hello guysss,
im so excited about this new adventure and i just hope you'll like this new story as much as i do.
what i wanted to say is that for every chapter there's gonna be a picture which is gonna be taken from harry during the course of the chapter
other than that, i hope you'll enjoy the reading! please, vote and comment x
Charlene Whelan
Breathe. Bukowski. Ginsberg. Salinger. Kerouac. Breathe.
I had no intention to work today. I had asked Clarissa to change our shift a week before, and she had told me: "yeah, don't worry... you can count on me!" in her thick Alabama accent, she had patted my back and she had smiled in a too reassuring way, which should've made me understand not to trust her too much, after all. She had called me yesterday again, telling me that the producer she had been begging to sing for had finally called her back and she just couldn't tell him no. It's her big shot, after all. I can't blame her. I hadn't found anyone else to change my shift with, with such a little notice.
My intention was to spend the day completely alone. I wanted to shut off from everyone, like every year this exact day of this exact month. I didn't want to be surrounded by people. There's not much I can do about it, I can't lose this job. Not another one. I had forced myself to leave the bed and I had wrapped my body into a pair of black jeans and a burgundy sweater. I hadn't done anything to my hair, or worn any makeup, not that I normally do, but today it is particularly evident my lack of commitment in getting ready. Before leaving my apartment I had put on my beige trusty jacket. I had found it at a thrift shop during my first week in Los Angeles, it was an incredibly big, old men jacket which had ended up by mistake into the women section, and there had been something about that ugly jacket who had pushed me to buy it. I haven't worn anything else ever since.
As soon as I close the door of my apartment behind me, Los Angeles' pungent early morning air hits me in the face. We're in the first days of November and it's not as warm as it used to be and the fact that last night has been raining the whole night doesn't help it. I can still see around the reminiscences of last night's downpour. I've always been extremely sensitive to the cold, my mother used to tell me all the time.
Breathe. Bukowski. Ginsberg. Salinger. Kerouac. Breathe. Go.
The ride with the bus had been extremely long, as usual. I don't live too far from the battered cafe I work at, sometimes I even take a walk until there, when I'm in a rush, usually. With the bus, in the Los Angeles traffic, it takes double of the time.
Before walking in I take a deep breath, I go straight to the changing room, hang on my coat and get my apron. I just want to get it over with as quick as possible, now that I'm here.
"Good morning, Charlene!" Robbie, my boss, yells from his office when he sees me. He's a good man on the fifties, slightly overweight, without so many hairs on his head and a thick pair of glasses that frame his face. I nod at his direction and walk to my first table of the day to get their orders.
"Thought you weren't coming today..." Isadora tells me when I walk back to the counter. She works here as a waitress too.
"Yeah, but then Clarissa called me last night saying she had a very important audition, or whatever..." I shrug my shoulders, letting out a soft chuckle while I try to imitate her tone of voice. Isadora chuckles too, shakes her head to herself and right after a feeble sigh comes out of her lips.
"That's what she says every week..." She adds right after, tearing a weak smile out of me. She's not wrong. She says she's about to get a big deal at least once a week and yet every single week she ends up sleeping with some asshole that is never going to keep the promise he'd made her. She never learns but I can't blame her. She's a dreamer, she wants to see the good in men like them and she's a lot of hope. You have to, if you want to do a job like that. I guess every girl has been like that at some point, past their childhood. Except for me, I couldn't allow myself to dream so big. At any point. Isadora wants to be an actress too and in the meanwhile she works here. Every girl I've met here has had some kind of dream to follow, while I just want to pay college and find a decent job to live a decent life.
"What can I get you, Sir.?" I ask the man who's just sat at the counter and has his stare on the newspaper in front of him. He absently looks up at me and seems to think about it for a few seconds, before answering me.
"A cup of coffee is fine..." He tells me with a weak smile and when I nod my head he brings his eyes back on his newspaper. I walk toward the other side of the counter to get a hot cup of coffee for the man and I'm quickly distracted by the loud screams of a man talking on the phone.
