PLZ READ: hey guys i'm so sorry about the wait. my charger broke the day before yall reached 400 so i ordered one off amazon prime and it just got here yesterday but i had two classes, two meetings, and volunteering and then today i had two more meetings, volunteering, and one class. so i've been a busy, tired, tired, tired bee. for example, i usually go to bed at like 3 in the morning on a regular day (even later on the weekends) but today i'm passing out now (11PM).
update on pursuit of felicity tomorrow. i'm too tired to risk editing that chapter tonight so expect it tomorrow at some point or another.
BUTTTT I'm so happy we got to 400! I didn't know that many of you read this book. <3 thank yall for the votes and a HUUUUGE thank you for the comments. u know i love reading those.
QOTC: what's one scene you want me to write for this book? KEEP IT APPROPRIATE! I KNOW HOW YOU GUYS THINK; I READ ALL OF YALLS COMMENTS. but yeah, i want yall to get a say in what happens in this book. build off of each other, too. interact, make friends, talk to each other.
this was a long a/n but I really hope you guys enjoy this even longer chapter (15 pages in word)
"So are you guys dating or...?" Aaliyah trails from my phone, which is propped up on my desk. I adjust my headphones and glance at the screen. She's also preoccupied with something else.
"No," I answer as I coat my pinkie nail in a coat of blue polish. "I mean, not outright, I don't think. I'm not really sure. I'm too nervous to ask."
"Well, it's a conversation to have in person," Aaliyah informs me. "Have you guys ever talked about it? Even if it was briefly? Some guys typically drop hints. Like, if he doesn't want a relationship, he'd say something like 'oh, I don't know what I want right now,' and leave it at that in hopes that you'll still agree to hook up with him if you think there's a chance for a relationship in the future."
"We haven't really talked about it other than our few conversations about our exes, but I don't know if those count. From what I recall, he never said he wanted a relationship but he never said he didn't. We went from refusing to acknowledge the fact that we were flirting with each other to intensely making out on his bed during a party, so I don't really know anything," I catch myself rambling. I put another coat over my thumb, wiggling it a bit to examine the semi-decent paint job.
"I mean, that was bound to happen with all that tension," Aaliyah explains as if she's an expert. "I feel like he's a relationship kind of guy, even if he doesn't put a label on it."
"I hope," I mutter awkwardly. "You know, it feels good to actually be able to talk it out. I haven't been able to speak about anything involving Asa above a whisper for the last 24 hours without fear of my brother's hearing."
"Where are they now?" she questions me and I look out the window and see two cars missing.
"Ian's playing basketball with his friend. Sam and Jay are both at work," I explain before feeling the need to add, "so is my dad."
"House to yourself- you know, if Asa lived close enough..." she trails, which gets a loud scoff from me.
"I would never allow him to step foot in this house, especially if no one else is here. If I get caught, I'd be killed," I tell her. "They didn't even like me having Drew over when my dad wasn't home, even if the great trio was here watching my every move on the living room couch. Remember that?"
"Yeah..." she trails before sighing loudly. "Why couldn't we have been born into extremely lax households? I swear it hasn't registered with my parents that I only follow their rules because I can't afford to live on my own."
"Tell me about it," I mumble. My household was more gender biased than strict. If I was a boy, I would've been living the life. My brothers were allowed to date at whatever age they felt the desire to whereas I was told I'd have to wait until I was 18. I'm pretty sure if I had brought home anybody that wasn't Drew, my father would've shut the idea down fast. But because Drew's parents worked in a church and he all but bowed at my father's feet, my dad approved- but barely. Also, my brothers didn't have a curfew ever, meanwhile I was expected to be home at 10:00pm sharp every night.
"Hey, I have to call you back. My dad's calling me," Aaliyah disrupts our comfortable silence before letting the familiar tone greet my ears. I frown at my screen as I assess the time. It's not even three yet and Maya's plane doesn't land until about 7 o'clock. I can't call her. I don't want to bother Asa anymore. I feel a bit clingy now. I texted him all last night and while it was nice and he seems into it, I feel like I'm putting in more effort than he is. I texted him last and he didn't reply.
