I stood there, one hand against his dark muzzle, looking at him. "So, when you said your family is weird-?"
He looked at me, and then down at the chaos on the beach.
"I see." I said, following his gaze. "Well, I suppose-" I stopped, thinking better of what I had planned to say. Too personal, too soon. "Never mind." I paused for a second. "Shall we go back to the farm, now you've made your point, or do you want to go rip someone to shreds for a while?" I asked.
Arrow moved, facing towards the farm, before kneeling on his front legs.
"O-kay." I muttered. "Promise not to drown me?"
He looked at me, nodding his head slightly.
"Okay." I said, hopping onto his back and hoping for the best. He stood up with ease, walking back towards the farm.
I wound my fingers into his mane, which was long, unlike his hair when he was a human.
Gradually, he sped up, me gripping his sides with my knees, until we were speeding through fields and over hedges, with me holding on as tightly as I could.
We clattered into the yard I knew so well, and I slipped off his back.
"You want to change back now, so we can talk this through?" I muttered, reaching up to move his forelock out of his eyes.
He used his head to nudge me towards the farmhouse, but I refused to move, my damp hair wild from the ride.
Arrow made a sound of disappointment, and walked purposefully towards one of the barns.
I walked with him, picking up a towel from over the rail and trying to dry him off with it. He nudged me away, stamping his foot slightly, before walking over to a pile of clothes.
"Ah." I muttered. "I'll face the wall."
I stood there, looking at the wall, feeling a blush creep over my cheeks.
"Sorry about that." Arrow's voice came from behind me. "It's safe now, by the way."
I turned round, watching him towel his hair dry. He'd pulled on pants and shorts, but his legs, feet and chest were bare, his dark skin shining with rainwater.
"Didn't click, sorry." I muttered. He looked up, obviously registering, but fortunately not mentioning, my blush.
I sat on the railing, and he lent against the wall of a stall.
"So, an Aqua Equus." I muttered.
"Yeah." He shrugged. "I have to admit, first time we met, I was going to drag you down, but something stopped me, and then you just rode off." He looked apologetic.
"Wish you had." I muttered.
"Why?" Arrow asked.
"Isn't it obvious?" I shrugged. "I don't care. I want to die, so I can shout at death for letting.. letting Luca..." I trailed off.
"Hey, it's okay." Arrow said, shifting slightly as if he had been going to move towards me but had thought better of it. "So, you think death's a person, hmm?" He asked. "What religion are you then?"
"I'm not. Not really. But death, the roman god, Mors, is-" I stopped. Fuck it. I continued, "My father."
"Don't worry, I won't ask." Arrow said. "But, one thing, does that make you a demigod?"
"I guess so." I said, after a pause.
"Okay, good, you'd taste horrible." Arrow smiled. "It's good I didn't kill you, then."
I shrugged. "So, why did you stick around, anyway?" I asked.
"Well, first you were intriguing, and you still are, but then I- yeah." He finished with a whisper.
"Are you gay?" I asked.
"Hell yeah." Arrow muttered. "And it's nowhere near unusual in Aqua Equus. Basically, you may have noticed, we're kind of- both- whilst in that form. It's only as humans that we conform to your separate.. genders."
"Never gotten close enough to an Aqua Equus before to start inspecting them." I said. "And gender is a spectrum, so I think the word you were looking for is sex."
Arrow shrugged, looking at me.
"Mors isn't cis, a trait that gets passed onto a lot of their kids." I explained. "He's usually presents as male, but the name is female and yeah, it's complicated." I stopped my ramblings. "Luca was gender fluid- so you may hear me refer to him as her, but don't get confused."
"And you?" Arrow asked.
"A truth for a truth?" I asked. He nodded. "I think I'm bigender. Male and non-binary. I'm not 100% sure." I stopped. "So, do some of you turn into girls rather than boys?"
"Yeah, of course." He said. "Can I assume by that question that you're straight?"
"Never assume." I muttered, quoting Luca.
"So, I'm assuming that means.." I stopped, tears choking my words.
"Don't cry, Renzo." He said, wiping the tears from my cheek with his calloused thumb. It was comforting, but made me cry more. "It's not necessarily the end. I won't give up yet. And don't forget, never assume."
"Do you have a question?" Arrow prompted."
"Yeah. Why did you decide to 'come out', as it were?"
"I dunno, I wanted you to know me? I trust you, and yeah." He said. "Can I ask about Luca?"
I shook my head. "Maybe another time. Ask something else."
