FORTY THREE: New Understandings
Sometime around midnight, Hiccup had rested his wife down on his old bed upstairs with Valkana's crib at her side while he had remained in the chair, staring at his sleeping father and rolling everything that had happened around in his head. Toothless had managed to curl around his seat and he was aware of the warm bulk of the Night Fury behind him-a dragon that would inspire awe and fear when he was in the skies but which often acted like a giant puppy or kitten when with his master. There was a small rumble as he snored and Hiccup felt a small smile tugging at his lips. Toothless was his best friend, his protector and confidante and had saved his life so many times...and he honestly had no clue what he would do if he ever lost the dragon. But equally, he had no clue how he could ever react if he lost Astrid. The months he had been away from her had been an aeon of torment, every night fractured by nightmares, imagining her hurt or sick or dead, imagining hunters torturing her or her losing the baby...or her hating him...and the guilt had been a constant pain in his chest, eating away at him until he had finally broken, knowing he was out of time and using methods he never would have considered before...and taking lives...
"I am a disgrace," he murmured. "I've betrayed everything you taught me. I didn't just use force to get back what was mine-I used it to intimidate, the terrorise, to make them fear me...and that's not what a Chief does. A Chief should be just and fair, he should be respected for his strength and should stand for the needs of the tribe. But I didn't. I came in blasting, yelling at them to hand Astrid back and terrorising them I sunk their ships, I killed men and I relished in the reputation I had created because I wanted whoever had her to release her. But...none of them did. She was a prisoner on Granite Isle...and I never knew. I could have found her and saved her from having to fight for her life. I failed her on every level."
"Not...quite..." Stoick rasped, his hand tightening around his son's. "You found her when she needed you most. You were there for the birth of your child. I wasn't allowed in the room."
Imagining his enormous father hovering over-protectively over his now-dead mother, Hiccup nodded absently.
"I can see that," he commented. "I mean...not exactly inconspicuous...and I doubt Gothi could get past you to do whatever an actual Healer does at the birth..."
"Always...the cracks 'bout...my weight..." Stoick commented with a small smile.
"Fishbone talking here," Hiccup reminded him. "And I get all the leg jokes as well..."
Stock chuckled and then his hand tightened around his son.
"I used to be called 'Stoick the Vindictive'," he admitted slowly. "And I didn't always behave in a way that my Tribe would have been proud of. There was this man-Reynir Ornssen-from the Burplout Tribe who visited Berk when I was a new Chief. He was a grifter, a chancer, a man who could talk all four legs off a yak and crooked as they come...and he started making advances at Valka-your mother. It was around the time I was starting to court her...though I was about as tongue-tied as you were..."
Rubbing the back of his neck self-consciously, Hiccup nodded. "Gods, I was so pathetic I didn't dare say anything for months and years...because I was so scared she wouldn't feel anything for me...and I was terrified that I would lose her friendship if I said anything. But it took me almost losing her completely...to the Hunters in the ocean, to the Scourge of Odin, to blindness and finally when Viggo held his sword to her throat that I knew...I couldn't live without her. I mean...I told her I loved her when she lost her sight...and I asked her to marry me as soon as I got her in my arms after Viggo died." He stuttered to a halt. "Except somehow he isn't..." Then he looked at his father's amused gaze. "Sorry...rambling..."
"But Reynir was a cruel one, tells untruths about debts and playing members of the Tribe off against one another," he said, his tone turning grim. "He swindled a handful of old men out of their treasures and no one could protest because he swore witness that they had done valid deals. But then he had his eye on Val and he offered her father money for her hand, offering an outrageous bride price. And he considered it-because she was a little...independent. Aye, she was a beauty, Hiccup. She was slim like you, though taller..."
"Yeah-still a runt," Hiccup grumbled.
"...and she had the most beautiful green eyes-which you inherited. Her hair was chestnut waves, in long braids down her back and she had this restless energy that refused to be tamed. I loved her even though I was older...but others thought she was a little odd. Her father considered it because he couldn't see her managing a better match-but she hated the idea and she came to me. Thor, I had no idea what to do, because I didn't have that much money to match his offer. But I asked her plainly...if she would ever be interested in a warrior like me. I mean, I was the epitome of a Viking warrior-big, brave, brash..."
"Boneheaded..." Hiccup commented.
"What?"
