Isabel was laying on her bed, occasionally looking over at her phone that was still barren of notifications. What else had she been expecting? For the past five Saturdays, she had gotten nothing from him. Nothing at all. He always texted her on Saturday, but recently, she had gotten nothing. She had checked to make sure her phone wasn't the problem, but the texts from her partner and the other members of her team came in just fine, so she knew he really was avoiding her. But why? What had driven him away? Her friend sat beside her, hand on her shoulder, attempting to console her. But without knowing what it was that drove him away, Isabel couldn't be consoled. She didn't care that he was ignoring her. She could deal with that. She just wanted to know what she had done wrong.
*************
"A-kilah, we've got a case!" Ciara called from the kitchen where she had been preparing to make a meal, but as soon as she got the text, she started putting all of her supplies away. At least the text hadn't come in as she was cooking. That would have bothered her to no end. Of course, this still wasn't okay since it was disrupting her routine. It was currently 8:43 on a Saturday night, and in seventeen minutes she was supposed to be sitting down to eat whatever she had made that night, and fifteen minutes after that, she was supposed to start the water to wash the dishes. The BAU knew all of this and knew that she would be stressed and pissy until the next day when she could strike up her routine again, so to interrupt it meant that the case was urgent. Ciara knew this, but that didn't mean she liked it. But she was already stressed and pissy. She had been for the past five weeks.
The first Saturday it happened, Ciara chalked it up to Reid being busy and just forgetting to tell her. But when it happened the Saturday after, and the one after that, and the one after that, she realized it wasn't just Reid being busy. He was avoiding her. Ever since the case in Towanda, they had gone out every Saturday to work on her social skills, but they would have fun doing so. They never really planned what they were going to do, they just met up whenever Reid texted her and let the wind guide their path. But for the past five Saturdays, he hadn't texted her, and he never explained why not, and Ciara never had the chance to ask, since it wasn't just in their personal life he ignored her. At work, Reid only ever spoke to Ciara when it was necessary and busied himself with whatever he could find so that she didn't have the chance to confront him about it. He had effectively completely cut her off from his life, and she was left wondering what she had done.
She was used to people leaving her. Who would stick around her for very long? She was... well, she was Ciara. It seemed everyone she really cared about always left. So far Akilah and one other person were the only two that hadn't. She scratched at the bandage on her arm as she waited for Akilah to come out of her room so they could go. She couldn't remember exactly where the bandage had come from or what was under it. She assumed that she had to fight another monster again. She called for Akilah again, since she was the only one in the apartment with a license. Ciara checked her phone again to see if there were any other texts, but there was nothing, and she sighed. She wasn't going to tell anyone else, but she was hurting. She thought she was used to being left in the dark and that she'd be okay when Reid started to avoid her, but for some reason, Reid ignoring her severely hurt. The first Saturday it happened she had started to feel a sharp pain in her heart that she couldn't identify.
Not understanding the feeling, she tried to squash it, but this feeling wouldn't be squashed. She was used to pain and could work through it, but this wasn't a physical pain. She had never felt this kind of pain before and she didn't know how to handle it. Marina had profited off of Ciara's uncertainty and had made her do things she thought she wouldn't do again. The next week after Ciara had both a meltdown and a major episode, two things that rarely happened with close proximity to each other. Thankfully she had been at the hotel each time and not in front of the police force they were working with and only Akilah had witnessed both events. But as the Saturdays continued with no word from Reid, the sharp pain had turned into a dull ache, something that Ciara could better handle. She was okay with Reid avoiding her. In fact, she had been wondering how long it was going to be before the first member of the BAU turned on her. All she wanted to know was what she did wrong, but Reid was not giving her that opportunity, and that hurt.
"Sorry, sorry! Any details?" Akilah finally came stumbling out of her room, attempting to check her phone and pull on one of her combat boots at the same time. It was a miracle she didn't knock anything over.
"Nope. Ye need a little help there?" Ciara asked, and Akilah shook her head, finally getting her pesky boot on her foot. She stopped for a moment to lace it up and tie it, before filling the purple water bottle and grabbing her keys. Ciara gazed at the purple water bottle and felt a twinge of fear. She always felt nervous whenever the purple water bottle made an appearance because she knew what was inside of it. The same thing that was in the big glass bottle that Ciara had to clean up the shattered pieces of. The shattered pieces that she had to pick out of her scalp and neck later that night when Akilah wasn't looking. But Akilah didn't know that. She didn't remember any of that night and Ciara wasn't going to tell her. She deserved it anyway. She was being a pain that night. Well, she was being herself, but they were one in the same.
"Alright, let's roll!" Akilah said, and Ciara grabbed her go bag and followed her out to the car to make the trip to Quantico. Akilah set the water bottle in the cup holder and with shaking hands, Ciara reached out, took the bottle, and set it down at her feet. Akilah looked over at her with a look that said "seriously?" but Ciara reminded her that she had promised. Not while she was driving. Akilah sighed but didn't argue, instead decided to just drive them to Quantico. They went straight to the round table room, where everyone except for Reid was waiting for them.
