Cheryl looked out the window with watery eyes full of fear. She had no idea that Toni lived on the south side, in the trailer park that housed a majority of the town's gang members and criminals, no less. She didn't judge her for it, of course. Teenagers couldn't exactly choose their living situation. If they could, she would be far away from her own. But she wanted to know why it was such a secret, and how many people knew besides herself.
She wiped her eyes on her sleeve when Toni pulled the car into one of the dirt driveways, composing herself before following the brunette's lead and getting out. She grabbed her backpack and slung it around her shoulder while Toni took her duffel bag. She didn't question how heavy it was or how much she had packed. She seemed to just want to get Cheryl inside and out of the cold.
"The bathroom's the first door down the hall on the right if you need it," Toni explained quietly, leading her up to the concrete steps to the cheap metal door. The light above the door seemed to be broken, but the fluorescent blue bug zapper on the side of the mobile home provided Toni with the light she needed to unlock the door.
"Thank you," Cheryl whispered with a light sniffle. She didn't know what she expected when she walked in, but she was met with just a normal looking living room and small kitchen. The furniture was a bit worn out, but it was clean. The single-wide was obviously much smaller than what she was used to, but it had a much more welcoming feel to it than her own home.
She watched Toni take her duffel bag to a room past the one she said was the bathroom, biting her lip before ducking into the first door on the right. There was a lot of girly stuff in the bathroom. Hairspray, accessories, makeup, like what she assumed was a typical teenage girl's bathroom. But that's all she seemed to see. There was nothing in the bathroom that indicated anyone else living there. At least not any men. But Toni did say that her dad had passed away years ago. Maybe it was just her and her mom.
After taking a deep breath, she looked at herself in the small mirror, just barely recognizing the girl staring back at her. The disheveled redhead in her reflection looked exactly how she felt, exhausted, miserable, and terrified. Her face still stung from where her father had hit her. Not bruised yet, but the redness from the hit probably blended in with the consistent flush of her cheeks. She still couldn't believe he had done that. He'd gone as far as to break her arm just a few weeks after Jason died, but he'd never gone for her face. Regardless of whether he was drunk or not, he did it.
With a sigh, she tried to forget about all that. At least for tonight. She was safe and away from her parents. She was with Toni. But now she had to answer to her. After everything she said to her earlier, she was honestly surprised that the brunette had offered to help her. She hadn't been cruel, that she knew of. She was just so...honest. So brutally honest that she actually scared herself a little. And she knew that she would have to talk to Toni about it.
Taking off her glasses, Cheryl ran some cold water in the sink and splashed it against her face, trying to soothe the red, hot skin before hiding her face in a towel. Sobs were muffled behind the soft terrycloth as she tried to get the last of her emotions out, not wanting to cry like this in front of Toni. She pat down her skin, more gently on the left side and looked at herself in the mirror once more, willing herself to be brave before leaving the bathroom and looking around for Toni in the dim lighting of the trailer.
"Hey," the brunette greeted her in the kitchen with a half smile, "I dunno if you like tea, but I made some for you. It usually helps me relax."
"Thanks," she mumbled, her voice hoarse from crying, standing awkwardly by the counter.
Toni just smiled and handed her a mug with Tweety Bird on it before getting the sugar from one of the upper cabinets. She stirred some into her own tea and went to sit on the worn out brown sofa, waiting for her to join. Cheryl just repeated her actions, stirring a bit of sugar into her tea and padded over to sit on the couch, as far away from Toni as possible. Not that she didn't want to be near her. If anything, she wanted to be as close to her as humanly possible, craving the comfort. But she had a feeling that Toni didn't feel the same way.
"No pressure, but...do you wanna tell me what happened?" the brunette held her mug firmly and lifted her legs up onto the couch.
Cheryl pursed her lips and looked down at her mug of tea. She was so tired that she wasn't sure she would even be able to gather her thoughts enough to form the whole story. She had so much swimming around in her head, she didn't know what she would say if she opened her mouth. "I-I don't think I can...not right now," she whispered as she tried her hardest not to start crying again, "I'm sorry."
"Hey, I said no pressure. Whenever you're ready," Toni leaned her elbow against the back of the couch, propping her head up, "You wanna just watch TV or something?" At Cheryl's nod, she turned on the TV to a rerun of Party of Five, sipping at her own tea as they watched in silence. She tried not to pry or ask questions, but Toni couldn't help but glance over at the redhead every time she sniffled. She didn't know what happened, but the fear she saw in Cheryl's eyes when her parents pulled into the driveway earlier had haunted her ever since. And as they started another episode, the bright light from the TV illuminated Cheryl's face just enough for Toni to see the slight discoloration forming on her porcelain cheek.
"Shit," her eyes widened a little before she got up to go to the kitchen, leaving Cheryl alone and confused in the connected room. The redhead followed her with her eyes, wondering what had prompted her to get up. But when she came back with a bag of frozen peas wrapped in a layer of paper towel, she felt her muscles tense as her heartbeat picked up speed. Toni wasn't stupid. She could probably put two and two together to figure out what had happened to her. "Here," Toni's voice was soft as she pressed the bag gently to Cheryl's cheek, holding her head steady with her other hand. Her heart felt like it was breaking in half when the younger girl started to cry once again, her tears hitting the makeshift ice pack as they slid down her cheek.