"Bill, c'mon!" I hear the guy say, while I bring the cup to the man that ordered it. The next thing I hear is the same guy that was screaming, hitting the counter with rage. "It completely slipped out of my mind, ok?!" He takes a deep breath and tries to keep a calmer tone of voice, but I can feel his rage right through it, no matter how hard he tries. I get my rag and I start cleaning up the counter, getting near to him. For a second, the thought of getting distracted by a stranger's drama doesn't seem such a bad idea today. "Give me like... like five more days," I hear him sigh. "It's all I need..." Now he just seems frustrated, almost begging the other man on the phone. He waits in silence for a few seconds, probably listening to what he's answering. "Fuck off, Bill!" He raises his voice again and then he throws his phone with a surprising strength and rage against the wall, almost hitting me. I jump, bringing for the first time my eyes on the very mad man. He furiously passes his hands through his curly chestnut hair.
"Are you out of your mind?!" I dare to say, still shaken by his sudden action. He looks up at me for the first time. He has a very green pair of eyes, framed by very evident dark circles that make me think that maybe he hasn't slept a lot but they don't make him look any less handsome. He has a very sharp jaw and a beautiful pair of lips, not too thin or too plump; perfect size.
"What the fuck do you want?!" He raises his voice at me too, looking at my way with spite in his eyes and a disgusted expression. He doesn't seem like one of our usual clients. His clothes, even if clearly not ironed seem of a very good quality and he seems definitely young, compared to our elderly customers.
"You could've hurt someone... like me, for example," I bring my hand on my hips and I look at him with my eyebrows furrowed, making clear how bothered I am. "Which you almost did," I quickly add. He rolls his eyes, keeping his eyes on the wall in front of him.
"Almost," He nods his head. "But I didn't." Arrogant bastard. "Now, can I get my phone back?" He asks me, in a calmer tone, stretching his opened hand on the counter. I huff, deciding not to put on a scene with a client, not today. I take a deep breath and I get his phone back from the floor, putting it into his hand.
"Fuck..." He huffs, looking at the phone in his hand and trying to turn it on. When it doesn't work he slams it with strength on the counter, making me jump once again. "It's broken!"
"Shocking..." I sarcastically say, going back to the cleaning of the counter.
"I need a taxi!" He tells me, as if I could do something about it. I look up at him for a second, with an expression that makes clear that I have no intention of helping him. "Give me a phone," He immediately says when he reads the disinterest and annoyance on my features.
"Do I look like your waitress?!" I spat out, unable to hide my annoyance at his blunt rudeness. I've had to deal with people like him my whole life. The only reason why I haven't told him to fuck off just yet is that I want to keep my job.
"What, you aren't?!" He chuckles and looks at me in a derogatory way. I roll my eyes and immediately walk toward the other side of the counter, not wanting to hear one more word from him. As I've said, I've already met people like him and I've stopped caring about their words a long time ago.
"Hey, ok... I'm sorry!" He immediately says, jumping up and following me to the other side of the counter. "I'll give you..." He starts saying, stopping at the middle of his sentence to take out his leather wallet and see what's inside, "... fifty dollars," He rests them in front of me. "Fifty dollars for one call, what do you say?" He tries, with a kinder tone of voice. I take the bill and throw it at his face, before flashing my eyes at him.
"You can shove it up your asshole!" I hiss at him, feeling a desperate need to make him disappear from here.
"Whatever..." He murmurs and rolls his eyes, before turning around and giving me his back. Hey!" He raises his voice. "I have desperate need to make a call, I'll give you fif-"
"Oh my God..." I whisper to myself, before stopping him by grabbing the fabric of his shirt and tugging him toward me, hoping to shut him up. "Get my phone... it's alright!" I say exasperated already by the very brief interaction with the man in front of me. I take out my phone from the pocket of my apron and pass it to him, who gladly accepts it.
He gives it back to me after around a minute and then he goes back to sit at his place at the counter. "I have to wait for my taxi," He explains to me when he notices my eyes on him. I just decide to ignore him from now on and focus on the other clients.
