[six]: write a chapter in which a character menstruates through her clothes in an odd setting, creating an uncomfortable situation.
◦ ♥ ◦ ♥ ◦
Wyatt is deliriously in love with Connie.
At least, that's what Connie likes to think in result of his dating skills being utterly laughable. She just doesn't get why he struggles so much with the simple concept of being nice to a girl without preening at her in that condescending manner he and his whole family seem to have instilled into them. If this was in the alternate universe under JKR's control, then the Schmidt's would be the Malfoy's and Connie, at best, could pass as a halfblood, but never a muggle-born. Harry Potter references aside, Wyatt, in a small matter of short words, is a hot mess -- and not the good kind either.
Was she asking too much of him? Surely not, but then again, the most it seems he's ever been asked to do is tidy his room, which Connie will bet looks like the states circus has rolled through and spent the night in. She's not too invested in this project of sorts, regardless of what Cynthia, Marsha (admittedly, she'd just been bitter that Connie had reprimanded her for getting Wyatt arrested) and even Erin had said when it came to Connie's interest in Wyatt trying out the dating scene instead of the gaming one.
Besides, for all of his awkwardness and bad attitude and his superiority complex -- which isn't as bad as his brat of a sister's -- Wyatt is actually a good guy, it's just the issue of making the other girls stick around long enough to see it too.
◦ ♥ ◦ ♥ ◦
"She's in love with you, dude." Wyatt's friends are limited to Adam, Seth and Robbo, and out of all three, he dislikes them all equally. But if it came down to whose opinion he values the most, then it'd probably be Robbo, given he's not throwing his weight around on that goddamn high horse of his which he likes to have his fat ass on all the time. He comes from nothing but thinks that some sucky achievements which aren't acknowledged outside of Beverly Hills somehow validate him as a person. It also helps that Tiffany likes him as boyfriend material so she's somewhat tolerable around him.
"Nah," Wyatt shakes his head, curls landing in his eyes, he pauses to brush them back, absentmindedly noting that it's best if he just ties his hair back or pushes it back with a headband. "She's got a boyfriend."
"Really?" Robbo juts his chin. He has no regard for real monogamous relationships, he's always either been cheated on or done the cheating, so his trust issues are real messed up, but he says that the watery ketchup at the start of the bottle really kickstarted his trust issues. "Maybe she wants you to put it in her whilst her boyfriend isn't around."
"That's disgusting."
"Oh," he laughs, "I almost forgot you're a freakin' virgin. How's that dry spell going for you?" Despite Wyatt having had a girlfriend, although that particular relationship left little to be desired by the female race, it's at everyone elses insistence that he's a virgin, and although the taunts do get on his nerves, he doesn't even bother trying to dispel them. Lily is another matter entirely, as she's been blowing up Wyatt's phone with not-so-subtle messages of her being lonely at night, never mind that she lives in Hollywood and Wyatt's truck can barely make a trip to the nearest 7-11.
"Almost as good as your haircut." Robbo's mother sat him down and gave him a bowl cut, for their annual family picture. His cheeks flame slightly, and that's enough to shut him up so the two of them can focus on playing Watchdogs, at Robbo's insistence even though he can't play for shit.
"Dude, turn your goddamn phone off." Wyatt pauses the phone, removing his phone from his pocket, and leaning further back in his seat as Robbo is one nosy bastard and keeps trying to make inconspicuous glances at the screen. "Who is it?" He demands, as though he's entitled to read through the messages himself.
"Tiffany." And Connie. But Wyatt doesn't say that because although there's nothing going on between him and the girl with green hair, he doesn't really feel like listening to Robbo detail the things he'd do to her, if he ever got the chance, although that opportunity would never arise when his hair resembles a five year old jewish child. "She's coming here."
Robbo perks up considerably at that, even though he's supposed to have a girlfriend who does a "fucking good job at keeping the bed warm, if you know what I mean?", but his relationship status doesn't stop Robbo from going after what he wants, and he'd like to have Tiffany, and Wyatt can only hope his sister isn't that much of an idiot to even think of going there with one of his friends.
Connie's text is just as obtrusive, rude and abrupt as she is in person, nothing more than: four o'clock. my house. don't fuck this one up, schmidt.