"Bold," Hiccup added quickly. His father gave him a sideways look. "And she said...?"
"She blushed," Stoick admitted. "And then she reached up and kissed me on the cheek. My Dad hadn't arranged a marriage for me-he wanted me to find the woman who owned my heart-and in that second, she took mine irrevocably. I have never loved another woman since that day..." His voice trailed off, the nostalgia and longing making Hiccup's heart clench. He knew intellectually that his father missed his mother all the time-though he hid it amazingly under his gruff, tough exterior-and now he had spent so much time worrying he had lost Astrid forever, he knew how his father felt. His hand tightened around Stoick's huge paw.
"I know the feeling," he offered and Stoick smiled.
"Reynir didn't like that she came to me-and less that I spoke to her father that hour and made an offer for Valka. It was slightly less than Reynir had offered but Valka told her father in no uncertain terms that she would never marry him and she wanted the chance to be betrothed to me. So he was politely but firmly turned down. And he didn't take it well-so instead, he lied to village and said that Valka was spoiled goods, that he had already lain with her. And I saw her face-the horror, the disgust, the anger at such lies which would destroy her chances of a good match and I felt such rage that I challenged him. I called him a liar and a fraud. I called him out for the lies he had spoken to defraud the older members of the Tribe and Gothi asked me to think before I spoke. But I ignored her and challenged Reynir to a duel to the death."
"Oh boy..." Hiccup commented. "Though it's heartening to know where I got it from..." Stoick nodded.
"Reynir cheated every way he could-he was a year or so older than me but so much more worldly-yet I was furious and determined not just to win but to make him pay for his lies. So we met in the Dragon-Killing Arena and he called me a 'pup' and a 'fool'. He lied about Val, dragging her name in the mud and every time he opened his mouth, I grew more and more furious. And though I was younger than him, I was a Viking warrior and the Chief and I beat him. He begged for his life and I almost walked away...but he sneered that he had still taken Val from me-and that was it. I buried my axe in his head and beheaded his corpse. We sent his body back to his Tribe and I threatened to declare war on them if they dared protest at his death. Turns out, I needn't have worried-because they hated him as much as I did. But I wanted to kill him the moment he slandered Val and destroy his Tribe if they angered me over it."
"Um...wow...that's both reassuring and horrifying that it seems to run in the family," Hiccup commented. "I mean, I wanted to destroy those Hunters because I thought they had Astrid and our child and I knew how cruel they were. Thor knows, they tortured me and Toothless for four weeks and..."
The grip on his hand tightened.
"Any man would react the same if he thought the woman he loved and their child were in pain...dying..." the Chief said gruffly. "And I am glad that sometimes...even though you are a man who will always seek the peaceful answer...that sometimes you will use whatever it takes to protect those you love." Hiccup leaned forward.
"But it wasn't necessary," he said quietly. "They didn't have her."
"You acted like a Chief-and I am proud of you, son," Stoick said tiredly. "To be honest, I was glad I bulked up a bit and became 'the Vast'. I never regretted protecting my Valka. And you should never regret protecting your own. And you should never regret the choices you make." Hiccup swallowed.
"You should rest," he murmured. "But Dad-I can't let these Fliers get away with this. They have to be stopped before they enslave all of dragon kind and use them to conquer us all!" Stoick's eyes fluttered closed.
"Follow your heart, son," he murmured. "Protect your own..."
And then his breathing deepened into sleep, leaving the young Heir staring at his sleeping father, his eyes trailing with guilt over the bruises and bandages.
"Enlightening," a familiar voice said as Cami emerged from the shadows. Hiccup stiffened, his eyes widening as he saw her walk easily through the space towards him. She was moving silently as always and he recalled she was always the most skilled at invading spaces where she wasn't supposed to be,
"And private," he forced himself to say. "He spoke to me as a son and you should not be here. You weren't invited."
"Too late for that and..." she began as Toothless cracked an eye open and growled. She stiffened and then backed up a pace. "Oh...kay...here now...and I need to speak with you in private." Gently resting a hand against Toothless's warm bulk, Hiccup gestured to the chair opposite his father. Easily, Cami sat down.
"Speak," he said. She paused and looked as if she was thinking hard.
"I never meant it to work out this way," she said honestly. "I mean...we used to be friends, you and I. The two outcasts among the Heirs, the runt and the girl..."
