"My parents are gonna kill me," Cheryl was pacing back and forth in Toni's bedroom dressed in one of her large t-shirts that came down to her mid-thighs. Her contacts had been replaced by her glasses and her hair was up in a high ponytail, a few loose strands surrounding her face. Toni just watched as she paced around her small bedroom, unsure of how to calm her down. She had been fine for the first hour after she had picked her up from the restaurant. And now all of a sudden, she was in full panic mode.
"They're not gonna kill you, Cher," she leaned back on her hands, bare legs dangling off the edge of the bed from under her own large t-shirt.
"Toni, I walked out of a date with their business partner's son! Their business partners that, if they're not happy, won't invest their time or money in my grandfather's company," Cheryl started to bite at her nails nervously, wondering what she should do. She should go home, just claim that she didn't feel well, and take whatever punishment they gave her. But that wouldn't excuse her being so rude as to leave Nick hanging at the restaurant. "My father's seriously going to kill me," she hid her face in her hands, her body starting to tremble in fear.
"Hey, c'mere," Toni leaned forward, reaching for Cheryl's shirt to tug her in towards her, not stopping until her girlfriend was sitting with her knees on either side of her lap on the edge of the bed, "I don't know your parents. They sound like assholes, no offense. But they can't force you into anything with that guy. That's just...fucked up."
"I can't stand up to them, TT. I don't know what would happen," Cheryl bit her lip, shaking her head sadly. Toni brought a hand up to stroke her slightly bruised cheek gently, making her lean instinctively into her touch. The bruise was finally starting to fade, but what if she was left with more to cover by Sunday night?
"Well, you know you can always come here, babe. There might be a weekend every now and then when my uncle's back in town, but in that case, we'd find somewhere else to go." Cheryl just sniffled, nodding against the palm of her hand before leaning in to hug her tightly.
"It's all gonna be okay," Toni whispered, rubbing her back slowly. She really didn't know what to do. She didn't know if it was all gonna be okay or not. But she'd found herself so protective over Cheryl lately. Even at school, she'd been trying to distract her friends from targeting her so much. In subtle ways, of course. As horrible as she felt about it, she wasn't ready for whatever backlash she would face if she stood up to them in Cheryl's defense. She'd been the queen bee pretty much since elementary school. People feared her and worshipped her at the same time. But she was finally starting to realize that hurting Cheryl wasn't worth all the praise and adoration.
"Thank you," Cheryl whispered, pulling back to look at her as she wiped stray tears from her cheeks, "Sorry you have to put up with me and all my drama."
"I don't have to, I get to," the brunette smirked, kissing her lips gently, making Cheryl giggle before a yawn took over. "Did you wanna do something tomorrow?" she asked, laying back against the pillows. She pulled Cheryl down with her so she was hovering over her, still straddling her lap as red hair from her ponytail draped down to tickle the sides of her face.
"I think I should go home at some point. But only after I spend the day with you like I wanted," she bit her lip shyly, leaning down to kiss her again. She wasn't exactly scantily clad,
but she was remembering that this was the least dressed she'd ever been with Toni. At least in private. Something about that made a blush come up to her cheeks as she thought about what would have happened if she hadn't stopped Toni from going too far with her last weekend. The thought excited her, but she had no idea what to expect.
"Just let me know," Toni mumbled, running her hands up and down her girlfriend's sides over her large maroon t-shirt. "We should sleep now, though," she sighed, looking over at her alarm clock. It was getting close to midnight.
"I'm not tired," Cheryl shook her head, failing to stifle a yawn as she rubbed her eyes.
"Sure seems like you are, cutie," she smirked, pulling the comforter up to cover them after Cheryl laid down beside her. She flipped off her dim lamp and watched Cheryl take her glasses off, kissing her gently as the redhead tangled her legs with hers. "Night, Cher," she whispered, kissing her forehead.
