Christmas Eve, 1991
"Okay, I just checked the fridge and there is nothing left to eat so Dean or I will go to the store to get food." You said after checking the fridge. You walked out of the kitchen area and to the brothers. Sam was on the floor, wrapping something while Dean sat on the couch.
"What is that?" Dean asked Sam when you sat next to him.
"A present for Dad," Sam replied.
"Yeah, right. Where'd you get the money? Steal it?" Dean accused his brother.
"Dean..." You whispered but he ignored you. Your life wasn't the best with John in and out of the motel rooms, leaving you and Dean to take care of Sam while he was gone. You didn't have a lot of money to begin with which is why you understood why Dean asked Sam that question but he was only 8.
"No, Uncle Bobby gave it to me to give to him. He said it was real special." Sam smiled.
"That's awesome. John is going love it." You said before Dean spoke.
"What is it?"
"A pony," Sam said sarcastically and you and Dean both rolled your eyes.
"Very funny," Dean said and Sam continued to wrap his present. Dean picked up a magazine from the coffee table and you sighed. You didn't have money to get anything for Sam or Dean but you thought it was really nice your Uncle Bobby decided to give Sam this gift to give to John. Bobby was so nice to you and he was more like a parent than John was. You loved John but he was never here. You knew he was trying to protect people and you and the brothers, but you needed someone to be there for you and to take care of you, not the other way around.
"Dad's going to be here, right?" Sam asked suddenly. You and Dean looked at one another since you two were the only ones who knew about the monsters. Sam didn't know yet and you hoped to keep it from him as long as you could. You knew he would figure it out eventually but for right now, you couldn't tell him.
"He'll be here," Dean said.
"It's Christmas."
"He knows and he'll be here."
"Where is he anyway?" Sam asked and you sighed.
"On business," Dean answered.
"What kind of business?" Sam pried.
"You know that. He sells stuff." Dean lied easily. You avoided eye contact with Sam. Whenever you had to lie, you couldn't make eye contact at all. You hated lying to Sam, seeing the hope in his eyes for his dad.
"What kind of stuff?"
"Stuff."
"Nobody ever tells me anything." Sam pouted.
"Then quit asking." Dean rolled his eyes.
"Sam, are you finished wrapping your dad's present?" You asked, trying to get him to change the subject but it didn't work. Dean got off the couch and walked over to one of the beds, shoving food wrappers off it before sitting on it.
"Is Dad a spy?" Sam asked, ignoring you. You sighed and sometimes, you felt like an outsider with them. There was one thing you didn't have in common with them and it was John. As much as he was your dad, you weren't his biological daughter and that made you feel like an outsider. Sam and Dean had this bond and you could leave and they would be alright.
Granted, you've been with them for four years and you knew Sam and Dean loved you like a sister but you never felt completely right with them. You sighed as you leaned back and just observed the brothers.
"Mm-hmm. He's James Bond." Dean said, not looking up from his magazine. Sometimes you felt invisible with them, even if they didn't mean to do it to you.
"Why do we move around so much?" Sam asked.
"Because everywhere we go, they get sick of your face."
"I'm old enough, Dean. You can tell me the truth." Sam sighed.
"You don't want to know the truth, trust me." Dean sighed.
"Is that why we never talk about... Mom?" Sam asked and you winced. Mary was such a sore spot for Dean and immediately after the words left Sam's mouth, Dean threw the magazine down and glared at his brother angrily.
"Shut up!" Dean said, standing up. "Don't you ever talk about Mom! Ever!" Dean stormed to the door, grabbing his jacket on the way.
"Wait, where are you going?" You spoke up.
"Out," Dean answered before shutting the door on you and Sam. You sighed and looked at Sam to see unshed tears in his eyes.
"Sam..." You said but he got up and angrily walked to the bathroom and slammed the door. You got tears and let them fall. You never had a normal Christmas after your mom died and you don't think you were going to have one now.
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Later, you were still sitting on the couch but Sam moved from the bathroom to the bed and he was reading a comic book. However, earlier, Sam came out of the bathroom, grabbed something from underneath his bed and ran back to the bathroom before you could ask what he grabbed. Then after he'd been in there for a while, he came back out and rushed to his bed, putting whatever he took, back.
Suddenly the door opened and before you could think it was John, Dean walked in with a grocery bag.
"I thought you went out," Sam said, looking up from his comic book.
"Yeah, to get us dinner," Dean took out some packaged food and handed one to you.
"I should be doing this. I am the oldest." You said with a slight smile.
"Yeah, by a week. I didn't mind." Dean gave you a smile before moving over to his brother. He tossed Sam another package before taking a seat on the other bed.
"Don't forget your vegetables," Dean said, also tossing Sam a bag of Funyuns. Dean took off his jacket before taking out his own meal for the night.
"I know why you keep a gun under your pillow." Sam suddenly said. You and Dean looked at one another for a bit, wondering why Sam was bringing this us and what he knew. Dean lifted his pillow to see the gun John gave him. You had one underneath your pillow. You, Dean and Sam, shared a bed together with you in the middle but both of you had guns underneath your pillow.
"No, you don't. Stay out of my stuff." Dean grumbled, afraid his brother figured it out.
"And I know why we lay salt down everywhere we go."
"No, you don't. Shut up." Dean said more forcefully. Sam sighed and he reached underneath his bed, taking out John's journal. You gasped and stood up, both you and Dean scared of where this might go. Sam figured it out. You knew he would eventually. He was a smart kid.
"Where'd you get that? That's Dad's! He's going to kick your ass for reading that!" Dean raised his voice at Sam. You walked over to Dean and took a seat next to Sam.
"Are monster's real?" Sam asked, staring into your eyes before moving to Dean's.
"What? You're crazy." Dean tried to lie but it wasn't working.
