Princess Li retreated as my stay became more permanent. It had been two months since Yuanji brought me here. He decided upon staying until the preparation for the wedding is finish and Jingam and I are married.
I begged for the wedding to push a few months out, at least until I'm 18. I would like to enjoy my freedom for a few more months, I told Yuanji but he only responded with, the sooner he can secure the marriage, the better.
I told him, I was not in love, no matter what I did, how I looked at him, and no matter how kind and charming lord Jingam is to me, I never felt anything romantic for him. It was platonic, I was close to him and saw him as an older brother during my stay here five years ago, but those feeling never warmed up to anything more.
"You'll fall in love with him one day, He Lian." Said Yuanji. "Please, give him a chance. He loves you and he'll take care of you. Jingam is the best man for you."
"How'd you know he's the best man for me? You haven't introduced me to others!" I protested.
Yuanji patted my head, just as he did when I was young. "Because, he's my best friend, I know him, he will not hurt you. Plus, our clan can benefit greatly from theirs. This union is what mother and father planned all along. Please, be a good daughter and stop protesting this marriage."
My chest ached. It was all too upsetting, I didn't want to get married. "No! I don't want to."
He breathes, "what is it you truly want, He Lian? A strong and handsome prince like sister Ying Yue have?"
His stare stripped me, exposing my selfishness, and shallowness. My eyes dropped, unable to meet his gaze. I was embarrassed by myself.
"You want a hot prince every young girl dreams about?" Yuanji pressed.
"I want to be happy." I murmured softly. That was all I could say at the time. It seemed like the perfect thing to say to redeem myself.
"How'd you know he's not going to make you happy?"
"No woman who shares a husband is happy, the eldest brother," I said honestly, my words came out harder and harsher than I wanted to.
Yuanji frowned, he turned his back on me. He was done talking to me and I could tell my reasons finally made an impact on him. "Go to bed, little sister. The wedding is in a few days and it will happen whether you like it or not. Father and mother are on their way up here, you don't want to disappoint them."
Yuanji left my room, his walk was hard and stiff, every muscle in his body rigid. Yuanji was upset and the brute warrior in my brother showed in the disciplined way he moved away from me.
I don't remember ever making Yuanji this upset before, but at the same time, I was also very upset with him. He's setting me up for a lifetime of unhappiness.
I could very well remember it when he grabbed my shoulders when I was young. He told me he'll never allow a sad life for me. He'll never let me end up like our sister Lin Lian.
"You're a liar!" I spat at him on his way out. "You said you'll never let me be unhappy like Lin Lian!"
Yuanji spun around, his cheeks heated and his eyes flashed with rage.
"You think Jingam is the same man as that warlord from the north?!" His usual calm voice grew loud and fierce. Yuanji can be quite scary when angry.
I shook my head. "No."
"Do you honestly think I will feed you to a lion like that?!"
I sank in my bed. "No."
"Do you not think better of me?!"
"Yes."
Yuanji forced himself to calm down. "Jingam may not be handsome, but you'll learn to love him. He's a good man."
My eyes dropped, watching the cold floor. I said nothing more.
Yuanji stood silent for a few seconds and waited for me to say my peace. And when I refused to look at him, he understood and went ahead to leave me alone. "Go to bed, little sister. I'll come to see you tomorrow."
The dreary small palace began to come alive. The preparation for the wedding began. Servants cleaned the manor making it shine under the bright glare of the sun. Lanterns in brimming scarlet hung on posts while all types of flowers decorated the walls. The smell of food wafts the air. My parents arrived from the long trip from our manor, while Jingam's parents arrived on their own.
The guests tricked from all parts of the country, most of them are nobles from powerful clans. I watched from behind the window of my room, couldn't help but drown in melancholy. The wedding is in a few hours, and there's nothing I could do to stop it. The only choice I have now was to accept it.
A soft knock sounded behind my door, "yes?" I murmured without turning around.
"It's time mistress, I came to fetch you."
It was a servant, she came to get me ready.
"Give me a few more minutes."
"As you wish." Was all she said before disappearing back into the hallway.
"Don't lament too much, everything will be over with before you know it." I knew princess Li's voice when I heard it. I turned around and found her halfway peeked behind my door. She smiled and invited herself inside my room.
I whipped around greeting her. I rarely see her in the manor, I haven't heard her voice in a while. Princess Li made it a point to stay away from me, staying on the other side of the manor purposely evading me. I thought, perhaps, she did it so we wouldn't see each other, and there'll be no animosity, no tension between us.
I stared at her, uncertain how to talk or act around her. I'm about to marry her husband, and I'm sure there's got to be some unspoken turmoil she's holding back. "Princess…"
Her smile pressed wider, her glance never left me. Princess Li stopped about a foot away. She reached for the long strands of my hair and caressed them in her hand. "Don't be sad. It'll be alright."
"Do you not mind at all?" I asked.
"Why should I?" She shrugged, her brown eyes lifted and met mine. "My husband decided to have another wife. There's nothing I could do to change his mind."
"B-but?"
"Don't worry about me, He Lian. A princess like me is brought up to be strong and tough." She let my hair slide through her fingers and picked up her hand touching my cheek. I closed my eyes, finding comfort in the warmth of her palm. "Look at you, so beautiful." She said I opened my eyes to her again. "Now, I could see what they say about your clan. You had Jingam enamored and you didn't even do anything. It's like magic, the kind of spell where you left him helpless in love with you. I've been married to him for a few years now, and I have never seen him look at me the way he looks at you."
I gasped and dropped my eyes. "I didn't mean to…"
"Hush." She patted my cheek and made me look back at her. "Don't worry. I do not mind."