Coasts - Oceans
ISABELLA
In life, we tend to pre plan everything. As a child, we are asked what we want to be when we grow older. We are then, in a sense, expected to keep that preconceived idea of "what we want to be" and then live that out. Our whole life plan is practically chosen and decided in first grade because clearly you know what you want at six years old.
As we grow older, those preconceived plans change and morph into completely different hopes and plans. Our dreams change and become something brand new. It's only a small few of individuals that truly know what they want to do with their life - may those people be dancers, actors or musicians. I envy those people. The ones who just know what they want in life. Not only do they know, but they chase after it.
I look at my life and wonder where did it all change. When did I decide that I no longer wanted to be a vet (because I loved puppies) but instead wanted to pursue business. Was it my own preconceived plan to follow in my fathers footsteps (and ultimately be unhappy)? That seemed a bit far fetched, but then again, who am I to say otherwise. I was, after all, planning my own business.
"Alright baby," his deep voice speaks through the small cell phone speaker, breaking me from my thoughts. "I'm going to go walk this little fucker."
I hold back my giggles as I listen to Harry struggle. For a man who kept to himself, he was quite the volunteer. I'm still surprised that he agreed to dog sit this week. Not that I was complaining; I love puppies.
"Be nice!" I giggle into the line. He grunts, a few curse words escaping his mouth.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll be nice. Go rest alright?" I smile at his attempts to calm me down.
"Alright."
"Night babe."
"Night H," I wait patiently for Harry to hang up before I set my phone back down on my desk. As grateful as I am for the short distraction, I needed to get this sorted.
My desk is full of scribbled pieces of paper and business textbooks from a local library. Over the past few hours, I have tried to piece together a somewhat concise business plan. I didn't realize how frustrating it is (and especially, how time consuming) to create one. Every time I thought I had it all figured out, I found a minor flaw in the plan. This then causing me to rewrite the whole thing. For someone who had a bachelors degree in Business, I sure wasn't showing it.
Harry's words replay in my mind. Take a break. Have a bath. I pick up my phone from my desk and check the time. It was already twenty past eight at night. I guess I could close the text books and notebooks.
My limbs ached as my arms stretched out. I could feel the knots in my back loosen as I moved from side to side. The pull of the stretch feeling almost intoxicating. My loose fitted pants and oversized sweater cling to my frame. In one swift motion, I pull my hair up and tie it into a bun. Was it pathetic that I was already ready to go to sleep? Perhaps, I was turning into a ninety year old woman and not twenty-three.
"She lives!" Jaz jokes from the couch as I emerge from my bedroom. I make my way over to the living room, collapsing on top of the adjacent couch. Ben chuckles beside Jaz. I had almost forgotten about Ben.
From where I sit, I observe him. The resemblances between him and Harry were almost uncanny. How I hadn't put two and two together before is almost embarrassing. I was usually pretty quick to notice things, yet I had completely failed to notice that Ben was practically Harry's older looking twin. His hair was a curly mess on top of his head. His eyes not as vibrant of a green; specks of yellow made his eyes look almost cat-like. His features were less prominent than Harrys, but still rather attractive. Whatever is in their genes, I'm quite jealous.
"Are you done checking my boyfriend out?" I snap out of my thoughts, my cheeks heating in embarrassment. I look over at Jaz, who's lips are curved into a cheeky smirk.
"I wasn't checking him out," I stutter slightly. My body feeling increasing awkward as Ben laughs out loud.
"Sure you weren't. You're dating his brother. You already have your own Styles boy, no need to steal mine." She gives me a quick wink, her lips quirked into a small smirk.
Instinctively, my eyes roll at her. This only causing her lips to fully form into a smirk. "Shut up."
Ben and Jaz laugh. I sit up from my seat, my hands reaching forward to steal a few cookies from their plate. "Hey!" Jaz swats my hand away but I still manage to keep the cookies in my grasp. "I made those for Ben."
"Too bad!" I take a big bite from the cookie, my eyes rolling back in pure delight. "Damn these are delicious."
