CHAPTER FIVE:
A TWIN CONNECTION
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The funny thing about seeing your dead mother was that you couldn't breathe. Nova thought it would be easier to breathe, knowing her mother was right there in the room with her. However, she felt short of breath as she stared at her mother's reflection in the photo, stroking the rose gently with her fingers. She was still humming, and Nova recognized the tune now as a lullaby Elizabeth had used to hum to her children at night. Elizabeth was looking at Nova softly, with the wisdom only a mother could.
"Little dove," her mother said again, contently. "The Room of Requirement certainly is a strange place. It was a study room when I was here." Elizabeth smiled fondly.
"Yeah," Nova managed to stutter out, "it's changed into a couple different things when I've needed it to."
Elizabeth's smile suddenly melted away, and she stared at Nova in sorrow. "Little dove, I'm so sorry. I never meant to leave you and your brother. I never wanted to. And to know what your father has done... it breaks my heart."
Nova found herself kneeling beside the portrait, shaking her head instantly. "No, Mum, no. It's not your fault. None of it is your fault. Theo and I, we don't blame you."
"A mother always blames herself," Elizabeth corrected with a sad smile, reaching out as if to touch Nova's cheek but pulling away when realizing she couldn't. "Merlin, you're so beautiful. You look so much like me, it's like looking in a mirror," Elizabeth chuckled, continuing to stroke the flower in her hand. "So beautiful. And so heartbroken, too. So cold."
"You've seen me?" Nova asked hopefully. Deep down she knew her mother had been watching from wherever she was. But it was nice to hear a reassurance, all the same.
Elizabeth smiled again, and the sight of this smile, so familiar, made Nova's lower lip tremble like she was a little child. "Little dove," Elizabeth whispered, "I'm always watching you. You, Theo... you're the only ones I see."
Nova couldn't help the quivering of her lower lip at her mother's confession. "Too many times," Nova trailed off, shaking her head, "too many times I've wanted to be there with you. Life would be so much easier if I was there with you."
"I never wanted you to die with me," Elizabeth argued. "My sweet girl, life certainly hasn't been kind to you, has it? Tell me about him, about this silly boy that broke your heart."
So Nova did. She told her mother about the stupid redheaded Gryffindor that was the only one to ever hold all of her heart, and break it in the same year. She told her mother about Theo joining the Death Eaters, about the fight at the Ministry, and about how the twins had taken her in for the summer. Nova had a feeling that her mother knew all of this, but still appreciated the way Elizabeth Nott nodded and smiled comfortingly for Nova to continue each time the teenager trailed off in self-consciousness.
"It hurts so much to see him, Mum. Is this what being in love feels like? If it is, I don't want to be in love anymore." And it was that truth that had been on Nova's mind ever since Weasley had broken up with her. The thought of it scared her. She knew she was jaded in life, but she actually thought she had a chance at love when her feelings for Weasley continued to grow and grow.
"Love hurts, little dove. But I'll tell you a secret... all the best things in life do."
"That's not true," Nova said immediately, thinking of her father and the hurt he had caused her. The hurt he had caused Theo.
"I'm not talking about physical hurt, little dove. The things that matter," Elizabeth said, tapping her chest where her heart rested, "hurt here. This Ron boy obviously means a lot to you."
"Not anymore," Nova mumbled under her breath.
To Nova's surprise, the portrait of her mother laughed. "Little dove, you can fool everyone else, but you can't fool me. Loving someone doesn't make you weak, just like being Slytherin doesn't make you evil. You did the right thing, fighting with your friends. And if your house hates you for it, you hold your head up high. You've brought honor to the Slytherin house, and I couldn't be prouder of you. Slytherin is the best house, you know," Elizabeth said, winking softly.
"I wanted to be a good Slytherin, like you," Nova whispered softly.
Elizabeth's eyes looked watery, or as watery as they could in a portrait. "You are, little dove. You exceed me. Your heart is so big, I know it feels like you're drowning in it. Don't let yourself. Allow yourself to feel the bad things. Wallow because you're sad. Don't hide it."
"I just don't want him to see the power he had over me."
"You're forgetting that I can see him too, little dove. And I guarantee you, you had just as much power over him."
