I slowly walked over to Xavier with my hands behind my back. What was he doing holding a small bouquet of flowers? Why is he doing this now?
He handed me the bouquet with a sheepish smile. "For you. It's an apology."
I grabbed the bouquet with a confused look on my face. "Thank you, but an apology for what?"
He slammed his fists into his pocket and sighed. "For being an asshole this morning. I was being short with you and you didn't deserve that."
"Oh, that's okay. You weren't feeling well."
"I lied. I wasn't feeling mentally well, but physically, I was fine."
"Just because I can't see you're in pain doesn't mean that pain is less valid."
He lowered his head and shook it. "You're a good friend and I treated you poorly."
I rubbed his arm with my free hand and smiled. "Dont be hard on yourself. You're a great friend, my best friend. You're one of the best people I've met."
"You really think that, huh?"
"Of course!"
He pulled me into a tight embrace and placed his chin on top of my head. "I'm glad. Now, ready to get your ass kicked in air hockey?"
"Psh, boy, you wish."
The ride wasn't awkward at all. We blasted some electronic music and jammed out to it. It's as if we never had a rough start to the day, and I loved it. I loved being Xavier's friend and feeling comfortable with him. I never had any fears around him. It's like I could be at my most vulnerable state and never have to fear that he would take advantage of me.
He instead a twenty dollar bill into the coin machine. "I wanted to come here to this weekend but somebody was busy."
"Is that why you stopped at my house Saturday?"
"Yes, and I brought you some cookies."
I shrugged. "Its not like we could've actually come here since somebody ran over a nail."
"Don't judge me."
I threw my head back and laughed. "I missed you."
He narrowed his eyes and the corner of his mouth lifted up slightly. He loved hearing that. "Really?"
"Meh, just a little." I said, lightly punching his arm and then ran to the air hockey table.
"I punch back!" He warned, running after me. He swung his arms around as if they were half asleep. I darted left to right, trying to avoid his touch.
"Fine, I'll let you get away with that one punch. Its game time now!" He inserted four tokens into the air hockey machine and handed me the striker.
The score was 2-6. There was no doubt that Xavier was going to win. He had a great arm, which explained why he was the pitcher on his baseball team.
"Goal!" He yelled as he dropped the puck in my goal.
"No fair, you're a freaking pitcher! You had an advantage."
"Oh the wails of a sore loser. Sweet music to ear!" He said, cupping his ear and breathing in loudly. "Speaking of pitcher, I want you to come to my game Saturday. It's the last one."
Before I could answer, he spoke again. "Unless you're busy with your boyfriend then don't worry about."
"I'll be there, and he isn't my boyfriend."
He crooked his head to the side. "He's not? You two seem pretty close."
"We are involved, but not in a relationship. Does that make sense?"
"Friends with benefits?"
I lowered my shoulders and sighed. "No, it's not that. Its not superficial. Its complicated," I mumbled.
He leaned against the hockey table and nodded. "How do you feel about him?" His voice was deep and tense, as if he didn't want to ask but as friend, he should ask.
"I like him," I admitted. "But, I get so nervous about stupid things, things that I don't get nervous about with you or Pia."
"Like what?"
"Like that day you two met, he caught me dancing. He enjoyed it but I felt embarrassed. I thought he was going to be mad at me for hanging out with two, specifically you."
"Why do you think he should be mad at you for that? Does he know you've danced for other men before?"
My heart fell to the pit of my stomach, and all the feeling in my face, hands and leg vanished. "W-what?" I stuttered.
He wrapped an arm around my shoulder and brought me in closer. "I know you were a stripper," he whispered. "I'm not going to tell anyone."
His attempt to comfort me was making me more uncomfortable. "H-how'd you find out?"
"Mo, I drove you to and from work. I wasn't going to just drop you off somewhere I know nothing about. Plus, I'm good at sleuthing, my dad's a cop."
I cupped my face and could feel the tears dancing along the edge of my lower eyes. "This is mortifying."