"Okay." Arrow said. "Why do you cut yourself off from people?"
"Again, obvious." I said. "They always leave, or get hurt. Best to just stay away."
"Not always." Arrow muttered. "Your turn."
"When you said you like me..?" I started, but that was the question.
"Pass." He shrugged. "Go again."
"Alright..." I took a breath. "Kind of awkward, but would you help me catch an Aqua Equus so I can race?"
"Why do you want to race?" He asked.
"Because Luca used to love horses, and racing, so what better way to honour him? Next summer it'll have been..." I stopped. "Five years."
"How old were you?" He asked.
"18." I whispered. "So will you help me?"
"I don't need to." He said. "You don't need to catch one."
"Er, yeah I do." I muttered.
He held his arms out. "No, you don't. You've got me." He grinned. "And we'll win that race for him."
I nodded, almost smiling. "Your go."
"Will you go out with me?" He blurted, before covering his mouth again. It was starting to become a thing, I noticed. "Please forget I ever said that." He said, his voice muffled because of his hand.
"Sure." I shrugged. "And you don't put forward a very convincing argument anyway- 'first time I saw you I was going to kill you'. Definitely a way to reel in all the guys." I smiled then, and he smiled back, seeing the humour in my words.
"Shall we go back to the house now?" He asked, finally pulling on boots and a t-shirt.
"Sure." I said. I let him into the house, as he'd forgotten his key, but I stayed outside in the rain.
"Aren't you coming?" He asked.
I shook my head, opening a pack of cigarettes. "I'll stay out a while." I said.
"I'll stay with you." He offered, smiling.
"You really don't have to." I said. "Unless you want one yourself."
"Would it be wise to convince your racing steed to smoke?" Arrow teased, standing in the rain next to me.
I laughed slightly. "Miriam wants me to stop smoking." I said shortly.
"I agree with her." Arrow said. "It's bad for you."
"Better than injecting drugs into my veins." I shrugged.
Arrow looked at me. "And do you?" He asked.
"Used to." I muttered, leaning back against the stone wall of the house, watching my cigarette end sizzle slightly as a drop of rain brushed it. "Miriam got me off it, but now she wants me 100% clean. Nicotine free and everything." I sighed.
"Well, it would make you healthier." Arrow shrugged. "Good for breathing."
"You think I don't know that?" I asked. "And if I could be bothered, I'd stop. Hell, I know Luca would slap the stuff out of my hands, but she wasn't the one left behind..." I stopped. "Sorry."
"Hm." Arrow muttered. "It's okay." He thought for a while, "Alright, this is off topic, sorry, but I have a question again. Are you gay?"
"I don't know." I shrugged. "How old are you?"
"22." Arrow said. "That's 22 in your years as well." He added. "Where are you originally from?"
"Greece, via Venice and Naples." I said. "But my mum originally grew up here, actually, which is where she met Mors. How are you going to make this work, or are you going to let everyone know?"
"I don't know exactly, but I don't want anyone else to know." He shrugged. "Are we friends now?"
"I... I guess so." I muttered, looking at him in the dark. There you go, Luca, happy? I stubbed out the cigarette. "Let's get out of the rain." Arrow nodded.
**
I woke up late the next morning, wondering if my memories of the previous night had just been a dream.
"Come on, Renzo, it's really time to get up." A muffled voice came from the other side of my door.
"Fuck off, Arrow." I replied.
"I made you coffee." He responded.
"Alright then." I muttered, hearing him open the door. My bed creaked slightly as he tentatively sat down on the edge. He held out the mug, and I took it gratefully, hardly opening my eyes as I drank it in one gulp.
"So, last night..?" I asked.
"Not a dream, child of Mors." He smiled, as if reading my mind.
"Shit." I muttered. "So I really told you all that stuff."
"Have you told anyone before?" He asked.
"Sara knows a bit- she knew my mum growing up." I said. "But, no."
"Well then, I feel honoured." Arrow smiled. He looked around my room, seeing it fully for the first time. The black rug, black duvet, and book shelves. The rainbow sticker on my laptop. The stack of mechanics manuals, books in Greek as well as Italian, photos of two identical boys, first being held by their mother in Greece, then hugged by her in the small streets of Venice.
Then, the same two kids, in suits, standing next to their uncle. No smiles, only the sombrerity that comes with going to a funeral.