"I'm so sorry," Cheryl whimpered, keeping her hands to herself as Toni took care of her. For some reason it was all she could think to say. Nothing else came to mind. She didn't feel like she deserved such kindness from Toni after the rant she had gone on before. "I-I shouldn't have said all those things to you. I was just upset and-"
Toni cut her off, 'shh'ing her quietly as her free hand moved to the back of her neck, fingertips idly playing with the baby hairs in a way that Cheryl found so comforting. Toni's short nails grazed back and forth against the base of her hairline in a steady rhythm while she kept the bag of peas against her cheek. She didn't deserve to be treated so nicely.
"H-he hit me," she stammered, starting to feel herself breaking down yet again, "He's n-never hit me before. Not my face." Toni didn't push her, she didn't ask questions. She just kept her fingers raking gently against the back of her neck and the ice pack pressed carefully to her swollen cheek. "H-he asked who was at the door when they came home. I told him you were just someone from newspaper dropping off notes. B-but he didn't care, he didn't listen," Cheryl sobbed quietly, her clammy hands folded in her lap, "He threw things at me and tried to hit me with his belt. And then he s-slapped me across the face...and called me worthless."
She was so scared. This was the first time she'd ever told anyone about her father's cruelty towards her. He'd always been tough on her, but since Jason's death, he had gotten ten times worse. And despite all the times she claimed that she wanted to expose him, she found herself now in a near panic at the idea of him getting into trouble for this. He would kill her if her big mouth ruined his reputation.
"Cheryl," Toni sighed, "Look at me." She moved her free hand from the back of her neck to reach down for one of hers, squeezing gently. "You're not worthless, okay? Just cause your dad's a pastor doesn't mean his word is law. If he can't see what an amazing person you are, then he's blind as shit." At least that made her chuckle a little bit through her tears. "I mean it," she laughed a little herself, bringing her hand back up to wipe tears from her untouched cheek, "You're seriously the nicest, most genuine person I've ever met. Anyone who can't see that isn't worth your time."
"You haven't always thought that," Cheryl sniffled, averting her teary eyes.
Toni bit her lip gently and brought her hand back down, taking the bag of peas away as well to give her cheek a break from the cold. "I have, actually. I just...wasn't the best at expressing emotions in junior high, and being the ice queen bitch just ended up being my brand because of it. But no matter what I've said to your face, I've always thought you were amazing, Cheryl."
"What about what you said in the library?"
Toni sighed and fiddled with the bag of peas in her hand, thinking about her words carefully. "Remember what I told you about high school being a hierarchy? About how I've got a reputation at school?" Cheryl nodded. "I don't know what would happen if anyone found out that I like you. Not just for me, but for you too. I was honestly just trying to cover my own ass. There was one week last year I decided to stop giving my civics teacher, Mr. Simpson, such a hard time, and Veronica's first assumption was that I was sleeping with him for better grades."
"What?" Cheryl actually laughed, though she still had tears on her cheeks.
"I know right? As if! But the point I'm trying to make is that in Veronica's eyes, if I stop being a bitch to someone I'm normally a bitch to, that means I'm crushing on them. And in this case...it was true. But I couldn't let her know that." That hurt Cheryl enough that she couldn't even be happy about Toni admitting that she liked her. But she should have known that Toni would be ashamed of her like that. "But seriously, Cheryl, think about it. If I had admitted to it, it would get to everybody. It would have spread around school like wildfire, rumors would start that we were an item, and that would have eventually gotten back to your parents. And judging by the way your dad reacted to you just talking to someone on your doorstep, I think I made the right choice by keeping up my cold bitch act."
She hadn't thought about that. And now she felt even worse about throwing everything Toni had said about her in her face hours ago on her front porch. "I-I'm sorry, I didn't-"
"Don't be sorry. I know how it must have sounded to you, which is why I came over to apologize earlier. And then you said all that stuff that just...it made me realize how awful I've been to you. I've always known I was a bitch to you, but just hearing your side of it..." Toni trailed off, "I don't know how I can apologize for it all. I honestly can't promise that things will change at school, but you have to believe me when I say I don't mean any of it. It's all just...image. For both of us. But I know it doesn't make any of what I said or did right. And I can't even begin to express how sorry I am for all of it."
Cheryl just looked up and into her eyes, searching them for any sign of dishonestly. But something about the brunette's face and the look in her eyes told her that she was serious. She didn't know how to feel about all of this. She was upset that Toni wasn't willing to admit to anyone that she liked her. But she hadn't told anyone about liking Toni either. For different reasons, obviously, but she was still keeping her crush a secret just like Toni was. "You like me?" her voice came out in a whisper before Toni started to laugh.
"That's really all you got out of all that?"
Cheryl blushed and looked down at her lap with a shy smile, "Sorry, it's...kind of a big deal for me."