I spend the rest of the day relaxing in my room. A few of my old friends message me about plans to meet up tomorrow and I reluctantly agree. I haven't talked to them in well over a year. There was no big falling out; we just grew apart. I'm not excited to hang out and play catch up, especially not with a group. Who knows how long that'll take? But then again, it's not like I have anything better to do while I'm home. I'm a prisoner here seeing as I have no car to get around.
Other than FaceTiming Maya after she landed and got settled in at her cousin's house, my night is uneventful. Just as I'm about to turn on the television and try to fall asleep, my brother comes to my door. Expecting another awkward conversation, I frustratedly tell him to come in. "Uh, someone's at the door for you," he announces and I stare at him in confusion. Who the hell would come to see me at 10 o'clock on a Sunday night?
"Who is it?" I ask but my brother is already galloping down the steps. I shove my blankets back and put on my slippers. I trudge down the steps, expecting whoever it is to be in the living room waiting. Clearly, if they're important enough to try to see me this late then they're welcome in the house. However, the only people present are Jay and Sam, who watch me as I cross the room.
I open the front door and stop dead in my tracks. My eyes land on the all-too familiar blonde haired boy standing on my porch with his hands shoved deep in his pockets. My blood practically goes cold as I assess him. I take in his easily recognizable rounded brown eyes that watch me nervously, as if waiting for me to slam the door on him. His hair is styled differently and his entire appearance throws me off. I knew him when the only things in his closet were quirky colored button down shirts and worn out jeans; now it seems he's upgraded to joggers and hoodies.
"Hey, Ivy," he greets me after my gaze meets his again. I want to ask why the hell he thought it'd be a good idea to stop by. We didn't exactly end on the worst terms but he did break up with me and never talked to me again. While I was relieved about things being over, I was sad that I was out of a best friend. Not to mention, he looks like a completely different person and he carries the aura of one, too.
"Drew," I respond in an indifferent tone. I want to give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he's come to apologize for calling things off and then deleting me off of every social media ever, even the ones I hadn't checked in a while. Though I excused it as him needing time to get himself together, it always irked me a bit, especially when he didn't bother adding me back. But here he is. He clearly has no problem facing me in person so what's a social media presence amongst the hundred others you follow?
"How are you?" he asks me in a state of relief. I know he probably didn't think he'd get this far.
"I'm fine," I answer, not bothering to ask how he is. If I'm being honest, I don't really care. I feel like I don't even know him anymore. It's only been a few months but I've changed so much as a person and learned so much about myself; he isn't even someone I could connect with if I were to try again. "Did you come here for a reason or?" I try my best to seem polite but I could've asked with a large grin and he'd still have taken it the way he did. He cringes a bit; he's still sensitive, I see.
"I-Ian told me you were back in town and I just wanted to see how you were..." he trails nervously. I can tell he didn't mean to expose my brother but it doesn't surprise me. However, I let out a scoff and shake my head. My eyes drop to the ground and I watch as he kicks at the cement. Even his shoes are an entirely different brand; he's no longer wearing Converse, but a sneaker I'd see on Asa. Not to bring out comparisons, but Asa wears them better.
"You couldn't just text me?" I ask as I watch him fidget under my hard gaze. During our time together, we didn't argue much so he's never seen this side of me. He probably thinks I hate him for breaking up with me when in reality, I would love to explain to him how I perceived our time spent together. But it's pointless now. I'm over it- all of it, even the friendship aspect that I used to find myself missing from time to time.
"I did...on your birthday," he reminds me awkwardly.
"I don't remember responding..." I mumble and he shakes his head. A choked laugh comes from him and he kicks at the porch again.
"I was just hoping you changed your number or something or maybe it got lost in the flood of messages that day," he explains his reasoning with a shrug. "I don't know. I could only hope."
"Drew, why are you here?" I ask with a quiet sigh.
"I just wanted to see you. I miss you, you know? A lot. I keep thinking about you and thinking about you and it just won't go away," he explains as he looks back up at the sky. I see tears welling up in his eyes and feel my stomach loop around itself. "I thought that taking time away from you would help me get over you but it just made me miss you more. What's that quote? Distance makes the heart grow fonder, or something like that?"
I stare at him and try not to focus on the twisting and turning of my gut. And here I was- hoping he'd just try to make amends and maybe take a shot at friendship. It seems as though he's trying to get me back, which is a scenario I hadn't even considered. "You broke up with me, remember?" I ask with a slow blink. "I don't even remember why, really. Didn't you say you just didn't have feelings for me anymore?"
