It had been about two weeks since my random beating in the alley. I found out one day while I was talking a walk, that Matty, Charlie and Dylan had done it. I knew this because I had walked by their tour bus, they were outside and mocked me and called me names and just spat insults at me. I took it all in and believed it all. I believed I was a bitch, that I was weak, that I was pathetic. And much more.
As me and my guys we're touring, when I got back on the bus Yuma asked me something but I ignored him and went to my bunk. I grabbed the pocket knife that was under my pillow. I had never used this for anything. Other than cutting open something for fun. But today it'd be useful to me. I went back out and made my way to the bathroom. Yuma tried to get my attention but I didn't look at him. I held a sweater in one hand while my pocket knife was in my pocket. I went to the bathroom, locked the door and took out the knife. I looked at it, then at my arms. I pressed the knife to my skin, was I really ready for this? My phone buzzed at least 20 times at once. I picked it up. More hate. More reasons. I put my Phone down and put the knife to my arm again, this time without hesitation, I cut my skin, dragging the knife down as it cut me. I watched my bloody drip onto the sink. I kept going. The cuts made me feel better. After that, I cleaned up and put my sweater on and acted like in did nothing in there but my business. I was hurting so much on the inside...
*fourth of July*
I posted a picture of me on Anthonys shoulders as I held the American flag above my head as I waved it and fireworks went off In the background. It was a nice picture. I tweeted 'happy fourth of July guys, I hope youve had a good day so far! ' along with the picture of me and gadjet. More hate than good stuff. I sighed, I was trying to be nice. I picked up my pocket knife as I was home alone. I pulled my sleeve up, cuts and scars covered my arm. It was harsh. I pressed my knife into my skin and cut again.
I knew they wouldnt be the only pain in the ass for the next week's..