Emma's POV
my phone has been keeping me occupied for the past hour. i check the time in the corner of the screen and set my phone face down on the couch.
i circle around the kitchen table, debating on what i should do with myself.
my thoughts were interrupted by ellie calling me. i forgot we had still never met up.
"hey bitch" i start.
"hi! i know we had to cancel the trip or whatever.."
"oh yea!"
"when is the next time you can fly?"
"umm i'll have to look, I do it right now and text you."
"okay bye girdie!"
"bye girdieee!" i hang up the phone. i start scrolling to find a flight to arizona. i text ellie a screenshot. tomorrow at 11:00 am.
i take my phone and go upstairs to pack my bag. my room was a fucking mess. my clothes had been thrown on the floor. hangers scattered everywhere.
my room was an accurate representation of my life right about now. but my room isn't what i was worried about.
since i was only planning on being there for a full day or two, i try not to stress.
i hear the doorbell ring. i hold the railing the way down the stairs. i wondered who was at the door. at this point, it could be anyone. after unlocking the door, i could easily tell who it was.
"hey kitty girl."
yup, james. pretty obvious if you couldn't tell.
"hey sister," i reply.
he makes himself comfortable and sits on the couch. i look down at him and give him a confused look.
"bitch what are you doing here," i shut the door, locking it quickly.
"i can't sister hang out?" he asks, concerned about my facial expressions.
"you can but i was packin— whatever."
"where you going?" he asks, scrolling through his phone, not paying attention to me at all.
"visiting ellie..." i raise my voice a little. i wasn't pissed, i just thought he was ignoring me or some shit.
"cool," he finds himself looking at his phone again, "how's sister ethan." he looks at me and winks.
"i don't know...you should ask him." i ask. that's why he came over. makes sense to me.
"i'm just joking, you know?" he turns his phone off. "sister sarcasm."
"whatever..." i cross my arms and look towards him. he noticed my face and begins to talk. "we're not dating...sister. don't start this shit.."
"chill emma, what's up with you?" he asks.
i unfold my arms and grab a water.
"nothing...i'm fine." i take a sip of smartwater. "water?" i grab another bottle from the fridge.
"sure sister." i toss the water over to him. it fails and crashes onto the ground.
"good catch bitch.." i sat sarcastically.
he scoffs. "don't be fucking rude." i laugh at him. "spooky season is almost here and OMG we have to do a sister squad video!"
"yea that would be...fun and fresh."
"love that for us." he responds back.
as much fun that seems, it would be kind of weird. going in front of a camera, being the same way i was in the other videos with grayson, ethan and james. before anything had happened.
it wasn't going to be the same. i couldn't say no. james has already hinted it to fans and seemed super happy about it.
i loved james so much. but i kept keeping all these secrets from him. it's not that i don't trust him. it was just scary to think about. kept me up at night. we joke around a lot and being serious and real around james about ethan, made me sick to my stomach. how would he react? would he be mad if i told him about our relationship?
we've kept it a secret and just randomly telling him would definitely piss him off. i mean, i wouldn't be happy either if my best friend randomly told me she/he had a significant other and had been hiding it from me. i would feel betrayed, and alone.
this had been eating a me for the longest time. i snap out of my thoughts and make sure he hadn't been watching me have a mental breakdown in my head. nope, texting someone. normal shit to me.
i walk over to the couch and take a seat next to him. i rest my head on his shoulder as he types away.
we start to talk. and talk. and talk even more. i haven't talked to james in person for awhile and it felt good to. i could really be myself. the "myself" that i really was minus all the bullshit.
soon the conversation shifts over to the video we planned to do a few months ago. we were all excited to film it.
"we should probably talk about it with the twins before we start to think." i suggest.
i didn't want to think about the video yet. being behind a camera, hiding a secret that was huge to me. fans were already watching ethan and i's every move. if we go anywhere. any picture or snap is analyzed. like the fucking fbi. the thought of people really finding out gave me anxiety.
"oh yea you're right." i could tell by the tone of his voice that he knew something was up.
