the person he is would have still taken me back."
She's not wrong. Hayes is a good enough person that he would have overlooked it even if it killed him too.
"So I confronted my dad that night after I'd sobered up, and I told him if he didn't let me go to boarding school, then I would tell my mom about the affair."
"And then you came to Bayard."
She nods, "You all were so nice to me, and I felt like even if you knew the truth about what happened at Hermon, you wouldn't have cared, so I pushed Hayes to the back of my mind. I saw you and Ollie kiss, and I don't know why I told Ethan. If I'd known what would have happened, I never would have told him, but I did, and he died. I blamed you because it was easier for me instead of accepting that if I hadn't told him or if I'd just stayed with him, then maybe he wouldn't have died."
My heart squeezes painfully at the thought of Ethan. Especially since the eighth anniversary is coming up, and I'd completely forgotten thanks to everything with Hayes now. This is bringing up too many bad memories that I'd dealt with and then pushed inside of me because it hurts too much to think about it, even now.
"I traveled the entire summer, but a few months into my senior year, I realized that I missed my former life, and I missed Hayes. But I'm sure you remember that he wanted nothing to do with me and then started dating you of all people. It got under my skin, especially since I knew that you hadn't told anyone what happened in Seattle. At first, it was about you, but then it ended up becoming something else entirely because I was so angry at everything. I was angry at myself for not telling my mom, and I was angry with my dad for cheating, but once Hayes found out that it was Cam, I was done self-destructing. I'd hurt him enough, and I was done hating you."
"But you still told my secret. If it wasn't about me, then why would you do that to me?" Its the question that plagued my mind for months afterward, but I couldn't blame anyone but myself for not telling Liv and Cam before. I twist my pinky ring as I wait for her to answer, and she glances out the window we're seated next to.
"Leaving for Seattle was my way of starting over, and it fell apart when Ethan died, and then I came back to D.C. for a newer version of myself, but everything was different. I found out that Hayes had been kissing anything with legs. Cam had no intention of speaking to me, and I turned into a version of myself that I hated more than the version of me that cheated. I found out that my dad was still having the affair, except this time was different because she was six months pregnant with his baby. My mother was still blissfully ignorant until he served her with divorce papers two days before my presentation over drug addiction was due."
"Shit," I breathe out as the whole thing starts to piece together inside my head.
"Yeah. The presentation wasn't supposed to be about you, but I didn't know how else to deal with my anger because you learned to start over in a way that I never could. So I self-destructed again, taking you down with me." There's pure agony on her face, and I just finally understand.
"No one deserves to go through that," This day is just full of surprises and feeling bad for Tessa was not something I had expected. "I'm just confused as to why you're telling me this now?"
She smiles sympathetically, "I was a complete bitch to you, and no one deserves to go what I put you through either. I'm trying to apologize for the way everything went down, and I'm just glad that it all ended up for the better." I follow her gaze to the magazine cover, and her eyes shift to the ring on my hand.
"Yeah, I guess it did."
Tessa tucks her dark cropped hair behind her ear, "I think another thing that angers me is the fact that he still looks at you the same way he did in high school. It's pretty safe to say that he is still head over heels in love with you." What she says resonates through me in the best way possible as I think about how we've been together every single time we're together. I'm the one that's been head over heels in love with him for so long without even realizing it.
Hayes has always been the one that's so sure everything will turn out right, yet I hesitate every single time. But it's also one of my favorite things about him, just like how when he smiles widely, there's a dimple on his left cheek. He's the most loyal person I've ever met, and I've been given my second and probably last shot with him, and I might have blown it by falling mute.
There's only one choice to make in this situation. "I'm so sorry, but I think I have to go?"
Curiosity on Tessa's features are evident, "You think or you know?"
I can feel the small smile unfold on my face, "I know, and I appreciate you telling me why everything happened because you did not have to do that. I'm sorry that I have to go, but I'd like to maybe get lunch again?"
A smile curls on her face, "We'll see. Congratulations on the engagement, I mean this in the nicest way possible, but you two deserve each other."
"Thanks, Tessa."
The entire cab ride back home, I can't keep still because I'm so excited to let myself be happy. To take a chance on something that has a very high probability of making me happy, and I'm not going to let this be one of my biggest regrets because I can't let myself take a risk.
If I don't say yes, then I'll always wonder about what could have been and not trying is worse than trying and failing. At least then I would know I did everything in my power to keep him.
Walking through the door quickly, I find Hayes in the living room on his computer, but he looks up to see me smiling like a crazy person, and a similar smile appears on his own. Hayes stands up and meets me halfway in the room, resting his arms around my hips as my arms loop around his neck. "Yes."
Hayes smiles widely, "Only if you're sure. I don't want to pressure you into anything-" He's cut off as I lean up and silence him with a short kiss that I smiled through entirely.
"Yeah, you're not pressuring me. You're just giving me options I never let myself think about."
"So, we're doing this?"
I don't think I can stop the smile that's beaming on my face as I nod again. "If you're sure."
"I don't think I've ever been more sure."