Chapter 30
Reality Bites
Emily heard the familiar sound of a heart monitor beeping. The pulse oximeter measuring her oxygen level bleated in a slower lower tone. She couldn't move at first. Her body felt heavy. Everything was aching. Her chest was throbbing. There was a dull pain radiating from her collarbone all the way down to her bellybutton.
She took a deep breath and tensed up in discomfort. The air felt like frigid ice water in her lungs. It irritated her throat. She felt a tight tension in her sternum when she inhaled and exhaled. The muscles between her ribs felt like they were being stretched and pulled apart. She let out a grunt of pain and opened her eyes.
She felt something cool tickling her wrist and when she looked down she saw an IV catheter pumping fluids into her vein. Her senses were so heightened and she was so sensitive to everything that she could feel the liquid trickling into her vein and up her arm.
She ran her tongue over her chapped lips and then closed her mouth. She heard a noise and it took her a minute to realize that it was blood rushing to her head. It was making a horrible pulsing noise and made her ears twitch and burn from the inside.
There was a brief moment of confusion as she tried to remember how she'd ended up in the hospital. Then the images flooded her mind; a flash of twisted metal, broken glass, and the feeling of not being able to breathe. The memories were coming to her so fast that she felt like she was twirling around on an out of control merry-go-round.
She remembered seeing the truck coming right for them. She remembered thinking she was going to die. She remembered the force of the impact...the pain in her chest. She remembered A. She remembered being yanked out of the car, being strangled, being hit. She remembered Toby screaming her name.
The memories came to her quicker. Flashes of the ambulance. Not being able to catch her breath. That feeling of terror she felt when she felt her lungs stop working. The thought of never seeing Ali again. The last thing she remembered was Toby squeezing her hand.
She started shaking, making her aching body throb worse. She slid her hand up from the bed and on to her stomach. She stretched her side and rolled slightly to try and get into a more comfortable position, but she quickly found out that it didn't matter how she was laying...her body just hurt.
She looked around the room, feeling woozy. She saw a small end-table and a worn chair sitting in one corner and a slightly larger less worn chair in the other. There was a colorful abstract picture framed and hanging on the wall.
A shadow fell over her bed as a nurse walked into the room. She was dressed in blue scrubs with a matching surgical cap on her head. She was wearing a surgical mask on her face. She didn't say a word as she reached for Emily's IV line.
"What's happening?" Emily asked, her throat burning, her voice husky. Her vision was fading in and out, a weird pulsing haziness that distorted what she was seeing. She saw the nurse putting a syringe with a needle into her IV line. "What are you doing? What's that?"
"Just lie still, Emily." The voice made her skin crawl. She gasped. She recognized that voice. "It'll all be over soon."
Emily trembled. It couldn't be. She looked at the masked nurse with wide eyes, her arm starting to burn where the injection was slowly making its way into her vein.
"No." Emily huffed.
The nurse laughed and pulled down her mask.
Sara.
But how? She was dead.
"No!" Emily called out more firmly. She looked down at where the IV line hooked into the IV catheter in her hand. "What did you do to me?" She groaned.
The machines she was hooked up to started beeping faster as her pulse started to rise. Her chest started to burn. Emily freaked out. She reached over to try and pry her IV catheter out, but Sara grabbed her hands.
"No! Get off me!" She fought against Sara. "Help! Someone help!"
Sara shoved Emily's hands up beside her head and pinned them there. Emily thrashed against her, yelling for help, her chest throbbing in pain. Sara just leaned over her with a menacing smile on her face. Emily felt herself getting drowsy. She fought it. She let out a loud scream as her vision went dark. She felt her body jerking. She threw her head from side to side. She rolled her hips and kicked her feet. Seconds later, she heard Alison.
"Em?"
Her cries had roused Alison from beside her. Emily was thrashing around in her hospital bed, panting. She tried to scream, but the noise got caught in her throat. Her eyes were shut tight.
Alison stumbled out of the chair she'd pushed up beside Emily's bed. She'd been curled up next to her since Emily had come out of the recovery room. Alison heard the machines monitoring Emily picking up speed and then Emily let out a gurgled cry.
