"By any chance, do you want to break up with me?"
Her eyes starred at me as if it were begging for me to stay. To love her like before. That stare that it say she truly, deeply and madly inlove with me. Those eyes that are screaming that she'll be better.
"You know, I loved you."
She nodded.
"But I love her even more now." I said.
She nodded again and ate quietly. Minutes passed seemed hours. The food we are eating wete once flavourful and very tasty buy evething tastes so bland.
"I'm sorry." Those were the last words I heard from her. She never uttered a single word that day to me.
The afternoon passed, we did not sleep on the same bed that night. She went to living room and slept there. There was a huge guilt in my heart wanting her to be okay but I can't just say to her to just move on and she'll meet a better guy than me. I hurt her. She was broken.
Morning came and I decided that I'll apologize to her as well. To everything. This is the least I could do in our relationship.
I sighed as I get up on the bed. This morning is still the same. It smelled the usual morning I've had during my happy times with her. I unknowingly smiled. I went to the dining area and saw the food on the table. The usual breakfast. Bacon, omelet and my favorite coffee. I tasted the coffee and it is as usual so good but kind of cool down. I finished my breakfast and washed the dishes. She must've went to her work. I sat at the sofa and watched random shows. Waiting for her to come home that night.
But she did not. I start to get panic. I tried calling her friends but they were not answering. I was still hoping she's okay. Please be okay.
The main door opened and I stood up quickly looking for her but it was her friend.
"Yein?" I asked.
"She told me to give this to you and she asked me to pack her things." She said coldly, passing me the paper to me and went straight in walk-in closet.
I was startled. What? Wait.
"What did Sujeong say?"
"That's all she said. And she's not going home anymore." When she settled all of Sujeong's stuff. "Nice. You made her believe that you are 'the' one but turns out... no. It's just a year of your marraige yet you already want to give it up. Have you ever thought all of the sacrifices she did? For you? For the both of you? Of course not, Jeon Jungkook. You're a jerk. She even decided to stay here in Korea instead of finishing her college in Japan. Because she loves you. I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed. Remember, No one falls in love by choice, it's by chance and no one falls out of love because of chance, it's by choice. It was your choice. Good luck." She said and brought all of Sujeong's things.
I know I'm such a jerk falling out of love in our relationship. I didn't know why. I just don't feel anything special anymore until I met Secretary Kim. She became my comfort. And there I knew that Sujeong wasn't really the person I love. I don't know. Was it wrong?
I sat down on the sofa, gathering my thoughts. I know it's my fault. But I'm also just a human.
I closed my eyes and I unknowingly slept on the sofa that night.
The next day felt empty. Of course, no one will cook me breakfast anymore. No one will greet me a cheerful good morning at the first minute I woke up. But it somehow felt normal. I don't actually miss it.
I went to work without eating which was very unusual of me. I just went to grab a coffee before going to my office.
"Oppa!" Secretary Kim went to me.
"Jihyo." I smiled. This. This feeling. I like it. But there's something weird.
"Good Morning!" She smiled and kissed me on my lips.
"Good Morning to you as well."
"I already brought the papers. Ryu Sujeong already sighed the divorce paper. The thing left is your signature and the both of you need to go to the court." She said.
"Don't worry. I got it." I replied. She handled me the papers and signed all of them. I already decided. I've been thinking this for the past 3 months and this is my decision.
"You still need to wait a month though."
I nodded. "Okay." And that day went smooth... as I thought.
A week passed and I never heard about Sujeong and any of her friends anymore. My friends are also not talking to me. Saying that they are busy and all. But I know that they are mad at me. They like Sujeong so much. Respectful, smart and kind.
Since it was weekend, I decided to stay at home since Jihyo has plans with her family and friends. I went through my things since the room hasn't been cleaned for a week already.
Then, I came across to Sujeong's closet. I took a deep breath and opened it. It was clean. Yein must have brought all of the things. But there was a huge box on the top shelf. I got curious and grabbed it. I put it on the bed and opened it. I suddenly felt the nervousness I had during our wedding. It was Sujeong's wedding dress. I clearly can remember how beautiful she looked on that dress. It made me shed tears that day.
There was more inside. A book. A book which she wrote stuff a lot. She never wanted me to read it that's why I never bother to know the content anyway. But because of my curiosity righy now, I opened it. It was her diary. No. Our diary. There a tons of picture of me and her woth simple captions. Mostly are the ordinary days but there are also some events that we had.
I didn't know I was sobbing already. God, I suddenly miss her. I don't know why but I felt that I need her right now. I nees her presence. Her smell. Her smile. Her laugh. What have I done?
Suddenly my phone rang,
"Hello?"
"Uhm, hi. This is Sujeong. I got an early notice from the court." Goodness, it's her.
I didn't know why but all the feelings way back the first day we dated came back. It hit me so hard.
