IZZIE PICKED UP THE PHONE, a smile on her face after checking the caller ID. It was really early for the summer, but Izzie didn't mind. She was up anyway, and she would have to be really stupid to dodge calls from Sawyer. The two girls had seen one another a couple times briefly, in larger groups with other people, but they had been texting often for the past week. Izzie wasn't sure why Sawyer was calling, but she wasn't going to question it.
"Hey," Izzie answered in the most casual voice she could manage.
"Good morning cutie," Sawyer responded in a slightly husky voice, before coughing a little. "How are you?"
The raven-haired girl could imagine Sawyer, laying on her bed in her eggshell room, grinning as she said that. She pictured that perfect smile, with straight white teeth framed by soft pink lips. That smile was part of the reason Izzie was so drawn to her that night, and she was sure it drew in many others.
"I'm good, what's up?"
"Well..." Sawyer considered. "I just wanted to let you know that the 'rents are out of town, as always, so you should swing on by today. Or I can pick you up. Are you free? If not it's-"
"Don't worry. I'm free," Izzie chuckled as Sawyer began to fret. It was weird to hear this self-proclaimed Casanova rambling nervously. It felt out of character, but Izzie was touched that she was the one causing Sawyer to act so out of character. It was endearing and humanizing. "Lydia just spent the day out yesterday. It's my turn to take a break. Can you pick me up in ten?"
"Of course," the blonde agreed. There was a brief pause before she tried for conversation again. "You know, last week was the least amount of action I've gotten during a weekend in a lot time."
"I made you lose your charmer streak?" Izzie wondered out loud. "I really must be special."
"You are," Sawyer said with confidence. She wasn't even pulling a line. " Can only hope this week is better."
"Count on it," Izzie played Sawyer's flirting game. She did want something to happen, and she wanted to hint that she was ready, that she had forgotten all about Casey.
"So... ten minutes?"
"See you then," Izzie confirmed before hanging up.
Izzie was more than excited, but she was also a bit nervous. Sawyer and her were moving rather quickly, considering the fact that they met just over a week ago. Last time that happened, it didn't turn out that well. However, things were looking up. Just a couple of days ago, Izzie and Lydia managed to convince their mother to start putting her salary into finding a babysitter for the kids. That allowed for them to cut their working times in half, not to mention that it gave them free time for themselves.
The girls hadn't had this much free time in years, so it was more than welcome. Izzie thought she would have nothing to do, but Sawyer was giving her plenty. Just the other day, Sawyer and Jane invited Izzie to tag along with them and a couple of other friends, who she met at the diner, to watch a movie. It was a good movie, and Izzie was rather surprised when Sawyer didn't try to distract her. Jane had made a comment about it afterwards.
"You know, I was expecting a little more noise from where you guys were sitting," she remarked when only Izzie could hear. "It's cute, you've got her whipped."
But Izzie was afraid Sawyer was too whipped. No matter how many opportunities had arisen, they hadn't kissed yet. The first night, there were several moments where Izzie felt like it was going to happen, but the blonde always dodged it, moving away. Then, the movies was a perfect, although cliche, place, yet Sawyer did nothing. Were they just friends? Izzie wasn't sure where any of the lines lay, and she was afraid to address it.
After getting ready really quickly, Izzie grabbed her phone and her charger to run downstairs to meet Sawyer. She checked her texts while waiting for Sawyer to come.
From: lydia
ill be home tn
u take the night
Izzie smiled, grateful for such a good sister. Although her family situation parent-wise sucked, Izzie recognized that she had some of the best siblings: a caring sister that was basically her twin and two adorable little brothers.
To: lydia
will keep u updated thx :)
She then scrolled a little further, coming to the next person she wanted to text back.
From: newton
can u hang tn?
Izzie sucked in a breath. She felt really bad avoiding Casey, but whenever they hung out these days, it seemed to yield the same result. They would always push the border of platonic friendship and a relationship, which Izzie didn't mind, but Casey did, seeing as she was still dating Evan. She would then deny that all this had happened, and feeling the need to overcorrect, she would ignore Izzie for another period of time. It was all just too hot-and-cold, and Izzie wasn't feeling it, especially considering that now she didn't have a reason to be playing those games. She was with, or possibly with, Sawyer, which meant that the borderline romantic relationship the two had was now gone.
To: newton
can't sorry. how ab tmr?
She had to throw Casey a bone eventually. Besides, Izzie did miss hanging out with the brunette. They were best friends, and there was no denying how they just clicked. Of course, now Izzie had Sawyer, who seemed to be just as easy to click with, but Casey was still important to her. After sending the text, Izzie heard a "ding," meaning that someone had responded, and she wanted to check. However, just as she was going to, Sawyer's car pulled into the driveway. Izzie pushed the message to the back of her head and focused on the beautiful blonde in the car, shoving her phone in her back pocket.
