"What the heeeell! The ceremony will be starting in just twenty minutes and you're still lying on bed!!!... Get up, you sleepy ass!!" Raima threw her pajama at my face as she kept shouting at the top of her voice.
I, however, didn't get up from my pillow. Forget getting up, I didn't even flinch a bit, nor did I open my eyes, and that was what made Raima far more furious to shout back-
"Are you kidding me Nitz? Its 11 in the morning and you are still sleepi......"
The sudden pause in her cacophony was almost like a danger alarm for me. It made me alert, and curious at the same time. How I wished to open my eyes and see what was going on near me! But knowing the fact that my pretence was the most important at this moment, I gulped all my curiousities and continued acting like a sleeping dead.
"Wait... are you really sleeping or just pretending to be asleep?"
Thats it. She had caught me.
"You are doing this drama just so that you can skip Kshitiz-Amaya's haldi's ceremony. Isn't it Nitzy?" She huffed irritatedly and I felt her breathes directly over my lips.... She was 'that' close to my face, inspecting out her assumptions without leaving the slightest chance for any loopholes.
"This is the last ceremony before their wedding takes place! Do you even realise that huh??" She rambled again.
But this time, I found her breathes moving away from me.
I let out a small sigh of relief and curled my feet under the duvet.
"Why are you being such a spoil sport? You know right that if YOU don't go to the haldi ceremony then I, too, can't be a part of it!"
Even if I don't go there then also you can enjoy the ceremony at its fullest becoz You and Amaya are bonding really well these days! So just stop your bullshit and let me be a peace, please!! - I wanted to say.
But once again I had to keep my mouth shut and curse away my luck, mentally.
"You don't want to talk to me right? Fine. Don't talk. Talk to Amaya instead.. I am going to call her now." She said, and I heard her stomping her feet as she scurried towards the door.
"Just remember that even if I bond well with Amaya, I can't still enjoy her haldi ceremony if YOU are not there beside me.... only YOU are my bestfriend Nitz.. and if I am standing here on this ship today, then that is also becoz of YOU. Patching up with you, was the only cause that brought me here... So if YOU are not there in today's ceremony, then I am also not going to be a part if it."
That was the last thing I heard before the door banged close and I crumbled down to my solitude completely.
•
Two minutes after Raima was gone, I had opened my eyes and got up from the pillow.
Raima's discarded pajama was still hanging from my neck. I removed it slowly and placed it at the foot of the bed... the place where already lied my yellow and green checkerd lahenga choli, all set for the haldi ceremony that was about to begin in just twenty minutes.
Oh sorry.. Seven minutes from it, was already gone.
I looked at the wall clock to estimate the time, and then looked back at my lahenga. Not that I had planned a lot to enjoy this ceremony, but it wasn't the case either where I didn't make any plans at all! It was like- I was happy to be a part of this marriage, no matter whatever nonsense I had said earlier! But remembering the fact that I was a curse for everyone.. and that too a terrible one, I just couldn't step out of my room to ruin everybody's happiness once again!!
Neverthless, Dev had asked me to do the same last night. So if MY absense really granted him peace for that matter... then why not?
Atleast this much I could always do for him right?!!
About last night-
-"You are so hopeless!" Dev broke into a candid laughter as he filled my mouth with yet another morsel and continued enjoying my speechless situation...... up until Adit came from the back and informed-
"Nirvana has gained back her senses!!"
Appearing nothing less than a severe shock, it took me some time to absorb this information. But once it was done, I batted my eyelids quick, gulped down the half chewed food and asked Adit back- "Are you serious? My Coco has waken up??"
Adit smiled meekly. Holding my shoulders with his broad palms, he then looked into my eyes and blinked for once, saying- "She is still so weak. Go, meet her."
In the very next second I was running down across the first floor corridor, past everyone who looked at me with weird gazes and to whom I didn't give a damn.. counting each moment that passed inbetween and the moments that were left to see my baby... praying and hoping crazily and being hell impatient at the same time.
Dev had been there with me all the way though. He kept following me like a shadow while shouting his lungs out- "Slow down Tara. You'll fall and hurt yourself."
But who was even listening to him! Yes, I knew that he was doing this for 'my' safety, but being the helpless mother I was, I stopped only when I was inside the sick bay.... just beside the bed upon which my baby was lying like a tired, victorious warrior.
"Coco?" With lips trembling terribly, I called out her name somehow.