"Night, TT," Cheryl mumbled back sleepily, snuggling up to her with another yawn. Maybe this was why she was never able to let Toni go; Why she had never given up on her. Toni was meant to be her knight in shining armor all along.
xxx
The bathroom was foggy as Cheryl stepped out of the shower, running a towel through her wet hair as she wrapped another around her waist. Toni had gone out to get a few movies from Blockbuster while the redhead stayed in, hoping to get the feeling of Nick St. Clair's gaze off of her. She breathed in the scent of Toni's cucumber melon body wash and sighed contently, wiping fog off the mirror so she could look at herself. Despite the faded bruises on her cheek, the girl in her reflection was practically glowing, radiating a happy energy that Cheryl had never felt before. It wasn't the same kind of happiness she felt when she was sitting in a booth at Pop's with Betty. It wasn't even the same happiness she felt playing tag in the back yard with Jason when they were kids. This was entirely new.
She held the towel to herself and walked back to Toni's bedroom, suddenly aware that the only clothes she had here her bra, dress, and underwear from last night. The bra she could re-wear, no problem. But that dress was way too uncomfortable and she wasn't about to wear yesterday's underwear again today. Biting her lip, she thought about her options, but it really came down to two: wearing Toni's underwear or not wearing any at all. She opted for the latter and searched her closet for something to wear, deciding on a loose pair of track pants and the hoodie Toni had worn on their first date. That night was just so...perfect. She replayed as much of the night as she could in her head as she pulled the yellow hoodie up over her damp hair, finding a random comb to get the snarls out.
But reality was setting in once again. She had to go home today and face her parents, and possibly the St. Clairs. Her muscles tensed noticeably and she let out a shaky breath, trying to focus on combing her hair instead of her impending doom. She heard the door to the trailer close not too far away and Toni's voice calmed her nerves a bit. She was paranoid enough to think that her parents had tracked her down and barged in.
"Hey, good lookin," Toni laughed quietly when Cheryl came out to see her, setting the VHS cases down on the table, "Raided my closet?"
"Sorry, I didn't have any other clothes besides that dress..." Cheryl rubbed her arm nervously.
"Babe, I was kidding," Toni chuckled, crossing the space between them to kiss her, "Wear whatever you want."
A bit of a relieved smile crossed Cheryl's pale face, brushing her lips against hers again in the comfortable silence of the small trailer. "What'd you get?" she flicked her tongue out over her lips after pulling back, tasting the mango flavored Lip Smackers Toni was wearing.
"I got Clueless, cause I haven't seen it since it was in theaters, and Hocus Pocus cause Halloween's coming up," Toni held up the cases for the tapes.
"I've never seen either of those," Cheryl shrugged with a shy smile. She had wanted to see Clueless, but her parents wouldn't let her go with Betty when she and her sister Polly had gone to the theater earlier this year.
"Better go get comfy on the couch, then, cause you're gonna see'em both today."
The redhead just nodded and went to the couch, sitting uncomfortably near the edge, almost as stiff as she had the first time she'd spent the night here. Toni was putting Clueless into the VHS player while Cheryl sat, twiddling her fingers uncomfortably on the couch. She wasn't used to not wearing anything under her pants, but the fact that she was bare under her girlfriend's pants was just embarrassing.
"You okay? You look tense," the brunette asked, coming to sit right up next to her on the couch.
"Yeah," her voice cracked from nerves and she avoided eye contact at all costs as her cheeks flamed up. Why did her pale complexion always have to betray her?
"Cher, come on, you can tell me. Did I do something wrong?" Toni frowned, pausing the VCR during the first preview and turning to her on the couch.
She shook her head slowly. "It's just...I-I didn't h-have any...um..."
"What?"
"The only underwear I had was from yesterday," she whispered, ashamed and mortified.
"So what, did you just put on some of mine?" Toni shrugged, looking at her confused when she shook her head no. "Are you wearing anything?" her eyebrow quirked up curiously, her usual devious smirk breaking out onto her face when Cheryl shook her head again, cheeks burning brighter. "Damn, that's hot," she teased, poking her side.
