TW: Self derogatory thoughts, mentions of suicide.
"So go ahead, then! Do it! Tell everyone that you helped write letters pretending to be a kid who killed himself!"
The words struck him like a knife. It embedded it's way into his skin, past his rib cage, straight into his heart. It stung worse than what he would imagine. It was worse than a gunshot to the stomach, because this would stay for the rest of his life.
He knew Evan would never appreciate him for what he did, no matter how much he tried. No matter what he did, Evan would take it with a, "Thanks Jared," and give a twenty dollar bill in return.
Is that all he was to him? A piece in Evan's twisted game? A phrase in his essay of lies, that far exceeded the world limit?
Probably.
"Fuck you, Evan! Asshole!"
He couldn't think of anything else to say. Evan had taken him, shoved him in his mouth, chewed him up, spit him out, and looked at him with distaste. Jared was never good enough for him. He never would be. He knew it.
He stormed away, back to his own house, rain splattering on the pavement in crystals like clear missiles. Every drop seemed to sting to him. They made his head ache, every touch making his skin seem to crawl.
Maybe Evan was right. Maybe he was holding on to this because he didn't have any other friends. Maybe he was holding onto this fake idea of a friendship because Evan was the only one who didn't look at him with disgust aid he even looked at them. Maybe he was holding on because he thought Evan was different; that he actually cared about Jared.
Evan didn't care about anyone but himself.
Evan pulled those poor Murphy's into his twisted lie. He made them believe in something. He made them believe that their son was a good person; someone who actually deserved to be remembered.
Connor Murphy was nothing but a no good, piece of shit who stole his only friend from him, even after he died. The only connection he and Evan ever had was when he pushed him in the hall, and signed his cast. Even then, Connor still yelled at Evan.
Yet he gets all the credit. He was the only one there for Evan. He was the only one who cared about him. He was the one who saved Evan on that day in the park.
At least that's how the story goes.
But the story is fucking wrong.
Connor Murphy threatened to kill Evan on more than one occasion, Jared even more so. Even the playful banter was one sided as soon as Connor got defensive, and Jared would always protect Evan when things got ugly.
Yet, since he killed himself, he gets painted in the best lighting. He was a misunderstood, good, troubled person.
No, Connor Murphy was the reason Evan just told him how absolutely useless he was.
And it killed him, because he knew Evan was right. He always pushed him away, thinking it'd be better for him.
"It keeps you sharp," Jared would say. "I'm only rude so you expect the worse in people and you're always pleasantly surprised."
"No," Evan would always reply. "You're rude because you're an ass."
And maybe he was. Maybe Jared was nothing more than a douchebag by kid who insisted on making an inappropriate joke every five seconds. Maybe he was just some useless kid who takes cash for doing illegal things regarding a computer. Maybe he was nothing at all.
At least, to Evan, he was.