"I know. I made them myself."
I look at her in awe. "You. You actually made these?"
"Yes, Izzy. I am actually capable of making something."
"With a stove? Like, a real stove? Not an Easy-Bake oven?"
"Ha. Ha. Ha." She takes a bite from her own cookie, her eyes giving me a playful glare.
I finish my bite, savouring it to it's last crumb. "All I'm saying is, for a girl who orders take out almost every night because she is incapable of actually cooking something... these are damn good."
"Baking is easier than cooking," she retorts.
"I guess."
I divert my attention to the television screen. They had been in the middle of watching The Karate Kid, the 1980's version. "Good movie," I comment.
Ben looks over at me, as massive grin plastered on his lips. "This is the best 80's movie. Hands down." His eyes grow in excitement, his lips quirking upwards. "Wax on, Wax off is iconic."
We continue to watch the movie in silence, with the exception of Ben's enthused comments here and there. By the time the movie ends, it's close to ten at night. Jaz sits up from her seat, her hands stretching above her head.
"That was good," she sighs. Ben nods in agreement, his eyes still focused on the rolling credits.
I sit up from the couch. My eyes begin to droop from tiredness. "I think I'm going to head to bed."
"But the night is still young," Ben comments. His eyes now focusing on Jaz and I.
"I'm an old lady, Benton. I need my solid eight hours."
"How are you dating my brother," he laughs. "The guy is practically nocturnal."
"Opposites attract?"
"That must be it."
I begin to walk towards my bedroom, my pace growing increasingly slower. With each step that I make, my feet drag reluctantly behind. "Oh, wait!"
Jaz's loud voice wakes me from my sleepwalking. I look over at her, her lips turned upward into an excited grin. "I almost forgot to tell you," she begins. "I'm having a small get together here at the flat. Sunday night. Invite Harry, yeah?"
I nod my head slowly, my eyes growing heavier with each minute that passes. "Sure, I'll run it past him."
"Good."
Before I close my door, a thought comes to mind. "Wait!" Jaz looks at me from her spot in the kitchen. "Will Chase be here?"
She shoots an awkward glance towards Ben, who's eyes divert towards the now black TV screen. "Uh," she looks back at me her brows furrowing slightly. "Yeah. He'll be here. Is that alright?"
I take a moment to think it over. Is it alright? I suppose so. I couldn't help but silently pray that Harry wouldn't do or say anything stupid towards him. The last thing that I'd want to happen, is for Harry to get into a disagreement (or worse, fight) with Chase about me. "I guess so. I mean, I can't really say no. He's your friend."
Jaz looks slightly uncomfortable. She glances at Ben once more before looking back at me. "We can tell him not to come. I completely understand."
"No, it's fine," I sigh. I make my way over to her. Her fingers playing absentmindedly with the cookie tray in her hands. "It's whatever with us. I don't talk to him, he doesn't talk to me. The guy was an ass. He completely played me... but it is what it is. I'm with Harry. Not him. I don't care if he comes."
She looks at me skeptically. Her eyes searching mine for any signs of falsity. "I mean it, Jaz. It's fine." I assure her, my voice sounding more confident than I even intended.
She stares at me one more time before her face softens, "Alright. If you say so."
"I do."
Ben walks over to where we are standing in the kitchen. His arm wraps around Jaz's waist, pulling her closer to his body. She leans into his touch while he bends down, and kisses the top of her head. "I was thinking," Ben says.
"That's never a good thing," Jaz jokes, earning a small jab to the side from Ben. This entices a loud giggle and a flinch, earning Ben a smack on the shoulder. "I was joking."
Ben laughs, a similar dimple surfacing on his cheek. It wasn't on the same cheek as Harry's, but instead on the opposite. It was truly frightening how similar they both looked. "As I was saying, I was thinking." He pauses to grab a cookie from the table and takes a bite. After swallowing the bite he continues to talk. "Since you're dating Harry, maybe the four of us should go on a double date."