As always, Sawyer had driven with the roof down, so her hair was windswept and tousled. However, instead of messing up her hair, the wind just gave it that volume that made her look extra good. The volume made it look like she had a bit of bed hair, all untamed and wild, which was really hot. She wore a pair of aviator sunglasses that were tinted, hiding her crystal blue eyes. It's a shame, Izzie thought, as she knew that the glint of the sun would definitely make those eyes pop.
"Hey," Izzie said dreamily, coming up to the car and leaning over the door.
It was really a sight. Sawyer was only wearing a t-shirt and joggers with slides, yet she still looked amazing. The homely look suited her, but then again, every look did. Izzie slid in the passenger seat, seeing two Starbucks drinks in the cup holders. She raised her eyebrows curiously, looking back at the blonde.
"A frappuccino and some iced coffee with milk and sugar," Sawyer shrugged, "take your pick."
Izzie smiled, taking the frappuccino, "You know, you're being really girlfriend-ish."
"I know," Sawyer smirked. "Is it hot?"
"Well, it's endearing. I'm just worried you miss it,"
"Miss what?"
"Like, not being able to sle-" the raven-haired girl elaborated.
"Are you asking if I miss being promiscuous?" the blonde chuckled. Izzie worried that she offended the other girl, but that was obviously far from the truth.
"Yeah. Do you miss that?"
"A little bit," the blonde admitted, picking up her coffee and taking a long sip. They still hadn't moved from Izzie's driveway. She continued, "but I think this is good for me. It's only been a week, but that's half the length of my longest relationship in awhile, so I have to say, I think I'm doing good. I think you're good for me."
Izzie hummed in approval. The two made small talk as Sawyer pulled out of the driveway and into the streets. It was still early, so the only other drivers on the street were commuters going to work. It was relatively peaceful, the true suburban life. Once more, Sawyer had some soft music on the radio, nothing recognizable but still good music.
When Izzie finished taking a sip of her frappuccino, she left her hand resting on top of the middle space. Sawyer noticed this out of her peripherals, and went down to grasp her hand lightly. They interlocked fingers, and Sawyer squeezed the other's hand gently.
Suddenly, Izzie wasn't in Sawyer's car anymore. She was back in Casey's car, and she was reliving that night.
Izzie thought she was breathing way too heavily. She was worried Casey thought it was weird how she was breathing so loudly, but it was the only way to tune out how loud her heart seemed to be beating. If she went into cardiac arrest during this moment, she honestly would not have been surprised. Izzie was worried her hand was accidentally hurting Casey's, that her hands were sweaty, and her nails too sharp. She was worried that none of this meant anything, even though Casey did just turn down Evan's call. She opted against interrupting this moment.
The raven-haired girl did her best to avoid looking over at Casey, as she didn't know what she would say. It would be awkward, no doubt, when the moment ended, but Izzie was looking to extend the moment as long as possible. However, Casey's phone had other intentions. It went off, yet again, and Casey brought it back out.
This time, she didn't ignore the caller. Izzie didn't see who it was, but she hoped it wasn't Evan.
"Hey dad," the track star greeted, the ghost of a smile on her face.
Izzie let out a sigh - both in relief and sadness. It was definitely better than Casey answering Evan's call, so Izzie felt victorious. However, this was also sad because it meant that their moment was likely ruined. And it was. Casey let go of Izzie's hand, running the newly freed hand through her hair.
"Sure, I'll be home soon," Izzie overheard the last bit of the conversation.
Izzie swallowed, still trying to avoid eye contact with the other girl as she put her phone down. Casey ran a hand through her hair, trying to figure out if she should speak. The silence was suffocating, the tension almost tangible. All Izzie wanted to do was take Casey's hand again, pull her close, and never let her go. But the moment was gone, fleeting away. And Casey had become out of reach yet again.
"Izzie?"
That voice was not part of her flashback. Izzie jolted upright, seeing Sawyer looking concerned next to her. She had pulled into the parking lot of a gas station, which was empty. Izzie soaked in her surroundings, trying to regain consciousness.
"Izzie," Sawyer prodded softly, squeezing Izzie's hand gently, "are you okay?"
"Yeah," Izzie lied, trying to look unfazed, "totally fine."
***
Casey was frustrated. And that was an understatement. All she wanted to do was hang out with her best friend, Izzie, but she kept dodging her calls and texts. Casey had the night free, and she wasn't sure what to do with herself, so she decided that she would try once more to talk to Izzie. However, the response she received was less than appreciated.
To: isa
can u hang tn?
From: isa
can't sorry. how ab tmr?
After seeing that obviously half-assed response, Casey wanted to tear her hair out. She screamed a little bit, trying to get her anger out. Contrary to what she thought, she wasn't the only one in the house. After a about a half an hour, she heard a knock at the door.
"Casey, it's Mom," Elsa spoke to the door, afraid to go in right away. "I heard you screaming, so I brought you something."
"Come in," Casey mumbled.
Elsa flashed the tub of ice cream and a spoon. "Your favorite. I just went to the supermarket for it."
"Thanks," the brunette tried to smile a bit.
