How Was It For You?
It was as quick as it was ungentle. Jennie barely had time to register the movement out of the corner of her eye before Lisa's arm snaked out, hooking a hand around the back of her neck and pulling her forward, roughly, pressing their lips together with an urgency that took her breath away.
And she had no choice but to go with it, just a brief squeak of surprise before she melted, helpless to do anything else. There was no hesitation, no awkwardness, no sign that it was anything other than what it seemed - any hint of reticence would have given the game away.
And not a stage kiss either, but a lover's kiss, deep, and slow, the soft sigh and the brush of tongues telling of intimacy surrendered as well as taken. Lisa, it seemed, was determined to make her point, and Jennie was only human, she told herself - is it a sin to take something freely given?
She sank deeper and deeper into the kiss, letting the Thai girl set the pace, lifting a hand to touch the other girl's cheek, every inch the picture of oblivious passion.
After a minute they heard a sullen humph from Seolhyun, the tick-tack of her heels disappearing back through the patio doors, and they parted, panting, lips still joined by a single silvery thread of saliva. And then... Lisa giggled.
Jennie had never heard the blonde giggle before - she laughed, she scoffed, she grinned, but she never giggled - and that single act of girlish glee was so unexpected that she couldn't help but join in, and they stood, arms around each other, foreheads touching, sharing the conspiracy, until Jennie's mom called out something about dessert and the spell was broken.
"Coming, Mom."
Lisa let go of her then, carefully, as though she'd suddenly found herself holding a bomb, and they stood back, looking at each other. Lisa was an interesting shade of pink, adorably flushed, and the brunette briefly considered throwing caution to the wind and moving in again, but this was not the time to chance her arm - the thought of humiliating herself within a hundred miles of her sister made her toes curl.
And so instead there was a brief flurry of self-conscious throat-clearing and hair- straightening and general 'after you, no after you'-ing, and they came back into the house, neither of them entirely sure what had just happened.
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Jennie stared resolutely straight ahead, trying to think of something to say. Neither of them had spoken since they'd pulled out of her parents driveway, and now she was worried that Lisa was mad. She was mad. She was definitely mad. She hadn't said anything, which meant she was mad.
She was absolutely, completely, every-bone-in-the-body-breakingly mad, and it would probably be best if Jennie just-
"I'm sorry."
-threw herself out of the car now to save time. "What?" She turned in surprise.
"I'm sorry." The blonde said again. "About the whole kissing thing. I don't know what I was thinking, it was just that Seol was winding me up, and I didn't want to ruin your story, and I just thought it might-"
"It's fine."
"Is it?"
"Of course it is." The brunette said, relieved that they were back to normality. "You were doing me a favor."
"Really?"
"Really."
"You're not freaked out?"
"Why would I be freaked out? I've been kissed lots of times."
"Because... I dunno. Because it's me."
"Why? What's wrong with you?"
"Nothing's wrong with me."
"Well, there you go, then."
Pause.
"Is there something wrong with me?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, how was it? You didn't really say. Was I awful?"
"You want me to rate you? Seriously?"
"A girl likes to know where she stands."
"Uh huh. And which bit of me will she be standing on if I don't say she was great?"
"I just want a fair hearing."
"Okay, you were good."
"So... what? Top five? Top ten? Top one hundred?"
"Lisa."
"What?"
"I haven't even kissed a hundred people."
"You said you had."
"No, I said I've been kissed lots of times."
"Same difference."
"No it isn't. I haven't kissed many people, but I've kissed each one a bunch of times."
"Gross."
"You started it!"
"No I didn't."
"Yes you..." She sneaked a sideways glance at the Thai girl, to see that she was grinning, and she understood. This was just her way of covering her embarrassment, making a joke about it. Well, if that's the way she wanted it.
"Well, if you must know, you were… okay."
Lisa's eyebrows shot up. "Just 'okay'?"
"Yeah," Jennie said, inspecting her fingernails. "For a straight girl."
"What?"
"Hmm?"
"What do you mean, 'for a straight girl'? I'll have you know..."
The Korean girl smiled as she looked out of the window and let Lisa's tirade wash over her. She knew very well where the other girl stood in the rankings, but she wasn't going to let her in on the secret.
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Back to back, on the bed, separated by an immeasurable gulf that was, in reality, around a quarter of an inch. The sleeping arrangements hadn't come up - they'd shared the night before, and now neither of them wanted to raise the subject for fear that the other would think that they were uncomfortable, that something had changed. Better to just go with the status quo.
Once the ice was broken in the car they'd talked of other things - or rather Lisa had talked of other things while Jennie just laughed along, occasionally objecting half-heartedly to the mockery of her loved ones but secretly pleased to be included on Lisa's side of the divide between friends and family.
The good mood has continued, escalated into the evening through a mountain of Chinese food and red wine and terrible TV, and now the older girl found herself awake, adrenaline still in her system, slightly dazed that a day she'd been dreading, a day that had almost brought calamity, had turned out to be one of the best she remembered. Mainly because...
She kissed me.
It was over in a moment. It lasted for a thousand years. She felt the heat rise again in her body at the memory. Even the way Lisa had giggled afterwards - no moan of climax had ever sounded so erotic as that secret sound of pure, illicit pleasure, almost as if she'd enjoyed the act itself, rather than the subterfuge. Just for those few seconds it had felt real, felt right.
If she'd ever had any doubts about the feelings she'd harbored all these years they'd disappeared in the wink of a heavily mascara'd eye.
Of course she knew it was just an act, put on to get her out of the dumb situation she'd put herself in. The younger girl was probably grossed out by the whole thing. But she hadn't made a big deal out of it, hadn't made Jennie feel as though she was doing her a favor - after the joking around in the car she hadn't mentioned it again. They'd come home as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened, and opened a bottle of wine, and talked about this and that, and gone to bed.