I quirk an eyebrow up at him. The thought never crossed my mind before. I suppose it was because I knew how dysfunctional Ben and Harry's relationship was. "A double date?"
"Yeah. Would Harry be up to it?"
"I don't know," I say slowly.
I look at Jaz who looks at me with a small smile on her lips. She nods enthusiastically at the suggestion, "That's a great idea! We should. Tomorrow night perhaps? It is a Saturday night after all."
My eyes flutter from Ben to Jaz, and back to Ben. They each look at me expectantly, awaiting my answer. Biting the edge of my lip, I shift from side to side uncomfortably, my hand scratching the back of my neck. "I - um, I will ask Harry."
Ben nods and finishes up his cookie. "Cool. Let us know tomorrow afternoon so we can book a reservation somewhere."
I give him a nod before bidding them goodnight.
Once I walk back into my bedroom, my phone begins to vibrate. I open it to see a text from Harry: I may kill this dog. I hope you rested. Get some sleep babe. H. xx
My lips curve automatically into a big smile. It was the little things that Harry did that made me so happy. Even just a small text like this made my whole day brighten. I quickly send him a reply.
I did- watched a movie with Ben and Jaz. Hey, I have a question for you...
I press send and wait patiently for his reply. A few minutes later my phone buzzes.
Go on now.. ha.
I shake my head, a smile painted on my lips. I quickly type out a reply: Jaz and Ben want to go for dinner tomorrow .. are you able to?
Minutes pass as I wait for Harry's reply. What feels like hours my phone buzzes.
God, if we have to. I'd rather not.
I reply instantly, I think it'd be a good idea.
Fuck. Fine. Only for you, baby.
My heart flutters at the pet name. Something I'd never grow tired of.
Thank you! You're the best. I'll make it up to you.
Yeah. You will.. be naked in my bed for twenty-four hours straight. I laugh at his response but feel my cheeks blush too.
We'll see. Goodnight xxxxx
Goodnight baby, sweet dreams. xx H.
-
The day goes by incredibly fast. Saturdays usually did. As I got ready for the double date, the butterflies flutter inside of my stomach.
I look at the mirror and contemplate what to do with my hair. Indecisiveness was always my worst enemy. Deciding to keep my hair natural, I leave it wavy. My make up is kept simple. I swipe some rose tinted lip gloss across my lips and spray myself with some perfume.
Jaz and Ben had decided to keep the date simple: a movie and dinner. A classic choice but it'd do.
I throw on a long sleeved, red and white striped dress. It's a bit baggy, making it the ideal dress for the movies. With a pair of tights and a brown coat, I grab my purse and walk out of my room.
Jaz is sitting on the couch. She struggles to lace up her boots. A string of curse words are muttered under her breath as she does so. "Damn it. Why must cute shoes always be a bitch to put on."
"Because beauty is a bitch," I laugh. She rolls her eyes but manages to finish up the task.
We sit on the couch, our shoes on and coats buttoned. "They should be here soon," Jaz comments as she puts her phone back in her purse. Minutes continue to pass. I increasingly grow impatient.
"Where are they?"
As if on cue, a loud knock echoes from our front door. "Finally."
We walk towards the entrance. The clanking of our boots echoing as we walk. Jaz opens the front door. The sight in front of us is made for magazines. Ben and Harry stand at the door.
My eyes automatically meet Harrys. He looks irritated - but that was nothing out of the ordinary. He seemed to always look that way whenever he was with Ben. I bite on my lip to suppress my giggles. My eyes sweep over his body. Harry was attractive. Too attractive, if you asked me. His dark skinny jeans, white button up shirt (that he managed to only button half way), and leather jacket made him look like a greek god. Or a James Dean. A James Dean Adonis? Was that a thing...
"Finally you guys made it!" Ben wraps his arms around Jaz, pulling her into his arms. She squeals, not expecting his quick movements. He gives her a long kiss. I feel awkward standing there but am soon shaken from my thoughts when two strong hands wrap around me.
