It's 11am and I'm in the study discussing livestock boundary lines with a local farmer having had no breakfast, whose bloody idea was this?
He argues with me on everything and I'm just about losing my rag with him when there a knock at the door.
Lord Francis pops his head through and continues in as I gesture for him to enter.
"Francis, how lovely to see you, can I help you with anything?"
"I was just making my way down to the hall when I heard raised voices. Can I be of any assistance?" and he looks the farmer up and down appraisingly.
The look is returned and both men seem to have a face off whilst I sit on the side lines calculating the best way to bring this to a peaceful end.
It's sweet really of Francis to come to my aid when he thinks I need help, over the past week I have come to know him quite well and enjoyed his company in the absence of Max. We talk a lot of the past and his memories of the family which helps me feel close to them all.
"No thank you, that won't be necessary" but they continue staring, giving each other dirty looks. It's clear that Francis doesn't intend to leave any time soon so I decide to change my tack.
I cough loudly trying to break their concentration, "Mr. Benham, how about I come and find you this afternoon? We can finish our discussion then"
And with that Mr. Benham the farmer looks back to me and begrudgingly nods.
"Yes My Lady."
"In the meantime please do go down to the kitchens and have them fix you some lunch whilst you're here. Tell them I sent you." I smile with as much kindness I can muster in my current mood.
"Thank you my Lady" and he bows leaving the room.
One testosterone fuelled man dealt with, one to go. I turn smiling to Francis.
"Thank you for your help there, but really...I was fine"
"I have no doubt you were My Lady, I simply wanted to be sure."
"Of course" and we smile at each other warmly.
"So, shall we go down to lunch?" I suggest and he nods ascension following me from the room.
We chatter about the weather and the possibility of a hunt after lunch as we make our way through the maze of hallways and by the time we reach the head table in the great hall, most people are seated and enjoying the food already.
Francis sits next to me and we tuck into the juicy Lamb and a variety of root vegetables served on pewter platters, with gusto.
It's not long before I'm full and lean back into my chair to digest and admire the room, I now know everyone here fairly well and what their duties are, and it feels good to know that the effort I have put in over the past couple of months means that everyone is familiar with me too.
I hope they feel comfortable with me and as though they can approach me, which is after all how Max needs me to be.
I'm interrupted from my thoughts by Francis, who proposes a toast and hands me a goblet of wine.
"What are we toasting to?" I ask in interest.
"To the safe return of your husband" he says and lifts the glass to his lips taking a gulp.
I pause with sadness at the thought of Max, having still had no word from him I'm so anxious but I have to trust that he will return.
I smile at Francis and raise the glass "I can't think of a better reason to toast, thank you Francis. To Max's safe return." But before I can take a sip there's a commotion at the end of the hall and a fight has broken out amongst two men.
I rise from my seat, intent on breaking it up and helping to sort out whatever conflict has caused this.
"I'm sorry Francis, I should sort this out" and I place my glass back on the table delicately, noticing that he looks stiff and uncomfortable.
He must not be used to rowdy men.
After spending a couple of months breaking up various drunken disputes at the castle I feel like I'm now an expert.
"Of course my Lady. Would you like my assistance?"
"Actually I could probably use some man power if you don't mind?" and we make our way over to the fight speedily.
Francis wades in and pulls the bigger of the two away and holds his arms behind his back as another guard heaves the smaller one up onto his feet. Both parties are panting hard from the exertion and adrenaline pumping through them and it takes a minute for them both to calm down.
I ask the guard and Francis to take them to the study so that I can talk to them and find out what all of this is about.
When I arrive they are being guarded by both men and I ask to be left alone with them, which Francis reluctantly accepts before leaving us in silence.
"So...would one of you like to explain what all of that was about?" I ask walking around them to Max's desk before shuffling and sitting down behind it.
I want to appear calm and in control but now that I'm getting a good look at these two it becomes clear that they are just boys.
Teenagers.
"It was 'im My Lady!" the smaller one shouts gesturing toward the other.
"I didn't do anything! I was just telling you the truth!" he shouts back.
"Boys, Boys! Stop shouting at each other... Now, tell me what happened." I shout, feeling somewhat pleased that they both pause and look at the floor in embarrassment at my berating of them.
There's silence for a while as they both appear to want the other to tell the story. I stay silent knowing that one of them will crack sooner or later and sure enough the bigger one does.