I just got blinded by Jihyo. But my heart still yearns to Sujeong. My one and only. My wife. My half. My life.
"Yeah?" I asked.
"I think it's good to go at the court on Monday so we can settle all of these."
I suddenly felt... undecided. Should I really go? Should we really break this marraige?
"Can we meet? Tomorrow?" I don't know why I blurted it out.
"I can't. I have plans tomorrow. I already have work. I'm sorry Jungkook."
I sighed. Please. I just want to see you.
"I'm hanging up now. See you on Monday, Jungkook. And... thank you, because of this I became even stronger." She said.
Please don't hang up, love.
"I--" I got cut off since she already hang up. "--love you."
Goodness. I still love her. I love her. I don't want to lose her.
Then I remembered, the letter. The one Yein gave me. I look for it on my tabke and it is still sealed. I hurriedly opened it. Read it with all my might. I couldn't help but to cry so hard. What have I done? Can she come back? Can I make it up to her? I'm such a jerk!
I tried calling Hoseok hyung since I know he has a lot of time right now. But it was just ringing. Please answer. Please help me.
I also called my other friends but they are not answering at all. What the heck? I messaged them, asking for a help. No one's replying aside from Namjoon hyung.
"What is it?" He asked.
"Hyung! Do you know where Sujeong living right now?" I replied.
"I can't say." He replied back.
"Why?"
"She told us not to mention it to you. She didn't want you to know."
"Where then is her work?"
"Why are you asking me about her?"
Then I stopped.
Hyung, because I was jerk who got blinded by the love of other people instead of looking at her. She was already there. Infront of me.
"I need to see her. Please hyung. Help me. I won't tell her that you said all the informations to me. Just please."
"Okay. Protect me. Here's the address and her work. She'll be home at 9pm."
"As always, you're the best hyung!" I replied.
"And you're always a jerk."
Yep. They are still mad. What can I do. They are right anyways. I'm such a jerk.
I couldn't wait the next day and went to her place. I thought it was a small apartment, turns out that she was living at the rooftop. The cold, windowless rooftop. My heart ached when I saw the place. It was very early in the morning and there are no people yet in the area. I was still inside my car debating whether if I will call her to be out or I'll just knock at her door.
The gate suddenly opened and it was Sujeong. She threw the garbage at the bin infront of the apartment and there I went out of the car.
"Sujeong." I called.
She looked behind her and her eyes widen.
"Why are you here? We're suppose to meet tomorrow not today." She half-shouted probably because she was surprised. I didn't answer but I just walk towards her and hugged her very tight.
"Jungkook..." She said.
"I'm sorry, Sujeong. I was wrong. I was completely wrong." I cried as I utter those words.
"Wait- What are you talking about?"
I faced her and gulped. "I was wrong. I thought I don't love you anymore. But it was just me because I was occupied with things. I was occupied by my work. I--"
"Jeon Jungkook, what in the world are you thinking?" She angrily said.
"I'm sorry. I love you."
"Stop it, Jungkook. Our divorce papers will be passed tomorrow. Just stop." She glared at me and tried to lossen up my grip.
"'No matter what, I'll be happy for you. Even though it will hurt me so much. It will be just a mere imaginatio if you will get me back and we'll be okay and live happily. We've been through a lot already. Why did we end up with this decision?' You told me those and I realized what I've done. I will make it up to you. Everything, I promise. I am willing to quit my work and that company just for you. Please, come back to me." I begged.
"That's true I said those to you because I was waiting and hoping but it was tiring so I gave up. Anyway, I don't know how you found where I was living but I'm going to be strong from now on. I'm not gonna depend on you anymore." She said. Before she completely went inside she faced me. "I meant all of the things I said to you ever since we did our vows. But you broke our promise in the altar even when we were dating. Just like your promises that you won't ever see another woman or you will just focus on me did not happen."
Oh no.
"Please, go home and never come here. You love her right? Don't confuse yourself anymore and choose wisely. I have chosen this path." She added and closed the gates.
My mind was blank. I didn't know what to do anymore. Without her. Without us. I don't know. I must fix this. If I have this will, well, there must be a way.
-
It was a Monday already and I couldn't sleep. Jihyo kept on calling me last night. I only answered once, and she just reminded me about the divorce papers. I don't want to do it anymore. Sujeong needs me. She actually needs me even more right now and I cannot just let her do it herself.
I prepared early and went to the nearest coffee shop. How am I going to fix these? Although I already came up with some ideas, I don't know how to take a move. Or maybe... I was just scared that I might hurt other people.
While starring at my coffee, I didn't notice someone seated in front of me.
It was Jihyo.
"Oppa, I know you are uncertain already. You still have time to decide before going to the court." She smiled, knowing that I've changed my mind.
"I'm sorry." That's only I could say.