"No!" Emily was flailing around, tugging at her IV line. She was dripping with sweat. "What did you do to me?"
"Emily!" Alison tried to pry Emily's fingers away from the IV before she yanked it out. "Emily, calm down." Alison pushed her knee up on the mattress to get closer to her. She leaned over her and reached out to touch her face to try and still her motions, careful not to jostle her oxygen line. "Relax. Stop struggling."
"No! Stop!" Emily cried out in her sleep.
"Em, listen to me. Listen to the sound of my voice." Alison kept one hand on Emily's arm to try and keep her from tugging at her IV. Her other hand was pressed firmly against Emily's damp sweat-soaked cheek. "You're dreaming. It's not real. Whatever is happening is not real. You're okay. I'm here. I'm right here with you. Just listen to me. Concentrate on me."
Emily stopped kicking, but the numbers on her heart monitor were still climbing. Her head was still jerking like she was trying to get away from something, her lips twisted into a pained grimace.
"Come on. Come back to me, sweetie."
Emily was breathing heavily through her nose, pushing out the air that the oxygen line was blowing into her nostrils, but she stopped jerking her head around.
"Listen to me. Feel me." She pressed her fingers into Emily's cheek. She thought about how Emily had pulled her out of her spiral last night, Emily's words echoing in her mind. "I'm right here. I'm right here." She slowly repeated it the second time for emphasis.
Emily still seemed to be frozen in some state of perpetual fear. It's like she wanted to wake up, but her body wouldn't let her. Alison didn't know what to do to help her. So she did only thing she could think of to reach her – she kissed her. She leaned down and brushed their lips together, her mouth gentle and reassuring against Emily's. The kiss was quick, and somewhat effective. She felt Emily stop trembling. She pulled back, her lips inches from Emily's.
"I'm with you. You're safe." She slowly pulled her knee back and put her foot against the ground.
She leaned back, her eyes fixed on Emily's as she waited for them to open. She wanted her face to be the first thing Emily saw when she woke up. She wanted her to know that she was safe. Emily relaxed, though not entirely. Alison continued soothingly stroking her cheek and Emily started to calm down underneath her touch.
"I'm here, Em," she said again. "I've got you." She gently released her hold on Emily's arm and rubbed her fingers against the back of Emily's hand. "Just take it easy. You're okay." She gingerly pulled her hand away from Emily's hand and brought it up to Emily's face, pushing a lock of her hair that was tangled in her oxygen line away from her face. "Open your eyes, baby. Just open your eyes and look at me."
Emily became completely still for a few seconds. Alison could see her lips twitching. Emily's eyelids flipped open and she shot up in bed. Alison jerked back in surprise.
The sudden movement caused Emily more discomfort than she was prepared for. Emily sucked in a breath of air, gulping it down like she had been underwater for too long. When she moved she felt a deep ache in her chest.
She leaned her head into the wall, her spine pressed firmly against the solid structure behind her. Her eyes scanned the entire room. She was certain Sara was hiding somewhere just waiting for her to wake up so she could do something horrible like kill Ali while she watched.
She felt her bed move and it took her a minute to realize that Alison was in front of her, half on the bed, half off. Emily's chest pulsed up and down in short bursts as she tried to work through her confusion and to get used to the aching feeling in her chest.
Alison saw a look of pain flash across Emily's face. It was tinged with a hint of fright. She looked like an animal in the wild that had been injured and was being cornered by rescuers, only the animal didn't know the rescuers' intentions.
"Easy." Alison put her hands on Emily's face again, trying to keep her grounded in reality. "Don't get yourself worked up..."
But before Alison could finish, Emily heaved out a breath and started coughing. Alison cringed when she heard Emily's chest rattling. She hated to hear her struggling. Emily started shaking again, though whether it was from fear or pain, Alison couldn't tell.
"Em – Emily, hey. Look at me." She scooted closer to her, keeping a steady grasp on Emily's face, cradling her cheeks firmly in her hands. "You have to calm down. Just take a breath."
Emily nodded, finally making the eye contact that Alison had been waiting for. She was slowly pulling Emily out of the darkness in her mind.
