I swayed, stumbled and managed to get my balance again, continuing down a dark, small street in London. The sharp corners of the wind scratched my skin as I felt each individual goosebump prickle my arms and the trees rustled wildly. The sound of my shoes hitting the pavement echoed slightly against the walls of the old houses either side of the empty road was all I heard.
George knew I was high when I left the bus and insisted on walking, although I wasn't sure which direction to go in- I knew I was close to my apartment.
The road I was walking down was dimly lit by a few streetlights and my shadow was cast tall and dark over the concrete.
I began walking down what felt like a familiar alley next to a concrete multi storey car park and didn't seem to hesitate as I approached a dark figure.
I suddenly remembered why I was there.
"You sure you want these, Matt?" Jai's hushed question played through my head repeatedly as I reached out for the baggy and shoved a few notes back to him. Barely taking a look at the contents.
"Cheers" I nodded, almost tripping over myself as I walked away again and rubbed my eyes. Not tonight. I told myself as I shoved it into my pocket and kept walking.
I closed my front door, smirking to myself as I stumbled into the kitchen- almost smug that I'd gotten here.
=
"Matty, it's the afternoon" I forced myself to open my eyes as I felt a kick in my side and looked up to see George towering over me. "I'll get you some coffee" he sighed.
I shifted, sending feeling over my body again and a cold surface touched my neck. Looking down, I discovered I was on my kitchen floor, fully dressed and the strong smell of alcohol, weed and God knows what else invaded my nose.
"Did I...?" I croaked part of my question, grabbing hold of the kitchen side and pulling myself up. George must've let himself in to see where I was.
"You had a few last night, if you couldn't already tell" George put the kettle on as the pulsating in my head became apparent and I shook my coat off. I draped it over the kitchen chair and then pulled my shirt off, throwing it in the laundry.
"I need a fucking shower" I wiped my face with my hands, sighing and slipping my shoes off before walking to the bathroom that was down the hall. I locked the door and stood in front of the medicine cabinet, looking at myself in the mirror. My dark circles matched how exhausted and ill I felt today, partly from my hangover but mostly from the drugs.
I opened the cabinet, casually finding the little bag that I'd hidden behind painkillers and poured a little of the white powder out onto the back of my shaky hand. I quickly snorted it, knocking my head back and sniffing a bit more, trying to wake myself up. I put the bag back and shut the cabinet, swiftly turning the shower on and pulling my clothes off.
As soon as I finished in the shower, the coke had kicked in and I felt more alive than I did this morning. I wrapped a towel around my waist and grabbed my clothes, walking out of the bathroom and into my bedroom opposite.
I briefly saw George putting my coffee on the kitchen table as I walked into my room, dropping the towel and beginning to put some clean clothes on.
"Have you spoke to Imogen in the last twenty-four hours?" I heard George call from the kitchen, almost sarcastically, as I pulled a shirt over my head. I bit my lip, I hadn't even checked my phone.
"I dunno" I called back, trying to pull some black jeans on quickly. "Can you bring me my phone? It's in one of my coat pockets"
George hummed and I pushed my hair back, thinking about the last time I'd seen my girlfriend. Two days ago.
"Are you fucking kidding me, Matt?" I suddenly heard George yell and quickly walked out of my room to the kitchen.
George was standing by my coat, holding a small bag of some sort of opioids.
"You do pills now?" He looked irritated as his brows knitted together and so did mine- with confusion.
"They're not mine" I blurted out, piecing together the events of last night that could've led me to having them. I searched through the other pockets in my trench coat and found my phone, taking the pills from George.
I had multiple missed calls from Jai and a few messages from Imogen.
"I meant to pick up my-" I stopped myself, shaking my head and walking out to the balcony with the pills and my phone. I quickly dialled Jai's number as I lit a cigarette in between my lips and inhaled slowly, watching the end burn.
"Matt, mate, I fucked up last night" Jai spoke down the phone as soon as he picked up. I waited for him to carry on, tapping ash off the end of my cigarette. "I mixed up your deal with somebody else's" I rubbed my temple slightly, trying to focus on what he was saying.
"How?" I screwed my eyes shut, repeating what he said inside my head. "Fuck sake Jai, I gave you money for the fucking coke not some shit pills" I spoke in a hushed tone down the phone, sighing and sucking on the filter again.
"I know. I fucking know. I've sent the girl round with your shit- she'll be there in five" I stopped for a second, confused as I heard the call end and I pushed my phone into my back pocket, pissed off.
George slid the balcony door across and leant on the frame, staring at me as I finished my fag and stubbed it out in the ashtray on the table.
"G" I walked back into the apartment, shutting the door as George followed me. I hurriedly looked around the kitchen and started going through a stack of paperwork. "Can you take a look at this for me" I passed him a random sheet of paper with scribblings, lyrics and notes on, ushering him towards the front door.
"I'll come round later, we need to talk about this shit Matty" He stopped in the hall, staring at me and probably noticing my dilated pupils. "And I'm gonna speak to Jai"
I sighed, wiping my face with one hand before shrugging my shoulders and opening my front door for him.
"Yeah- whatever, bye" I let George walk off without saying anything else, knowing I was being a dick but not really caring. Shutting the door again, I quickly made my way back to the bathroom.
I wiped my nose once I'd finished, sniffing every few seconds as I put the coke back and went into the kitchen to clean up a little. I left the pills in the centre of the kitchen table and pulled my phone out again, reminding me of the messages from Imogen.
Imogen:
u okay babe?xx
are you busy today? I wanna see you xx
The first was from the night before and I'd received the other in the morning when I was presumably passed out on my kitchen floor.
I bit my lip as thoughts of the last time I'd seen her and what we did began rushing through my head- but they were quickly dropped as someone knocked the door and I jumped up from my seat.
I rushed to the front door, checking myself quickly in the long mirror that was leant against the wall in the hall. I pushed my hair back, noticing how fucked I looked but opened the door nevertheless.
An attractive girl stood on the other side of the threshold, looking up sheepishly at me from staring at her black boots. She pushed a loose piece of her dark hair behind her ear as the wind blew it all over the place. She pushed her hands into the pockets of her long grey coat and underneath a long shirt that she wore as a dress swayed above her knees.
"Hello?" I snapped out of my slight trance and realised she'd been making soft sounds with her mouth since I'd opened the door. She spoke with a slight accent that I couldn't name, but I noticed.
My eyes met hers quickly and she dared a half smile as I opened the door a little more.
"Hey" I pulled at my shirt collar slightly. "Did Jai send you?"
She nodded, clocking that I was high as I stepped aside and gestured for her to come in.
"I didn't catch your name, love" I said abruptly as soon as I shut the door, walking towards the kitchen.
"Alyssa" She walked behind me, barely audible.
"Alyssa, I'm Matty" I repeated her name as I leant against the kitchen counter and she stared at the pills on the table for a few seconds. "Petrol?"
She looked back to me, confusion tinting her features and I realised how young she was.
"Huh?" Alyssa broke our solid eye contact and laughed nervously. "I don't drive?"
I couldn't help but laugh, biting my lip slightly to control myself.
"I mean my coke" Her cheeks flushed a soft rose colour as I explained what she hadn't understood completely.