hello I hope this is good
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Michael's P.O.V.
It's just another one of those fucking days.
I can feel this emotional pain physically.
Melissa was my whole world, and she gave me Ella.
Is it bad that sometimes I wished I was with Melissa? I don't wanna be here without her by my side through everything.
But Ella.
Most people would push through for their kid, but it pains me every time I look at Ella all I see is Melissa.
I spend a lot of my time just laying around, sometimes crying.
That's why Ella is always at one of the guys places.
I'm such a shitty dad.
There's a knock at my bedroom door and my little girl walks in and climbs onto my bed.
"Daddy?" She asks, sitting on top of me. "You okay?"
"Yea, I'm okay." I weakly smile.
"You look sad." She states.
"I'm happy, look." I say, putting on a fake smile.
"Daddy.." She says.
She moves, so she's laying on my chest, her face right in front of mine.
"Be happy." She demands.
"Ella." I chuckle.
"I love you." She smiles.
"I love you too." I reply.
She presses a kiss to my cheek and I smile, wrapping my arms around her.
"You know I love you a lot, right?" I ask.
She nods, cuddling into me.
"I still love mummy a lot." She quietly says.
"I still love mummy a lot too." I mumble, trying not cry.
Anytime Melissa is brought up, especially if it's Ella bringing her up, I have to try so hard to make sure I don't cry.
"You miss her?" She asks.
"A whole lot baby, a whole lot." I mumble.
She yawns, "I'm still tired."
"Go to sleep, El." I whisper.
She moves off of me to beside me, right where Melissa would sleep every night.
Everything reminds me of her. Every single thing makes me think of her.
Ella falls asleep almost immediately, and I sigh, rolling out my bed.
I go downstairs and head to the one thing I shouldn't be going for.
Alcohol.
I grab a few bottles, going to sit on the sofa and lay all the bottles next to me.
"I hate myself." I mutter as I pop open the first of many.
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"L-Luke." I mumble into the phone.
"Dear god, Michael." He mutters.
"I'm drunk." I state.
"I can tell. Do I need to come get Ella?" He asks.
"I don't know, she's sleeping." I slur.
"I'm coming." He says, ending the call.
I sit there waiting and drinking my.. I don't even know, maybe fifth, bottle.
When Luke gets here he storms in, and takes the alcohol from me.
"Now what would you do if Ella came down here and saw you like this?" He asks.
I groan, "I don't know!"
Luke takes all the empty, and full bottles, and walks off.
When he comes back, Ella is walking downstairs.
"Daddy? Lukey?" Ella says.
"Hey sweetheart." Luke smiles.
"What's wrong?" She asks.
"Daddy's sick, I'm gonna take you to my house for a few days, is that okay?" Luke asks her.
She nods.
"I'll come with you and help you pack a bag, I'll meet you in your room." He tells her and she heads upstairs.
"You aren't taking my daughter from me." I tell him.
"Actually, I am. I don't know if you've noticed, you're turning into an alcoholic. I get you're going through a lot of shit right now. But Ella shouldn't be around this, I'm sorry." He says, going to go see Ella.
I am not an alcoholic.
He can't just take my baby girl away from me, that's not right.
Who am I kidding? She shouldn't be around me when I'm like this.
How can you blame me for drinking away my pain?
I lost my wife.
The love of my life has been taken from me. It isn't fucking fair.
And I'm not fit to be a single dad.
Melissa was the one that always went shopping for her, always made El's meals, always got her dressed, always did her hair perfectly. She always knew exactly what was wrong and what Ella needed.
I'm a terrible parent.
I don't deserve Ella.
I don't deserve that perfect little girl I call my daughter.
She's so precious, everything she says and does, makes me so happy.
I love Ella, but she deserves so much better than me.
Luke comes downstairs with Ella in his arms and her bag on his back.
"Bye daddy, feel better. I love you." Ella mumbles, cuddling into Luke.
"Call me when you're sober." Luke says.
As he's walking out he mutters, "If you ever are."
-
Apparently last night I fell asleep on the sofa, considering that's where I woke up.
I groan, remembering last nights events.
Standing up, I make my way upstairs, walking past my room, straight to Ella's.
I look around, sitting on her bed, taking one of her stuffed animals in my hand.
"She really deserves better than me." I mumble to myself.
I grab my phone and call Luke.
"Michael, hello." Luke says.
"Hi." I quietly say.
"What's going on?" He asks.
"I don't deserve Ella. I don't know what to do." I whisper.
"What are you talking about? You're great to Ella. You've just got a lot going on right now." He says.
"No. Melissa always was the one doing everything for her. She took care of Ella a lot more than I did." I tell him.
"Michael, Ella loves you more than anything, that's all that matters. You'll figure out everything. We're all here to help you out, we know it's been hard for you for the last little while." Luke says.
I hear Ella giggling in the background and I sigh.
"Do you want to talk to her?" He asks.
I take a deep breath, "Is it okay if I stop by to talk to her, I wanna talk to her about Melissa."
"Yea, of course." He replies.
"I'll be there soon." I tell him, ending the call.
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"Daddy!" Ella yells, running towards me as soon as I step into Luke and Vic's place.
"Hey baby girl." I smile.
"You feeling better?" She asks.
"A little bit." I reply. "Do you think I could talk to you for a minute?"
She nods and I pick her up, bringing her upstairs to Carly's room, since Carly is playing some game with Luke downstairs.
I sit her in my lap and she looks up at me, smiling.
"I want to talk to you about mummy, is that okay?" I ask.
"I miss her daddy. I miss her a lot." She mumbles, hiding her face in my chest.
"I know, I miss her too. I want you to know I'm here though, okay? I know mummy did a lot with you, and I'm gonna be here to do all of that with you. I love you so, so much baby girl."
"I love you daddy. Please don't leave me to see mummy." She cries.
That's when I start crying.
"I'm gonna be here with you for a long time baby, I promise. I'll make sure nothing hurts you, alright?" I sniffle.
"Why won't mummy come back.." She cries.
"El, we'll talk about that another time." I whisper.
How do I explain why Melissa won't be coming back?
"Can we go do something fun?" She asks.
"Anything for you angel." I whisper.
"Daddy?"
"Yes?"
"Are you sure mummy's okay?" She questions.
"I'm sure baby. Nothing is gonna hurt her now. She's in a very happy place now. I want you to know that." I tell her.
It's so hard trying to tell this innocent little girl her mother died. There's no good way to put it.
"Mummy's happy. I'm happy." She tells me.
"If you're happy, I'm so happy, El." I tell her.
"Now can we do something fun?" She asks. "Being sad is no fun."
"But I'm gonna bring you back here after. I think I'm gonna have you spend a few days with Luke and Vicky, okay?" I say.
She sighs and nods.
"I'm sorry." I whisper, pressing a kiss to her forehead.
"It's okay. Carly is fun to play with." She smiles.
At least she's having fun, I guess.
"Come on baby girl, let's go."
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alright I hope it was ok