•
she never knew how death felt like. she heard of it and even studied it for years in the university.
but one thing was knowing about it and another different thing was to feel it.
she felt how death approached as he pushed the knife inside and twitched it, providing her with a greater pain than she had ever imagined.
tears ran down her eyes as she held onto his arm with the last breath she had.
but then, as a miracle, the door opened with a loud thud and familiar voice echoed inside the room.
she felt how the pain eased when he suddenly disappeared from her visual camp and with him, the knife had been pulled out.
just a second later, his eyes filled with hate and anger, strange and scary, were replaced by a pair of familiar and loving eyes. "kihyunie." she mumbled with all her strength as he nodded softly, his hands holding her face desperately, eyes filled with tears.
"you'll be alright." was the only thing she read, from his lips and just then she felt at peace.
the room stopped spinning and everything turned dark and peaceful.
she couldn't remember what have happened. she didn't know where she was, she didn't even know if she was alive.
the only thing she knew were the sounds around her, a door opening, a strange beep, whispers and then beats.
her own beating heart.
her eyes felt the need to open as soon as she felt the live within her and they were soon shocked by the great amount of light around her.
and just then a warm touch relaxed her. "hey... it's okay." the reassuring tone raced her heart.
the trustworthy and worried eyes of kihyun, stared at her with so much concern and worry. you could notice he had been crying for the last hours.
"how do you feel?" he asked immediately.
she blinked twice, her arms lifting automatically, looking for him. she just wanted to touch his face, to see if he was real.
soon needed to know if all of this wasn't a dream, since she remembered how inho tried to kill her. she knew that thing had been real since she felt the pain, the dull pain, running through her veins when he pushed the knife into her.
"where are we?" she asked, feeling her eyes getting wet again.
kihyun comforted her, bringing her head into his arms, on his chest's embrace. "we're on the clinic, you're fine." he said, petting her head with so much care that one would think she was a new born baby.
she cried.
when soon realized she was safe and sound and that everything was real. and she was alive, she started crying.
millions of thoughts and feelings invaded her mind and heart and shame was the first of them, especially after seeing kihyun there, with her.
"i am so sorry." she cried against his chest, wetting his dark green knitted sweater. he smelled like home and she couldn't believe everything she had done to him in the past months.
soon knew that words weren't going to be enough ever, to apologize to kihyun.
he sighed, closing his eyes. "the important thing is that you're okay." he kept repeating as she cried, he somehow was trying to relax her.
but there was a bigger elephant in the room. they both knew why soon was there, in that isolated hotel room with him. it was obvious and kihyun wasn't exactly stupid.
"how did you find me?" she asked, between cries.
he looked away. "your gps. it worked on the hotel again... i am guessing it was the hotel's wifi, i don't know." he shrugged, letting out a heavy sigh.
"i am sorry." she repeatedly said.
but he didn't want to talk about it right now. he had bigger and important things to deal with. "we'll talk about that later. the important thing is that you recover fine." he said taking his hand to her stomach, where a blooded bandage laid.
she grimaced in pain when he touched it and her eyes automatically followed his hands.
"you almost died." he added, looking for her eyes. but soon was too ashamed to look at him, she just looked down, avoiding him.
"your parents are here. mine will arrive tonight." he added, caressing her hair.
the shame covered her face when she thought about what excuse she'd give to them about the reason why they were together in a hotel. but just as a work of magic, kihyun read her mind.
"don't worry. i am telling them that he kidnapped you." he quickly added with a reassuring tone.
she dared to look at him with big and tired, shameful eyes and thanked him.
the next days weren't different from the one when she woke up. reality hit her like a truck.
obviously she had doubts and unanswered questions but she wouldn't dare to ask.
her parents and in laws were worried for her and her well being. they decided to stop the wedding until she was fully recovered and back on her feet.
nobody talked about him. nobody said a thing.
kihyun acted like he didn't exist, as if it had been only an accident, caused by someone who didn't exist.
he'd clean the bandage and provide her with care and the right treatment. he'd cook for her and help her bath and change into fresh clothes.
he even reduced the working hours to half just to stay at home with her for longer.
and soon couldn't complain. now more than ever she needed kihyun, since he was the only one in the world who could provided her with peace and protection.
now more than ever she felt like she owned him everything and she had to stay with him because that was the right thing to do, after everything that had happened and after everything he had done for her and her family.
"how do you feel today?"he walked inside the room, dressed all in black after arriving from the clinic.
he still looked immaculate just as when he left in the morning. she glanced at the clock next to her bed, 1:25 p.m, the usual hour he arrived every day.