—————————
october 28
today was the day. about a week ago after hanging out with james, we planned to meet at james' new house to film. which was about a month ago. i haven't been there yet. neither has gray or ethan, i'm pretty sure.
ethan and i texted every day. we couldn't hang out yet because grayson thinks we're not a couple, hanging out would blow the whole plan.
i struggle to get off of my bed. i kept imagining multiple scenarios. they all end in the world finding out about us, or someone getting hurt, and not physically. either way, some type of relationship would be ruined.
ethan made me happy. something i didn't really understand until we actually started dating. or took it seriously. actually breaking up with him wouldn't solve anything, yet it would solve everything. no secrets from anyone.
i finally manage to get out of bed. i check the time on my phone. 11:35. i noticed a text from ethan:
ethan: good morning love❤️when are you going to james place?
ethan using emojis made me cringe a little.
emma: ew don't use "love" or that emoji ever again.
ethan: just answer the question bitch
when i looked at the text, i admit i did laugh out loud a little. he wasn't afraid to call me bitch. i love it.
emma: bitch idk like 2 or 3
ethan: so you're coming at 6 or 7?
emma: fuck you e
ethan: 😘
emma: 🤮
——————
i proceed to get ready for the day. i walk downstairs, wanting to make some coffee. i started thinking of the process of making coffee.
"fuck that shit.." i shut the fridge and grab my phone. i'll just postmate some from starbucks. along with some other shit i don't need. i shrug and go back upstairs, to waste time.
i play my spotify playlist and shuffle through until i find a song to fit my mood. i find a crop top and a pair of vintage jeans along with a belt.
about ten minutes later ethan facetimes me. i answer the call. he appeared to be on his bed, without a shirt.
"what do you want?" i ask. i put on one of my shoes and look back at my phone.
"damn i can't say hi to my girl?"
"shhhhh."
"grayson isn't here babe. he went out to get food for us. he wanted to make some shitty banana pancakes and realized he didn't have fucking bananas."
he laughs and looks me right in the eye, smiling. it felt like he was looking into my soul. i force a little laugh back and put on my other shoe.
we stare at each other for about a minute. it sounds kind of strange but it was a type of "in the moment" thing. it doesn't make sense unless you were in the same situation.
"you should smile more." i blurt out. i cover my mouth. i didn't mean to say it out loud to him.
"what?" he smiles again and covers his mouth. i roll my eyes.
"you know what i said. stop hiding you're smile."
"whatever emma." he exhales. "please don't be fucking late to film. and don't make it weird."
"i know i've been worrying about it ever since he brought it up....last week."
"e stop. you don't need to worry about it," he seemed worried for me. it made me feel a little shitty. he really cared. "i'm serious it'll be okay."
unexpectedly i start tearing up. "i don't want everyone to find out..." i adjust my hand on my phone. "i—i don't want to hurt anyone."
"we won't. i got you babe." he acted like everything was okay. but it just wasn't to me. i feel like everyone sugar codes every situation. or i'm being overdramatic about it all. i felt a cold tear roll down my cheek. ethan seemed to notice.
"stop crying e." he stops and looks at me. "fuck it, i'm going over."
"no stop i'm fine ethan. you don't have to come over freak." i try to hold in the tears and rub my eyes a little.
"fine but promise me you'll stop crying. it'll be okay, i'll be with you..."
"i'll be with you..." started to make me cry more. i didn't want him to see me cry.
"bye ethan...s—see you soon babe." i whisper.
"no e—" he exhales quietly. he gives in. "bye.."
i hang up first. naturally, more tears ran down my face like raindrops on a window. i hate this. it's like i was happy, but upset.
———-
i remember walking into james's house clearly.
my stomach was in knots. my throat was dry and i felt as if i couldn't breathe. but i was breathing myself. my hands were sweaty. i hug james when he opens up the door. he was wearing his own sister merch. he seemed confused.
"hi sister!" he yelled right into my ear, still holding onto him. i let go of him and look around at the house.