And even that had made it seem more real, as if it was just a part of their relationship, something they could do any time they wanted.
What she wouldn't give to be able to do that any time she wanted.
But once was enough. If it never happened again it was still the most perfect memory she'd ever have. Frozen in time, preserved in aspic, pinned under glass, a keepsake cast in the bronze of her imagination that she could cherish, take down and cradle as she sat in her rocking chair, growing old. I once kissed the most beautiful girl in the world...
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Lisa lay awake, convinced that Jennie must be asleep.
I kissed her. Holy crap, I kissed her.
And not gently, either, I yanked her towards me because I thought she'd pull back, put up some resistance. But she didn't. She must have seen it coming. I forget she's done just as much improve as I have, so she just went straight with me and we crashed lips pretty hard.
I hope I didn't hurt her. I thought about apologizing afterwards, but I just couldn't bring myself to say anything, I was too embarrassed, and I just started giggling instead. Way to go, Manoban. She didn't seem too mad about it, and I didn't bust her lip or anything, so I guess we're still cool.
She didn't say anything tonight, either, so I guess she just wants to forget it. But Jesus Christ...
I can't even explain how it felt. It felt... sinful. This is Kim. Jennie Kim. Happy little Nini, bouncy hair and pretty gummy smile, you know the one. A girl I've known for years, a girl that I've fought with, that I've hung out with, a girl that I've become friends with. A girl, period. And I kissed her. Not a peck on the cheek, not an accident. A full-on tongue tussle.
I can't believe I did that. Crossing that boundary, touching her like that, seeing her in a way that I could never have imagined back then, that was something else. And she let me. That's the thing. She let me. I held her in my arms and she just opened up to me, trusted me, and now I can't understand how anyone could not want that, how anyone could reject her, or hurt her.
And it stings to know that someone will, that this is the only time I'll ever have this privilege, but there'll be a string of others only too happy to abuse it, to take her trust and throw it away, that she'll be just one step on the road of their life.
How can I protect her from that? How can I stand on the side-lines and watch her fall, time and time again? Picking herself up, brushing herself down, plastering on the smile and struggling bravely on, telling herself that next time it's going to work?
Yeah, I know what my dad says. But it doesn't feel like that. I don't see things any differently, I don't look at other girls, it's just her. It's just the way her face lights up when she gets a joke, and the way she eats a vanilla flavored ice cream, and the way she frowns when she's concentrating, and the sound of her voice, and the curve of her neck, and the smoothness of her skin, the way how she arch her back, and the...
Okay, fine. I get it. But I can beat this, it's just a crush. She's just a friend, and I spend way too much time on my own.
But still. I just kissed the most beautiful girl in the world. That's gotta count for something.
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Lisa got out of bed, woken by an internal warning system that said, if you don't get up, the shorter girl's going to make breakfast. She padded through to the kitchen and surveyed the wreckage of the night before. A bottle stood on the side containing precisely the amount of wine that's not worth keeping and yet seems wasteful to throw away.
She prevaricated, then noticed it had a noodle in it and tipped it away. She opened the refrigerator to a waft of oriental promise from the leftover cartons rammed haphazardly in there, and pulled them out just as Jennie emerged, bleary-eyed and tousled.
"Sleep well?"
"Um... yeah, I guess. What are you doing?"
"Breakfast," Lisa answered, pushing a carton towards her. "Want some?"
"You're having cold chow mein for breakfast?"
"And coffee."
"That's disgusting."
"Don't knock it till you've tried it."
Jennie sighed, grabbed a fork and sat down. "So what are we doing today?"
"Whatever you like. But we've got to go to my dad's place for lunch."
Jennie brightened. "That'll be nice."
"No it won't."
"Why? I like your dad."
"Yeah, and don't we know it."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"The last time you met him you were so stoned off your ass and flirting with him."
"I was not!"
"'Why, it'll be a pleasure, Mr Manoban. I can't wait to see you again.'"
"I don't talk like that!"
"Whatever. Anyway, I'm sure it going to be a long, torturous experience for everyone concerned, mainly me, so we'll just go and get it over with."
"Why are you so down on him? I thought you two got along now. He gave you the money to come and see me, remember?"
"Kim, I love my dad," Lisa said. "Obviously I'd never tell him that..." Jennie rolled her eyes. "But it's true nonetheless. It's just that he has a way of embarrassing me. I'm pretty sure he does it on purpose."
"I'm sure he doesn't. And anyway, how can he embarrass you in front of me? I..." Jennie tailed off.
"You what?"
"Well," The brunette said, a little awkwardly, "I was going to say that I know you better than anyone, but I don't really know if that's true."
"You think I lie to you?"
"No, but I mean, it's not for me to say, is it? You might have had better friends than me." She reddened slightly.
"Jennie," Lisa said, reaching out a hand which hovered briefly over hers, then thought better of it and instead offered solace to a small prawn cracker. "I can safely say I've never had a better friend than you."
"Aww." Jennie smiled, then paused. "You have had other friends, though, right?"
"Do you actually want me to push this cracker up your nose?"
"Um, not especially, no."
"Then shut up. Of course I've had other friends. Just because you're the only friend I have right now, doesn't mean you're not the best friend I've ever had."
The look on Jennie's face was so soppy that Lisa blushed. "Anyway," she said, quickly, "It's not a question of knowing me. Even if we were twins he'd still find a way of embarrassing one of us in front of the other."
"How?"
Lisa sighed. "He's my dad," she said. "That's his job."
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So we've had, technically, our second kiss. How was it for you?
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