He's certain that she's cold blooded, he's never seen her smile or even laugh at something genuinely funny other than at his expense, although he's never returned the favour because she's the kind of person you kind of hate instantly but you'd still talk to for entertainment value.
◦ ♥ ◦ ♥ ◦
Tiffany arrives standing beside Robbo's latest girlfriend, who looks exactly like the youngest Schmidt family member. Her eyes narrow instantly once she steps inside Robbo's apartment, lip curling in disgust as the girlfriend literally attacks Robbo in a kiss saved for an over eighteen audience, and if Tiffany wasn't on the other side of the room, then Wyatt would cover her eyes.
"Loser, I need you to take me somewhere." Her face is heavy with unmasked jealousy, the longer she watches the couple go at it, attacking each other's lips and the girlfriend letting out wanton moans from simply a kiss. "I got back together with Jay, he's taking me out tonight."
"Shopping?" Wyatt asks warily, not knowing how much longer he can withstand the bright lights of clothing stores with unrealistic pictures of models which do nothing for customers self esteem when the clothes just don't fit quite like how that do on that girl with the thigh gap. He's almost tempted to say no, that Tiffany can most definitely ask one of the piranhas to follow her around the shopping mall for hours on end, but when her lips downturn as Robbo hugs his girlfriend closer to her, stroking her face as they take a break from kissing and not even paying a glance in her direction, he feels a little bit guilty. Wyatt almost wishes that he chose to have some boring as fuck friends who wouldn't influence Tiffany at all, well there is Seth but that's not important right now. "Alright, lets go right now."
"Now?" Tiffany splutters, dark eyebrows rising, "I-um, yeah okay. I'm waiting outside." With a final dirty look at Robbo, which turns out to be the last time she's even in Robbo's company, she turns and flounces out of the room, with a new purpose. Wyatt leaves fairly easily, with Robbo way too engrossed in his girlfriend to pay any mind to his surroundings.
"How many times do I have to tell you that your friends are disgusting?" Tiffany demands hotly, in the passenger seat of Wyatt's car, where she's scouring through his CD collection yet again. Wyatt doesn't dignify her with an answer, already having heard the rant too many times to count that he can almost repeat it back to her if he was feeling up to it. Tiffany has always been invested in males, but never to the point where she's gotten jealous about unrequited feelings, especially over someone as sleazy as Robbo. "I mean, goddamn it, Wyatt, I thought you would have learnt when they all fucked you over when Lily came onto the picture. I think if you actually went to college you would have met some decent guys instead of losers who spend most of their time online."
"I know you're pissed and everything," Wyatt says evenly, "but don't shit on my friends because you can't find decent guys. I thought you said Jay has an inferiority complex and looks for constant reassurance? What did you say about insecure guys, Tiffany?" There isn't a reply from his blonde sister, instead she pushes in a CD and loses herself in the high volume of Alt-J.
◦ ♥ ◦ ♥ ◦
Laden with shopping bags, Tiffany struggles to get out of the truck, with only a grunt of thanks and a bare smile, she maneuvers her way to the front door of the Schmidt household. Wyatt is still trying to understand how she has enough money to fund all these shopping trips, because when it comes to Wyatt asking for money from his parents he's redirected to employment agencies. There are two reasons why Wyatt isn't going inside his house, one being looking his Mom in the eye is proving very difficult as she is still on the idea that Wyatt is masturbating under her roof which isn't even any of her business and he isn't, two is that it's quarter to four, and Connie has this stupid fifteen minute rule so it'd make sense to just go there now so she doesn't have something else to bitch about.
Although she doesn't even need an excuse as long as Wyatt is in the vicinity.
It takes forty-seven seconds for someone to answer the front door of Connie's home, and it's a cacophony of disembodied voices, the whirl from the dishwasher and the bang of cupboards opening and closing. With no idea of what is happening beyond the body of Connie's boyfriend, Wyatt is left to assume that this is a regular day in the Hart household. "Oh," the boyfriend says, coolly, as though he's assessing the competition, even though there isn't much of one as Wyatt isn't even interested in Connie like that. "You're that lad who lives across the street, right?"