"damnnnn..." i look around even more. "oh my fucking god sister this place is so pretty." i was in shock. it was the biggest house i had ever been in.
i remember seeing ethan and grayson sitting, ethan on the love seat, grayson on the couch.
the last time i talked to grayson was when i dropped him off at his house. when he broke his fingers. he still had on a splint and his cut appeared to have healed up.
ever since they we talked on the group chat with all of us on it, but not just the two of us. if he wanted to talk, he could start the conversation.
james wanders off somewhere in his big ass house. i walk and sit next to grayson. he sees me and gives me a little smile. he seemed a lot more happy ever since the incident happened. i wanted to hug him, but i knew ethan would feel some type of way. i wrap my right arm around him and lean in to the side. he leans onto his side and says, "hey e."
ethan looks up, thinking grayson was talking to him and looks at us awkwardly side hug. his glare made me let go of grayson.
after i settle in, it was time to film the halloween sister squad video. the idea was that we go through some type of haunted house together for ethan and grayson's channel. we still had two other videos to film for different days.
despite me being terrified of blowing the relationship thing, i was pretty excited for the video. it was very chill and not too exotic.
we sit down the film the intro. as normal, james sat on the end next to grayson. ethan sat next to grayson, and i sat next to ethan.
i figure out how to place my hands. ethan sets up the camera and the camera starts rolling. he looks over at me and gives me a thumbs up, signaling if i was okay. i slightly nod.
"okay let's try to do this all at the same time." grayson says.
"hey guys we're back!" it was definitely off. james wasn't even paying attention and mouthed the words.
"james you fucked it up." i yelled.
"shut up kitty bitch." he snaps back at me. we all laugh. ethan looks at me and leans over to me to laugh.
grayson and ethan take over explaining what we were doing.
"we'll see you there bitches!" i yell at the end.
ethan then gets up and turns off the camera. we each had our own little camera to take along with us. we were going in the same haunted house, but kind of separately. our reactions were going to be filmed throughout it. ethan was acting all tough around me, i could tell.
"kind of sister scared." james said.
he sat in the back of the car with grayson. i look back at him and chuckle. ethan takes his eye off the road for a milli second and gives me a smile.
he moves his right hand over to mine. i mumble his name and nudge him a little. he moves his hand back and continued to drive.
my mind started to clear up. i was more focused on the video than ethan and i.
when we arrive, ethan gets out of the car and walks around the front to open my door.
"thanks kitty girl." i said to him.
"kitty girl daddy you mean.." james corrects me.
"oh my gosh." ethan and grayson say in sync. ethan starts to blush. james and grayson open their own door and get out of the car.
at this time it was getting a little cold. the sun was down and i started to get chills. james and grayson were feet ahead of us, so ethan takes off his hoodie and gives it to me. i look at it and put it over my head. i wanted to hug him and thank him, but i couldn't. he walks a little faster and i follow.
his hoodie was warm, and had the same scent as him. like old spice or something.
james looks back at me and looks at the hoodie, he looks forward and moves on.
—————
when we finally got into the haunted house, i started to get goosebumps on my arms. it had just hit me what we were doing. when we first started, grayson went first.
"good luck." i tel grayson. soon james goes in after him, then me. it was dark and they were both far so ethan grabs my hand and pulls me close to him. he kisses my forehead and whispered, "if you get scared..i gotchu."
i laugh at him. "i'm not a fucking pussy." i lunch his shoulder lightly and he laughs back. he follows me and is about two feet away.
the darkness didn't bother me as much as the sounds did. i could hear footsteps from everywhere. and a creaking sound, like a broken door. screams break through and i turn around to see if ethan was there. yup. he was saying something to his camera.
i had forgotten i had a camera in my hand. it was the last thing i had been thinking about. i start talking to the camera so i didn't look stupid.
"hi guys. i feel like i'm in a scary video game or some shit." something jumped from behind me. "OH FUCK!" i scream and jump. i stop waking for a moment and put my hand on my chest, where my heart was pounding like crazy. despite the noises i heard ethan cracking up behind me.
the next thing that jumped out, was in front of me. it was like a jack o'lantern head with a scarecrow body, covered in fake blood. it was tall and a little terrifying. it pulled out a chainsaw and the sound was very loud. i walk back a little and screamed as i felt a body on me. i turn around and sighed of relief when i heard ethan's voice.
"dumbass..."
"oh shut the fuck up ethan!" i yell.
the chainsaw sound started to get louder. the camera were on each other's faces so ethan slid his hand into mine and squeezed it a little. i smile at him, still scared as shit.
"i'll be with you..."