"I didn't mean that," he starts before shaking his head. "I was just so overwhelmed with everything that was going on. Not seeing you for a year really screwed me up and my friends were feeding me things and I was stupid enough to listen. And I've been trying to get myself together and it felt like everything wasn't falling together the way it should and I knew something was missing so I was searching and searching. And it's you. You're what's missing."
His eyes are watering and he wipes them away for a second before inhaling and exhaling. I struggle to think of something to say. I only picked up on two things he said, one of them being the fact that he's been missing me from his life. "Did you cheat on me...while we were together? Did you cheat?" I ask. What did he mean his friends were feeding him things and that he was stupid enough to listen?
"No," he quickly denies with a shake of his head. "No, Ivy, I would never, ever cheat. I just let them make me believe that I was supposed to be dating and enjoying my life as a college kid. I kept questioning whether life had more to offer and I was stupid enough to take you for granted." I struggle to wrap my mind around his words once again. This is the last thing I thought I'd be doing tonight. He continues to ramble, searching my eyes for some kind of reaction as he does. "I still haven't been with anyone else, actually. I didn't even try to date anyone else."
I avert my gaze to the hardwood beneath my feet, feeling guilt wash over me. Here I was assuming he left me to go be with a bunch of different girls back at school. I was questioning whether or not he cheated when I'd be lying in bed at night, struggling to make out what the dealbreaker was. Our relationship was weird and I know I didn't feel nearly as much for him as he did for me but it still happened. It was still a long chunk of my life gone. But I clearly don't miss it as much as he does. I clearly don't even think about it as often as he does.
"You're dating someone else?" he asks in slight surprise. It's as if when thinking of how this conversation could play out, me dating someone else wouldn't be a possibility. I decide that a 'yes' would be an easier explanation for why I'm no longer interested than to break down how I question the feelings I had for him on a day to day basis. It hurts me to hurt him so I just nod in response. I make sure it's a clear and concise nod, leaving no room for further question. "Oh." The single word has so much hurt in it that I feel it in my chest.
"Yeah," I answer, making sure not to apologize or give him any hope that there's a chance for us ever again. I clear my throat as I look back up at him. I note the tears in his eyes and he quickly wipes them away again. "I think you should try dating."
He nods fervently before letting out a shaky, broken laugh. "Probably not for a while, at least," he confesses in that same tone.
"Well, when you're ready, I'm sure you'll meet a girl that's perfect for you," I assure him awkwardly. I watch as he inhales and exhales heavily before opening and shutting his mouth.
"I, uh, I hope he treats you well," he responds, "better than I did. And hopefully he isn't an idiot and doesn't screw up."
"Thank you," is the only thing I can bring myself to say.
"Yeah," he nods before slowly backing up. "I'll see you around, yeah?"
"Yeah," I nod at him. I watch as he turns and starts in the direction of his house. I close the door and hurry past my brothers, not even stopping to shout at Ian for putting me in such an uncomfortable situation. I'm too focused on making it back to my room without crying. For some reason, I feel like my heart has broken all over again.
+++
After spilling my guts to Aaliyah, I feet slightly better. She helped me come to the conclusion that it's not my heart that's broken, but his. She told me that it hurts to break someone else's heart, especially if you've cared at them at some point or another. On my own, however, I concur that I've never felt feelings even remotely close to what I feel for Asa, for Drew. I attempt to tell Maya about it but don't get very much in. I texted her last night that, 'Drew just came over' and have yet to get a response. Given, the time difference is quite severe, it just makes me feel anxious thinking about her possible reactions. I contemplate texting Asa before deciding that it's not even something to concern him about.
Yet for some reason, when I wake up on Monday morning, I still feel like I'm in a slump. I get up and go through the motions though and even push myself to go to the event with my old friends that I already agreed to. I try my best not to check my phone in fear of finding a message from Drew in which he's apologizing profusely for coming to my house. It seems like something he'd do. So after texting my dad that I'll be hanging out with my old friend Abby, who is the one hosting the gathering, I set out on foot at 8PM.