"Mommy" She turned her neck slightly and looked up at me. Her new grown dark circles were in full display, making my heart clench at its sight already. And on top of that, she spread her hands in the air, gesturing me to come and wrap her to my chest and perhaps never leave her alone again!
"Yes baby, mommy is here." I replied as I followed her orders. Life came back rushing to my body after that.
Few minutes of silence happend inbetween. It was later leasurely broken with Coco's adorable chirps- "Where were you been, mommy? I was misshing you so much!!"
A tiny smile crept to my lips. I stretched that smile a little longer as I nudged my nose through Coco's hairs and breathed in her scent. "Mommy missed you too, Bunny!.... Only that she was a little scared to see your dangerous stunts.. You know right what a chicken your mommy is?!!" I said to her. She just giggled in response.
Really, life seemed so much lively only becoz SHE was a part of it! The greatest of all parts!!
"Mommy.. what is shtunts?" She chirped again to break my little thought bubble.
"Stunts means..." Was it really necessary to pack her brain with such grown up stuffs? I guess not. Perhaps changing the topic was a better option instead. And so I went like- "Forget it. You say, why didn't you go to daddy when I asked you so?"
She turned silent again. Quite obvious why I frowned and seperated her from my chest to look at her dropped face.
"What?" I raised my brows questioningly.
"I didn't hear you properly." She replied after some time.
Oh my! Where was I even heading for!!
"Acha okay... And what about the allergic part? What did you eat to gain such severe allergy??"
My question was simple right? But guess what? The answer was not simple at all! Infact it was such a twisted story that the land beneath my feet slipped away the moment I heard it from Coco's mouth.
"Your milk-shhake."
"My milk-shake? The honey almond one that I had left on the deck??" I gasped as the morning incident came flushing my mind. That little fight with Priyanka.. me breaking down again... leaving for the dance rehersals to change my mind... and ofcourse, leaving behind my half filled milkshake glass!
-"You were having honey almond milkshake? That too infront of her??"
Oh well, there entered Dev into the scene finally.
"Raima had given me that glass. But I couldn't finish it becoz Pri..."
-"You couldn't finish the glass and you left it before Princess? You still remember right that Princess is allergic to almonds?" He didn't let me finish. Drawing conclusions, was far more important for him at that moment.
Or maybe for the next few moments altogether.
"I do remember Dev. But the thing is..."
-"The thing is that you are careless enough to ignore what your child is doing at your back. Isn't it Tara?"
"No. You are getting me wrong!" I tried to explain. Helplessly.
-"Is there anything left yet?" He chuckled sarcastically before resuming- "At first you say something to your daughter that she fails to hear...And then you leave behind your unfinished glass which contained the thing that works as poison for yoir daughter.... do you even understand what have you done and what are you trying to explain me now?"
Hell! My mental condition was not stabilized when all these things happened!!
"Dev, you need to listen to me okay? You can't just judge me like that!!"
-"After accusing Priyanka for the mistake that was done by YOU, you still have to say something?" Said he in return.
Like .. was it the closing verdict of this case?- I kept wandering with my mouth fell ajar and eyes fixed upon Dev stupifiedly.
"Is that Priyanka more important in your life than me?" I asked after a long pause.
Not that he wasn't expecting this already. But still he replied -"Don't drag that poor soul in this. You have done enough already. Please stop now."
Poor soul? Who? That bitch??
"You are right. She is a poor soul and you are even poorer than her.. so tell me, what should I do to your poor soul now? Should I apologise for accusing her so cruelly this morning or you have anything better to suggest?"
Warm moisture hit my cheek's epithelium. Yes, tears they were. A fresh batch had started rolling down once again.
-"Stay away from Princess. That will be enough for you." Was what he replied... without twiching his eyebrows or flinching any of his forehead muscles.
Simply to say, he didn't even think twice before saying such a thing. It was all random, spontaneous, and totally emotionless!!
I didn't stay in that room anymore. Sparing one last look at my confused child, I walked out of it quietly. Somewhere down the line, I knew that this was wrong. So, so wrong. I shouldn't have stepped out like this when my Coco needed me the most. But then when her father was there in the scene, ready to question and insult his wife directly infront of his daughter's eyes, was there any other way by which I could have saved self respect?
Oh sorry, I had forgotten that the term 'self respect' was not meant for me! But all thanks to Dev. He reminded it to me the moment both of us were outside of the medical room.... facing each other directly, looking into each other's eyes... him speaking and me listening... just like always..