"I understand. I know you have decided to go back to your wife. And even if it hurts so much, I think I've become a huge problem to the both of you already." She said and handled me an envelope. "I'm resigning, sir." She smiled.
I closed my eyes, felt the guilt in me. "I'm really sorry. I know you worked so hard for that position and now... you're leaving."
"It's okay. Instead of ruining lives maybe I will meet someone like you or much better than you." She chuckled. I just smiled at her. "Thank you so much, Jungkook oppa. I decided to follow my family at States. They said I have better opportunity there."
I nodded.
"I'm going."
I sighed. Is this really the consequence of choosing the wrong one? It's too harsh but things are going quite well, I guess? I'm just hoping right now that Sujeong and I will be okay. After several hours another person came in the shop. It was her, Sujeong.
She sat infront of me. "So, let's go?" She asked.
"Can we talk things first?" I asked.
"There's nothing to talk about anymore." She coldly replied.
"I'm not letting you to take care that child on your own."
"So what? Right now, you are never been a good husband to me."
"I acknowledge that I'm such a jerk and did this. I know you also have reason why didn't told me that you're pregnant."
Yes. Namjoon hyung told me that she was crying so harf for a week because she didn't know how she will able to handle the situation. And me, again as a jerk, didn't even bother to know that she's already pregnant.
"I tried to tell you but you always say thay you're busy. You are always busy." Her voice started to rise.
I didn't reply anymore.
"I know, I'm also at fault for not giving you the attention whenever you are tired. It's also my fault but you shouldn't have done that. I wanted to forgive you but you were firm with your decision. You wanted this now you backing out. What the heck, Jeon Jungkook!"
"Yeah... you're right." I nodded. "I was too uncertain with things right?" I smiled a little admitting all of my mistakes.
"I-- I didn't mean that you only had a mistake because--"
"Maybe we should go?" I asked.
"What?"
"Let's go now. The lawyers must be waiting right now."
"Jeon Jungkook..."
I got up from my seat. It seems like she want to end everything. It was really my fault. I should just accept this and move on in my life.
We were facing the lawyer to fix all of these. Since we have talked about things it won't take too long.
"Ms. Ryu Sujeong, I heard you are pregnant." Lawyer Seo said and she nodded. "Any conditions you want to clear up with Mr. Jeon?"
"I will whole heartedly carry the responsibility in terms of financial and as a father to the child. I forgot to tell her that a while ago. But I think it will settle in that. We will just not have personal affair anymore and will focus just on the child." I said and Lawyer Seo seemed to agree.
"Lawyer Seo..." Sujeong spoke.
"Yes?"
"Can we... postponed this for a week? I still need time to think. And this is an early appointment right? Things are just too sudden. I'm sorry, I have to leave." She stood up and stormed out of the room.
"Maybe, the two of you should talk about this for one last time." Lawyer Seo smiled.
I sighed and followed Sujeong.
"Ryu Sujeong!" I shouted as she walk out of the court very fast. "Sujeong-ah!!!"
She stopped. I grabbed her wrist. She was looking down when she faced me.
"Hey, what's wrong?" I said softly and I wipe away her tears. "Why are you crying?"
"I don't want all of these Jungkook. I miss you so much. I want to be with you. I'm willing to forgive you but please don't hurt me ever again. I'm begging you." She hugged me tight and cried.
I didn't know what to do but I just carressed her hair. We both don't want this. We became so selfish because of my decisions.
"I don't want our child to be born without a father. I was just trying to be strong but deep inside I really want to hug you like this."
I unknowingly smiled. "Sujeong, I'm really sorry. I know saying sorry is not enough because of what I did. I know I shouldn't have done this at the first place when I'm going to regret it later on."
"Yeah, I know. You're still a jerk but why the hell I still want to be with you?" She sobbed.
I grabbed her shoulders lightly, looking at her face. "Because I am your huasband. Gosh... I feel so bad for making you cry like this."
She pouted but ssmiled afterwards.
"I love you, Jungkook."
"I love you too, Sujeong."
---
After several months...
"JEON JUNGKOOK!!!"
Sujeong shouted from the top of her lungs and I was panicking so bad.
"WHERE ARE YOU--- UGH. MY STOMACH HURTS ALREADY. CAN YOU HURRY UP EVEN JUST A BIT?!"
"I'm trying! I'm sorry." I grabbed the bag full of her stuff.
"You know my water broke already, you dumb." She glared.
I just smiled at her. "I love you."
"Stop it and help me here!!! Start now the car we need to go to hospital now!"
"Okay, okay." I sighed and helped her.
This is driving me nuts!
Once she hopped in the car, she grabbed face and kissed me.
"I'm scared Jungkook, be with me during the labor, please?"
I smiled and nodded. "Don't worry, I'll be there. You can do it."
"Thank you so much and I love you." She cried. A mixture of pain and love.
"I love you, too." I kissed her forehead reassuring her that everything's going to be alright.
END