"You're British?" Boyfriend doesn't appreciate Wyatt's dismissal of his initial question, if the set of his jaw and purse of his lips are anything to go by. Wyatt refrains from mentioning that he looks ridiculous in that too big leather jacket which just hangs off of him, and all it really does is make him look a hell of a lot lankier. He nods his head in jerky movements, before staring at Wyatt expectantly. "Oh. Yeah. I live across the street."
He talks in grunts, Wyatt realises, once he's allowed Wyatt to step inside of the house and led him to the living room, where Kid is yet again watching WWE, with CM Punk being a goddamn idiot yet again. "Connie's upstairs," he says, obviously uncomfortable, "I'll go get her."
◦ ♥ ◦ ♥ ◦
"Do you have a crush on my sister?"
"No."
◦ ♥ ◦ ♥ ◦
"Schmidt," Connie greets him, waving the familiar yellow card around like a peace offering. All it ever manages to do is damage his already low self confidence whenever she reads it. "You did," she pauses for some kind of dramatic effect, which leaves Wyatt staring at her blankly, and her boyfriend frowning at the TV screen. Kid seems so caught up in the staged drama of the wrestling world he wouldn't even notice if someone came in here with a gun and shot Connie down. "better." She decides on finally, then looks at him expectantly like the word is supposed to mean so much to him. Wyatt doesn't really understand what could have made that date better when he got arrested.
"Seriously?" Wyatt says dryly, "I'm surprised she even noticed I was there considering she's in love with you."
"Isn't everyone? Right," she collapses into the chair beside her boyfriend, Kid sits on the other side and Wyatt sits in the same one seater he was in the last time he came to Connie's house. "On a scale of one to ten, what is Wyatt's personality? Marsha said four. On a scale of one to ten, one being you, ten being him, who contributed most to the conversation? Three."
"Wait," boyfriend interrupts, the frown still on his face but this time more out of confusion. "Why are you even doing this?"
"I'm trying to find Wyatt his soulmate."
"Through your friends?"
"Well, yea--"
"But your friends are fucked up, so I don't understand how that's fair because it's not like you two are friends, are you?" He sounds so obnoxious with that damn accent, not exactly posh but nothern so it's a slow drawl which borders on making him sound stupid. "I'm just saying that it seems like he's getting nowt out of it."
"Nowt?" Wyatt repeats, not up to speed on regional dialect from across the pond.
"Nothing." He amends. "Nowt means nothing. Sorry, I'm from Lancashire and I forget sometimes that I'm surrounded by bloody Americans."
"Jared," Connie sighs, "it doesn't matter why we're doing this, alright? I'm just helping Wyatt, you know?"
"But you've never even spoken to him before. Bloody hell, Connie, are you mad? No offense, mate."
Connie continues swiftly as though her boyfriend hasn't just interrupted, which makes it all the more awkward than it had been before. "On a scale of one to ten, how interested was Wyatt into the ongoings of the date? Marsha said seven. Would you go on another date with Wyatt? No. How would you describe your date with Wyatt? I don't usually get locked up on the first date, but it was fun."
"So," Wyatt says finally, "it was better."
◦ ♥ ◦ ♥ ◦
Wyatt's curls are doing crazy things to obstruct his eyesight in the strong winds, that when he snaps his arm to brush them back he almost knocks over a girl who looks to be pushing five feet. He quickly grabs onto her elbow to keep her standing upright, laughing nervously at his clumsy nature. "Sorry about that," he apologises, letting her arm go. "I was trying to get my hair out of my eyes."
She smiles slightly, brown eyes blinking back at him. "Is that what you say to all the girls when you push them around?"
His eyes widen, "No, no. I mean, I dunno. Is that a trick question?"
"Oh god." She says, laughing loudly. "Don't worry about it. It was an honest accident. It was nice meeting you though, although I'm not too sure on your methods of approaching girls."
"I wasn't trying to approach you." Wyatt says hurriedly, feeling his face flaming. "Not that you aren't attractive, because you are but--I should just shut up now."
"That'd be a good idea." Her arm strikes out, "Anna."