I don't expect to stay long because I don't feel like spending my night talking to a bunch of people I haven't seen in forever about all the college-y things they've done, especially when I've done little to nothing worth talking about. But I rally and show up because I promised I would and because I even got a few 'excited to see you tonight' texts from contacts I deleted long ago. When I arrive, instead of finding comfort on my phone during the awkward silences, I tuck it deep into my purse after being notified of a friend request from Drew.
Just as I predicted, the event was awkward, but somehow I convinced myself to stay past the first hour. After sharing what the last two years of our lives has been like, we got into telling stories about stupid things we've done. Like I said, I didn't have much to contribute but it was entertaining to hear the people that competed for valedictorian tell me about how they accidentally crashed a golf cart into the library at three in the morning and how the skinny dipped in their school's lake.
Somehow, I get too caught up in conversation that I lose track of time. I don't even check my phone until well past midnight. Judging by the three missed calls from my father and the multitude of texts from my brothers, my absence did not go unnoticed. I casually tell everyone I have to go while internally panicking. Good thing I didn't drink like the rest of my old friends or that would've been very, very bad.
I hightail it home, practically running down two blocks before turning onto my street. As expected, Jay and Ian are out on the porch waiting for me. I hurry over with a plausible excuse that I prepared on the jog back. "Where the hell were you?" Jay wonders as I surpass him up the steps and into the house, where I find my father on the couch.
"Where the hell were you?" he asks and I point to my phone.
"I, uh, texted you my whereabouts earlier," I respond breathlessly and he takes out his phone.
"All you said was, 'hanging out with Abby tonight,' at eight o'clock. It's damn near 1:30," he responds. I shrug in an attempt to make it seem like it's not a big deal, hoping he'll come to the same conclusion.
"We just lost track of time catching up," I confess, which is true. I just leave out the part where they were at least twenty people there and some of them were doing illegal things.
"And you didn't think to look at the time at all? You're telling me you weren't on your phone at all? You know your curfew is 10 o'clock," my father tells me and I look from him to my brothers to see if this is some joke.
"Dad...I'm 19," I remind him. Not to mention, he's had no idea what I've been doing for the past two years, practically. When I'm at school, I can tell him that I'm safe in bed at 10PM when I'm really in the car on the way to a party.
"My house, my rules," he informs me and I point to Ian.
"So Ian also has to be home at 10 o'clock?" I ask and my father shakes his head.
"No, Ian knows what time he has to be home," my father retorts.
"Oh yeah, and what time is that?" I question my brother before looking back at my father. "Jay doesn't have a curfew either and he's just a year older and lives under your roof."
"We're not talking about Ian or Jay," my father explains before pointing a finger at me.
"Why not?!" I reply, growing frustrated now.
"It's different. They're-," he starts but I cut him off.
"Boys?" I ask with my hands on my hips. My father clenches his jaw.
"Responsible," he explains and my eyes widen substantially. It is at this moment that I remember how draining it is to be at home.
"Didn't Ian crash his car the second week of school?" I ask as I turn on my twin. It's not like he doesn't do it to me. "And hasn't Jay quit three jobs in the last year?"
"We're not talking about them," my father reiterates and I tilt my head at him, feeling myself start to get angrier and angrier. I've been home for three days and it's been nothing but bad.
"You're being sexist," I respond. "If either of them came home at this time, there'd be no problem but because it's me, it's a huge deal. You knew who I was with. It's not like I snuck out and disappeared. I'm 19 years old and am away at college for most of the year. You think I'm in my dorm by 10PM every night?"
"While you're in my house, you follow my rules," my father announces again and I scoff and shake my head.
"This is bullshit," I mutter as I turn to walk away.
"What was that?" my father asks, getting up from the couch now.
"Let me guess- I'm punished until Sunday," I call over my shoulder as I walk through the kitchen towards the stairs. "God forbid I try to enjoy my vacation and hang out with old friends, right?"
As I change with intentions of going to bed, I find a few texts on my phone that I wasn't intentionally ignoring. Maya responded to my message about Drew.
Maya: What happened?
An hour later, she texted again.
Maya: Ivy??
Not exactly in the mood to type out the entire encounter with Drew, I put off Maya's messages. I skim my texts and stare at Asa's contact. We texted last on Sunday morning and it didn't last long. He wished me a good morning and we messaged back and forth for an hour before he went to the gym. I let out a frustrated groan as I toss my phone on the bedside table. I've been home for three days and everything has gone to shit.