"What?" the redhead turned to her with a look of utter shock.
"You going commando while you're wearing my clothes," she chuckled, flicking her tongue out over her lips. But Cheryl just faced forward again, her face almost as red as her hair. "Cher, I'm just kidding. It's not a big deal, you don't have to be embarrassed," Toni shook her head and leaned in to kiss her flushed cheek, feeling the heat under her lips before the redhead ducked her face into the crook of her neck. She rubbed her back with a bit of a giggle and pulled Cheryl to lay back against the cushions with her, pressing play on the remote as her girlfriend laid against her chest.
Cheryl just felt her tensed muscles relax as she laid against her, feeling her embarrassment wash away as the movie started. She'd been wanting to see this movie for a while, but she was finding it so hard to pay attention when Toni's hand was rubbing up and down her back over the hoodie she was wearing. It was comforting, but Cheryl found that with each downward stroke of Toni's hand, her fingers inched closer and closer to the back of her black track pants. By the time her pink polished fingernails reached the elastic waistband, Cheryl's heartbeat was pounding in her ears, her whole body covered in a flush, though her face was the only part that was exposed.
That feeling was back. She wondered if the tightly tied knot in her stomach would ever come undone. It was always there, even if she couldn't feel it. She could only feel the tightening pull of it when she was around Toni. And it always came with a quickening heartbeat and a clouded mind. It was a feeling she couldn't explain, but she wasn't sure if anyone would understand.
"You okay?" Toni asked quietly, pausing the movie.
Cheryl was silent at first, wondering if she should tell her. Maybe she sometimes felt the same thing. But what if she didn't and Toni thought she was some kind of freak for it? "I just feel...weird," she mumbled, not looking at her.
"Weird how?"
She sat up a bit, her knees on either side of her girlfriend as she took a shaky breath, unsure of what to say. "Do you ever feel like you just have a giant knot in your stomach?"
"Explain," Toni furrowed her brow as she sat up against the arm of the couch, leaving Cheryl straddling her shins.
She took a deep breath, unsure of how to do that. "Just...sometimes I feel like there's a giant knot right here," she placed a hand against her abdomen, "And my heart starts beating really fast and I get kind of lightheaded. It only happens around you, but not all the time. I felt it when we were...in the car last weekend...and I felt it when I saw you and Veronica in the locker room." She averted her gaze, completely embarrassed.
"And you were feeling it just now?" Toni quirked an eyebrow at her, lips pressing into a tight line when Cheryl nodded. She knew exactly what she was talking about, but this poor, naive girl had no idea what she was feeling. "It's a dull kind of ache, right? But strong enough to make it so you can't focus on anything else? And sometimes it bugs you at night when you're trying to sleep?"
"Yeah," Cheryl nodded quickly, surprised that Toni knew what she was talking about. She thought she was just broken, "Do you feel that too sometimes?"
"Yeah, it's called being horny," Toni chuckled, watching Cheryl breathe a nervous laugh and wring her hands together, but she could tell that the redhead had no idea what she was talking about. She should have known, considering she came from such a religious household and didn't really have friends outside the church. "It's your body telling you that you need some release. Usually being with someone or thinking about something that turns you on is gonna make you feel like that until you give your body what it wants."
Why had no one ever told her about this? She'd been struggling with this for years, and she was just now learning about it from her girlfriend. "Oh...so that feeling is like a...a s-sex thing?" she asked timidly. She wasn't ready for that.
"I mean I guess, but you don't have to have sex to make the feeling go away," Toni shrugged. How was she making this sound so simple? "Didn't you take that sex ed course in eighth grade?"
"My parents wouldn't sign the permission slip," the redhead rubbed her arm nervously, her fingers twitching.
"Probably would've cleared a lot of things up if they had," Toni smirked, pulling her forward until she was straddling her lap again. Cheryl's breath caught in her throat and her face was on fire as Toni took her hands. "So...you've never touched yourself? Or had an orgasm?"
"I-I guess not," she whispered. Her mouth was getting dry.
