| Cody |
Incoming Call - Kristie 🧡
I stare at my phone as if I'm from a different planet and had never seen such a device before. Why she's calling me is beyond me, so I look to my mom for help.
"What do I do?" I ask with pleading eyes.
"For one, you stop panicking." She puts her hands on my shoulders and I feel myself relax. "Secondly, you don't have to answer if you don't want to. Just because she's calling doesn't mean you're obligated to answer, baby."
I take my mom's advice, weighing up my options and, although it hurts, I hit the reject button. I stare at my phone a little longer, but she doesn't call again. Not yet anyway.
"Why did you not take her call?" My mom asks, and I look at her as if she had suddenly grown three heads.
"You just said I didn't have to take her call!"
"Relax, Cody. I'm only asking. There must have been some reason you didn't want to talk to her."
"Well...I haven't heard from her in a while. Even when I ran her over when I was on my board, our talk didn't last long. Now it feels like because she's single she wants to talk to me? I'm not that easy." I tell my mom, ignoring how the end of the sentence sounds, thankful that she ignores it too, and we make our way back to the car to return home to see grandma.
________
After dinner, I retreat to the bedroom I'm sharing with my mom while she finishes cleaning up downstairs. I don't realize that I'm just sitting on my mom's bed lost in my own thoughts, playing with my fingers until my grandma knocks on the door, peeking her head in because it wasn't closed properly.
"Hi, baby." She says in a sad tone and I know it's because she can sense something's wrong with me. Jeni warned me about that too. I can't stop the smile emerging on my lips though. When she calls me 'baby', it simply reminds me of my mother.
"Hi, grandma. Thanks for dinner, it was delicious." I hug her when she sits on the bed next to me, placing a hand on my knee and I look at her. She gives me a small smile before she speaks, squeezing my knee in reassurance.
"You're more than welcome, sweetie. Now, what's wrong?" She asks and as I'm about to tell her about my so-called love life, I notice that I haven't even told her I'm into girls, and suddenly, for once in my life, I'm scared of someone else's reaction, someone elses opinion. Before I know it I'm falling into a panic attack, and my grandma panics too, which clearly doesn't help me.
"ALEX! ALEX!" My grandma yells for my mom and within seconds she's in the room, kneeling at my feet. The perks of being a star athlete, I think to myself as Jeri and Jen show up a few seconds after my mom, slightly out of breath. I notice their wide-eyed stares when they see I'm having a panic attack. I'm brought back to the problem at hand when I feel my mom taking my face in both of her hands and forcing me to look at her and only her.
"Focus on me, baby. Copy my breathing." She soothes me, and it takes almost ten minutes before my breathing starts to even out, I should be happy that I'm calm now but I'm lightheaded, and sleepy. "It's okay, baby. Get some sleep." I don't even argue with her, I basically pass out.
| Alex |
"What happened?" I ask my mom as we make it back to the kitchen, my sisters behind us. I need a glass of wine after that.
"I asked her what was wrong, she didn't answer, next thing I know she's having an attack. Are those normal for her?"
"They're...no. They only happen when she becomes extremely stressed." I tell my mom and I see the look of guilt on her face. She feels responsible. "It's not your fault, mom."
"It is, I shouldn't have asked her."
"You asked because you care about her, like a good grandmother." I hug my mother as she smiles and I'm happy my reassurance helps for once - Cody seems to be immune to most of my advice, my daughter is too stubborn for her own good.
"Do you know what's wrong with her, Alex?" I hear Jeri ask, as we all take a seat at the table we ate at when we were kids.
"Nothing is 'wrong' with her." I snap at my sister, becoming immediately defensive of my daughter. "Sorry. It's just...she's been through a lot."
"Like what?" My mom asks, and I look to see a determined glint in her eyes.
I spend the next hour explaining it all to my mom and sisters, who are in tears by the end of the story. Jeri is shaking with anger, something I haven't seen since we were kids and she had no release. She abruptly stands from the table, setting her wine glass down and leaves us without speaking a word.
"Will she be okay?" My mom asks. "Cody, I mean..."
"I think so, she's stubborn and determined."