A photo of Luca grinning, with straw in his hair and mud on his face, next to the horse that had just thrown him. The horse looked like she was grinning too. One of me, leaning against the bonnet of a car I'd built from old scrap. Several of us fighting, some of her on the horse that would then be inked onto my skin.
Arrow stood up to get a better look at them.
"So, which one's you?" He asked, picking up a photo.
I knew which it was- Luca and I on the beach. We'd raced, horse vs car, and I'd won. I was grinning, half in a headlock, with Luca laughing.
It was the last time we'd laughed like that.
"The one in the headlock- it was taken two weeks before he died." I muttered quietly.
"Oh." Arrow said, seemingly unsure of what to say. "You two seemed to ride a lot."
"No, that was just him. The only one with me on a horse is the one on my desk."
It was a candid photo, me bareback on the piebald mare, with engine oil racing stripes on my cheeks, and mud dusting my bare chest, smiling down at the horse carrying me. It was taken over top of Luca's horse's head, and reminded me of the careless kid he had seen whenever he had looked at me. The kid she'd tried to let me be right up until the end.
"You were skeletal even then." Arrow muttered, looking at my bare, ink free chest in the photo.
"I'd remind you of who my father is." I muttered.
"You guys took a lot of photos with a flash, didn't you?" He remarked after a while.
"Not really, why?" I asked, sleepily.
"Your eyes are red in most of these photos." Arrow observed.
"Yes, again, I'll remind you of my father." I said, opening my eyes properly for the first time that day, and looking at him.
Brown and green met red, and he took a step back. "That's cool." He muttered.
"Is it?" I asked. "I have to hide it, because humans freak at the smallest things."
"I know." He muttered. "And I think it's cool."
I smiled slightly, finally rolling out of bed. Arrow looked at me, in my boxers and sweatshirt, and smiled slightly.
"Go on, get out of here, lover boy" I said, tilting my head towards the door whilst smiling.
"Sure." He shrugged, swearing at me before leaving my room.
I pulled on some jods, and and joined him in the corridor. Arrow was leaning against a window frame, looking out at the sea. The sky was grey and foreboding, but at least the rain had stopped in the night. The sea was as grey as the sky, and getting choppy.
He started when I stood next to him.
"Sorry." He muttered.
"You missing it?" I asked.
"Sort of. But I like it here." He shrugged. "I have friends here."
I nodded shortly, and he turned to look at me. "Can we go riding today?" He asked.
"Alright." I said. "I need to work with Lucifer anyway."
"He doesn't like me." Arrow said, as we walked downstairs.
"Maybe he's jealous." I joked, making Arrow smile. "So, do you want to ride or run?"
Arrow understood my meaning. "I'll ride. I don't get to do that elsewhere. But we can train this afternoon?"
I nodded, and we walked outside towards the tack room. "Do you want Stay Calm today, or Sea Dragon?" I asked. He decided on Sea Dragon, so we went out to the field and easily caught her, bringing her back to the stable yard to saddle her up.
We rode up to the ridge, riding along it carefully. I was watching Lucifer's every move, trusting Arrow to Sea Dragon.
"So, if Luca was the horsy one, what where you into?" Arrow asked, calling over to me.
"Mecanics. Cars and everything. I would build them from scrap, crash them, and then find more scrap. My uncle never approved, but I didn't give a crap." I replied.
Arrow laughed. "Fair enough."
I smiled in response. "Arrow?" I said suddenly, noticing how the corners of his amazing eyes had crinkled, how his teeth glinted, and how unusually happy I felt.
"Yeah?" He smiled.
"Yes." I said.
"Alright, yes, what is it?" He asked, still smiling.
"I wasn't correcting your language use." I said, "I was answering your question."
I pushed Lucifer into a trot, leaving Arrow confused. "But I didn't ask anything." He said, Sea Dragon speeding up until they were level with us.
His knee brushed mine, reminding me of Luca. "Yes you did. Last night." I said.
"I asked you a lot of questions last night. You answered most of them." He said, before stopping. Sea Dragon stopped as well, and I turned Lucifer, facing them.
We sat there, on our stationary horses, knees touching, looking at each other.
"So," he started, realisation dawning on his face, "you... and me..?" He stopped. "Are you sure?" He asked.
"Well, I meant you could ask about Luca.." I said jokingly, watching his face fall slightly. "Of course I'm fucking sure. I haven't smiled like this in 4 years, let alone actually laughed, so I think that counts for something."
Arrow was speechless. "Come on, Aqua Equus, anyone would think I just asked you out." I joked.
"Well, you kind of did." He said.