-"If possible, stay away from everyone's life Nitara. Trust me on that, it will the best for all... yourself included!"
Honestly, I wish I could listen to Dev completely. I wish I could really stay away from everyone's life and never disturb them again. But guess what? It was never so easy. The inner me had broken so badly that I 'had' to step in someone's life to take her help... to use her shoulders for crying out my heart's burden... to confide in her as if she was the begining and end of everything.
My best friend she was- Raima Patel.
Yeah, I stayed in her room last night and was about to stay with her for some more nights like this
.. up until we returned back to India and parted our ways again.
Parting ways was necessary. Staying together with everyone was not there in my fate. And fighting against my fate was not there in my hands. Perks of having an ironic life afterall!
"I knew this!" Came a sudden, unexpected scowl from the back.
Amaya? I got up and looked at the door.
Had to regret instantly becoz I had forgotten to wipe away my tears and letting Amaya see such a crying mess like me was the last thing I wanted in this life!
"You?.. Your haldi ceremony is about to start na? What are you still doing here then??" I asked amidst my sobs.
I was planning to appear a little firmer infront of her. But since my plans and my luck never worked together, I failed miserably this time also!
"I am not here to wipe your tears." Amaya cringed her nose and rolled her eyes dramatically. "I'm here to take my personal fashion designer cum stylist to my haldi ceremony." She added next.
-"If possible, stay away from everyone's life Nitara. Trust me on that, it will the best for all... yourself included!" Dev had said.
How was I even supposed to forget that?!!
"I am not going anywhere with you Amaya. So please don't starting forcing with again." My eyes were burried in the wet portion of my lahenga that had been soaking my tears uptil now.
By the way... do tears cause stains too? I have never noticed it in details.
"You are not going with me?" Amaya repeated my words, but in a different tone. And then she threw her next bouncer -".... Just becoz Dev asked you so??"
The fuck! How did SHE know about what Dev had said to me yesterday?? Chills ran down my spine as I looked up at Amaya with horror.
Last night whatever happened between me and Dev, had happened in the public. Yet none of our close friends knew about it. As for me, I didn't say anything to Raima. Being the sensible girl she was, she too didn't ask a single question while consolling me the whole night. As for Dev, I knew he had done the same. He might be a jerk sometimes, but telling precaps of his ugliest fights to best friends was something that he would just not do.
Atleast this much I knew for sure.
But if this was the case then how come Amaya knew everything? Who gave her all these informations?
"No one gave me any information... Its just that I already knew what can you guys say to each other." She spoke to broke my reverie. Spoke about the disadvantages of being transparent people.
"Now that you know everything, don't you think you should better leave for your haldi?" I raised my eyebrows. She dismissed it with a sweet smile of hers.
"I am not going anywhere unless YOU agree to come with me." Said she.
"Bullshit!" I cursed.
"Maybe. But if Dev can join the ceremony, even after being equally responsible for creating ruscus in our wedding... then why can't you do the same?"
We created ruscus? Ya, true enough. But why is it so disheartening to hear??
"Dev is Kshitiz's bestfriend, Amaya. Thats why he CAN attend the ceremonies even when at fault. But me..."
"You what? You are my personal designer for all the wedding events! Don't you realize its value? Or you are only concerned about the problems that might arise when you meet your husband again??"
"This is it. Problems are bound to arise when we meet each other." I heaved a damp sigh.
"The earth is round Nitara. No matter what, you are definitely gonna meet your husband at some point of this earth or the other.... you can't prevent that meeting. So even try now? Just let it go na!!" She huffed impatiently.
And perhaps she was right too.
Heck, she WAS right. The wrong was within me...within my thoughts. I believed that I was a curse for everyone. But I forgot that the curse worked only when I was with Dev. So if he was an equally valid participant of this bad luck game, then why should I be the only one suffering?
"Give me ten minutes." I smiled at Amaya. She returned it to me with an unexpected, cosy-posy bear hug.
•
The deck was dressed up in yellow.
And so were the people present over there!
Bathed in fresh sunlight, everyone of them appeared so bright and so cheerful that I couldn't help but feel good. To add effects, there was some soft music playing in the backdrop and the air around me scented of sweet argan and daffodils.... something, that lifted up my mood to the ninth heaven almost at the blink of an eye!
I was brought back to earth by a subtle whisper in my ears. "You lookin' so gorgeous" -was what that voice said.