"Geez, I wonder where she gets that from." Jen teases and I laugh at my sister, thankful that she eases the tension in the room, even if our mom doesn't laugh.
| Cody |
I wake up the next morning, I try and sit up to stretch but I'm weighed down. I search the bed, expecting to see Alex beside me but I'm left surprised when I see it's my Aunt Jeri. Her cheeks are tear stained, her hair and makeup a mess.
I wriggle out from her hold and sit up. I check my phone to see I have another three missed calls from Kristie. I sigh, almost freaking out when I hear a voice behind me.
"Who's 'Kristie'?" Jeri asks using air quotes. I didn't even know she was awake.
"Nobody important." I mumble, but I shouldn't be surprised when nobody in my family buys excuses like that, or the others such as 'I'm fine'.
I start to freak me out again as my Aunt just stares at me, not blinking, smiling like a creep.
"What?"
"You like her."
"Shh. Shut up" I phycially put my hands over her mouth and she laughs. I wait until she's quiet before I remove them.
"What's the big deal? If you like her, you like her." She shrugs but I just can't seem to verbally admit it, which messes with my mind. Groaning, I decide to let my frustrations out.
"Ive never cared before. About anything, but especially about...about being a lesbian. But now," I look at Jeri, she's watching me intently, there's something different about the way she looks at me that I can't quite place. "Now I have my family and I don't want to lose them."
"You're worried that we won't like you anymore because you're into girls?"
"Yeah." I mumble, my head dropping in shame. Shame, because for once in my life I'm not that prideful gay that I usually am (thanks to Jack), and because I know I'm judging my family.
"Honey...you know your mom is dating Tobin, right?" She asks, and I feel like an utter moron for how I reacted and it shows when I facepalm myself, making my Aunt laugh.
"Can I ask you something?"
"Anything." Jeri replies, pivoting her entire body to face me, giving me her full attention.
"It's about Kristie-"
"You want to know what to do" She states, as though she can read my mind, I nod, not trusting my words.
"Love is...complicated. You fight with the one you love, you hurt them, sometimes you even end up hating them, but if it's real then you'll always have that fight in you, you should hold on to that and never let it go. If it's meant to be with Kristie then it'll all work itself out. Don't close the door on her if you still have feelings for her. We're only talking about her and here you are, smiling brighter than you have done since I met you." My aunt points out, and I immediately wear my poker face as I feel the blush rising from my neck. "Is that what triggered your attack last night? You thought that we wouldn't accept you because you like girls?"
"Yeah." I admit, scratching the back of my neck.
"Come with me", Jeri grabs my hand, not giving me a chance to question her as she drags me out of the bedroom, down the steps towards the kitchen, where we find my mom and grandma chatting quietly, drinking coffee. When my mom sees me, she basically leaps from her seat, wrapping me up in a tight hug.
"Are you feeling better?"
"Yeah, mom. I'm good, thanks." When my mom lets go, Jeri pulls me towards my grandma, who looks guilty, sad and a little angry all rolled into one - I just don't know why.
"Hey, ma?" Jeri starts, not letting go of my hand. "Cody here has something she would like to tell you."
"I do?" I look to my aunt, deciding that she's definitely crazy when she turns to me, a wide grin on her face as she nods vigorously. She pushes me forward, closing the distance between my grandma and I. I hear my mom chuckle when she catches a glimpse of my confused face.
"I'm seeing rainbows." Jeri sings, hinting to me that I need to tell my grandma.
"Wow, okay, subtle." I roll my eyes at my aunt before I give my grandma my full attention. I take a deep breath, biting my lip as I can feel the climate shift in the room, everyone suddenly serious. "Grandma?"
"Yes, Cody?"
"I-I'm gay", I stutter as I try and rush the two simple words out of my mouth. The fact that my mom's dating Tobin doesn't seem to come into the equation - this is still the most nervous I've been in my life.
"Oh, honey." My grandma lifts my chin, forcing me to look at her. When I do finally look at her, she smiles softly at me. "I know.", She says, chuckling along with my mom and aunt.
"Am I that obvious?" I ask, not aiming the question at anyone, but the three women laugh at me anyway as they nod.
"Seriously? Cody you're like a walking rainbow flag.", Jeri states. I walk to my aunt, hugging her as I whisper a 'thank you' in her ear. If she hadn't pushed me to tell my grandma - literally - I might not have told her at all, I probably would have continued to feel suffocated.