"Yeah, so what are you going to do about it?" I teased, kicking Lucifer into action.
We sped across the ridge, the wind carrying Arrow's triumphantly shouted "Yes!" into my ears, followed by a "Wait!". I smiled, and kept riding.
I finally got Lucifer to slow, and turned, watching Arrow fly towards me on Sea Dragon.
He slowed down just in time, stopping right next to me. "Don't run after saying that, Renzo. There's nothing wrong with it."
"I know that." I smirked, looking at his flushed face and sparkling eyes. "That wasn't why I rode away."
"Bastard." he breathed, smiling, before pulling me into a kiss.
"Sorry." He whispered, as we broke apart. I sat there, on Lucifer, frozen to the spot, the wind passing gently through my hair.
"Sorry." Arrow muttered again, backing Sea Dragon away slightly.
"I... didn't mind that." I said, my brain and time both working in double quick time to make up for standing still.
"You sound surprised." Arrow noted. I nodded silently. "So, you agreed to this having no idea how you felt?"
I nodded again.
"Well, that's encouraging." He muttered sarcastically.
"It's not- it's not exactly like that." I muttered.
"Then what is it like?" Arrow asked, sharply. "Because, please tell me now if I've misread your words. I don't want to fuck up our friendship, if that's all you actually want." He paused for breath. "I don't want to spend my time loving someone, who won't reciprocate, so much that it kills me."
"I.." I stopped. Sorry, Luca. "Forget it." I said, turning Lucifer back towards the farm. We raced away, leaving Arrow on top of the ridge.
I brushed Lucifer down quickly, putting his tack away, before going to sit on the hay manger in Marvel's stall, my diving knife in my hands.
It was old, older than me, given to Luca and I by our mother. There was sand embedded into the handle, and blood staining the blade.
"Hey, Luca." I whispered, imagining that she was there with me. I wished she was so desperately that I could almost see her, one hand flung over Marvel's neck, leaning comfortably against the animal. Red eyes glinting, grinning at me like she often did. I could almost hear the "little brother" on her lips.
Marvel shifted, ruining the picture. I looked back at the knife in my hands. I had kept it sharp and polished, despite its age, and I could see a blurred reflection of myself in the blade. It was like looking at Luca through a misted window.
"Renzo?" Arrow's voice cut through my thoughts. "Teo said you'd be in here. Can I come in?"
"Do you have to?" I asked, still looking at the knife.
I heard the hinges of the stable door squeak open, and then shut again.
A pair of soft brown hands covered my calloused ones, and Arrow's fingers worked the blade out of my hands. His eyes seemed to take in everything, whilst not leaving my face. "I might be confused and slightly angry," he muttered, "But I still care, okay?" I nodded numbly.
"Renzo-" Arrow stopped. I felt his finger slip inside my sleeve, feeling the scarred, inked skin hiding there. "Shhh. It's okay."
I shook my head.
"Why not?" Arrow asked gently.
"You'll get hurt. Just like Luca." I muttered.
"I won't." He muttered. "And even if I do, I don't care. Because I care about you."
"He lit up like the night sky.." I whispered, "And next thing I knew, he was dead. And our father? Didn't give a fuck, just let him die." Tears were running down my face, but I continued talking, "I should have faced him before it was too late, told him not to take my brother- his own son! How could he have let that happen to his own kid?"
"Maybe, being the god of death, he knew better than anyone else when it was time for someone to go." Arrow suggested.
"We were 18." I whispered, my voice cracking. "We'd already lost everyone else."
"He can't make exceptions for his own kids, however much he might want to." Arrow whispered.
"I don't want something to happen to you." I muttered. "So, please don't try to get close to me."
"I'll take whatever the universe throws at me, if it means I get to be close to you." Arrow replied, smiling slightly, using his thumb to wipe my cheeks free of tears. Reminding me of Luca with every movement. But this was Arrow, not Luca. And he was saying what he was, without family ties or anything.
I looked at him, as if seeing him for the first time. "Do you really mean that?" I muttered.
"Ten times over." He smiled. "A hundred times." He paused, "A million thousan-"
I cut him off, leaning down to kiss him.
"I got the message." I smiled.
"Good." He whispered, "Now, don't you have an Aqua Equus to train?"
I smiled, and he lifted me lightly down from the manger.
"But first, lunch." Arrow grinned. "Come, on, Renzo."
"Do I have to?" I muttered.