"Can I have a cup of coffee?" He tells me when he notices every single one of my attempt to ignore him. I sigh, filling up a cup for him too and resting it in front of him. He doesn't say anything at all before he starts sipping on his hot coffee, so I go on with my job.
My attention is further on back on him because of a "click" that reminds me of one of a camera. I immediately turn my head toward him just to see that it's actually a camera pointed at my direction. I furrow my eyebrows, feeling immediately alarmed by what he's just done. For whatever reason he's taken a picture of me, without even asking first.
"Excuse me?!" I bring my hand on my hip and look at him with my lips widened, completely shocked.
"I'll send you a copy!" He chuckles and shrugs his shoulders. I immediately feel as mad as some minutes ago, finding it harder and harder to stay calm.
"Delete it right now!" I clearly tell him, keeping my eyes on him.
"It's an analog camera..." He chuckles and shows it to me in an obvious tone. "I can't delete a picture from here," he rolls his eyes. I huff and take a deep breath, trying hard not to lose my patience.
"You can't just take picture of people like that without even asking, do you know that?!" I raise my voice, regretting it right after when I notice the alarming way Isadora looks at me. I mouth her a "sorry" and bring back my eyes on him.
"I know that, yeah..." He laughs and nods his head. "But your stare was lost... if I asked you I would've ruined the moment."
"I don't really care!" I blurt out.
"I think I'll go now..." He sighs, standing up from his seat and leaving some bills on the counter for his coffee. "My taxi will probably be out already!" He murmurs, probably to me, but considering that I don't answer or look at him, he just stops trying, walking toward the exit to leave.
While I look at him walking away I feel a strong sense of panic hitting me. His drama and rudeness had kept my mind away from what today is, which is definitely positive. It quickly comes back as I look at him walking away. I leave the counter and run toward him, stopping him from stepping into the taxi just in time.
"Hey!" I raise my voice, capturing his attention. He furrows his eyebrows and looks with confusion in my way. "What are you gonna do with that picture?" I ask right away, needing to know to let my anxiety go.
"Probably nothing..." He shrugs his shoulders, looking at me with the same confusion. He probably doesn't understand why I'm so worried about it.
"Ok..." I slowly nod my head. "I don't want you to develop it at all, please."
"Alright..." He furrows his eyebrows and chuckles, not understanding where all of it is coming from. "... Charlene," he says when he eyes the tag with my name on the apron. Shocking that this is the first time he's seen it, considering for how long I've been in front of him. "I'll see you around, I guess..." He shrugs his shoulders and then winks at me, before disappearing into his taxi.
"Let's hope not..." I whisper to myself while looking at the car driving away from me.
"Hey, did you lose your mind?!" Isadora whispers at me as soon as I get back inside. "You left me here all alone... good thing Robbie didn't come out to see you weren't at the counter," she rightfully scolds me and I nod my head, knowing that I shouldn't have done what I did.
"Sorry, I know..." I sigh. Now I need something else to take my mind off of what today is.
Harry Styles
A few months ago I had been offered the opportunity to hold a big exhibition here in Los Angeles. Bill Taylor has been a great client and a great supporter since I first started in the business, since I was a nobody. I had a free hand on whatever I wanted to make, the only condition was to show him a preview of what I was going to do today to book the exhibition. Nothing too complicated, if it wasn't for the fact that I completely forgot. I hadn't even started working about it, or even thought about what I want to do. Lately, I tend to do all my work very last minute. This time, I guess, it really didn't end up well.
I had called Bill again once I had arrived back home, with my new phone, and I had apologized and told him that I had a few things ready to show him, which means that I'm totally going to improvise. Once he had accepted to see me I had gone straight to my darkroom to develop my last film, not remembering what half on it is. I usually take the best pictures when I'm too wasted to remember, so I tend to bring my camera with me everywhere.
Bill, as usual, is perfectly punctual. I take a deep breath and I walk to the door to welcome him in. He gives me a quick attentive look and then slowly walks in.