"She – she was in here." Emily was shivering. Her brow was dripping with perspiration.
"Who?" Alison asked. "Who was in here?"
"She tried to..." Emily looked down at her IV line, a burning sensation climbing up her arm. "...it's in my IV. She put something in my IV. I have to get it out. Ali, help me. Help me get it out."
She reached for her IV catheter again, but Alison grabbed her wrist to stop her. She never broke eye contact with Emily.
"Nothing happened to your IV. No one has been in here. I've been here since the moment they brought you out of surgery," Alison tried to calm her down. "No one will ever hurt you while I'm around, Em."
"No, no." Emily looked around the room in confusion. It looked exactly like the room she'd seen Sara in. "I'm groggy, but I know what I saw. She's alive, Ali. Sara Harvey..."
"No, Sara is dead. You had a nightmare," Alison rubbed her palm against Emily's face. "You still have anesthesia in your system." Her voice was calm and quiet.
"But I – I saw her. She was dressed as a nurse and was wearing a m-mask. She came in and..."
"It was just a dream." Alison shook her head. "I have been here the whole time. I would never leave you. You know that. I promise you you're safe."
She brushed her fingers against Emily's arm. Emily's skin felt hot, hotter than normal. Alison glanced at the machines monitoring Emily. Her pulse was slowing down, but it was still too high.
"You need to lie down." Alison tried to guide her back down into the bed.
"I just need..." Emily trailed off, not really sure where she was going with her statement. It was usually a reflex for her to say she was fine, but this time she wasn't fine, and she knew it. "I..."
"Emily, now," Alison said sharply, trying not to let Emily see how much she was internally panicking.
Emily was too exhausted to fight it. She slid down and settled her head against the pillow and closed her eyes. The second she was in the dark she saw the truck speeding towards her again. She could almost feel the impact of the crash. Her eyes jerked open.
Alison saw her flinch and she softly ran her fingers across the left side of her hairline. She tucked Emily's stray hairs behind the oxygen line that was hooked around her ear. She pushed the heel of her hand into Emily's jaw, her thumb at the edge of Emily's lips, her fingers aligned with the side of Emily's face. She quietly watched her, waiting for her to come out of her nightmare.
Emily concentrated on Alison's touch. She could feel herself settling down. She took several shallow breaths through her nose, the cool oxygen pumping fresh air into her nostrils. She pushed her lips together and pressed her tongue against the roof of her mouth. Her tongue felt fuzzy, almost numb. It took a few minutes to get her equilibrium back to normal.
"How long have I been out?" Emily asked, somewhat dazed, her throat still tingling from where the tube had been.
"A couple of hours." Alison's palm slid down and came to rest on the side of Emily's neck. She could feel Emily's pulse beating rapidly against her thumb.
"Is Toby okay?" Emily's voice cracked, wrought with emotion. She took in a breath. "He hit his head in the crash. He said he was okay, but..."
"Toby is fine," Alison assured her.
"Are you okay?" Emily looked at her with such sympathy that it nearly made Alison burst into tears.
"Depends on your definition of okay," Alison said quietly, her eyes shooting towards the ceiling to avoid letting Emily see how much she was hurting. It didn't work. Emily could see her trying to hold her emotions in.
"I'm sorry, Ali," Emily sighed.
That got Alison's attention extremely quickly.
"Are you kidding me? You nearly get flattened by a truck, get the crap kicked out of you by a psycho, and crash and burn and you're apologizing?" She sounded exasperated.
"Not for that." Emily clarified. She blinked slowly, her vision blurring. She felt drowsy and shaky. "For everything this is putting you through." Emily closed her eyes, suddenly feeling drained. "I know this doesn't just affect me. I know you're hurting, too. I feel like I've brought you nothing but misery since I got back."
Emily kept her eyes closed, trying to concentrate on the oxygen flowing into her nose, down her throat, and into her lungs. She could breathe. That's all that mattered.
"I wouldn't trade a second with you." Alison kissed her forehead. Emily's skin was like fire underneath her lips.