"Yes." He said sternly. "Else no riding this afternoon." Arrow smirked suddenly, as he obviously thought of the same thing as I had. "Shut up." He smiled.
"Didn't say anything." I smirked. "Didn't need to."
"Shh." He grinned.
Arrow made us quick sandwiches, whilst I sat on the counter watching him. Everyone else had already eaten.
"Hope you like ham." He shrugged, handing me a plate.
"Cheers." I shrugged, slowly eating the sandwich. "You're quite the cook." I said sarcastically.
"Obviously." Arrow grinned in response, finishing his food quickly. "I'm used to my meat raw." He smirked, watching me gag as my mind worked overtime.
"Fuck off." I smirked, noticing his smile.
"Come on." He said, putting his plate in the dishwasher, and taking mine once I had finished.
I slipped off the counter, and followed him outside.
"Lucifer's tack should fit me." Arrow said, heading off towards one of the barns.
"Cool." I said, heading towards the tack room.
When I got to the barn, loaded with stuff, the black horse was standing there innocently, a collection of clothes hanging from one of the hooks. "Hey." I said. "Now, please don't freak at all this stuff."
Arrow looked at me, practically raising an eyebrow.
"I'm going to lunge you first, with a cavesson, so you can get used to that." I said, slipping it over his head, and doing up the buckles. Whilst doing so, in the light of day, I noticed that his muzzle was lighter than the rest of him, almost a chestnut colour. It made me smile privately to myself, but I had no idea why.
Arrow nudged my hand with his muzzle, as if telling me he wanted me to get on with it. But I insisted on lunging him for a while, before moving onto a surcingle, and checking he was okay.
"Doing well." I muttered, swapping the cavesson for Lucifer's bridle after a while, and giving him some treats. Arrow nudged me again, and I couldn't help but smile as I attached side reins to the bridle. "Almost there, Arrow." I muttered. "And it's almost dinner time."
"Renzo!" I heard Teo calling my name.
"Fuck." I muttered. "Arrow, you're going to have to be, you know, somewhat violent."
He looked at me, almost grinning, rearing just as Teo appeared in the doorway of the barn.
"Not right now, Teo." I muttered, holding the very end of the reins and massaging my shoulder with my hand. "Thanks for the warning." I hissed at Arrow. He looked at me innocently, dancing away slightly, pulling at the reins.
"Dinner's ready." She said, looking at the horse with trepidation. "Is that.."
"Yes." I said grimly. "Keep your distance."
She nodded, backing out of the barn in fear.
As soon as the door closed behind her, Arrow instantly calmed down, and stood rock still. I fumbled with the straps and buckles, rushing to take off his tack as quickly as I could.
As soon as it was off, I hurried over to the tack room with it, sorting it out as I put it all away.
Arrow came and stood in the doorway, having got dressed. "So, what will you tell Miriam?" He asked. "Because I can't be bothered to camp out in a stall."
"I'll bluff my way through it." I shrugged. "You were pretty good, though."
"I think I was better than that." Arrow crossed his arms.
"Okay, you were amazing, now we'd better go." I said, standing up.
He caught me in the doorway, kissing my forehead lightly. "You were more amazing." He muttered.
"Shh." I laughed, pushing him away.
"So, Renzo. Teo says you've been training an Aqua Equus." Miriam smiled. "What have you called it?"
I gulped.
"Arroyo." Arrow spoke up.
"Have you been helping, Arrow?" Sara asked, surprised.
"Well, probably not helping as much as hindering." Arrow smiled. "I mainly sit there and marvel at Renzo's work."
I snorted slightly.
"Well, we'll leave you two to it." Miriam smiled knowingly. "Dani, there's a small group of school kids coming tomorrow as part of a school trip. I think they're Greek..? Can you be on hand to help Alessa? You too, Cesca, if you have the time?"
Arrow nudged me, but I shook my head. I wasn't going to help with the school group just because I spoke their language.
"Sure." Dani nodded. "Can we use Sea Dragon, Renzo?"
I nodded silently, but Dani knew I didn't tend to waste my words.
Dinner passed quickly, and fortunately my Aqua Equus was forgotten.
But I hadn't forgotten him, sitting next to me, chatting and laughing with everyone.
I noticed how he listened to Teo and asked her about her classes, how he offered to help Dani with the washing up that evening, how he made a joke that got everyone laughing, including Aurora, who laughed far too much for what the joke had been.
I noticed how I felt when he smiled at Alessa.
I noticed one of his hands slipping underneath the table, his fingers linking themselves through my own.