"You look like shit!" He blurts out. Yeah, I know. "And smell like one too, actually."
"Thanks!" I roll my eyes and start working toward my office, followed by him that perfectly knows the way.
"It wasn't a compliment!"
"That's exactly why I thanked you..." I chuckle, while he shakes his head at me.
"Ok, so..." I start saying, as soon as we enter my office. I walk toward the table at the center of the room, which is covered in pictures right now and I try to take my time to think exactly about what I want to say. How to expose my project, which I have no idea what exactly is. I just took a bunch of unpublished pictures and put them together. "Women," I blur out, clapping my hands together. "Nothing else to say." Bill furrows his eyebrows and lowers his stare down on the table to look at the picture in front of him.
"These are outtakes from your Vogue shooting..." he points at a few pictures with the same model. "These are from your last W Magazine shooting..." he sighs, looking back up at me. "Those are all outtakes from your old projects," he waves his hands in the air with exasperation. "Do you actually have something new to show me?" Fuck.
"I thought that the whole exhibition could be about my outtakes..." I shrug my shoulders and bring my hands into the pockets of my jeans.
"Bullshit!" He raises his voice at me and shakes his head. "You just didn't know what the fuck show me and you wanted an easy way out... well, I don't work like that, Harry..." he bitterly chuckles. I can tell by the way he's looking at me that he's hugely disappointed and maybe I am too, of myself. "And you didn't either, once... that's why I liked you."
"I'm still the same person, Bill..." I sigh, lowering down my stare on my pictures.
"Not anymore and you know it!" He shakes his head. "You once did it for passion... now all you care about is booze and vaginas."
"Well, if you think about it vaginas were a great part of my work at the start too..." I make a joke, hoping to light up the mood, but it doesn't really work, since he only rolls his eyes at me.
"Don't you have anything else?" He sighs, softening his tone of voice. Somehow, maybe he's not that done with me.
"I developed my latest film before you arrived but I haven't seen the results just yet..." I point at the dark room behind me and he slowly nods his head, walking with me toward it. I take a quick look at the pictures that are hanging around the room, which have all shaped. It was a black and white film, so no colors.
Maybe it's not a great idea taking pictures while I'm wasted, after all. The majority of them are random pictures I can't even point out, there are a bunch of different breasts, which I don't even remember whose they are and then a few blurred faces.
"Is it a vagina?" Bill asks, observing a picture with his eyebrows furrowed and a confused expression on his face. I do the same, not really understanding it either. But I can't tell him that I was too wasted to remember.
"Uhm... pr-Yes!" I vigorously nod my head right after. It must be from last night with Kendra. All I know is that I've woken up in her bed this morning.
"Who is she?" Bill eyes immediately spark up with interest while he looks at my last picture hanging up there. I move my eyes where he's looking and I immediately recognize it. That maddening girl at the cafe today. The picture really has come out nicely, it doesn't even look like my style, but weirdly I don't mind. It's a really good picture. It was a very close-up picture, I wanted to get her lost stare, I wanted whoever looked at that picture to focus on it. She seemed to be in her own little world.
"Just... a random girl at a cafe," I shrug my shoulders and then cross my arms over my chest.
"I like it..." He slowly nods his head and moves his eyes on me right after, looking almost surprised that I even took the picture in the first place. "I'm willing to bet everything on that single picture if you take me more stuff like that," He points at the picture of the girl and looks at me straight in the eyes, there's no sign of joke in him.
"I can do that..." I vigorously nod my head, not having any idea what "that" even stays for.
"Don't fuck it up, Harry!" He warns me, pointing his index at my chest. "You have one month!" I nod my head and then he stretches his hand out for me to shake. As soon as I bring him to the door, I run back to my darkroom to get that picture and then I rush to my car, hoping to find her there.
I had wandered through different streets for a long time, before finding the exact cafe. I didn't remember the street or how I had arrived there, so it had been rather difficult. I park my car in front of it and I get in. I move my eyes around the room, looking for the girl of the picture but there's no sign of her around. I only recognize a blonde girl that was here too today, so I decide to approach her.