Emily opened her eyes and noticed that Alison was furrowing her brow with an anxious expression on her face. She pushed her palm up against Emily's forehead, trying to gauge her temperature. All of her vitals were being flashed across a screen except her temperature.
"It'll pass. My body is just worked up." Emily rotated her shoulder so she could pick her arm up to put her hand on Alison's arm, but the motion sent an unexpected sharp pain across the front of her clavicle. She felt a slight tug in her chest and her eyes flickered in pain. She clamped her jaw shut and held in a shallow breath, more surprised at the sensation of the pain than the actual pain itself. She tried not to let Alison see, but of course her girl caught it.
"If you're in pain I can get the doctor." Alison moved her hand away from Emily's forehead and cupped her cheek again. She could feel the tension in Emily's jaw underneath her hand.
"It's not that bad." Emily blew out a breath.
The truth was that she just didn't want any pain medications. She didn't want anything that was going to make her drowsy. Her mind was much more painful than her physical discomfort. She also knew that the doctors were limited on what they could give her because of her heart. The pain meds she got last time she was in the hospital had made her feel worse instead of better.
She'd never been big on pain medications. She didn't even like taking over-the-counter analgesics, much less anything prescription grade. She'd grown up learning that pain was her body's way of communicating with her. It was nature's way of telling her something. Nature was practically screaming at her with a bullhorn now, but she knew there was nothing that could be done to silence the screaming bastard, so she was just trying to roll with it.
"Really. It's fine, Ali."
Alison pinched her lips together and frowned.
"Honey, I can feel you shaking," she said sadly. Emily was quivering. "You can't just sit here and suffer."
"Why not? I've gotten really good at it." Emily closed her eyes and shook her head. She hadn't meant to let that slip out. "Sorry. That was..." she huffed. "I didn't mean that."
But Ali knew that Emily meant it more than she'd ever admit. Her heart broke for Emily, and it also made her angry. Angry that this was happening to her. Angry that A was making it worse.
"Em..." Her tone was soft and melancholy.
"They can't give me much of anything for it anyway," Emily murmured, still not feeling like she was fully awake. "I'm not stable enough."
Ali looked at her, perplexed. Did Emily know just how unstable she was?
"How did you..."
"I can feel it," Emily admitted. "It's not just pain." She could read the signs her body was sending her. She knew things were bad. She pushed her tongue against the back of her teeth and swallowed the lump that was forming in her throat. "Back in the ambulance I felt this really weird sensation in my chest. It was above the pain. It was above everything. It was like my brain was trying to warn me. My body..." She felt her muscles twitch just at the mention of it. "...it was screaming at me. And I got this really cold feeling in my veins, and I just...I knew." She watched Ali's expression very carefully. Emily could see the heartbreak she was trying to hide, "And judging by the look on your face, I'm going to guess my instincts were right."
"We don't need to talk about this right now." Ali's voice was clogged with despair. "You should..." she tried to keep herself together, for Emily's sake, "...you should rest. It's what you need."
"Ali, what's going on?" She begged her to talk to her. What had happened while she was unconscious? Ali was too freaked out for it just to be the wreck. Emily could see that something had happened. Hell, she could feel it.
"Not now. Just take it easy for right now."
"It's that bad, huh?" Emily closed her eyes again, suddenly feeling very dizzy.
Her lips parted to say something else, but she couldn't speak. Her brain felt too jumbled to form a coherent thought. After a few seconds, Ali traced her fingers along Emily's jaw, her index finger grazing the nasal cannula delivering fresh oxygen to Emily. She moved her palm down, dipping it underneath the oxygen line and laid her hand against the side of Emily's neck. She could feel the sweat rolling down her body. Ali slid her hand to the back of Emily's neck. Her brows raised in alarm at the heat rolling off of her. Emily sighed and let out a very faint groan.
"Em, are you still with me?" Ali asked, trying to hide her apprehension.
"I'm always with you," Emily muttered, half out of it.
Normally, Ali would have had to fight the urge to kiss her for being so sentimental, but she was too worried to even think about it.
Out of nowhere, Emily shivered and inhaled a quaking breath. She felt the air hit her lungs with more force than she'd intended. She heaved out a wet cough, her chest momentarily tensing up. She felt a burning sensation rolling up her throat as she expelled the air in her lungs.