"You guess not?"
"I mean, if I have, I wasn't aware of it. Sometimes that feeling just goes away after a while."
"You would know if you have, trust me," Toni chuckled, tucking hair behind Cheryl's ear. Her cheeks were literally hot from the blush that covered her face and neck. "It's nothing to be embarrassed about. What's got you feeling that way right now?"
"I don't know," she mumbled, looking down at the minimal space between them, "I started feeling it when you were rubbing my back and your hand just kept moving lower...that and the fact that I'm not wearing anything under these pants..." her face was still bright pink as she pushed her glasses up her nose. "And when you said it was hot, I just..." she trailed off with a shrug. At this point she was more embarrassed about being so uneducated on all this than the fact that she'd gotten turned on in the first place.
"Well it is hot," Toni smirked, laughing when Cheryl gently smacked her shoulder, "But I didn't mean to get you so worked up. I know you're not ready for that."
"I'm sorry I don't know more about any of it," she mumbled.
"I didn't expect you to, honestly. But you're human, Cher, it's all natural," Toni leaned up to kiss her, holding her warm cheeks in her hands. "In fact," she started after pulling back, though it wasn't followed by anything. She just eased Cheryl off her lap and got up, retreating to her bedroom and leaving Cheryl alone to process. But she came back not too long after, sitting back on the worn out couch and handing Cheryl a little paperback book.
"What's this?"
"It's a book they gave us to take home in sex ed. It's probably got most of your answers in there if there's anything you don't feel comfortable asking me."
She still had no idea how Toni could be so calm about this. Her mother always made sex out to be some huge, life-changing ordeal. But the elder Blossom also never failed to remind Cheryl that it was something that was only to be shared between a married man and woman. "Thanks," the redhead whispered, looking over the cover before putting it down on the coffee table. She was definitely going to have to give that a read tonight, "Can we start the movie over? I was kind of distracted."
"Already on it," Toni chuckled, hitting the stop and rewind buttons on the remote.
xxx
Cheryl's leg bounced anxiously under the table at Pop's. She had called Betty from Toni's and asked her to meet her at the little diner where Toni had subtly dropped her off. She was back in her uncomfortable dress and woolen cardigan from last night, waiting to see the blonde's car in the parking lot. While she did miss Betty and felt the need to catch up with her, the main reason she had called on her was so that she had someone to take her home. And she hoped that Betty would stay with her for a little while at her house. That would at least keep her parents' true colors at bay.
She sighed with relief when Betty's car pulled up, watching her get out and make her way into the diner. She waved her hand to get her attention and smiled when her best friend practically skipped over her to see her, ponytail bouncing behind her.
"Hey, I feel like I haven't seen you in forever!" Betty gushed, sitting down in the booth, claiming the vanilla milkshake Cheryl slid over to her.
"Betty, we saw each other yesterday at lunch," the redhead chuckled, sipping at her strawberry shake.
"Yeah, but that was with Archie. We haven't hung out just the two of us in a while."
"Yeah, you're right. How have you been? Are things going better with your parents?"
"Not really. My dad's pretty much made a room for himself in the basement," Betty rolled her eyes, "And my mom just cries all the time."
"Do you think they're gonna get a divorce?"
"No, they just pray a lot that things will work out." Cheryl bit the inside of her cheek. She knew that divorce was considered an abomination in the church, but what was the point in staying in a loveless marriage?
"I hope they manage."
"Me too. What about you, anything new in your world? I feel like you're never around anymore," Betty chuckled, leaning her elbows on the table.
"Nothing new, really. Just trying to keep up with school work and stuff," she shrugged.
"What about Toni?"
She nearly choked on her milkshake at the mention of her girlfriend's name. "What about Toni?"
"Is she as much of a witch as usual? I know I've been pairing you guys up a lot for the paper, I was kind of hoping it would get you talking to ease the tension," Betty furrowed her brows.