"Oh, um, Wyatt." He takes the initiative to shake her hand, and this time, the smile on his face is relaxed and genuine. He's glad that they haven't met under the pretense of going on a date, otherwise Wyatt definitely wouldn't be this relaxed. Now, it's just waiting for the actual girl he's going on a date with to arrive. "You're not from LA are you?"
"No, god no. No offense or anything but I couldn't live here indefinitely. I'm from Boston actually." Wyatt's knowledge of Boston is limited to basketball, and as Anna doesn't look the sporty type, conversation is kept brief on what she's doing in LA.
"I have to get going," Wyatt tells her. "I'm supposed to meet someone in a couple minutes. It was nice meeting you though, Anna."
"You too, Wyatt." She waves at him before turning away and continuing down the sidewalk.
◦ ♥ ◦ ♥ ◦
"Gabi," she's abrupt, and is wearing nothing more than a skin tight white dress with killer heels. "You're Wyatt, right? Yeah, why were you standing outside Nordstrom for fifteen minutes flirting with thot?"
"Excuse me?" Wyatt blinks, trying to process everything that this girl has uttered in a single sentence, from introducing herself to accusing him of flirting with another girl -- which makes her sound like some kind of stalker -- then trying to say that Anna was 'that hoe over there'. "I wasn't flirting with anyone and tha--"
"Oh good," Gabi breathes, smiling with relief. "I thought you were. But I'm glad you weren't, it would have been a really rude thing to do." She talks a mile a minute, and Wyatt has trouble keeping up with her, only nodding when it seems the right thing to do as he guides her to his beat up truck.
Connie gave him complete control over tonight's date, and Wyatt is actually going to do something fun other than restaurants, picnics or graveyard visits. It feels nice to do something that he wants to do for once instead of girls he doesn't like doing everything. He's even going as far as to pay for tonights date, which is a feat within itself.
"Do you watch YouTubers?" She asks, buckling herself in as Pharell sings about happiness. "I love Tyler Oakley and Troye Sivan and even Sam Pepper, even though he can come across kinda obnoxious sometimes. Mamrie and Hannah Hart are really funny, too, but they haven't got anything on Kingsley."
"You don't watch beauty gurus?" Wyatt asks, "My sister does. She's seventeen, she's obsessed with this one girl called Zoe or something, and missglamorazzi, if that's what she's called."
"You have a sister? I'd love to have a sister, but I'm an only child so it gets pretty lonely. I used to watch beauty gurus but I don't know, all the looks seem pretty repetitive so I just stick to eighty-seven days before because she does rants and stuff too, you know?" Wyatt doesn't really know, but it seems this is the most he's been actively involved in the conversation so almost like he's grabbing the bull by the horns, he keeps the conversation going, no matter how dull it may seem.
◦ ♥ ◦ ♥ ◦
Gabi gasps as they pull up in the parking lot, the bright lights shining down on the windshield and casting glows on their faces. It'd be nice if she likes it too, but honestly, tonight is Wyatt's choice and no way in hell, is he getting back on the interstate to take her to some poxy restaurant. The line's pretty long, and Wyatt manages to unveil Gabi's sense of humour, despite it being startlingly dry and of a possessive nature ("So I said I'd make sure he couldn't sit down for a week if he even thought about getting her number," isn't exactly too funny).
She hooks her arm through his to steady herself in the uneven grass, as her heels don't offer much other than the added height, and even then, she barely brushes Wyatt's shoulder. "Two adults," he says to the girl behind the booth, she gestures for their wrists, and he lets Gabi go first. The last time he ever paid for a date was when Lily was around, but he knows already that Gabi definitely isn't girlfriend material, for Wyatt anyway.
"She was flirting with you," Gabi mutters as they enter the amusement park and Wyatt leads them towards some of the concession stands as he hasn't eaten all day. "Didn't you see her? It was almost pathetic, it's obvious that we came together. Girls like that really annoy me, you know."
"Gabi," Wyatt tries his best to calm her down, "she wasn't flirting with me. It's a part of customer service, I worked at DQ for six months, you have to be nice to everyone, even if they're a pain in the ass." She pouts at this, but doesn't speak of it anymore, which Wyatt decides is a victory in itself. "Do you want something to eat now or later?"