"Where's Reid?" Morgan asked.
"He's on his way. JJ, let's go ahead and get started," Hotch said, and JJ stood up, pulling three pictures on the screen. As soon as the pictures came up, Ciara's sucked in a breath and looked over to Akilah and saw that her gaze had hardened and she was breathing heavily through her nose. She was pissed. The three pictures involved families and once everyone saw at least one female with a hijab in each picture, they knew why.
"Over the past three weeks in New York City, three families have been murdered. The first was the Nejem family, parents found in the living room and two children both in the parent's room. The father's throat was slashed while the other three were shot execution style. A week later the Hakim family was found, murdered the exact same way. And three hours ago, the Amjad family was found," JJ explained. As JJ was explaining the case, Reid came in, apologizing for his lateness. Ciara looked over at him but he avoided her gaze, and she felt that ache in her chest again.
"Well, it looks like we've got a family annihilator on our hands," Prentiss observed.
"Or it could be about the ethnicity. All three families are Arabic," Rossi added.
"Or could it be that they were targeted because they're Muslim?" Ciara wondered.
"Or it could be all three," Akilah said, and everyone turned to her. "Let's say that it's really the religion that's driving him. Unfortunately, people automatically connect Islam with the Arabic people, so that adds in ethnicity, and he just wants to destroy all people of that religion, including children, so that brings in the family annihilator."
"Whatever his desire is, we know he's not gonna stop until we stop him. Wheels up in 20," Hotch finished, and everyone started packing up their stuff to get on the plane. Ciara tried to pack up her stuff quickly enough so that she could stop Reid on their way out but by the time she was packed up, he was already out the door. Maybe she could catch him on the plane. Akilah looked over at her and must have seen the hurt expression on her face, but she didn't say anything. She instead just took a swig of the purple water bottle, but Ciara could see the gears moving in her mind. They walked to the plane together, Ciara fingering the tattoo on the back of her neck, sighing. Music was the one thing she knew would never desert her. As long as she kept listening to her music, she'd be okay.
But she looked up to see the back of Reid's head and realized something. She wasn't hurt because he deserted her. She wasn't hurt because he decided that she wasn't worth his time. She was expecting that to happen to eventually. She was preparing for Akilah and the rest of the BAU to do it too. No, what hurt was the fact that over all the Saturdays they spent together, over all the times he had gotten through an episode and brought her mind back to reality, after everything, she was beginning to feel as if she could trust him.
But he'd broken that trust. And that hurt like hell. So she did what she always did when she was hurt: shut everything down. She couldn't be hurt if she went numb. So she did. As she walked to the jet with Akilah by her side, she felt Marina at her shoulder, and she didn't flinch when Marina touched a gloved hand to her head. Marina brought her hand away, and Ciara felt the numbing sensation travel down her spine until it consumed her entire body. Until she couldn't feel at all anymore. Her face, which had actually started to show more and more emotion over the past month, was wiped clean, her classic RBF setting back in to stay. She ascended into the jet before Akilah to see that Reid wasn't sitting in the usual seat that they shared. Again. He instead surrounded himself with Morgan, JJ, and Prentiss. Go figure. But it didn't bother her anymore. She had learned from the experience. She had started to show some of her colors to Reid and the rest of the team. She had let them see her bleed. She had let them see her at some of her weakest points, and that was her mistake. That wouldn't happen again.
"Hey, A-kilah? Are ye okay?"
"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"
"These are your people. And... and I don't know how much-"
"I'm fine, Ciara. I just want to catch the asshole that's doing this," Akilah snapped, and Ciara shut her mouth. "But the question is, are you okay? You've... well, okay, I'm going to be blunt. You've gone back to normal. You've gone back to the RBF, ritualistic, anti-social person. What happened?"
"Nothing."
"That's a lie."
"'Tis not a fib! Oi'm gran'!" Ciara responded.
"You're lying. You know how I know? Your accent is getting thicker. That only happens when you're upset in some form. So, what's wrong?"
"Goddammit. Profilin' at 'tis best. Ye got me," Ciara admitted, before sighing. "'Tis Reid. Ever since dat abducshun case in Sisters 'e's been ignorin' me an' Oi don't nu why."
"Ah, I see. Don't worry, I'll take care of that." Ciara raised an eyebrow, and Akilah said to just wait. Next time Reid ignored her and Akilah caught it, he'd have hell to pay. Ciara nodded and watched as Akilah took another swig of the purple water bottle. She looked away as she was almost able to feel the shattered glass digging into the skin of her neck again. She shook her head, not wanting to think about that night. She knew she should tell someone, but who would believe her? After all, she was psychotic and people would probably think it was just all a delusion that her mind made up. No one believed her before, why would they believe her now? No, it was better for her to just take it all. It was easiest that way.
