~Evan's POV~
I'm gonna do this. I can do it. Come on Hansen you can do this.
Ok I totally can't do it.
I am here, in front of the Kleinman's front door debating about should I ring the doorbell or not. It's been like... 30 minutes? This is normal to be in front of someone door wondering if we should open it for 30 minutes, right? RIGHT??
I hear a faint voice behind the door. Oh my god it's him. I can't do it. I CAN'T DO IT!!!
I'm panicking as I hear footsteps coming towards the front door. I can't even react because the door opens.
When he opened the door he already looked like he was in a really bad mood, but now that he saw me his expression seems even more desperate.
He groans and rolls his eyes.
"Maybe I'm not going outside today." He says and starts closing the door. "Nononononono! P-please I-I wanted to t-talk to y-you!" I say nervously trying to keep the door open.
Word key: trying. And I miserably fail. As always.
I head back to home sighing. It's not the first time I try to apologize to him. But it's the first time he sees me. The others times I've just got back home without even knocking at his door or ringing the doorbell. Well once I rang the doorbell but then I ran away like the coward I am...
Jared is the only one I didn't apologize to. The Murphys forgave me. Well... Yes they forgave me but Zoe broke up with me. I guess I deserve it. I started talking to Alana again but Jared... I can't talk to him.
Maybe he's scaring me. Jared can be scary sometimes...
"Hi honey how it went this time?" Mom asks me as I entered in the house. I sigh. "W-we'll this time h-he saw m-me." I say sitting on the couch.
"Awesome! So you talked to each other?" She says happily. She's going to be so disappointed... "N-not really... A-actually he just s-saw me and th-then he frowned a-and he c-closed the door..." I say feeling ashamed. Why couldn't I be normal. Why couldn't I talk without stuttering and apologize to my friend. Well family friend. Not really friend.
"Oh sweetie I'm so sorry..." She makes her way to me and hugs me. "Maybe he's still hurt but don't worry thing are getting better soon I promise ok?" I nod and go to my room up stairs.
I lay down on my bed and grab my phone. To my surprise someone sent me a text. Three texts actually. I'm not used to receive texts. Who would talk to the poor stuttering Evan Hansen who tried to- I mean fell out of a tree?
Alana: Soooooo how was it this time?
Alana: Ok no need to tell me Jared just called me. I'm sorry Evan I'm trying to make him listen to you but you know him.
Alana: You know what, call me
I'm definitely not in the mood but maybe it could help to talk to someone. I call her and she picks up almost immediately.
"Hi Evan!" She says. "H-hi" I respond. "S-so he t-told you ab-bout today's a-attempt?" I say already knowing the answer. I'm so stupid.
I hear her sigh. "Yeah he told me... I'll try to make him listen to you again but for the moment it's really hard. I'm sorry Evan." She says sounding guilty.
"Y-you don't have t-to be s-sorry. It's n-not your f-fault at a-all." I mean, it isn't her fault at all. "Well I'm still sorry. I gotta go but I see you Monday at school okay?"
"O-okay." I answered. She hangs up. How to start an horrible Saturday in a few lessons by Evan Hansen:
First step, try to apologize to your ex-friend and fail miserably.
Second step, get all the pity from your mom and your only real friend
And finally, spend the rest of your day alone.
I look at my cast. I'm going to take it off in a month or so. I think it's a good thing. That reminds me too much bad memories.
I look around to my room to see if I could do anything. I look of my many many many plants. I have cactuses, many variety of flowers and even a little tree. Jared used to make fun of me for having so much plants in my room.
But I know he liked them too cause once, mom invited his mom and him and I needed to go to the bathroom. When I came back to my room I saw him looking very interested at one of my cactuses.
That still makes me smile when rethink of it. I didn't make a comment about it I didn't want to upset him.
Once I bought him a plant but he probably threw it away. He doesn't want me in his life anyway.
I close my eyes and start feeling very tired.
~•~
"Honey! Could you help me with the cake please?" I hear my mom say. I think I fell asleep after closing my eyes. "W-what cake?" I ask confused as I go down stairs.
Mom doesn't bake often. She only bakes when we have guests... And that's the last thing I want right now. I just want to be alone.
"Are you ok? You look really tired." She says gently. "W-Well I am..." I mutter.
"W-why are you b-baking mom?" I ask. "You'll see Evan." She sounds really excited. She does that when she has an idea. But parents' ideas aren't always the bests.
~•~
I go back to my room and open my laptop. I start writing a letter. I write a letter almost every day. But it's not letters to myself anymore. I write letters to Jared. To apologize.
Dear Jared,
You'll probably never read this. I guess it's more for myself than for you but still, I'm doing this. I've been a real asshole. I know it. And I'm really sorry about it. This whole 'Connor Project' thing was the worst idea I've ever had. Well that fake emails thing was also a bad idea. Lying to everyone was as bad as these things by the way. Anyway, my stupidity isn't the topic of this letter. I wanted to say sorry. I'm sorry for using you and for being a jerk to you. Even if you don't trust me you're dear to me and it hurt when you said you were just talking to me because of your car insurance. Because to me, your a real friend not just a family friend.
Sincerely,
Me
I save it and add it to many others I've written. I feel so stupid for writing letters that will never be read.
The doorbell rings. That's weird. Who would come to the Hansen's house at 7 P.M.? It rings again. "Evan! Can you go open the door please, I'm busy for the moment sweetie." I hear my mom call.
I sigh and go down stairs. I start feeling nervous I'm not good with social interactions. As I get closer to the door I hear two people arguing. I can't hear what they were saying but the voices sound familiar.
My shaky fingers reach the doorknob.
"Why did you drag me here again? If I knew it was here we were going I wouldn't even have got in the car!" Oh my god... That voice...
"Well now we're here and it's too late to go back at home."
I'm not ready but I don't have a choice. I open the door and the arguing stops. There are a boy crossing his arms and an older woman smiling politely at me.
"H-hi Ms.K-kleinman." I say waving shyly at her. My breathe gets quicker as my gaze drift to the boy next to her.
"H-hi J-jared."
Word count: 1344
A/n: Heyyyy. This is my first fanfic. Well this is the first fanfic I publish but still. Anyway feel free to comment and say constructive things. I'm french so it might have many spelling errors. Feel free to point them. For the moment there isn't a cover but I will work on it don't worry. I hope you'll enjoy this fanfic.
Buh-bi !
P.s: I probably won't update really often sorry...