"Love isn't supposed to be a power struggle."
"No," Elizabeth agreed, "but the right love? It makes you feel powerful."
Nova stared at her mother, not able to stop the question that stumbled from her lips. "Did Dad's love make you feel powerful?"
Elizabeth frowned for a moment, her eyes creasing in the center, just above where the bridge of her nose was. She took her time to think over her answer, which was fine with Nova. Nova was content just sitting there, staring at her mother and marveling at the fact that she was talking to her mother, after years and years of wishing she could. "Sometimes," Elizabeth finally said, "but not nearly enough. I should have known better." Elizabeth smiled again, but it was sad. "I wish I could reach out and hug you. You know this room won't last, right? You can't come here again and ask to see me. I won't let you throw your life away."
"Why not?" Nova asked, tears gathering in her eyes. "What if I wanted to?"
"No one wants to waste their life, little dove. You've got to stick around those friends of yours. Help that Malfoy boy. Help your brother. Merlin, help your brother." For the first time in their conversation, Nova could see the sheen of tears in her mother's eyes. "You'll tell him I love him, won't you? You'll remind him everyday?"
"Whatever you want," Nova promised.
"You're strong, little dove. I like to think you get that from me." Nova watched as the apparition around her mother's portrait started to shimmer, like it was about to disappear from Nova's eyes. "I love you, little dove."
"I love you too," Nova said, the first time she'd said the words in months. They felt weird coming from her mouth, but it was nice to know that they belonged there. They hadn't lost their place.
Elizabeth gave another gentle smile before the portrait shimmered again and suddenly, her mother was stationary. Nova had heard tales of muggle photography, how their pictures didn't move. It looked like a muggle had captured her mother on a canvas, her pretty face leaning close to the roses once again. Nova felt the tears in her eyes spill over, wishing more than anything that her mother could stand next to her again. But Elizabeth was right. Nova couldn't spend the rest of her life hiding in the Room of Requirement. She had to get out there and live her life, despite not wanting to.
Still, it didn't mean she couldn't stay in her little bubble, just for this moment. She lowered her body back down onto the bed, cuddling with one of the pillows and staring at the portrait of her mother until her eyes drifted closed.
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For the first time in eleven months, Theo Nott woke up because of a dream and not a nightmare.
He was used to nightmares now. He saw faces in them, faces like the Dark Lord and his father. He saw Draco, forcibly branded with the Dark Mark. Draco thought it was what he wanted, but Theo knew better. No one could want this. That was something he'd discovered in the past couple of months, when it ultimately put him on the wrong side of the war and the opposite side of his sister.
But this time, he mused, he had dreamed of his mother.
It had been a while since he'd dreamed of her. The last time he remembered was in second year, when he had woken up and silently cried to himself because the dream of her felt so vivid, like she was back. He knew better than to cry now, but he could swear he still felt her running her hands through his hair, giving him a brilliant smile that he saw on his sister on the rare occasion she smiled. Theo had always been jealous of how much Nova looked like their mother. Not necessarily in looks, since she had a lot of their father's features. But hen Nova made an expression that Elizabeth Nott used to make, the resemblance was obvious.
This time, he'd dreamed he and his mother were at Fortescue's, enjoying ice cream like they had when Theo was still a child. He wondered how he remembered her so vividly, when he and Nova were only four when she died. He supposed it was just karma, payback for all the bad things he'd done in his life. Remember Elizabeth vividly but never be able to see her again.
They were sitting outside, and they seemed to be the only ones in Diagon Alley. Occasionally, his mother reached out and brushed his hair with her fingers. He didn't shy away, as he might have a couple years ago when he was a young boy and a mother's affection was embarrassing. Now, he relished the feeling. "You need to slow down. You'll give yourself a freeze brain."
"It's called a brain freeze, Mum," Theo replied, rolling his eyes when she gave him a big chuckle.
"I know. I'm just being the annoying Mum."
Theo set his ice cream down. "You could never be annoying, Mum."
She smiled. "I'm glad." She ran her fingers through his hair again, humming to herself. "You've been so brave, Theo."