"That doesn't sound good." Ali cringed, her tone heightened with emotion, her heart galloping in unease.
"It's residual from the tube that was in my throat." Emily's mouth barely moved as she spoke.
Or it was from the damn hole that A had basically ripped open in her heart. Ali had to take a deep breath to keep her anger at bay. Anger wasn't going to help Emily right now.
Emily's lips twitched and her throat bobbed as she tried to swallow the weird discomfort left from the endotracheal tube.
Ali watched Emily's chest rise and fall, afraid it might stop moving at any minute. She bit her lip to fight off the feeling of dread she felt. The cough, combined with the fact that Emily felt feverish was making her feel paranoid. She looked at the machines monitoring Emily, but they were holding steady. She pushed her palm firmly against Emily's overheated cheek and frowned.
She heard someone shuffling into the room. Ali turned around and saw Toby walking in with a cup of coffee in his hand. He was looking at it like it had offended him in some way, like it wasn't as worthy as the other coffees in the world.
Toby had taken it upon himself to be Emily's guard...and Ali's barista. There was no way he was leaving Emily alone after what had happened with A. The doctor had only wanted one person with Emily after she woke up, but he made an exception for Toby after Toby pulled rank with his uniform and said it was official police business. The doctor didn't entirely believe him, but he didn't argue. It made everyone feel a little better knowing that Toby was watching out for Ali and Emily.
"Hey, the café's coffee-maker is on the fritz, so I had to settle for the dirt they have here. They were out of creamer, so I just..." He looked up and saw the anxious expression in Ali's eyes. "What happened?" He asked.
"Can you get Joyce?" Ali gnawed at her lip and then turned back to face Emily, one hand on her face, the other still on the back of her neck, her fingers tangled in her hair.
Joyce had been someone else who took it upon herself to be there for Emily. She'd seen to it that she got assigned to Emily's case. She'd done some shift switching to get the gig. Ali was grateful to her.
"Is everything okay?" Toby shifted nervously. He went from full grown man to scared little boy in an instant.
"I want someone to look at her. She's shaking and she's sweating like crazy." She rubbed Emily's cheekbone with her thumb.
"I'm okay, Ali." Emily mumbled, her eyes still closed. "It's just the anesthesia." She carefully reached up and curled her fingers around Ali's wrist.
"You're hot." Ali argued with a frown.
"So are you." Emily's eyes opened halfway, her eyelids still heavy. She had a hint of a smile on her face.
"Em, I'm serious. You're burning up." She felt like she could feel Emily's temperature climbing by the second.
Emily knew that it was just a mixture of the shock her body had suffered, the nightmare, and the sedatives working their way out of her system. She understood why Ali was so worried, but she didn't want her to stress out.
"Just give it a few minutes." Emily smiled weakly, trying to reassure her worried love. She was already starting to perk up. "You and I both know I always run a little hot after a nightmare."
"Not like this," Ali said.
This time was different, because this time Emily was beyond vulnerable. Her defenses were down, and Ali knew that even something as small as an elevated body temperature could cause her to crash.
"Alison..."
"No. This isn't a debate. And I swear to the God I offended by busting up a church that if you argue with me after what we've been through today I am going to smother you with a pillow."
Emily stared at her. After a few seconds she decided that Ali was right, that she was delusional. Had Ali just said she'd damaged a church?
"I was just going to tell you that Toby already left." Emily looked over Ali's shoulder.
"Oh." Ali turned around and viewed the empty doorway. He'd probably left to find Joyce the instant she had turned her back on him.
"You say 'jump' and Toby says 'how high'? What happened while I was unconscious?" Emily felt like she'd woken up in bizzaro world.
"We had a...moment." She thought back to the chapel when Toby had talked her down from her self-hatred. It was ironic, because Ali knew that Toby was blaming himself for what had happened to Emily as much as Ali was blaming herself. "Call it a spiritual awakening."
Nothing brought two people together like plotting a murder. Baby Jesus's judgey eyes were staring at her in her mind.
"What could the two of you have possibly bonded over?"
"You."