"Go us," Hiccup sassed quietly.
"And when Mom told me about the arrangement, I was pleased...because if I had to be lumbered with anyone, I wanted it to be with you. I mean, you're sarcastic and brave and loyal...and I knew I could always rely on you."
"But in the meantime, we grew up," Hiccup reminded her. "I was stopped going to the Chieftain Meetings when it started to become obvious I wasn't going to suddenly turn into a buff brash Chieftain's son...and it hardly fitted Stoick the Vast to have a sarcastic fishbone of a son when Mogadon and Norbert were parading their impressive sons to the Council. I was ostracised and bullied because I was...well, a disappointment. Every day I saw my father's eyes filled with shame that his son wasn't what he hoped. And I didn't help myself. I was so desperate to prove myself...especially to Astrid, though I didn't realise it then...that I created all these machines to fight dragons. And they failed..."
"Really?"
"Spectacularly," he conceded. "Some raids, I caused more damage than the dragons. And then...I shot him down. No one believed me and I was humiliated in public once more...so I was determined to prove myself. I found him, bound up and tried to kill him. But I couldn't."
"Why not?" She was leaning forward.
"He looked at me and I saw him helpless and resigned to his fate. Expecting death as inevitable. And I saw myself. So I let him go." Cami chuckled.
"That was very Hiccup," she commented. He shrugged.
"I can only be myself," he said. "So I befriended him and the rest is history."
She sighed.
"I missed you," she admitted. "I mean, I didn't have that many friends...and Mom was so determined that I should marry you. I had heard you had become a celebrity and I was looking forward to seeing you again...but when we arrived, you had changed. Grown. And you were very clear you had given your heart to someone else. And I was...disappointed. Part of me that was the stubborn Bog Burglar wanted to make you go ahead because otherwise I would end up with one of those muscle-headed lunatics who we hated at the Chieftain Meetings. But the part of me that had been your friend felt guilty. And I should have talked to you properly...and listened. I mean, it was obvious you really loved Astrid."
"Thanks," Hiccup said sarcastically. "Why didn't you?"
"Because the Bog Burglar part was stronger," she admitted. "But I didn't realise Mom was trying to marry us at the betrothal service. And it was a relief when you broke it off...because marrying someone who would resent me for losing him the love of his life and his child would be torment. I have no doubt you would be polite...but you wouldn't be the friend I remembered. It wasn't worth it."
"Wow. Wish you could have said that as well," he added. She grimaced.
"I love my Mom."
"And I love my Dad-but you forced me to disappoint him again. You forced me to make him outcast me-again." His voice was bitter.
"Again?"
"Yeah-first time was after he discovered about Toothless," he told her sharply and felt the dragon croon behind him. "It's okay, bud-that wasn't much fun for either of us, was it?" And she smiled.
"You know, I can't understand how you and he are so close," she sighed. "I mean I love my dragon but you treat him like a Viking."
"He's my brother," Hiccup said simply. "He was the only person who listened to me. I saved him and he saved me. That's how it is. And when we were captured by the Hunters, he saved my life. There are four people in this Realm I would give my life for: Dad, Astrid, Val and Toothless."
Camicazi smiled.
"There's the boy who used to be my friend," she admitted and then shrugged. "Look, Hicc-I accept that the wedding is off. And that what we tried to do was wrong. But I have to think what is best for my people."
"I can tell you now...I do the same...and marrying you would never have been the best for our people," he told her. "I love Astrid. She is my second-in-command, one of the best warriors on Berk and my wife. Thor, did I just say that? And life without her would not be worth even trying. So I followed her-and my only regret was that I didn't fly out the instant I knew she was gone." Then he looked into her eyes. "But you need to make the choice, Cami. Somewhere, there will be a moment where you need to stop the madman who threatens the Archipelago. And Johann is that man. He wants to subjugate all dragons and use them to threaten and enslave all of us. And you may need to make a choice to stop him-even if the cost is very high."
"Could you do it?" Cami asked him archly and he he nodded once, his face grim.
"I already have," he reminded her. "I abandoned Astrid when she was near her time because Snotlout, the Heir to Berk, was missing. I nearly lost her...but it was what I had to do. I am a Viking of Berk and that will always be foremost in my thoughts...even if it costs me my life." Then he looked at her. "Could you do it, Cami? Risk Bog to save everyone? Or would you secede Bog to Johann to stop them being killed? Because one day, that may be the choice? Live as slave or die fighting for freedom?"