"Hi..." I start saying. "I'm looking for a girl, she was working here today," the girl looks up at me and furrows her eyebrows. "Red hair, freckles and clear eyes? Her name was like Charlotte, or something."
"Charlene?" She asks. I immediately nod my head.
"Yes!"
"She doesn't work here anymore..." she shrugs her shoulders and lowers her stare, probably trying to hide the disappointment in her words.
"She was here just this morning..." I tell her, furrowing my eyebrows.
"A lot can change in a couple of hours around here!" I just hope it wasn't my fault.
"Well, do you know where she lives? It's important!" She seems hesitant to give me this information and maybe, after all, she shouldn't, considering I'm a stranger. "Please..." I insist, just because I know I don't have any bad intention.
She had agreed to give me her address after me begging for a couple more minutes, probably because she just wanted me gone as soon as possible. I had jumped into my car and I had driven straight toward her place.
It wasn't too far from the cafe, I had parked and got out of the car to look for the exact number. It's a complex of very small and very shabby houses, which I'll avoid to point out this time. She lives at number 5th, so once I find it I knock on the door.
"Who is it?" I recognize her voice that seems slightly different now.
"Uhm... Charlene, I'm the asshole from the cafe today, remember?" I hear silence from the other side of the door and after a few seconds she opens up the door, giving me a very wary and confused look. Her eyes are very watery, it seems like she's been crying until not too long ago.
"I told you I would've brought you a copy!" I try to light up the mood, showing her the picture I had taken. She observes it and then tears it out of my hand.
"Thanks!" She blurs out and tries to close the door on my face, but I'm quick to stop her.
"I need to talk to you for a second, please?" I try to keep a gentle tone of voice but I'm sure she can notice the urging right through it. She sighs and gives me a wary look. "It's a job thing, I promise!" She sighs and then slowly comes out, closing her door behind her.
"What?" She asks me, sitting down the steps of her patio and I do the same.
"I'm a photographer..." I start saying. She looks up at me with a suspicious look. That's probably because everyone in Los Angeles says they're a photographer, thinking that publishing their pictures on Instagram amounts to that. "No, like... a very famous one! I shot for Vogue, W Magazine, Ell-" I stop in the middle of the sentence, when I notice her disinterested look in her eyes. "Ok, you obviously don't give a fuck," I nod my head and she does too. "My agent saw this picture of you," I point to the now creased picture between her hand. "And he loved it! He wants more pictures like that one."
"And why should I care?" She sighs.
"Because I'm used to shooting with top models and I thought that maybe I need to change that..." I start saying and her expression immediately changes, getting defensive right away. "I have to do an exhibition in one month and I'd like you to be the protagonist of it," I decide to say, going straight to the point. She bursts out laughing, looking at me as if I'm completely out of my mind.
"No way!" She vigorously shakes her head, still evidently amusing.
"I would pay you!" I immediately say. "I'll give you ten thousand dollars for a month..." She widens her eyes at my words, making her amusement disappear right away. She carefully inspects my face, trying to understand whatever I'm being serious or not.
"Are you being serious right now?"
"100%, yes!" I nod my head.
"And what would I do?" She asks me, considering my offer for the first time. Good question.
"Uhm... just meet like two or three times every week and see how it goes?" She sighs, lowering her stare to think about it and then she slowly nods her head.
"Would these pictures be published anywhere?" She asks me, bringing her eyes back on me.
"Don't think so... it's only one exhibition here in LA, for now."
"If you can assure me of that, then I accept!" She says slowly, letting out a sigh. She seems conflicted, obviously because she doesn't want to do it but needs to.
"I do!" I do my head and she stretches her hand toward me, before I can shake it, she moves it far from mine.
"No mornings during the week though, I have college!" She adds.
"As if I'm even up before 1 P.M.!" I chuckle while she rolls her eyes at me.
"Deal!" She nods her head and then nears her hand to mine again and, this time, I manage to shake it to seal the deal.