"Um," she looks behind her shoulder at the tall roller coasters before turning to face him. "later." Wyatt nods head, redirecting the two of them to some of those crappy stalls where its almost always impossible to actually win a prize. "Wyatt, Wyatt, look!" She points to the tin cans stacked in a pyramid, then the big monkey stuffed animal, as the grand prize. "Could you do it for me?"
"Okay," he says, paying the three dollar fee for three throws. The attendant rolls his eyes, collecting the soft balls for them. "You should have a go too, you know, Gabi."
She shrugs her shoulders, rolls them back then throws all three balls at once, none of them hitting a tin can. The attendant smothers a laugh, and Wyatt rolls his lips into his mouth. He's not entirely sure if Gabi's idiocy is genuine or what she's picked up by simply being in LA, much like Tiffany. "Your turn now." She doesn't even seem apologetic that she's cost him three dollars in the space of five seconds.
Once he's paid again, for one throw, he takes Gabi's place and throws easily, hitting the can right in the middle which results in all of them falling down. Gabi squeals as she chooses her monkey toy, holding it by it's head and the two of them continue on through the amusement park.
◦ ♥ ◦ ♥ ◦
Wyatt manages to convince Gabi to get onto the rollercoaster when it comes to the last people about to get onto the ride. She leaves the monkey on the side where people leave their bags and other things which would inevitably go flying off on the ride. She's a bag of nerves before it's even started, seated next to Wyatt and another person but he can't really see her because of the padded holsters. "Oh my god," he hears her mutter, swinging her legs underneath her. The seat is barely something between the legs and it falls compared to how tall you are and when your feet touch the ground.
"Don't worry, Gabi," he manages to say, before it lurches forward and begins the slow incline. Wyatt controls his breathing, knowing the suspense is the part that almost always gets him. He can hear Gabi freaking out, and although he'd like to comfort her, he really doesn't like talking whilst it goes up. It pauses right at the top, after travelling up for thirty seconds, and for those five seconds spent at the top, he can hear his heart pounding in his ears, and his throat goes dry.
Gabi screams at the top of her lungs once it drops then twists to the side, leaving Wyatt's legs dangling, following the motions. He can almost imagine her face when it goes around the loop then goes a couple metres upside down before righting itself. In almost no time at all, they're back at the start, with a forceful stop which jerks them all forward before falling back against their 'seat'. "Oh god no," Gabi moans slightly, and Wyatt moves his head as far forward as he can to get a look at her, but it's difficult as all the buckles are still locked.
Once they're unlocked, he wastes no time in getting himself free, but sees that Gabi is still buckled in. He rushes to get her released, and blinks at the sight of vomit on the top of her dress and round her mouth. "Gabi," he sighs, helping her stand up and leading her off the ride and onto what feels to be steadier ground. He collects her monkey again easily, with a couple people looking their way, in curiosity at someone actually vomiting on the ride.
They leave the amusement park fairly quickly and easily, in silence as Gabi is still in a state of embarrassment at vomiting and unable to form full sentences again. He tries to tell her it's alright, as he gathers some tissues from a concession stand they pass, wiping at her mouth and the top of her dress, but it seems that she can't even hear him. He gets her into the truck and pulls out of the parking lot, and she still hasn't said a word to him.
When they're on the interstate, he glances at her again, before he notices something between her legs, on the seats, which wasn't there before. Wyatt may be oblivious to a lot of things, but he's not stupid. "Gabi," he says softly, "I think you've just come on your period."
[a/n] it's been TWO months, i can not believe it. so spacing is most definitely weird bc i had to write it on google docs as i got a new laptop yesterday and i've yet to buy offfice. anyway, i hope you like this one. thanks to LightACandle for being the one to recommend Gabi and the amusement park idea, along with the vomit. also, shoutout to everyone who was like "worst date is when they're flirting with someone else" especially Darko_Thinks because she's great friend material. sorry for the uber long authors note, but your comments are hella funny like you have no idea how much time i spend reading them and laughing, especially those who are hella invested in this story. thanks again so much for your patience and i hope chapter seven won't take so long to get to.
my favourite comment on this chapter will have the next dedicated to them, and you can always comment with date ideas. worst date you've been on? or even the most embarrasing thing you've ever done in public.