Harry's cologne engulfs my senses. His cold fingers slip under my jacket, bringing me closer to him. "Hey baby," he whispers against my lips before he eliminates the distance between us. The kiss isn't quick but not too long. I slip a hand in his curls to deepen the kiss, but a loud cough breaks us up.
"No PDA," Jaz giggles. I shake my head but still laugh with her. Harry grunts under his breath but pulls away from me. Automatically, my body feels cold without his touch. Almost as if he could sense my discomfort, he slips his hand into mine. I look down at his tattooed covered wrist and ring clad hand. My own hand looks dainty and feminine in comparison.
"Let's go, yeah?" Ben asks us, his own hand placed at the base of Jaz's back. I look up at Harry, his face cold and his mouth in a firm line. I give his hand a quick squeeze. He looks down at me, his cold expression warming up. His lips quirking up into a small smile.
"Yeah, let's go," he says in response, his eyes not leaving mine as he does so.
-
"That film was great!" Jaz gushes as we step out of the cinema. Her fingers are interlocked with Ben's. He smiles down at her as she rambles on about how "amazing" the movie had been.
"It was terrible," Harry grunts. I nudge him with my shoulder and give him a playful glare. He shakes it off. His arm wraps around my waist, pulling me closer to him as we walk.
"No way! It was so good."
"Did we watch the same movie? Aliens and zombies? Is it still fucking 2012? That shit is so overdone."
Ben bites his lip to hold back his laugh. I fail in my own attempts and laugh with him. Jaz looks offended but shakes her head. "Agree to disagree," she smiles at Harry. He looks at her, a ghost of a smirk on his lips.
"Yeah, whatever." I can tell that he is fighting the urge to be nice to her. I knew going into this date that he felt awkward being around Jaz and Ben. He had voiced his issues with me all day prior to tonight. But, it was safe to say that I was proud of him and his efforts.
Dinner hadn't been as awkward as I thought it was going to be. We had decided to grab something before the movie, that way we could go and do our own things afterwards. I was not going to deny that suggestion. I wanted to spend the night with Harry. It's been almost a month since we had decided to officially be together. Thus far, it has been amazing. Challenging. Different. We've been taking it slow. Almost too slow. I could tell that Harry was getting impatient, that he was ready to take our relationship to a more physical level. Yet for some reason, I'd been pushing it off. Maybe it's because my heart isn't ready yet or maybe it's because the last person I slept with was Chase. Either way, I think I was ready.
I craved Harry. My heart, soul and body craved every inch of him. Not having that physical contact with Harry was almost unbearable.
"Wanna go back to my place?" He asks me. I look up at him. His eyes show signs of hopefulness.
"Yes. Let's go." Harry smiles at me before turning towards his brother. Harry let's go of my hand and walks towards Ben.
"Uh, this was good." Ben says, his voice awkward. Harry's hand pulls tightly on the ends of his hair as he runs them through it.
"Yeah."
"Are you going to mums for Easter? That's coming up in a few weeks." I hear Ben say to Harry. I look at Jaz who smiles up at me, a knowing look in her eyes. Harry looks over at me and back at Ben.
"Maybe."
"Bring Izzy."
"Maybe."
I huff quietly at his short answers. I watch in silence as they stand in front of one another. Ben steps in forward but takes another step back, bringing his arms up and back down. "Bye," Harry nods once before turning around and walking back to me. I look at the slight hurt in Ben's eyes but he quickly wipes it away.
"Yeah. Bye."
Harry wraps his hand in mine and pulls him with him. I smile at Jaz and Ben, mouthing a quick thank you. We walk in silence towards Harry's car, slipping inside. My stomach is a mess of butterflies and nerves as we make our way back to his apartment. Harry's hand reaches over the console and rests on my knee. I look up at him but his eyes are still focused on the road in front of us. I smile at him and turn my head towards the window. He squeezes my knee once and sighs, "I really like you."
I laugh lightly, "I like you too."