She looked at her watch even though she knew exactly what time it was, feeling her nightly routine dissolve. She tried to find a way to calm herself down, but it was getting hard. She didn't want to have a meltdown in front of everyone, but it was getting closer to that. She put her earbuds in, trying to get lost in the music, but she couldn't. Her hands were becoming clammy and her head started to hurt.
"Hey, Ciara, we're landing in about ten minutes. Ciara?"
"Me routine is gone..."
"Dammit. I hate that routine, y'know? Hey, it's okay, just calm down-"
"Don't tell me ter calm down," Ciara snapped, and Akilah rolled her eyes, taking another drink of that goddamn bottle. As her stress levels went up, the voices around her also went up. She clamped her sweaty hands over her ears to try and block out the voices, but that wasn't going to work when the voices were in her own head. She wanted to get them to stop, but they wouldn't. She couldn't even tell what they were saying, but just having them there was bothersome. Her eyes were screwed shut, but then she heard a voice that she knew. One that belonged to a man she was terrified of. She opened her eyes, and there he was, standing next to her with a taser in his hands.
Let's have some fun, shall we?
Ciara screamed.
**********
Reid had done what he told himself he had to do. He had stopped sitting with Ciara, he had stopped seeing her on Saturdays, he had basically cut any contact with her when it wasn't necessary. They still worked together, so he couldn't completely cut her out, but he had done what he could. He knew it was necessary to keep his feelings from becoming more, but in a way, it had completely backfired. Every time he thought about what he had done, he felt an ache beginning to form in his chest, and it wasn't until week two that he realized what that ache was. He missed her. He missed sitting with her and listening to her ramble on and on about music or her writing or whatever interesting thing she learned that day was. He missed watching her be oh so careful with her food and laughing when something happened to mess it up, causing her to get that flustered look on her face. He missed hanging out with her on Saturdays. He just missed her. That was all there was to it.
He thought that it would pass, but it still hadn't passed and he didn't know what to do about it. He was walking on thin ice. He knew he could keep doing what he was doing and continue to miss her and hope that it would eventually pass, or he could stop, apologize to Ciara and hope that she would forgive him, and risk proving Hotch right. He sighed, knowing he couldn't let how he felt towards Ciara become anything more than friendship since if it became more, it would be one-sided. Ciara barely understood friendship as it was, there was no way she was understanding anything above that. He knew that he had probably hurt Ciara, but he knew it was necessary. He had to continue avoiding her until he was certain that friendship was the only thing he would ever feel towards her. He had no clue how long that would take, but he knew that it was what needed to be done.
A scream filled the jet and everyone's head popped up to see Ciara in her seat, hands clamped over her ears, tears forming behind her eyelids. Akilah was immediately on the case, asking her what was wrong, what was she seeing, etc. Ciara didn't say anything but just continued to scream. Reid immediately wanted to go over and help comfort her, but he held himself back, remembering that was exactly what he was doing when Hotch had caught him and warned him. He couldn't let Hotch think that he had ignored the warning. Prentiss looked over at Reid and asked if he was going to go help her, but he shook his head, saying he didn't know what to do. That was a huge lie and he could tell by Morgan's raised eyebrow that it wasn't a very convincing one. But then Ciara screamed one more time. She screamed something that made everything he had felt about deserting Ciara that much more intense.
"REID, DON'T LET HIM GET ME!" she screamed, and Reid froze. He had been a dick to her and she was still calling out for him? He was still the one she wanted to protect her? Reid blinked a couple times, unable to comprehend that someone actually wanted him to protect them, especially after the way he had treated Ciara. Reid remained frozen until Ciara must have realized that he wasn't coming for her when she jumped out of her seat and locked herself in the bathroom. Reid thought that missing Ciara was a horrible feeling, but it was nothing compared to the guilt he was feeling at that moment.
"SPENCER WILLIAM REID!" Akilah screamed, and Reid knew that he was fucked. Prentiss laughed a little when she saw Akilah crossing the jet to him.
"Oh crap, she gonna snap. If I was you, Reid, I'd run."
"We're in a jet. Up in the air."
"Yep, Pretty Boy, you're screwed." Reid knew Morgan was right.
So, how much fury do you think Akilah is gonna unleash onto Reid? And who is this mystery man that keeps showing up and terrifying Ciara? And what did he do that has put that fear into her? So, anyway, I was checking, and I'm trying to tabulate exactly how many chapters are gonna be in this book, and I realized that we are a little over two-thirds of the way through. I do have an idea of how many more chapters there are gonna be, but I'm not sure I want to tell you that number. Sorry. Maybe if I get asked enough I'll give it up. Maybe. All I can tell you is that from here on out things are gonna get wild. But yeah, Ciara's locked herself in the bathroom, Reid's fucked, and Akilah is preparing to put the fear of God into Reid. Sounds exciting. But anyway, that's all I have, so... BYE!
"Every time I trust someone new, they end up reminding me why I shouldn't trust anyone at all." -Unknown