He frowned down at the table. "I haven't been brave. I've been a coward. Hiding behind the Dark Mark." At his words, his mother's fingers moved down to his sleeve. He wanted to tell her to not roll it up, so she didn't have to see the proof of what he'd done. But it was too late. Her fingers were twisting and twirling the fabric of his shirt, rolling it up to his elbow until the ugly black ink was on display.
"Do you think I could ever love you less? No matter what you do, Theodore, you are my son. This mark means nothing to me. It means that you were scared, and that I should have been there for you."
"You have been there for me, Mum. Every step of the way."
She smiled again, the smile that a mother would give her child if they skinned their knee. "And I always will be."
He had woken up with the ghost of her fingers on his arm and the taste of chocolate ice cream in his mouth.
Casting a silencing charm on himself, he moved out of his bed, careful to not wake his sleeping dorm mates. He changed into some running clothes, leaving the comfort of the common room and making his way to the Quidditch Pitch. The sun was just starting to rise in the distance as he set off for a jog, trying to clear his mind.
It didn't take long for another set of footsteps to join him.
"You know, you don't have to get up and run with me," Theo said, noticing that Blaise was adorably out of breath from just a couple minutes of running.
"Because hiding in broom closets and secret passageways is a completely healthy way to spend time together," Blaise replied jokingly. Theo grimaced, sad that it was the only thing he could offer Blaise at the moment. It was different when it was just Malfoy in the room, who already knew about the relationship and to the surprise of both Blaise and Theo, seemed to be taking their relationship rather well. "I was joking, Theo."
"I'm sorry we can't..." Theo trailed off, the words getting caught in his throat. He frustratingly ran his hand through his hair.
"Theo," Blaise said seriously, the both of them slowing down until they were standing still on the pitch. "I've fancied you since first year. I didn't even think I'd ever get this much. You don't have to feel guilty."
"But I do. You deserve more," Theo huffed out.
Blaise smiled. "Just hearing you say that makes me happy. Why can't you see that?" Blaise reached out and brushed Theo's hair out of his eyes. Theo wondered if he'd ever get used to the speed of his heart when Blaise did things like that. How could his feelings for his best friend change so fast? Whatever it was, he had never felt happier and wasn't going to let it go. He'd hold onto this for dear life.
"One day," Theo promised, reaching for Blaise's hand, "one day when this is all over, I'm going to stand on a fucking podium and tell everyone how much I fancy you. And tell everyone who doesn't approve to fuck off."
The promise, the vehemence behind it, seemed to be enough to Blaise. He leaned forward and kissed Theo, in that way that always made Theo's head spin. "I know," Blaise said when they pulled away. "But until then, I am perfectly fine with broom closet escapades. And if I've got to get up at the crack of dawn to spend time with you, I'll bloody do that too."
Theo laughed. "Good. Because you are terrible at running long distances. You take off and then lose momentum. You've got to go at a steady pace."
"Are we seriously discussing my running habits instead of snogging each other senseless? I can't believe you. What kind of boyfriend are you?"
"One that cares about your exercise?" Theo tried, laughing when Blaise slapped him playfully in the side. "Don't be sensitive." Theo reached out to hit Blaise back when Blaise suddenly grabbed the outstretched hand, holding it in place. Theo's sleeve had been rolled up earlier in his jog, and the black ink on display. Theo tried to pull his arm back, suddenly more ashamed of the mark than he'd ever been, but Blaise pulled it back.
"It's part of you now, Theo. And I fancy every single part of you." And then, in an action that left Theo completely breathless, Blaise reached down and pressed a kiss to the skin around the mark.
Theo had never felt love before. But he was starting to think that this, these little moments, was what the hell living was about.
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Nova couldn't exactly explain how she became partners with Daphne Greengrass in Arithmancy, but she surprisingly wasn't complaining.
She had woken up in the middle of the night in the Room of Requirement and had shuffled slowly back to the Slytherin dorms. Greengrass had been the only girl still awake when Nova stumbled into the girls' dormitory, asking a soft "are you alright" to which Nova grunted a response and flung herself on her bed. Then that morning, Nova had woken up and Greengrass was the only girl still left in the dorm, getting ready for the day.