"Me?" She asked in shock.
"I know. I'm as surprised as you are," Ali admitted. "If you can get me and Toby to shake hands, I'd love to see what you could do for our war torn nation. I'm convinced you could probably make every dictator and diplomat in the world see eye to eye, or at least guilt them into behaving like adults."
"So, what...you two are on the same side now?"
"We're on your side, which makes us teammates, so yes," Ali said.
Emily nodded slowly. She glanced towards the window.
"Open the curtains," she said.
"What? Why?" Ali asked in confusion.
"I want to look for flying pigs."
For the first time since Emily had come to, Ali felt herself smile...and then laugh. Emily loved seeing her smile, mostly because their lives had been filled with so much pain lately, but also because Alison had a beautiful smile. And her laugh was to die for. When she laughed, Emily felt it in her soul. Her laugh was just pure joy. It was adorable. Her little dimples made Emily melt every time. For a few seconds she completely forgot her pain. She smiled stupidly at Ali, knowing the medications she was on probably made her look like a drunk clown, but she didn't care.
"Do you know how much I love you?" Emily asked, tentatively trying to move her arm again so she could put her hand on Ali's face. This time, she didn't feel as much tension in her chest.
"I think I have an idea." Ali nodded, automatically leaning in to Emily's touch.
Ali could still feel Emily shivering. Her hand was practically vibrating against Ali's cheek. Ali ran her hand up to Emily's wrist and wrapped her fingers around the ball of her thumb, pulling her hand down to her lips and kissing her palm. Emily smiled and lowered her hand.
Ali sighed, her eyes flickering to the monitors. Still holding steady.
Emily hadn't missed her girlfriend's attentiveness. All of her health issues had basically turned Ali into a health care professional. At this point, Doctor Google had nothing on her. She could see Ali concentrating on her vitals. When she turned back to Emily her expression went from focused to caring. Emily had always known Ali had a soft underbelly. Even during high school when she tried to make herself bigger and bolder, Emily had been able to see beyond her act.
At her core, Alison DiLaurentis had one of the kindest hearts when it came to the people she loved. It always made Emily smile when she saw that side of her, the side that Ali had worked so hard hide in high school. Why she wanted to hide that beauty, Emily would never know. She was just glad Ali had dropped her walls and let that side of herself free.
Ali glanced back at Emily's monitors again, clearly lost in thought.
"We always seem to end up here, don't we?" Emily asked.
In high school, after Emily kissed her in the library Ali had run away under the pretense that she was dead. After Ali told Emily she loved her, Emily had basically died. Emily had told Ali about A and Ali had almost died. Ali forced Emily to let her in to the investigation and here they were again. Every time they let each other in some sadistic outside force tried to drive them apart with death. God help them if one of them proposed marriage.
"Yeah," Ali sighed. "You know you don't have to almost die to get my attention, right? You can cool it with the grand gestures."
"Because emesis basins and bedpans are so romantic." Emily laughed, the motion hurting her chest.
She winced and coughed softly. It wasn't as strong as her previous coughing fit, but Ali could still hear the congestion in her chest. She felt Emily's forehead again. It was still warm. Emily trailed her palm up Ali's arm and laid her hand on top of Ali's forearm.
"I'm alert. I'm talking." Emily tried to put Ali's mind at ease. "Let's just focus on that right now, okay?"
"You were nearly killed," Ali whispered, her voice unstable. As it was, Emily's chances of survival were sinking faster than the Titanic.
"It's not the first time," Emily replied. She saw Ali holding back tears and her tone softened. Her hand quickly reached for Ali's face again, her palm landing delicately on the side of her neck. "Hey, don't worry. You know me. I've got more lives than a cat."
Ali swallowed hard. How many of those nine lives did Emily have left? Ali opened her mouth to tell her what the doctor had said, but she couldn't do it. She knew she'd find out soon enough, if she didn't already know. Emily was very intuitive.
Ali rubbed her hand on top of Emily's, feeling a raised abrasion below her knuckles. She pulled Emily's hand away from her neck to examine it. For the first time, she noticed the scabbed divots from where the flesh had been torn away from Emily's soft skin. It looked like it had been scraped on pavement. It dawned on Ali that it must have happened when Emily was fighting A. Tears of anger burned her eyes.