"Its fine, Mo. I didn't want to bring it up because you never brought it up but a while ago seemed like a good time to talk about it."
"Yes, I was. I did it for tuition and that's all I'm saying," I informed in a harsh tone. "I dont want to talk about it."
"Hey, you don't have to explain yourself to me. I was just bringing up a valid point."
It was true, he did. I had danced for other men, but it was for money. It was all business and never meant anything to anybody. Dancing with my friends, specifically a man, meant that I was enjoying myself and I didn't know how Elijah was going to interpret that at the time. Deep down inside, I think the issue was that I was scared to make a bad impression, especially considering how we met. It wasn't the most romantic, trusting, or saintly place to meet a woman or man. How could something beautiful come from a place that was so dirty?
I tried to explain my realizations to Xavier to the best of my ability and he understood most of my points. He made his own attempts to figuring out the problem.
"Could it also be age? He's significantly older, right? Maybe you think you're being a child and that would be considered unattractive to him?"
"That's another good point. He's 25 and so mature, more mature than most older men that I met. I feel like I can't have fun with him without being judged, but he has never judged me though. He actually loves it when I'm goofy."
Xavier shrugged his shoulders. "Maybe you're the issue then? Maybe you're thinking too much? I get you've had bad experiences with guys, but not all of them are like that."
"I guess you're right," I sighed. "I'm sorry for bringing this all up."
"It's fine, I want to help you whenever possible. Also, if you want my opinion on him, I think he's a cool dude. Not cooler than me, but he's up there."
I laid my head on his shoulder and chuckled. "No one can be cooler than you, X."
"Damn right."
"I'm sorry for leaving you out and not telling you what has been going on. I know our relationship has also been kind of fuzzy. I feel like a bad friend."
He leaned his head on top of mine. "You're here now and thats all that matters."
We stayed in that position for a few minutes, undisturbed and watching other people our age play with the machines. I felt peace again, and cherished it.
Our silence broke when my phone started to vibrate. I took my phone and noticed that it was Elijah.
"Hey!" I greeted in excitement. I lifted a finger up to Xavier, excusing myself. "How are you doing?"
"Hi, beautiful. I'm okay, I just got home. How have you been?"
"I'm okay. I'm just at the arcade with Xavier."
It was quiet on his end of the line for a few seconds, and then he spoke. "Are you having fun?"
"Yes," I whispered, unsure if I should've answered so bluntly.
"Good, I'm glad. I miss you, Morena."
My heart fluttered when I heard his words. I hadn't spoken to him since this morning and I thought that I hadn't crossed his mind. I didn't think I was important enough in his life to be remembered.
"I miss you too, Elijah. I thought you forgot about me," I admitted, softly.
"Baby, you were on my mind the whole day. I've just been too busy to call or text back. I'm sorry, I'll do better tomorrow."
"Okay," I sighed. "I appreciate it. Though, don't feel pressured. I know we aren't..."
"That's not an excuse. You're special to me and I need to treat you as if you were special."
"God, I wish I could kiss you right now."
"I would love that. Anyways, I'm going to eat and head into the shower. Text me when you're home?"
"I will."
The call ended, and I held my phone to my chest. It was hard to be involved with someone and not being able to see them daily. I wanted his comfort.
Xavier and I spent the rest of the night collecting tickets to win a giant bear, but fell short. Xavier still managed to get me some small bear to take home. I entered my room, stripped my clothes off, and plopped into bed without another thought.
It was about 1:30 AM when there were loud knocks coming from our front door. I slipped one of my oversized shirts on and grabbed the pepper spray from my backpack. Pia tiptoed into my room with a bat.
"I'm going to quickly open the door. You'll spray them, and once they've fallen to the ground, I'll beat the shit out of them."
I gave her a thumps up and we tiptoed to the front door. There were knocks again, causing us to jump back and squeal.
"One, two, three, go!" She yelled as she opened the door.
I stood there, ready to burn and blind whoever was on the other side.