"I went to school in drag, in art school and my day was completely different because everybody thought I was a chick. You should see me as a chick. So I went as a girl, as like an experiment and it worked really well and everyone was really nice to me but I couldn't talk obviously...you know train conductors were really cool to me on my commute...HA! I looked hot as a chick!"
― Gerard Way
part 1.
Nobody will notice. Come on, nobody even knows who you are anyway so don't worry. I repeated to myself as I waited at the station for the train.
I took a small mirror out of my school bag and checked to see if my make up was still okay. My eyes were circled with black eyeliner and a little bit of mascara a little lip gloss and blush also did the trick.
" Damn I really do look like a chick" I mumbled as I put the mirror back in my bag. The train finally rolled into the station and I got on, nothing unusual just the everyday routine with the other commuters.
"Hello young lady can I see your ticket please?" a train conductor smiled at me for the first time in forever. I smiled back awkwardly and handed him the ticket.
"You going off to school?"
I just nodded and stared out the window.
"Not very talkative are you?"
I gave him a half smile and stared at my black chuck tailors.
"Oh well have a nice day missy!" he gave me back the ticket and proceeded with his usual routine.
I let out a sigh and looked back out the window. Wow I can't believe I just got called missy I though to myself figuring out whether I liked that or not.
"Now approaching *** station. Next Stop *** station." said the muffled electronic voice as the train made it's way trough a tunnel.
There was still a ways to go.
I took out a pencil and my sketch pad from my bag and flipped trough it searching for a blank new page. The train came to a stop and some more people got on and off at the stop. After a minute or so we started moving again and I continued sketching random lines on the blank piece of paper hoping that they would turn into something.
When the train came to another stop I looked up from what had now become another superhero-ish looking guy wearing an arm cannon or something like that and stared at the people getting on the train. I liked to observe the people around me on the train, I liked studying their faces and their bone structures and the way they talked and acted. It was like I was a silent observer on the edge of reality just creepily staring at strangers and wondering whether they knew I was looking at them or not. A lot of times I'd sketch one of the other passengers just because I liked their nose or their elbows or stuff like that. You can get away with a lot of things when you're an artist.
The train was starting to get crowded and I wondered who would sit next to me today. I felt a pair of eyes stare at me from the crowd that had just shoved it's way into the tight train car. And there he was, the lucky winner of the empty seat where my bag was.
"Hey is this seat taken?"
I shook my head and moved my bag onto my lap avoiding any sort of eye contact or possibility of me actually looking interested in talking to him. I usually didn't have a problem if strangers talked to me but still I preferred being alone in the company of my own thoughts.
"Thanks" he gave me this goofy grin and sat down next to me.
He was kind of a small kid and couldn't have been more than 16 or 17. He must have been ditching school to meet up with friends in New York or something, it was Friday after all. I continued sketching in silence and drifted off into my own thoughts.
"So you like drawing?" he asked out of nowhere and it kind of freaked me out a bit because I wasn't expecting it. I nodded still not actually looking up at him.
"You're pretty good you know" he laughed and then I realized he had probably been staring at me for the past 5 minutes or s. I felt kind of awkward.
I turned my head a bit and gave him a weary smile then looked back down at the sketchbook letting my hair cover my eyes.
"So you go to School in New York? I'm guessing you go to art school or something?"
I paused for a moment and nodded. It wasn't like I didn't want to talk to him because he seemed like a nice kid, but if I talked I would blow my cover and probably creep him out. Even though I was wearing a large gray sweater that almost reached my knees and some black skinny jeans that might have been a bit too tight even for me, you really couldn't tell that I was a guy. Maybe it was the make up and hair almost down to my shoulders that did the trick I don't know but whatever it was it worked.
"Hey I like that super hero dude or whatever there! Has he got a name?"
I shrugged and looked at the drawing, then glanced over at his hands on his jean covered legs.
"I think he should be like Captain uh Blaster because of that like arm cannon he has and his like enemy is a zombie vampire uh alien mastermind or something"
he sounded like a kid who couldn't make up his mind and I couldn't help but shake my head and smirk a bit at what he just said. I knew he was just blurting stuff out trying to make conversation. He probably had no idea what he was talking about either.
He smiled too "Yeah okay that sounds pretty stupid but hey I'd probably read a comic book like that! I guess I like stupid things...sorry for interrupting you I'll leave you alone now I promise."
He gave me another grin and turned his head the other way towards the window.
I hadn't really had a good look at his face yet and from the corner of my eye all I could really see was his jawline. Now for someone who's had to draw a good amount of people and examined peoples facial features while they're talking instead of actually listening to what they're saying, I'd say his jawline was pretty damn perfect. I looked up a bit more to catch a quick glimpse of his face before he could notice me. He unzipped his dark green hoodie and reveled a Misfits t-shirt that looked almost exactly the same as the one I had. I think he noticed me staring at him because as soon as I was able to catch a glimpse of his green eyes he turned his head back towards me and smiled. I looked back down at my drawing and didn't dare look at him after that. I felt a bit disappointed. I kind of of wanted to talk to him but I couldn't.
Finally I was at my stop and I felt the tension roll off me as I put away my sketch pad and pencil and put my bag over my shoulder. I walked out onto the platform and checked my make up one more time and then started my walk to school.