I smiled instantly, knowing whom it belonged to and turned back towards that person.
Towards my crazy Rai!
"That I already know. Say something new please." I rolled my eyes dramatically.
She huffed at that and replied- "Now you cared to come! And when I was asking you to do the same, you didn't even hear my words.. isn't it?"
Aww...My munchkin is jealous of Amaya!!
"Ofcourse! The bride's request should always be the one to be prioritized!" Came the third voice from behind.
Amaya's voice.
"So true." Greatly overwhelmed, this time I was the one to pull Amaya into a bear hug.
And soon enough, Raima joined us too, to make it a very precious group hug.
Our hug didn't last long as Amaya had started yelling- "Enough guys. Lets just go to the mandap... I'm getting late for my own haldi! Subh-asubh kehke bhi toh koi chiz hoti hai ya nahi!!"
The haldi ceremony finally started after that. Amaya, dressed in a gold and yellow lahenga with floral jeweleries decorating her from head to toe, went to the middle of the stage and sat down like a queen. Kshitiz's haldi was already done long ago. Those haldi remnants from the groom's side was brought here to be applied on Amaya. All the fat aunties and their fit husbands, cousins, distant relatives and Amaya's immediate family members joined the ceremony to make it bigger and brighter as usual. Me and Raima, too became a part of them as we applied the scented turmeric paste over Amaya's face and then came down from the stage to join those who had already started playing with the excess of haldi.
Precisedly, time was going good. With Dev present nowhere around me, I was breathing in air of relief.... only that, it too, couldn't last for long. It broke away with a mere touch on my right cheek that shook my entire existense upto its core!
Dev's touch it was afterall!
Cladded in a grey kurta and yellow trousers, he looked like a total dapper when my eyes found him standing at my back. For a brief period of time, I couldn't react anything at all. His presence and his fragrance, everything happened to be so mind-numbing that I couldn't even dare to move from my eyes from him.
There, his eyes had already been fixed at me for a long time. Softness was the lanuage of those beautiful eyes. Quite unlike last night, they didn't hold an unfathomable hatred anymore. Neither was there any anger in them. And yet, they appeared so deeply mysterious and scary that my heart couldn't help but skip few beats.
"As per your instructions I didn't go anywhere near my baby.. Then why Dev? Why are you here again? What do want from me now??" I managed to ask in a broken, shaky voice.
He didn't say anything in return. Just raised his hand and applied haldi over my left cheek. His eyes then moved down to my bare arms, perhaps with the intention of applying the turmeric paste over there too.
Weird. Simply weird.
"Dev?" I had to call him again.
-"Go and meet Princess... She needs you right now." He cared to reply after making me wait for some good ten minutes.
That big time jerk!
But wait. What did he just say?
"Last night You were the one to ask me stay away from my baby, isn't it Dev?" Frowning with bitterness, I tried to look at his face for the answer. But there he was already busy in applying the haldi over my bare arms and waist!
"DEV!!!" I screamed again.
-"Hmm.. listening" he spared a momentary look before getting back to his work. "And yes, last night it was 'me' who had asked you so."
"How come your mind changed then?" I was plain dumbstuck.
-"My mind didn't change, Tara. I still think that you are toxic for Princess.. but guess what? She really needs you! You, her biological mother.. and not any random nursing staff!!" He replied nonchalantly.
Like... had he really turned so heartless or there was still any hope left?
Clearing my choked throat, I took a deep breath and asked him back- "If I am that much toxic for her then why are you still willing to risk her life by sending me to her room?"
The movement of his fingers upon my waist, had stopped by then. This was the time, I knew, he'd say something that was gonna break my heart all over again.
Protecting my heart from that monster was no longer an option from the day I was married to him. Yet, trying for one last time, I removed my eyes from his face. But as was expected, he made me look up at him again as he clutched my waist in his strongest grip and drew me to himself at a death close distance.
-"What else to say? My Princess... she can neither live with you.. nor can she stay away from you... she is just like me Tara, just like me!!" He said. And left.
And there I was thinking that I had seen softness in his eyes! Lol.. I was so wrong! How could that immortal harshness ever get replaced with anything good? It was not even possible man!!
Rest about that haldi applying part- well, the darker shade of yellow meant nothing than pure hatred.. hatred that Dev had for me and hatred that I had for him.... hatred that was supposed to be between us for the rest of our lives from now on..
____________________________________
Author's note :P
Happy diwali folks.🎉🎉🎉
~