+++
On Tuesday morning, I wake up and shower. Instead of getting dressed for the day, I put on a new pair of pajamas and hide away for the rest of the day. I expect my family to leave me alone after having been yelled at early this morning. But in my household, that's not how things work. For most of the day, I'm safe. I spend a lot of the time in my room alone, just thinking. In fact, I don't really leave until I'm beckoned downstairs at 10 o'clock at night. Just when I thought I was going to be able to go to sleep for a few hours and escape my obnoxious family, I'm being called quite urgently downstairs.
"Yes?" I ask when I reach the kitchen. I see my purse on the living room table, which is where I left it last night after I came in at 1:30. Except, I didn't leave it open and rummaged through, that's for sure. My father doesn't say anything except hold up my familiar medication. It takes me a second to realize what it is that's in his hand. It's my birth control. "Why are you going through my stuff?"
"What is this?" he asks and I can tell he knows good and well what it is. He wouldn't be this upset if he didn't.
"It's birth control, but you knew that," I answer just to be a smart-ass. "Now can you answer my question?"
"Since when have you been taking this?" he continues to question me. In reality, he should be happy I'm on it. It's not like he ever gave me the sex talk, nor did my mother; then again, she left when I was five so she'd have been a bit too early. The older I get, the more I understand why she left; I just wish she'd have taken me with her. Realistically, my father should be glad that I took initiative in preventing myself from getting pregnant. Did he think a lack of education would really keep me from doing what I wanted? If anything, it'd have landed me with a baby.
I know that telling him 'a few days after I turned 18' wouldn't have sufficed, so instead, I say the answer that he can't speak on. "The doctors suggested it because my period was irregular. I didn't tell you because I knew you'd flip out," I lie. "Now can I have my bag back? Or is there anything else you're looking for in there? Or would you prefer to go upstairs to my room and invade my privacy up there?"
My father gives me a hard glance and I snatch my purse from the table and head back up to my room. Its short lived because I'm called upon once more twenty minutes later. I practically throw myself out of bed this time and storm back downstairs. This time, my brothers are on the sofa and my father is standing up. "Who is this Asa boy that your brother told me about?" my father starts and I turn to Ian with wild eyes. Is he serious right now? He averts my gaze and I all but scream.
"He's my friend. Now can I go back to sleep?" I retort and my father narrows his eyes at me.
"Your brother told me-," he starts and I throw my hands up.
"Because everything they say is true, right?" I snap.
"I just want to make sure you're-," he attempts but I'm not having it again.
"That I'm what? Safe? You already know about that because you went through my bag and found my birth control! Well, I'm not pregnant yet, dad!" I all but scream at him. My brothers are quickly silenced and my father stares at me in shock. "Any other questions?"
"Go to your room," my father comments and I throw my hands up in the air once more.
"Finally!" I bite as I turn to head back to my room.
"If you don't like it here, you can leave," my father retorts and I whip back around. "If things are so bad, then go."
"How? You didn't even trust me to drive myself home!" I shout back. "What? You want me to walk back to school? Trust me, I would if I could."
His gaze as hard as I whip back around and take the steps two at a time. I let out a long groan as I lock the door and throw myself into bed. I feel tears of anger start to fall down my face and I let out another muffled scream into my pillow. I just can't catch a break here. I can't do anything right, either.
A short while later, I hear my phone ringing from somewhere within my blankets and I glare at the ceiling. Expecting it to be one of my brothers, probably Sam, calling to see what happened, I let it ring. Growing frustrated when they call back again, I set out on a search and find it during its last few rings. I see that it's Asa with an incoming FaceTime call. I hesitate before swiping across the screen to answer. I face the camera so that its pointing at my headboard and sniffle quickly before the call connects.
"Where'd you put my granola bars?" he questions me and I want to smile at the sound of his voice but can't bring myself to. I wonder where he's been these last two days. His camera focuses on the cabinet where the snacks usually are. I see the disorganized mess he created and cringe when I remember snagging the last one while helping Maya set up the party.
"I think I ate the last one," I inform him before clearing my throat.
There's a silence and he flips the camera to show himself glaring at me. I chuckle quietly at his expression. "Thanks for letting me know. It's not like there are copious amounts of snacks in the fridge and cabinets for you and Maya. All I ask is that you keep your hands off my granola bars," he complains quietly.