Although tensions were high with her mother, there were times where she had redeemable qualities. The two sat in silence for a bit. Casey broke the seal on the tub and started eating. It was mint chocolate chip, and Elsa had remembered. Of course, she disregarded other stuff, but this moment was good for them. Elsa sat down at the foot of Casey's bed, looking at her daughter, slightly confused..
"So... are you going to tell me why you were screaming?" Elsa asked.
"Oh, yeah," Casey remembered. "It's not a big deal, I guess..."
"Izzie?" Elsa preempted.
"Yeah," Casey scratched the back of her head. "How did you know?"
"I figured that moment from your party would remain left unfinished. Have you talked to her?"
"I'm trying," Casey sighed.
"Is she being distant?"
The track star nodded. They fell into another silence. Casey knew the question she wanted to ask her mom, but she couldn't bring herself to. Vocalizing this question would make it real. It would make her truly a terrible person. Someone she couldn't look at. But the question was bothering her so much. Casey knew she had to ask it.
"Mom... why did you end it with the bartender?"
"What?" Elsa looked caught off-guard. She thought about the question for a bit. "Well, I got caught. You... you caught me."
"But why didn't you leave us?"
"I had your dad here. And you guys," she continued to explain. "If I left, nothing would be the same between us."
"But you were so insistent on staying in our lives. Why didn't you just respect when Dad told you it wasn't going to work?"
"I know your dad and I are still struggling to figure everything out, but I believe we can get past this,"
Casey looked down. She didn't really get what she wanted to know. She had to be more forward. "I... how did you know that the bartender wasn't the one? How do you know that Dad is the one for you?"
Elsa opened her mouth, then closed it, unsure of what to say. Her daughter, who usually was closed-off, distant, and cold, was implicitly confessing to her about her feelings and emotions. She needed to pick her words carefully, since she never knew if Casey would just clam back up. Somehow, Casey sometimes felt harder to understand than Sam, especially because she wasn't forward in asking for help. However, Elsa remembered what it was like, to be sixteen and young and confused. And she understood that.
"Nic- The bartender," Elsa caught herself, "was not right. He was younger, not by a lot, but he lives a life of exploration and unknowns and doing whatever you feel like. That life, as much as I humored it for that period, is just not me. I work on routines, you know that."
"But then why would you risk everything for him? Was it even worth it?"
Elsa hummed, not wanting to admit that it was. She didn't regret it. She was stuck before, frustrated with how stagnant her life had become. And Nick, as much as she hated it, gave her some sort of new life. She liked that new side of her. Maybe she regretted not staying with him, but she knew he wasn't the commitment type. And she was. He didn't plan on getting married, but if Elsa was a divorcee, she would still strive for a marriage.
They were just different, fundamentally, and they only felt like it was good because they never committed. If they somehow got together, Elsa knew it would've fallen apart, no matter if she separated from her husband or not. Nick wasn't the boyfriend type, and Elsa had long accepted it. It was just good for temporary, nothing more.
"I-I don't know,"
"You do," Casey pressed, "and you really have to help me. Mom, I don't know what I'm doing."
"Tell me everything, please," Elsa tried. "I'll do my best."
"Okay, so I like Evan very much. He's so sweet, and I like him, I like spending time with him. But somehow, we don't connect just perfectly. There are things he just doesn't get, like the fact that I wanted a small birthday party, or that I didn't even want to try dating him in the first place. And that feels wrong," Casey took a deep breath, pausing and giving Elsa time to process everything.
She thought about Doug. She thought about how he had waited through many relationships for her, even though she turned him down several times. Originally, her friends had thought it sweet, so they pushed her towards him. She thought about how Doug never really accepted the autism thing. She thought about how he left them in 2004. She thought about all the stupid fights they had and the big ones, too.
And she realized, maybe she married her Evan.
"And I didn't really realize all of these issues until I met Izzie. I didn't realize that people could connect so easy, be able to fight and get over them easily and healthily. I didn't realize that I was into girls that much before. I didn't realize that I liked spending time with her more than with Evan sometimes,"
When Casey said that last sentence, she looked down out of embarrassment. She was terrible, admitting such a terrible thing. Elsa ached for her daughter. All she wanted to do was make her happy. She would buy the world for Casey, even if she made it seem like otherwise sometimes. Elsa leaned in close to Casey, tucking a loose piece of hair behind her ear.
"I want to tell her all of this, but I don't even know if she likes me anymore. I don't even know if she liked me to begin with," Casey sighed. "She keeps half-assing our texts, and it fucking sucks. And if she doesn't like me, and I break up with Evan, then I lose both of them." Her voice cracked, "and I just don't know if I can do that."
Elsa pursed her lips at the profanity in the classic mom-like way, but she knew that profane Casey was better than unsharing Casey. And she knew that she had to give Casey the right advice. She didn't want Casey to make the same mistakes. The same mistakes that kept Elsa up late at night, overwhelmed with a sea of toxic thoughts.
"You have to go after her, Case," Elsa said softly. "If you really like her, go for her."