(This takes place before you two were dating also, there's a reference in here that if anyone gets, I'll love them forever.)
Warning: In this chapter, Russia will be depressed, and think back to when he has felt suicidal, he is not suicidal in this chapter, but he is still depressed. If you are sensitive to this kind of thing, please skip this chapter.
Russia's P.O.V.
I've been through so much. Wars...Rebellions...Bloodshed...Famines...and so much more. Recently, the Soviet Union broke up and I've become distant from my older sister Ukraine, who was the only one I could go to. But we're not allowed to see each other anymore. My little sister has been madly in love with me since childhood and refuses to leave me alone. The rest of the world is scared of me and wants nothing to do with me. I gently lift up my coat sleeves and pull my gloves off. I stare at the old scars there. A tear slides down my cheek. I look up into my mirror and see the dark bags beneath my eyes. I haven't slept in a while...
"I can hold my breath, I can bite my tongue, I can stay awake for days if that's what you need..."
I try so hard to be the best country, to impress everyone, but that seems to make them fear me. I only do this for them. I laugh at all their jokes, even when they're not funny and smile all the time to show them I'm a friendly person, but they find it creepy. I sigh as I look back down at my wrists. I slide my gloves back on and pull my sleeves back down.
"Be your number one, I can fake a smile, I can force a laugh, I can dance and play the part if that's what you ask, Give you all I am..."
I fall back down onto my bed as I think of y/n. She's my only friend, but she's the sister of England, so I rarely see her. But, she has been there for me when I was feeling suicidal. She told me that she couldn't lose me and that I meant so much to her. It made me feel good...better than I'd felt in a long time. The thought of her made me smile. I've loved her for years...but I've never got the chance to tell her. But she probably only sees me as a friend. Even if she did love me, Arthur would never let us be together. Yet, I still pull through everyday.
"I can do it, I can do it, I can do it, But I'm only human..."
I can only take so much, as I'm only one person. I'm not invincible like everyone seems to think. I have feelings too, which are very often by everyone else except y/n. I think back to the things people said to me at the last world meeting. "Wow...That Russia dude has gotten WAY creepier!". "Y/n...I'm your brother so listen to me, stay away from HIM!". "He's a dangerous menace who needs to be stopped before he corrupts all of Europe!"
"And I bleed when I fall down, and I crash and break down Your words in my head are knives in my heart, you build me up and then I fall apart..."
Everyday is the same thing. Wake up, eat, get ready, work, work, work, paperwork, work, more paperwork, eat, work, work, paperwork, eat, sleep then repeat. I feel more like a robot than a human.
"I can turn it on, be a good machine, I can hold the weight of worlds if that what you need, be your everything..."
I start crying silently as the memories of my past flood my brain. But...I can do it. I can get through this. After all, I am Russia. The strongest, biggest country. People tell me good things about me but they don't really mean it. They just do that to get on my good side.
"I can do it, I can do it, I'll get through it, I'll get through it, But I'm only human, And I bleed when I fall down, I crash then I break down, Your words in my head are knives in my heart, you bring me up then I fall apart, Cause I'm only Human..."
I hear a knocking at my door and I know exactly who it is. "Big brother! Big brother! Let us become one! You know you want to!~" It was Belarus. I loved my little sister, but yet I hate her at the same time. She's always trying to force herself on me, but it's wrong and gross. I press my back against the door to prevent her from getting in as I start crying again.
"I can take so much...Until I've had enough. Cause I'm only human, just a little human, and I bleed when I fall down, I crash then I fall down, your words in my head are knives in my heart you pick me up then I fall apart..."
After an hour, she finally stomps away. I hear some people run up to the door. "Mr. Russia! Mr. Russia! Ms. Y/n is here! She wants to see you!" Lithuania says. I gently open the door...and y/n is standing there. She embraces me in a tight hug. I smile and hug back. "I've missed you Ivan! Arthur finally let me see you!" She said smiling. "I've missed you too!" I said warmly. "Ivan, there's something I gotta tell you...I love you. I've had a huge crush on you for a few years now. Will you go out with me?" She said nervously. I leaned down and gently kissed her forehead, "Da, I've liked you for quite a while too, Sunflower." I said. Finally, she was mine.
"Because I'm only human..."
If any of you are suffering with depression, Author-Chan is always here to listen! Remember that someone out there loves you as much as you love them! :)