"If there are plenty of snacks, have one," I respond as I smile at his sass.
I hear more shuffling before he flashes the screen with a PopTart. "Yummy," he declares before I hear footsteps. I listen as he drops onto the couch and adjusts the screen so that I can watch him eat. He stares for a few seconds before furrowing his eyebrows. "Ivy?"
"Still here," I comment as I shift the camera a bit to show him its not frozen.
"Then why can't I see you?" he asks. I muffle a sniffle by covering the microphone. "Are you embarrassed or something? Do you have a facemask on?"
"No," I respond with a laugh. I move the camera down a bit so that part of my forehead is visible on his screen.
"Where's the rest of your face? If I didn't want to see you, I'd have called," he informs me. My cheeks blush but I'm sure it just blends in with the tears staining my face. I rub at my eyes before lowering the screen a bit. The second I pass my eyebrows and reveal my red eyes, his gaze narrows as he bites into his poptart. Through a mouthful of food, he asks: "are you crying?"
"I was," I admit with a sigh.
"What happened?" he continues with as he worriedly assesses my face. I shake my head dismissively in hopes that he'll drop it but he only asks again. "Ivy?"
"My family is just stupid," I answer quietly. He waits for me to continue so I do. "I've been home for three days and I seemed to have forgotten how much I hate it. It's all coming back to me now."
"What happened?" he asks and I let out a long sigh.
I decide to skip over the entire situation with Drew, knowing he'd probably ask the most questions about that. Besides, I don't think telling him would benefit either of us. "I went out the other night to hang out with some friends and I got back late. My father had the audacity to yell at me for not being home by 10:00, which was my high school curfew even though I told him what I was doing. But Ian can literally stay in another state overnight without so much as a word and my dad doesn't care," I rant and Asa nods along as he eats his poptart.
"So your dad is sexist," he concludes and I bob my head up and down with wide eyes. Finally someone else sees it!
"He's so sexist. And he..." I suddenly feel stupid for starting this story. He found my birth control and then found out about you so then, in an angry rage, I told him that I'm being safe and that I'm not pregnant yet. "He went through my bag and found my birth control and then had the audacity to yell at me."
"You'd think he'd want you to be on it because you had a long term boyfriend...and you're in college...and you're capable of making that decision for yourself as a woman," he lists as he covers his food filled mouth.
"That's what I said but my father is an idiot who doesn't want to think about his daughter doing anything impure," I continue to complain. "I was just so angry that I flipped out on him and told him he should be grateful I'm not pregnant. He never gave me the talk growing up. All he said was that sex was bad and I shouldn't do it. I had to learn it all by myself and through the half-assed sex education system in school."
"You're right," he nods at me. "It's his job as a parent to teach you about it, even if it's uncomfortable. He could've had an aunt or a female relative do it if it was that bad."
I let out a long sigh. "I just don't even want to be here anymore. Things are just going to get worse. I can't wait to go back," I tell him as I rub the corners of my eyes with my index and thumb. "He told me to leave if its so bad even though he knows I have no car here. He's doing it on purpose to make me feel like I have the choice to leave when in actuality, I don't."
"Do you think he meant it?" he asks with raised brows.
"I don't even care at this point. I'd leave regardless of whether or not he meant it," I respond. "I wouldn't be able to go back to school though because dorms are locked so I'd probably end up trying to hide out at Aaliyah's. But knowing my dad, he'd call and tell them to send me home. He basically has me trapped here."
"Well..I mean...you can always come back," he acknowledges, which causes my eyebrows to tug together in slight frustration. Didn't I just explain to him why I couldn't go back? "I can pick you up."
"You'd drive the hour and a half to pick me up?" I question as I stare at the screen in slight surprise. He'd do that for me?
"It's not like I have anything better to do," he responds as he offers a small half smile.
"Dorms are closed," I explain before I can get too ahead of myself. I need to not jump to conclusions right now and get lost in a fantasy that most likely won't happen. Instead of nodding in remembrance like I expect, he lets out a short, disbelieving laugh.
"It's not like you ever sleep there anyway," he teases. "You can stay here like you usually do."
"Really?" I respond as I feel my chest well up with growing excitement.
"Yeah," he confirms with a matching smile.