She grinned.
"When you put it like that...I'll go down fighting every time," she said firmly.
"If you fight with us, you fight with us all the way to the end...whatever that may be," Hiccup told her and she paused-then offered him her hand.
"I agree," she said firmly. "I know what I need to do, Hiccup. And I'm sorry. I should have been the friend you needed-not the woman who forced you to choose between your girlfriend and your tribe." After a long second, he took her hand and they shook...and then he turned his hand over.
'My wedding ring," he said sternly and she sheepishly placed it back on his palm.
"Boy, I must be losing my touch," she grumbled as he slid it back on.
"Nope-but I know you," he added as she rose. There was an odd smile on her lips-it almost looked sad.
"You know, Hiccup-you're a man who raced to the ends of the Archipelago for the woman you love and risked your life and worse to be with her. You are loyal and protective and I'm glad I'm on your side, not against you. And I know, whatever happens and whether I ever marry or not, I will never find someone like you. Astrid is a lucky woman-and I envy her." She leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek, then swung her way out of the door.
Rising, Hiccup cast a glance over at his father and saw he was sleeping peacefully before he yawned and headed up the stairs to Astrid and Valkana. His lips tilted in an affectionate smile as he slid into the narrow bed behind his wife's sleeping shape. She instinctively snuggled back against him and mumbled something incoherent. Wrapping his arm around her, he pressed a gentle kiss to her temple.
"Love you too," he murmured and closed his eyes. He was home, he was accepted and his father was on the mend: for this moment, all was right with the world.
oOo
Dagur approached him the following morning, his eyes serious. Hiccup was immediately on alert, for serious Dagur was a rarity. The red-haired Berserker handed him a leather-bound book without preamble and sighed.
"I'm worried about Heather," he confessed. "She's determined to find Oswald. And every clue we find in this diary is meaningless. And as someone who has spent most of his life in varying states of existential crises, I know the meaning of meaningless!" Frowning, Hiccup opened the diary and found runes that made no sense, a selection of drawings and symbols he didn't understand.
"So you're following this to find where he went?" he asked, methodically scanning the pages for clues. Dagur walked back and forth, flinging his arms wide with frustration.
"If she keeps following this diary, she's going to get herself killed," he bemoaned. "She's become reckless-and i don't mean that in a cool, swashbuckling kind of way..." Glancing up, Hiccup rolled his eyes. He was still having issues adjusting to protective big brother Dagur rather than psychopathic evil warlord Dagur. The Berserker gave a self-conscious shrug. "I don't know if you've noticed but people in my family kind of get fixated on things...like ruling an Archipelago... owning a Skrill, killing you..."
Sighing, Hiccup looked up. "And you're afraid Heather's got the same obsessive nature?" Dagur looked up sharply.
"Of course she has-we're Beserkers! It's in her blood!" He visibly calmed himself, muttering a few words of his mantra to regain control. "I am the sea, calm and wide, my sense of calm comes from the inside... Please, Hiccup-look through my Dad's diary and see if there's anything in there...a clue, a sign, a harbinger of doom...something!" Sighing, Hiccup gave a nod and flipped through the book again.
"Well, Oswald certainly didn't want anyone to know what he was working on-but he gave both you and Heather DragonEye lenses so whatever he was doing...may be crucial to defeating Johann..."
"Exactly!" Dagur said eagerly, resuming his pacing. "So when you tell Heather there's nothing in it we can understand, she'll listen...to you. She won't listen to me because she's a stubborn, headstrong..."
Frowning as he flipped through the pages, Hiccup's expression grew more and more intense.
"...stress-inducing..."
"Sentinel!" Hiccup gasped, his eyes widening at the unmistakeable image. Dagur looked up.
"Not the word I would have chosen..." he commented. "But each to his own..." Hiccup walked to his side and showed him the page, his voice suddenly filled with enthusiasm.
"No-this sketch. It looks like it might be a Sentinel dragon." Not comprehending, Dagur frowned at the image and folded his arms. Hiccup looked up. "Dagur-there's only one place those dragons live!"
"Where?" Hiccup took a deep breath.
"Vanaheim!"