"We was talking about this girl. We both like her see, and I was just telling him that he doesn't stand a chance with her"
"Rubbish! You're the one that doesn't stand a chance wiv her, you may be all muscle but that's all you are! You 'ave no brains and that's what matters." The small one counters.
"You're telling me that you fink she would pick you over me? Hahaha. Don't make me laugh"
And with that the smaller one goes the shade of a tomato in the face, his blood clearly boiling.
"Alright, that's enough" I say flabbergasted at their argument. "So this argument was over a girl?" I ask incredulously and they both nod at me in unison.
"Well, have either of you told this girl how you feel?" and that seems to break the spell of their tension as they peer at the other in interest, both shaking their heads at me.
"So this girl has no idea about any of this?" and they both look at the floor not saying anything, I take this to mean yes.
"She would want me anyway, everyone knows that women want someone to protect 'em" says the larger one under his breath.
"Don't you think that it's up to her to decide?" I respond and continue "And women don't just want someone who can protect them, they want someone who can also keep up with them and challenge them, intellectually speaking" I say hastily.
Both boys look at me with a new sense of curiosity, as if only just realising that I'm a girl, I have to hide a smirk at their innocence. They look at each other briefly before returning their gaze to me.
"So what should we do?" the smaller one asks.
"Well telling her how you both feel would be a start" I say teasingly. "Then it will be down to how she feels. Just remember that it takes more than a pretty face and a smart mouth to impress girls. You have to treat them with respect and show them how mature you are...by not fighting each other."
They both nod in realisation but the smaller one says abruptly, "But what happens to the one she doesn't pick?"
"Well...they would have to respect her decision and try to be happy for her. If she means that much to you, her happiness should be reward enough. So can you both shake hands and agree to be gentlemen about it?"
They look at me in shock and then stand facing each other, before hesitating and shaking hands firmly.
"Good. Now get yourselves down to the kitchen for a second helping of pudding, I think you have both earned it this afternoon"
And with that they both run for the door, clearly exhilarated at the thought of more bread and butter pudding shouting thanks as they go.
I giggle to myself in memory of how I used to be at their age and hope that they can stay that young for a while longer. I didn't have the heart to tell them that the girl may well pick neither of them, but they will find out in time; that's all part of growing up and learning about yourself I guess.
At this point I decide to go and find Mr. Benham, he's probably down in the courtyard trading some goods before he makes his way home later today.
Sure enough as I arrive out onto the cobbles I spot him chatting casually to a guard and make my way over to him but I'm intercepted by Francis, who seems glad to see me.
"Lady Cassandra, may I request your presence on the hunt this afternoon? We are due to depart shortly and I thought it might do you some good after the morning you've had?"
"Oh that's a lovely thought but I actually haven't finished my work for the day, I still need to resolve Mr. Benham's boundary line issue and then carry out some inventory."
"Are you sure I cannot tempt you away? I'll make it worth your while, I insist you join me" he says and it's the first time that he's sounded a bit pushy for my liking. But then again his time here is short and he's probably keen to get to know me as much as possible.
"I would like to...but I'm afraid I have responsibilities in Max's absence, and I wouldn't feel right about neglecting them"
"Oh, if you're sure?" he asks his face falling, making me feel terribly guilty.
"I am thank you, but do enjoy the hunt and I will see you tonight at dinner." And with that he smiles at me, his eye twitching again. He seems preoccupied in thought and I make a hasty exit before I change my mind and waste my afternoon out in the fields.
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Later that night I crawl into bed exhausted from the mentally draining day I've had. I watch the flames flickering from the fireplace and reminisce about my last night with Max and how he'd made love to me in this very bed. He'd been so gentle and passionate and I long for him so much in this moment.
I close my eyes and picture him next to me, holding me close and stroking my side with his fingers delicately. Whispering sweet words in my ear and kissing my neck, making my skin tingle all the way down to my toes.
My imagination overwhelms me and I begin to cry silently. I lay still as the tears make tracks down my face and dampen my pillow. I would give anything to have Max here with me now, safe and well. It's been nearly three months since he left that morning and my heart aches to be near him, to hear his voice, to feel his touch.
I'm surrounded by people every day but I have never felt more alone than I do now.
It's in this moment that I realise I could never have left him to go home even if we did still have the book; his presence brings me to life. It's as if everything before him was in black and white and now its Full HD colour with surround sound.
He's awakened my very soul.