Toni just smirked and lifted the bag of peas to her cheek again, "Now you know how I felt when I read that list of yours." She smiled at the shy look on Cheryl's face and brushed the stray red hairs from her eyes. "How's your cheek?"
"Still pretty sore, but the cold is helping." Toni nodded and raked her fingers through Cheryl's hair, tucking it behind her ear as she held the bag for her. The redhead leaned into her touch with a sigh and a smile, looking up at her like a grateful little rescued puppy. "Thank you," she mumbled, relishing the feeling of fingers in her hair. She was so starved for affection that the simplest of touches could make her heart beat faster.
"C'mere, lay down," Toni moved over on the couch, easing Cheryl down to lay her head on her lap, the makeshift ice pack resting on top of her cheek while Toni continued to comb her fingers through her hair. "That better?" she looked down at her, smiling when she nodded slowly. With a sigh, she leaned back against the cushions, watching Cheryl while she watched the TV. Two weeks ago, she was making this poor girl's life a living hell, and now here she was taking her in and caring for her. She knew that she shouldn't have gotten the multiple chances that Cheryl had given her. But she was grateful for this one, and she planned on not taking it for granted.
xxx
"Hey, wake up," Cheryl felt herself being shaken gently. She didn't know what time it was, but the static noise on the TV told her that it was probably late. Her head was still on Toni's lap and the bag of peas on her cheek was pretty much warm at this point.
"What time is it?" she mumbled, trying to subtly wipe the drool from the side of her mouth before sitting up slowly.
"Almost two AM, we fell asleep," Toni yawned.
"Oh. Did you need to take me back home?" she asked quietly, a little afraid to hear the answer. She didn't want to go home. Not so soon. Her father was cruel when he was drunk, but his morning hangovers were sometimes even worse.
"No, god no, I just figured you'd be more comfortable in a bed than on the couch," Toni shook her head, turning off the TV and helping Cheryl up to her feet, "Your duffel bag's in my room."
Cheryl nodded and followed her down the short hallway to Toni's bedroom. She immediately felt a sense of warmth in the small space. It was cozy. The wood paneling on the walls barely noticeable due to the abundance of posters and personal photos. Her twin sized bed was like a mountain of soft pillows and blankets, making it look incredibly inviting. And she was exhausted enough that she just might pass out the minute her head hit the pillow.
"Make yourself comfortable," Toni gave her a bit of a smile before leaving the room. Cheryl wondered if she was spending the night alone in Toni's room or if the brunette would come back. She hoped for the latter, if she were being honest. After everything, she really didn't want to be alone. Especially not tonight.
After getting her teeth brushed, she stood in the middle of Toni's room, glancing around at the photos that covered the walls. There were some Polaroids of Toni with her friends, and some of the larger developed photos of random, artsy things she must have shot. But there was one small frame on her dresser that caught her eye. Toni couldn't have been older than eight or nine in the picture, a giant smile plastered on her face with her arms wrapped around the shoulders of a man and woman. Cheryl assumed they were her parents, considering Toni looked just like the woman. She looked so happy. Cheryl remembered being that happy at that age too.
With a sigh, she tucked herself under the covers of Toni's bed, leaving the light on in case she was going to come in. She couldn't believe that she was lying in Toni Topaz's bed. Her fourteen year old self was jumping for joy inside her, but her twelve year old self would probably think that she had lost her mind.
She waited for Toni, staring up the ceiling. Her vision was a bit blurry, since she had set her glasses on the nightstand. Five minutes turned into ten, and she was starting to think that she wasn't coming. And as tired as she was, she didn't think that sleep would come as easily to her as she wanted it to if the brunette wasn't beside her. She didn't want to seem desperate, but let's face it, she was. Getting up slowly, she padded out to the main living space, finding her laying on the couch.
"Toni?" her voice was quiet as she wrapped her arms around herself, her toes meeting the line between the carpet and the linoleum.
"Hm?"
"Can you, um...I don't...I don't wanna be alone," she looked down at her feet, wringing her hands together. She couldn't really see Toni, but she could see the shape of her on the couch, watching as she picked her head up.
"You want me to sleep with you?" she asked, biting her lip at the admittedly adorable nod from the redhead before getting up. Cheryl smiled and turned around, heading back towards the bedroom with Toni behind her. Her heart was pounding from nerves, but she tried to remain as nonchalant as possible.
Crawling back into the bed, she moved over as much as she could in the small space, making room for Toni who got in beside her. She took her bottom lip between her teeth as she watched the former cheerleader get comfortable. They were forced to lay close together, but neither of them had any complaints.
Toni reached up to run her fingers delicately over the slightly discolored skin of Cheryl's cheek. She didn't know if this would have happened to her if she hadn't been at her house earlier today. Maybe if she hadn't been there, her father would have spared her. But she tried to push that thought down when Cheryl's hand came up to cover her own. She seemed happy enough for now, and that was all she wanted for her.
"Thank you for coming to get me," the redhead whispered, eyes not leaving Toni's as she squeezed her tan fingers in hers.
"Any time," she smiled a little, watching as Cheryl closed her eyes and scooted a bit closer, her breathing evening out quickly as she fell fast asleep.