sherlock relaxed in his seat as his flight got delayed for two hours. he took his phone out of his pocket and decided to call his mom, telling he'd be in later than planned.
once a family with a screaming infant sat next to him, he took out his ear buds and turned his music on, seeing the text:
when you get home we should catch up.
he cleared the text from his notifications then set his phone on his chest, sinking further into his chair as he stared up at the ceiling. he was currently studying at harvard, coming home for christmas break to his small farm town in the middle of no where virginia. he didn't mind go home, but he just wanted to get away. he wanted to leave the small town and make something good out of himself that didn't have to deal with farming or his income depending on the crop season. his phone vibrated and he took it off his chest, looking down at the screen.
don't be a twat, sherlock. i know your flight's delayed the least you can do is text me back.
sherlock opened the text and stared at the grey bubbles from his friend, seeing the three dots appear.
don't leave me on read.
how are you, john?
you know how i'm doing.
not really, no.
if you didn't ignore my texts you'd know.
suppose so.
how's your boyfriend? forgot his name.
james.
and we're fine.
good to hear.
sherlock knew john's boyfriend's name. never left his head. he was jealous of him. jealous that he got what sherlock has always wanted. what he's been in love with since sophomore year of high school. sherlock called himself pathetic and set his phone back down, tilting his head back and closing his eyes, ignoring the vibrations from his phone.
it's been about ten months for john and sholto. ever since john went to tour the university of virginia campus and got hit on by a guy in the library. john came home and went to sherlock, going on and on about the guy in the library and all sherlock could do was sit there and listen. no matter how bad he wanted to tell his best friend he was in love with him. then the rest of their senior year, john was always on his phone texting sholto or asking sherlock on weekends if he could meet sholto halfway so they could go out to dinner while sherlock sat in his car and tried not to cry. during the summer, sherlock spent time away from john, drowning himself in work to ignore his friend. it worked too. sherlock was able to leave for school without saying a long goodbye to john and he hated that, but it was for the best. sherlock didn't want to see him. every time he saw him his heart broke a little more.
by the time sherlock got home, it was past dinner time, but his mom made a plate for him and left it in the microwave, allowing him to eat once he said his hellos.
you're home.
we should hang out.
sherlock stared at the screen of his phone as he mushed his meatloaf with his fork.
"it's meatloaf, not mashed potatoes, son." mr holmes said as he walked over to the fridge.
sherlock stopped and looked at his plate, seeing that he completely mushed his meatloaf and decided he wasn't hungry anymore. he pushed the plate away slightly, feeling like the meatloaf was his heart and the fork was every time he saw or revived a text from john.
"you plan on seein' john?" sherlock's father asked him, cracking open a cold one.
sherlock shrugged. "not sure." he stood up with his plate, going to dump his mashed meatloaf in the trash.
"you two haven't seen each other since summer. the least you could do is stop by and saw hello to dorothy and henry."
"i really don't wanna see him, pa." sherlock said as he turned the sink on, rinsing his plate.
"why's that?"
sherlock sighed, turning the sink off. "it's complicated."
"but y'all have been friends since you were in diapers."
"things change." sherlock set his plate out to dry. "we've grown apart. it happens. night, dad." sherlock said then walked out of the kitchen, walking through the hall then going upstairs and locking himself in his room.
are you mad at me or something?
you're being a dick, sherlock.
fuck you.
sherlock sat on the edge of his bed, staring down at his phone screen, looking at the texts. he sighed and slipped his phone onto his nightstand, falling back onto his mattress. he grabbed his pillow, holding it over his face as he screamed into it, removing it from his face once he was finished. the pillow was wrapped tightly between sherlock's arms as he stared up at his ceiling, thinking about his best friend he was in love with who was in love with another guy and only saw him as a friend. sherlock rolled onto his stomach, pressing his face into his mattress as he sighed, letting out another muffled groan. he pulled the pillow out from him then grabbed his phone off his night stand as it started to buzz.
john would like to facetime.
sherlock sat up, hitting the chat bubble and typing in an excuse that he was about to get in the shower. a shower actually sounded nice right now. he was all sticky and gross from the flight and normally a shower relaxed him when he was stressed.
i want to talk to you.
we can talk tomorrow.
live up to your word sherlock or i'm coming over there.
sherlock got up and went to his suitcase, taking out his phone charger before going back to he bed and moving his nightstand out of the way, plugging his block into the wall then plugging the charger into his phone. he walked out of his bedroom, going to the linen closet and taking out a towel before going to the bathroom. his father had walked passed the bathroom, his heavy steps receding down the hall and to his bedroom.
there was a moment of relief when the hot water hit shelrock's chest, running down his nude body. instead of relaxing, the thoughts of john came flooding into sherlock's mind. the memories of them down at the river after working on the watson's farm, hot and sweaty the temperature breaking records. they had gotten out of sherlock's truck and went their normal path down to the section of the river on the watson's property. john had started undressing first, tossing his boxers to the side before diving in off the dock. sherlock was stuck on the side, watching his friend break the surface of the water, smiling widely at him, telling him to jump in. tightness in sherlock's jeans started to distract him as he watched his friend try to persuade him to jump in.
the wholesome tan body of the blond body filled sherlock's mind. the way he looked in the summer heat with his fringe sticking the his sweat soaked forehead or the way his jeans stuck to his ass, the curved beauty popping out as he bent over, picking up another hay bale. sherlock rested his forearm against the cool tile of the shower, letting the water his his back as his other hand traveled down his body. he closed his eyes, wondering how the arse of his best friend would look perked out in front of him, engulfing his cock.
sherlock stepped out of the shower, grabbing his towel off the hook then wrapping it around his hips. he took a minute to collect himself, getting the thoughts of his friend out of his head.
"stupid, stupid, stupid," sherlock muttered as he picked up his clothes off the floor, putting them in the laundry basket before going back to his room.
"you're disgusting." he told himself as he dug through his suit case, pulling out a fresh pair of boxers and a pair of his sweatpants. "absolutely disgusting." he tossed his towel on his desk chair, changing then getting into bed, shoving his face into his pillow and letting out a frustrated yell.
he pulled his face out of his pillow, starring at the darkness of his room, regretting coming home this early. he should've taken the chem lab shifts, but his mother insisted that he should come down to spend more time with family and she bought his plane tickets, so he couldn't say no. he really wanted to. he knew that john would be all up in his business, trying to get him to talk, but if sherlock saw john in person his heart would probably snap in two and then his entire body. it was unhealthy the way he felt towards his best friend. it was unhealthy to be in love with another boy. from what sherlock learned in sunday school, he'd be hated if he was gay. he'd be thrown out of his house and disowned. his best friend would disown him too. call him a freak and perverted for ever having a crush on him.
the family thing wasn't true because his parents still loved john like their third son and nothing changed when he came out. but the thoughts about john were probably true. sherlock played it through his head. him confessing his feelings to his best friend, him rejecting him and calling him things then never speaking to him again. it played in sherlock's head like a movie. a movie that left him heartbroken and that pit like feeling in his gut. he needed to get over it, but he just didn't know how.