"You want to get breakfast?" Greengrass had asked in that quiet little meek voice of hers. And here Nova had thought Astoria Greengrass was the meek one. Still, Nova's stomach had gurgled in protest when she thought of denying the offer of food, so she accepted and Greengrass gave her a couple of minutes to pull herself together appearance-wise before they both trailed to the Great Hall together.
Breakfast was quiet, especially since Blaise and Theo had apparently decided to skip breakfast in favor of something else Nova was sure involved an empty classroom or dark broom cupboard. Greengrass passed whatever food Nova asked her to pass, answered any questions Nova had, and ignored the pointed glares their fellow Slytherin dorm mates sent their way.
The walk to Amithrancy was like breakfast. Nearly silent. Greengrass, at least, was trying to keep up conversation when Nova awkwardly mentioned something like the weather. When they had arrived, all the seats had managed to be full except for two, and she and Greengrass made a beeline for them. They were only two Slytherins in the class, and Nova was grateful that they'd at least be in their own little bubble without having to listen to other students complain about how awful the Slytherin house was.
"So why choose Arithmancy over Divination? I know that's what Theodore takes," Greengrass mentioned a couple minutes into the lesson, her voice low so Professor Vector couldn't hear. Nova was shocked that her voice didn't crack at the mention of Theo's name, like it had when the breakup had been fresh. In fact, Daphne Greengrass looked genuinely curious at the question she had asked and not sad at all to be saying Theo's name. Maybe she was starting to get over it?
"I hate Divination," Nova mentioned with a shudder. She had enough to predictions and prophecies from the previous term to last her a lifetime. "You?"
"I'm good with numbers. Always have been. Stori's rubbish with them, but I'm alright." Nova assumed "Stori" was her younger sister Astoria.
"Theo's pretty bad with them, too." Nope, Greengrass was definitely not over Theo, if the flinch was anything to go by. "Sorry."
"You shouldn't be. He's your brother. I'm just the pathetic ex-girlfriend that can't get over him." She scoffed, mostly at herself. "You must think I'm a joke."
Surprisingly, Nova didn't. She might have the previous year, but not this time. "I don't. I'm sorry things didn't work out between you two."
"You and Weasley as well," Greengrass said with an empathetic look on her face. It was Nova's turn to go stoic. "I heard about you guys last term. It's a shame. I thought you two made a cute couple." At Nova's look of surprise, Greengrass sent her a small smile. "I've never cared much for house prejudices. I go along with it sometimes, just to not get into it with the others. But Stori and I don't really care. If someone makes you happy, you should be happy."
Nova was stunned. She thought everyone in the Slytherin house hated her now that her relationship with Weasley was no longer a secret. "Wow. Uh... thanks Daphne."
Greengrass shrugged and the conversation seemed to be over. The two got to work on their assignment, lamenting over the fact that even though it was the beginning of term, Vector seemed hellbent on still giving them assignments on the first day of class. Once the class ended, Nova found herself actually walking with Greengrass to the Great Hall for lunch.
Their conversation seemed to end there, however, because Daphne spotted Astoria and knew Nova would go sit with Blaise and Theo. "I'll see you later, Nova," she said in a small voice, giving Nova a tiny smile before she made her way to her sister. Nova flung herself down onto the bench across from her brother and Blaise.
"You and Greengrass friends now?" Blaise asked, raising a brow.
Nova shrugged. "We had Arithmancy together."
"That's good. Daphne needs a good friend. She used to complain about the other girls a lot," Theo mentioned. At Blaise's look, he sighed. "Just because we aren't together anymore doesn't mean I like that I broke her heart. I just want her to be okay."
"She will be," Nova said, sure at least about that fact.
It was then that Malfoy sat down next to Nova, piling up food onto his plate without so much as a word. Nova noticed that the sleeve of his school shirt seemed to be pulling with his skin, as if he had stuck it there. Malfoy looked up briefly and caught the direction of her gaze. "I put a sticking charm on it," he said in a low voice. "I don't need it flying up when I do wand work in class."
Nova pressed her lips together. She bit her tongue, nearly tasting blood in her attempt to not say what Malfoy probably expected her to say. "How are your classes so far?" she managed instead, and the thankful look on Malfoy's face was almost worth it.