"Dean, we should tell him." You whispered even though Sam heard you.
"Tell me." Sam insisted.
"I swear, if you ever tell Dad we told you any of this, I will end you." Dean threatened his little brother.
"I swear," Sam promised. Dean sighed and grabbed his dad's journal before flipping through the pages that he's read a hundred and one times.
"Sam, I just want you to know before we tell you anything, your dad is one of the most amazing men I have ever known. He saved me and he saves a lot of people. He's a superhero." You said with a smile.
"He is?" Sam asked, admiration in his eyes.
"Yeah, monsters are real. Dad fights them. He's out fighting them right now." Dean confessed.
"But Dad said the monsters under my bed weren't real."
"That's because he already checked under there," You stated.
"Monsters are real. Almost anything is real." Dean said.
"Is Santa real?" Sam asked with a hint of a smile on his face. Dean was about to answer when you stopped him and spoke up.
"Do you believe in him?" You asked.
"Yeah."
"Then he's real." You said, needing Sam to keep some of his childhood left. You looked at Dean and he nodded lightly before looking at his little brother.
"If monsters are real, then they could get us. They could get me." Sam said, worried.
"John isn't going to let that happen. I won't let that happen. Dean and I will protect you. We've always had."
"But what if they get him?" Sam asked, still worried.
"They aren't going to get Dad. He's, like, the best." Dean shrugged, hiding his worry for his dad. You and Dean never knew if he was going to make it home.
"I read in Dad's book that they got Mom," Sam said quietly. You opened your mouth to speak but shut it since you never knew Mary and didn't know her like Dean did. You knew the story and knew what happened but you didn't have the personal connection to her like Dean did.
"It's complicated, Sam." Dean sighed.
"If they got Mom, they can get Dad. If they get Dad, then they can get us."
"It's not like that," Dean said, getting up and sitting on the other side of Sam. "Okay? Dad is fine. We're fine. Trust me. I wouldn't let anything happen to you."
"Your dad is going to be here for Christmas. Just like he always is." You assured Sam since you knew that is what was really bugging him.
"I just want to go to sleep, okay?" Sam said and you could see tears in his eyes.
"Yeah, okay," Dean said with a sigh. He got up and you did too but saw Sam turn over and face away from you and Dean. You could hear him quietly crying. You looked over at Dean and he looked hurt, knowing that his brother was in pain. Dean thought of something that might cheer Sam up.
You couldn't take this and laid next to Sam before bringing him into your arms, holding him close to you. He turned around and held onto you while crying into your neck. You got tears and looked at Dean to see him slipping out the door.
The last thing you heard was Sam's soft snores before you fell asleep.
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You woke up to feel fingers on your face. Your eyes fluttered open and you looked up to see Dean staring at you with a smile. You looked down at Sam to see him still clinging to you but asleep.
"Where were you?" You whispered.
"Getting presents for Sam. Look, I know he misses Dad and I do too but I don't think he's coming back tonight. Just go along with this, yeah?" Dean whispered back. You nodded and ran a hand through Sam's hair, effectively waking him. You looked behind Dean to see a Christmas tree with few lights on it. It wasn't much but it was a good start.
"Sam, wake up!" Dean shook his brother's shoulders. "Dad was here. Look what he brought!"
"Dad was here?" Sam asked, untangling himself from you and sitting up. You sat up as well and put a smile on your face.
"Yeah, I guess he was." You agreed.
"Why didn't he try and wake me up?" Sam asked with a yawn.
"He tried to, like a thousand times." Dean lied, giving you a look before walking over to the presents.
"He did?" Sam asked.
"Yeah. Did I tell you he would give us a Christmas, or what? Go on, dive in." Dean said, smiling. He only got two presents for Sam but that was enough for him. Sam smiled and got up, hurrying over to the Christmas tree. You got up and walked over to Dean, bringing his ear close to your mouth.
"Where did you get those?" You asked but he didn't answer you. Sam grabbed the first gift and Dean walked over to the couch where Sam had taken residency. You bit your lip but stayed where you were and watched. Sam opened his present and Dean kept smiling.
"What is it?"
"Sapphire Barbie," Sam said, confused. You bit your lip and sighed, wishing you had money to buy Sam a nice gift.
"Dad probably thinks you're a girl." Dean chuckled and joked.
"Shut up!" Sam said, throwing the Barbie on the ground.
"Open that one," Dean said, pointing to the other one. Sam did as he asked and sighed when it was a cheerleading stick. Sam slowly looked at Dean with a frown.
"Dad never showed, did he?"
"Yeah, he did, I swear." Dean tried to get his little brother to believe him.
"Dean... where'd you get all this stuff?" Dean sighed and knew he couldn't lie anymore.
"Nice house up the block. I swear I didn't know they were chick presents," Dean said truthfully and Sam nodded. "Look, I'm sure Dad would have been here if he could."
"If he's alive," Sam whispered, fearful this might happen.
"Don't say that, Sam. He's alive. These things take time, you know that." You said, walking over to Sam and sitting on the other side of him so that he was in the middle. Sam nodded and both you and Dean looked sad for him. Sam sighed and took out the present he wrapped earlier before handing it to Dean.
"Here, take this," Sam said.
"No. No, that's for Dad."
"Dad lied to me. I want you to have it." Dean looked at the gift and then at you, wondering if he should take it. You nodded and Dean took the present but didn't open it.
"Are you sure?"
"I'm sure." Dean looked at the gift again before opening it. You saw Dean hold up a necklace with a golden amulet hanging off a black string. It was simple and you didn't know what that amulet was supposed to be but you could tell Dean loved it.
"Thank you, Sam. I-I love it." Dean put on the necklace and Sam nodded. You knew that you would probably never have a normal Christmas ever again. You lost that when your mom died.