"Okay," I offer him an urgent nod, as if I couldn't agree faster. "If you don't mind." I'll have to wake up early tomorrow, pack, and then shower. Should I tell my dad? Or should I be dramatic and just leave without notice? Should I leave a letter? No, knowing him, he'd call the cops and report me as missing. Maybe I'll just tell him in person before he leaves for work.
"I'll leave now," Asa announces as he rises from the couch. My view is now of his chest as he walks, presumably, to his room. My eyes widen slightly as I replay his response in my head.
"Like right now?" I question in slight surprise.
"I work tomorrow until four so I wouldn't be able to get there until 6. And I don't really want to face your brothers again," he debriefs me and I immediately sit up in bed.
"Okay," I confirm as I eagerly pull myself out of bed. "I'll pack my stuff."
It only takes an hour for him to get here because there isn't much traffic at midnight. He texts me when he's outside and I quietly gather my belongings and start down the stairs. As soon as I reach the bottom of the steps, I notice that the living room light is on, which can only mean one thing: someone is awake. I swear quietly as I attempt to casually walk through with my bag and backpack. My father, who is laid out on the couch, doesn't let that happen.
"Where are you going?" he asks the second I step foot into the living room.
"You told me to get out if I don't like the way things are here," I recall his words before swinging my bag a bit in a pointed manner. "So I'm leaving." He stares at me for a second and I can tell he's trying to see if this is a stunt for attention. When I impatiently glance between the curtains to seek Asa's easily recognizable truck, my father sits up.
"You're going to Abby's house?" he questions with raised brows.
"I'm going back to school," I clarify, "so you don't have to worry about seeing me again until Christmas break. I'll be sure to drive myself back that time in case something like this happens again."
My father stares at me with a look that says he's not having this. "No," he replies dismissively and attempts to lay back down.
"My friend drove an hour to come get me. You said I could go so that's what I'm doing," I reiterate as I offer him a weak shrug. "I'll let you know when I get back and I'll call you on Thanksgiving."
My dad's eyes narrow as I continue my journey across the living room. I know he won't try to stop me; he's too stubborn to make a scene, but I know he won't forgive me easily. Then again, I don't really care. I shut the door behind me and approach the black truck, which sticks out amongst the smaller cars lining the street. Asa opens his door, gets out, and jogs across the street to help me with my belongings. I fight the urge to hug him and instead, hand him my heavier duffel bag. I hear the front door open so I look back and see my dad propped against the railing with a bitter expression on his face. I make it a point to ignore him and just continue putting my luggage into the backseat.
"Do you want to say 'bye' to him?" Asa whispers as he walks me to my side of the truck. He opens the door and holds out his arm for me to boost myself up.
"Already did," I reply in short as I grab his forearm and get into the vehicle. He goes around the side and I watch my father from behind the tinted windows. Asa starts driving and once we're off my street, I rest my head against the headrest and close my eyes.
"You can put on your music," he insists as he unplugs his phone. At random, I pick one of my playlists and let it fill the car. He lets the sad love songs play for fifteen minutes before turning it down and risking a glance at me.
"You okay?" he asks quietly.
"Yeah," I mumble tiredly. I'm definitely happy to be out of that house, that's for sure. "It's been a long couple of days."
"No, I mean..." he trails as he motions to the music. I stare at him with furrowed brows and wait for him to continue. He abruptly turns the music off and clears his throat uncomfortably. "Maya may have told me about Drew."
"Oh," I mutter with a slow nod. I wonder what she could've possibly said. I barely got back to her about it; all I said was that he came over and tried to win me back.
"I'll admit, I was upset that you didn't tell me. That's actually the real reason why I FaceTimed you," he confesses as he adjusts his grip on the steering wheel.
"The last thing I wanted to do was rant to you about my ex," I briefly explain as I turn my hands over in my lap.
"We've talked about him before," he reminds me with a careless shrug. "Maya said that he's...uh, trying to get you back."
"He tried. He came over and basically asked me to take him back. He said that he messed up really bad and that he misses me and everything you say at a time like that," I explain vaguely, leaving out the more personal parts.
"What'd you say?" he asks with an absent expression on his face. Maybe if we were having this conversation at a table, I'd be able to fully see what he's feeling. Now it's dark and his eyes are focused on the road.