"i want to talk." soon had been thinking about it for almost 3 weeks now since the incident.
kihyun hated debates and polemic situations and he had chosen not to talk about what happened. it was true it was easier this way but it was also obvious it needed to be discussed. "about what? about which movie we're going to watch?" he said looking for the remote but she sighed.
"kihyunie... we need to talk about it." she said with a calmed voice.
once he found it he stopped on his tracks and sighed, turning softly to look at her. "maybe another day? i ready to watch this." he said zapping through the channels, but soon sat straight on the bed, crossing her arms on her chest. "now. please?" she almost begged.
he sighed and finally took a seat on the bed next to her, leaving the remote between the two.
she turned to look at him as he remained silent for the next seconds. she thought he'd say something first but apparently he didn't have the intentions.
soon cleared her throat. "i want you to know that i wasn't running away from you-
she noticed how he got tensed, his hands closing like fists. "nor the clinic, my family or my life-
she stopped talking when he stood from the bed, almost scaring her. he stood in the middle of the room, giving her back to her. "i am not sure i want to hear this."
"we need to talk about it. i need to explain myself-
"there's nothing to explain. you were leaving me, you wanted to end the engagement, you just didn't know how and you thought that was the easiest way and look what it cost you!" he exclaimed, turning around and pointing to her now almost completely recovered wound.
she swallowed hard.
he seemed angry and embarrassed. "i get it... you don't love me and you wanted to run away from me but... with him? seriously soon? with a unstable and mentally ill person? a patient of yours?" he asked, emphasizing the words "patient".
now soon wasn't so sure about starting this conversation. she felt her chest hurting and she knew kihyun was hurting too.
"i am not going to lie to you... i developed certain feeling for him during our therapy together but i really wanted to help him and in that moment, i thought, this was the best way i could help him."
"by sleeping with him?" he asked, eyes widening in shock. he never imagined those words would leave his mouth.
he was too decent to speak to her like that. but he had so many emotions and repressed feelings inside him that now that she had triggered them, he couldn't keep them inside anymore.
soon opened her mouth to say something, but she knew, she had lost that battle. he had all the answers previously. he was a doctor and doctors knew things these kind.
of course, soon didn't want to ask how he knew they've slept together but she guessed it must have been during the recognition test.
she looked down. "i was stupid and i am sorry." she said gathering strenght to look at him, but it was so hard since she knew he was innocent of everything and the villain had been her.
"i am sorry and i can swear to you that i wasn't running away. i was simply trying to help him, away from the clinic, the absurd amount of medication and the archaic therapies. it's true... i cared about him, maybe more than he deserved but in that moment i didn't think i was doing something so wrong and serious." she tried to excuse herself.
but even listening to her right now, it sounded pathetic, not even close to how it sounded on her mind, when she practiced that morning.
kihyun closed his eyes and massaged his temples. "i hated it when i found you you were gone with him. i knew you were obsessed with him, not with his case nor his disease, but with him and – he said running a hand through his hair, laughing sarcastically – i even turn a blind eye to all of it but when you ran away... it was too much soon, how could you?" he asked desperately, his eyes turning red.
"how could you leave me like that? after all we've been through? did you think he was going to be a fine husband to you? with all of his alters trying to kill you?" he asked again, taking a step towards her.
"my only dream was you and that's how you paid me? running away with an unstable patient? one that tried to kill you more than once?"
she felt her stomach hurting again, the wound probably spitting out blood. she grimaced in pain. "if you had asked for my help i would- he stopped talking, dropping his ass on the bed, sitting down, looking to the floor and he started crying.
soon felt her heart breaking into millions of pieces with the devastating view.
she had never wanted to hurt him but that's exactly what she ended up doing. "i am sorry." she said crawling towards him, hugging him.
"i am sorry... i won't stop saying it ever." she begged onto his ear as he cried.
but it was hard for kihyun to believe in her words now. he knew that time it hadn't been the first time and he didn't know if she could do it again.
"i love you and i need you with me, please... forgive me. find mercy in your heart and love me again, i am begging you."
but her words and the way she spoke to him seemed honest. she looked like a repented woman. a woman who had made mistakes in the past but was ready for a change.
he loved soon.
even after all of this, he still loved her. and seeing her suffering just now, for him, broke his heart.
he had no other choice than follow his heart and feelings.
he turned around and wrapped his arms around her, bringing her close to his warm embrace. hugging her and comforting her since it had been the only thing he had done for the past 25 years.
"but i never stopped loving you and i never will."
•