"Oh, um...I mean she's not awful, I guess. She's tolerable," she twirled her hair around her pale finger, fidgeting a bit in her seat. Toni wasn't just tolerable. Cheryl craved her presence almost all the time lately.
"Better than her giving you grief all the time. I wish she had just joined the mathletes. Even though she's a halfway decent photographer, I still hate having her around," Betty stared into her shake, swirling it around with her straw. Cheryl had to bite her tongue. She couldn't defend Toni like she wanted to. Betty would think she was crazy to defend her anyways, considering how miserable Toni had made her previously. "So," Betty started, changing the subject, "Spill the beans. You met somebody."
"Uh, what?" she felt her cheeks flaming up again.
"Come on, Cheryl. I've seen you smile more this week than I've seen you smile in the past few years. Not to mention your face turned bright pink when I brought it up," Betty giggled. Figures her pale skin would betray her yet again. "So come on, who is he?"
He. At least Betty didn't suspect anything about Toni.
"I can't tell you," Cheryl bit her lip, tucking hair behind her ear.
"Can you tell me about him?" Betty pried with an excited grin.
Maybe that could work. She could get all her feelings for Toni out into the open without really letting her secret out. "Okay, but you can't tell anyone okay?"
"Cross my heart," Betty dragged her fingertip across her pink sweater in an X formation.
"He's..." she started out, taking a deep breath as a smile came over her face, "Amazing. Like, so amazing that I can't believe he exists."
"Ugh, that's so cute. How long have you been dating?" Betty leaned in, intrigued.
"We made things official last Saturday. That was our first date. We went to Sweetwater River and just sat in the car and talked and kissed. And towards the end of the night, he took me to the river's edge and asked me to be his girlfriend. He said if he could be brave enough to put his feet into the freezing cold water, he could be brave enough to ask me to be his girlfriend," she blushed at the memory. She hoped she wasn't slipping on any of the pronouns. But Betty looked so enthralled in the story, she must not have slipped yet.
"That's so romantic," she held a hand over her heart, "So you've kissed him?"
"Mmhm," she nodded, biting her lip, making the blonde squeal with excitement.
"When do I get to meet him?"
"Well, we don't want anyone to know we're dating yet. My parents wouldn't exactly approve," she muttered, "That's actually one of the reasons I called and asked you to meet me here."
"What do you mean?"
Cheryl sighed deeply and pushed her glasses up her nose. "My parents set me up with the son of these people that are visiting from New York," she left out the details. Betty didn't need to know that her father was doing deals on the side of being the beloved pastor. "We went out last night and he was just so...gross and creepy, I was really uncomfortable with just being there. So I called T-...my boyfriend from a payphone to come get me and I completely bailed on the date without the guy knowing."
"So what does that have to do with me coming here?" Betty's eyebrows knit together in confusion.
"Well, I spent the night at his house, and-"
"Cheryl!" Betty's jaw dropped in surprise.
"No, no, it was nothing like that!" she shook her head, "I just wanted to spend time with him. But if he took me home, my parents would find out. So I was gonna see if you could take me home and help me come up with something to tell my parents so they don't get mad."
"I don't know, Cheryl, you want me to lie to Pastor Blossom?"
"It wouldn't be a lie, just...a story. Betty, I'm asking because you're my best friend. I really want things to work out with him. I don't want my parents getting in the way of it."
Betty sat, deep in thought for a minute while Cheryl wondered what her answer would be. Without Betty's help, she didn't know what she would do. "Okay fine," she sighed, sending a wave of relief through the redhead. "But one condition. You tell me his name."
"First name only," Cheryl haggled.
"Fine."
"Fine," she had to scour her brain for an idea quickly. "His name is...Tommy."
"Does he go to our school?" Betty smirked, but Cheryl just shook her head.
"You said one condition, and you got it."
"Ugh, fine. But you've gotta tell me more about him sometime."
"I will. Just not right now while things are so new."
Betty nodded and sipped at her shake. Cheryl wanted to tell the world about her and Toni. But now just wasn't the right time.