"Fine."
Nova was about to press for more information when the owls suddenly flooded into the Great Hall, dropping something in front of both Nova and Draco. In front of Malfoy was a letter from his mother and a copy of the Prophet. He ignored the both of them, continuing to eat his meal nonchalantly. Nova sighed and reached around him to grab the paper, glancing over it. After skimming it, she suddenly looked up at Theo and Malfoy.
"Stanley Shunpike was arrested?"
"Merlin, I hate Shunpike," Malfoy muttered under his breath. "Annoying arse, is what he is."
"So he is a Death Eater?" Nova asked, confirming the suspicions of the Prophet. Malfoy shrugged, an answer as nonchalant as his demeanor and Nova wanted to wring his neck. How could he be so indifferent about this? "What's the letter from your Mother say?"
Malfoy stiffened then, the first sign of emotion she'd seen on him in a while. "Doesn't matter." Nova took that as a sign that it was about his father. "You've gotten a letter as well," he said, gesturing to the letter that had nearly fallen in her tomato soup. "The Weasel twins keeping in contact with you, then?"
"You've forgotten that they gave me a place to stay over the break," Nova replied through tight lips.
Scoffing, he returned to his meal. She stuck her fingernail under the seal and opened the letter. It was a comfort now to see the familiar handwriting of the twins.
She couldn't help but give a soft smile at the letter. She was glad Theo and Malfoy didn't ask her about it, because even though the twins had more than helped in making sure Nova didn't starve over the break, they were still holding on to their ridiculous prejudices. She folded it up delicately and stashed it in her robes for safe keeping, continuing on with her meal. Luckily she had a free period after lunch, so she and the boys were planning on heading down to the lake to try and study.
The four of them walked to the lake after lunch, sitting near a big tree to keep them shaded. Nova immediately opened up her Arithmancy book, not wanting to fall behind in the class, especially with Daphne as her partner for the rest of the year. Malfoy fiddled with the letter from his mother, opening and closing it back up without ever reading it. Blaise and Theo were studying Potions, occasionally looking up at one another and sending a sneaky smile they thought Nova didn't notice. She liked seeing them side by side, happy and in love. If anyone deserved that happiness, it was the two of them.
"I've got to go grab something from the dorms," Theo suddenly announced, standing up and smiling at the group before he headed off back in the direction of the castle. Only a minute late, Blaise stood.
"I've got to go talk to Snape about homework. I'll be back later."
Nova and Malfoy sent each other incredulous looks as Blaise walked off before they both burst into laughter. "Merlin, they aren't very subtle, are they?" Malfoy announced, turning the page of his book while shaking his head.
"Not at all. I'm happy, though. I've never seen either one of them smile this much."
"Yeah, they're alright together," Malfoy agreed. His fingers fiddled with the letter again.
"What's it say?" Nova questioned softly. "Obviously you don't have to tell me, but... talking it out might help."
"Just information about my father's trial. And stuff about... you know."
Nova felt the air around them blacken, like someone had sucked all of the life out of it. "They won't make you do anything during the school year, right?"
Malfoy shrugged. "If they do, I wouldn't be able to refuse. I've got to keep up my family's legacy. We lost everything when my father got thrown in Azkaban."
Reaching out, she decided to latch her hand onto his, giving him a small squeeze before she released her grip. "You know you can always talk to me. About anything. I want to help you, Draco. I didn't help Theo and it's something I've always felt guilty about."
"I wouldn't let you help me," he said suddenly. "I wouldn't do that to you."
"I can handle myself."
"You shouldn't have to," he mumbled, his eyebrows furrowing together. "But enough of this heavy shit. Help me with Transfiguration."
Nova agreed to help, but she still felt the heaviness of their conversation lingering in the air. When Theo and Blaise returned, even their mussed up robes and hair weren't enough to get Nova to crack a smile.
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I have had the Daphne/Nova friendship planned FOREVER and I hope you love my smol babies because I love them. THE CHAPTER IS FINALLY HERE! YAY! It was SO difficult to write, but I hope you guys enjoy.