I had gotten there earlier than usual since I decided to take the earliest train I could catch as to avoid anybody who could recognize me, so I put on my sunglasses to hide the make up and decided to head to the coffee shop right across the street, maybe without the obvious eyeliner they would just think I was a guy with a really long girly sweater. I could smell the sweet scent of roasted coffee beans and walked a bit faster as I neared the small building which produced the drink of the gods. You could say I was a bit of a coffee addict. I was just about to walk in the door when I heard a familiar voice behind me "Looks like we had the same stop!"
I turned around and there he was again, the 16/17 year old boy with ripped up jeans, Misfits t-shirt and perfect jawline.
Damn it.
How the hell was I supposed to order my coffee now?
I smiled and walked in with him. I guess he just had to find out I was actually a dude, well whatever I didn't know him and he didn't know me so the worst that could happen was he'd be confused and probably leave and I'd never see him again.
"You getting coffee?"
I nodded.
"Me too!" he laughed. There was that goofy smile again.
"Medium?"
I nodded again a bit unsure why he would even ask that.
"Cream and sugar?"
I raised and eyebrow and nodded a third time.
"Cool" he kept smiling.
We got to the counter and he ordered for the both of us, I wasn't really expecting that but at least I would be getting my sweet coffee now so I couldn't complain about that. I grabbed my wallet out of my bag but he stopped me just as I was handing the money to the girl behind the counter,
"No, I got this. It's on me" he winked and handed the money to the cashier before I even had the chance to protest. I mean come on I didn't even know his name and he was paying for me! I wondered if this was one of the perk of being a girl.
He told me to go sit down as he waited for the drinks. I felt kind of weird like I didn't deserve this coffee and that I should probably just run away before I got myself stuck further in this situation. But I really did need my morning dose of caffeine and hey on the bright side I got to save a couple of extra dollars to spend on comic books or something later. So I sat down at the table farthest away from the closest human being, I took off my cheap sunglasses, took out my sketchpad and armed myself with a pencil again as I waited silently.
"Here you go!" he sat in the seat in front of me and handed me my drink. I took a sip and felt the wonderful warm feeling of hot morning coffee.
I really needed to thank him for the gesture but I couldn't talk, so I just scribbled on the top of the page the words "thank you so much! You didn't have too..." and pushed it towards him,
"Haha don't worry no problem! You really aren't much of a talker now are you? Well anyway hi! Let me introduce myself. My name's Frank - he smiled and took a sip of his coffee - you?"
I hesitated for a moment and wrote the first name that came to mind,
"Hazel..." he read "... pretty! Like your eyes. Uh I mean the name it's uh yeah you're eyes they're hazel! Oh boy..." he tried to laugh off his embarrassment and drowned himself in coffee.
I just stared at him and I think I blushed a bit because I could tell he was trying to flirt even though he wasn't good at it. I finally smiled and scribbled down "sorry if I don't talk but I am transfer student not from here and my English speaking is not good" I pushed it towards him hoping he would believe this half assed excuse I had made up in the last 30 seconds. I added a couple of mistakes here and there to make it more believable.
"Oh man so you're not mute! Uh I mean sorry I uh just supposed since you haven't said anything you know...oh shit well I'm terrible at talking you can now walk away and I'll leave you alone forever for what I just said..."
He looked down at his coffee and I could see his face had turned slightly red. I examined him for a moment. He wasn't a bad looking kid actually, there was something about him that made him look innocent and cute like a ten year old boy yet still kind of handsome and mature (as much as a 16 year old can look mature of course). I just laughed a bit trying to sound as feminine as possible. He looked back up and me and that great smile of his was back.
"Sorry for my stupidity Hazel...Anyway you don't have to be shy about talking. Trust me I don't mind bad accents!"
I looked at him as to say: "Please don't make me talk" and took another a sip of my coffee.
"Uh well I guess it's not bad talking like this if you're more comfortable..."
I nodded and smiled as I bit my bottom lip.
"Even tough - he added between one sip of coffee and the next - I bet you have a beautiful voice."
I downed my coffee trying to avoid his gaze. I couldn't help but feel like I was totally leading this poor kid on.
"So where are you from?"
I wrote Belgium because it just seem to fit this character I had made up for myself. I asked (wrote) him the same question,
"Oh I'm from New Jersey. By the way what were you doing on the train this morning? Do you live in New Jersey or something?"
I fumbled for the pencil and jotted down in broken English that my cousin lived there and I was staying with her while I went to school here.
I didn't have to make up any more crap after that because he just started talking like there was no tomorrow about what to do and to see while I was here. He seemed so excited about it even though I already knew about everything he was talking about. He just rambled on and I nodded and smiled silently as I drank my coffee. I found this whole thing absolutely ridiculous but he was a somewhat charming kid so I played along.
After another 15 or so minutes of this odd one sided conversation interrupted by my short scribbled messages he got up from his seat and said he had to go meet some friends of his (just as I had suspected) and that I probably should head to class.
"It was a pleasure meeting you silent Hazel" he said with a grin as he shook my hand "how about you give me a call if you feel like hooking up again some time."
He quickly wrote down his phone number and with that big boyish smile still across his face he left the coffee shop.
"Bye" I said quietly as he walked out the door. I couldn't help but let out a sigh as soon as he was out of sight.
At least that's over. I though as I got up from my seat. I grabbed my notepad, pencil and bag and exited the coffee shop.
I really needed a smoke after that.