how i feel

agression

yeah,it's really terrible when your mother is waking you up and it's terrible to get up and do your make up and "try to look good",but hey,you still look like crap. eating breakfast is killing you,because you tried to look perfect and now you're again a mess,because you're too fat. you have to go to school,so you're taking your bag and you try to move. it's hard,but you get it. you meet one of your "friends" and smile. they ask you what you were doing the last days and you smiled and told them you were doing great things or whatever. now you're at school. school feels like hell. you only have one lesson with your best friend today. you hope to see your crush at the hall,but you don't. it's sad so you get angry. it's pissing you of. now it's break. you don't want to be here anymore. you're going to the toilette and you scream as loud as you can. it's really loud,but it doesn't help. then you see your crush. you smile for a second,but then you look mad again. he tries to make you smile and he wants to know what's going on,but you can't tell him,because he has a girlfriend and he's not allowed to know this. you tell him you're really really angry and you want to go from school. but you really meant this life. you don't want this. I don't want this. it's hell. you're going home from school and nobody's there. you're doing your homework and you eat your lunch. you feel like a failure again. you can't do this. you're doing the rest in the rubbish and hope nobody will see this. then you go in your room. it's quiet. you turn the music on,it's very loud. you try to dance to it and do some sports. as much as you can,until it's hard to breathe. it's already evening and you're going on your phone. you kinda feel good,because you made sports,but you know it was not enough. you're taking a shower and overthinking. you had a panic attack the whole day long. what is this and why? you're going to bed,but you can't sleep. you continue looking at your phone,but lately there isn't much you haven't seen already. so you try so sleep again. anxiety attack. try to sleep again. someone should've text. try to sleep again. I forgot to turn the alarm on. try to sleep again. it's 2am. you're still awake,but then there's something what closes your eyes. your sleeping. next day.