"I told him that I've moved on and that he should too," I decide to confess. Except, it's only a half confession. What I really said was that I'm with someone else, but Asa doesn't need to know that. The last thing I want him to feel is pressured. I don't even know if I meant what I said. It just seemed like the easiest thing to say at the time.
"Did you mean that?" he inquires after nodding along to my statement. He took a second to think, during which I was wondering what the hell was going on in his mind.
"Yes, Asa, obviously," I reply as I force a slightly exasperated sigh from my mouth. I don't need him thinking I'm caught up on Drew, especially because I'm not.
"I just wasn't sure. You were playing all this sad music that almost made me cry," he announces with a small grin. I offer him a chuckle before looking down at my fingers.
"It just hurt me to have to break his heart like that," I follow up with a sniffle.
"At least now he'll be able to move on, too," he replies with a weak shrug. I feel his gaze on me for a few seconds as we cruise down the highway. "I don't like seeing you cry." I turn to him with slightly raised brows, which results in him adding: "unless its about how much you miss me."
I roll my eyes as hard as I physically can while he giggles to himself. "You're an idiot, Asa," I exhale, fighting off a grin as I feel a sense of appreciation swell in my chest. I've missed him.
"I really did mean it though," he grows serious. He raises his hand for a high-five and I furrow my eyebrows. What a...friendly interaction. "Are you just going to leave me hanging?" He shifts quickly to look at me before returning his gaze to the road. I fight the urge to say 'screw your highfive' and then tell him to put his other hand back on the wheel.
I heave a sigh and give in, allowing my hand to clap against his. He surprises me by closing his fingers around my palm, twisting our entwined hands, and kissing the back of mine. I can't repress the smile that falls onto my face as I keep my eyes set on him. With a satisfied look on his face, he drops our tangled fingers in the space between us.
"If you wanted to hold my hand, you could've just asked," I acknowledge as he continues to take us in the direction of the apartment.
"Where's the fun in that?" he asks with a grin. I start the music again but this time, a much happier playlist, which seems to satisfy him. Our hands stay tied together for the rest of the ride and I feel him draw light circles against my skin in a calming fashion. We don't do much talking until we're inside the apartment. As you can probably guess, he didn't even bother locking it during his absence.
"What time do you work in the morning?" I wonder when I catch sight of the television that was also left on while he was gone. 1:45 AM.
"I have to be up at 7 and in at 8," he explains as he drops my belongings in the living room. He hesitates for a second and I can tell he's contemplating whether or not I'll be sleeping in his bed tonight. I decide to make it clear by slapping the couch and nodding.
"Ole reliable has never let me down," I comment. At this, he approaches the closet and grabs a blanket and pillow, which he then tosses on the couch. "Thank you, you know...for everything."
"No problem, cry baby," he responds with a smile. I gaze up at him from my spot leaning against the arm of the couch and feel my stomach tense a bit. Slowly but surely, he approaches me and raises his hand. I wait in anticipation for it to land on the side of my face but it does not. Instead, he gives my head two pats as if I'm a puppy. Inadvertently, I let my eyes roll to the back of my head and he picks up on my dissatisfaction. "What? Did you think I'd hug you?" he wonders with a raised brow and a teasing mug on his face. I let out a quiet scoff as my intrusive thoughts start to speak: no I thought you'd kiss me.
"No," I answer sassily and he starts to back away in a playfully offended stance.
"Oh well then I guess I'll go to bed," he concludes dramatically. I let out a loud sigh before grabbing the front of his shirt and pulling him towards me. Because of my slanted position and his awkwardly towering height, my face is in his stomach and his arms wrap around my head. Yet some reason, it proves to be more comforting than any average embrace that I've had before. His hand tickles at the base of my head as I smile into his shirt and allow myself to get lost in his delectable scent. He surprises me by remaining in that position for a few seconds longer than normal. In fact, I'm the one that pulls away first but he doesn't release me from his grip; instead, his hands lightly glide from the base of my head to the sides of my face.
"Okay, you should go to bed now, you have to be up early," I remind him as my stomach starts to tingle. He bears a small smile before releasing my face and turning towards his room.
"Night, Poison," he says as he opens the door to his bedroom.
"Night, Asa," I reply quietly before laying back on the couch. These next few days should be...interesting.