"When I get my hands on this person I am going to stick a knife in their throat and kill them horribly," Ali was seething in rage.
"Maybe you should take it easy on the murder talk. Tanner would just love a reason to come at you harder." Emily curled her fingers around Ali's hand in a motion to try and relieve some of her tension.
"So then I'll give her one." Ali's eyes were aflame with fury.
Emily rubbed her thumb up and down Ali's wrist, trying to soothe her. It didn't help Ali's anger much. Some psycho had put their hands on her girlfriend and that ignited every murderous cell in her body. She thought about what must have been going through Emily's mind when A ripped her out of the car.
She knew Emily, and she knew she'd put up a hell of a fight. From what Toby had told her, she'd almost singlehandedly caught the bastard. Still, she couldn't believe that Emily had been put in that position in the first place. The amount of planning A had done to hurt her was terrifying to think about. And yet here Emily sat, comforting her.
"God, I am so angry, Em." She croaked, tilting her head towards the ceiling. "I'm so angry that I can't stand it." It came out broken, the cracks in her voice a very stark difference to her normally confident and controlled tone.
She lowered her head and rubbed her face with her fingers, trying everything she could think of to make her emotions go away. She just wanted to run from her feelings, to pretend everything was going to be okay. Emily slowly pushed herself up against the head of the bed, dragging her pillow with her. She expected Ali to yell at her to lie back down, but Ali just buried her fingers deeper into her face, letting out a frustrated moan.
"Ali..." Emily calmly pulled Ali's hands away from her face
Ali's eyes fixated on Emily's kind and sensitive eyes, bright and hopeful despite everything she'd been through. On a lesser person, the light inside would have dimmed long ago. But not Emily. Her pain was evident, but her light still burned bright. Ali couldn't look into Emily's eyes and feel anything other than love.
She felt her rage shifting into sadness. She never wanted to see that light in Emily's eyes go it. If it ever did, Ali felt like her soul might die with it. Emily noticed the shift in her dynamic.
"Hey, don't go to that place." Emily rubbed Ali's arm, her IV line rolling against Ali's skin. It was just a reminder of where they were and what was coming next. Ali blinked back tears.
"I can't help it," she tried not to cry, but it was hard to keep her emotions from overtaking her.
Knowing that Emily had been used as A's punching bag made her feel sick. The pain that Emily must have gone through was too much for Ali to think about. But as much as she tried to push it away, she couldn't. The floodgates opened and Ali's shoulders slumped and she sank down, a quiet sob jolting her chest. The realization that this could be her last night with Emily hit her hard.
"I can't believe you fought A alone." Ali leaned forward and cupped Emily's face. Her cheeks were still slick with sweat.
Emily could see Ali's eyes glistening with tears.
"You are so stupid, Emily." She bit her tongue and shook her head before planting a desperate kiss on Emily's lips. "So stupid." She pushed her forehead against Emily's, one of her tears falling on to Emily's cheek.
The heat from Emily's skin was radiating against her face. Ali pulled back and met Emily's eyes, which were also full of tears, and then she pushed her lips against Emily's again. She pulled away, one of her hands sliding to the nape of Emily's neck.
"Why would you do that?" She kissed her again. "What were you thinking?" Her words were angry, but her kisses were delicate and sad.
"I thought I could put an end to it," Emily said, her voice tinged with something. Regret, maybe? She ran her fingers up Ali's cheek and into her hair. "All I've ever wanted is for you to be safe, Ali. You deserve to be able to walk down the street without worrying about what's lurking around the corner. You deserve to enjoy a cup of coffee without wondering if something terrible is going to happen to you. You deserve to have conversations with people without second guessing their intentions. You deserve to live your life. I want that for you."
It didn't surprise Ali in the least that Emily's instincts were to shield her from harm. Ali had the same instincts. One thing they had in common was how far they'd go to protect each other.
"My world means nothing without you in it. There is no me without you." Ali cried. "You are the only reason I know how to love."
"Alison, you have the greatest capacity for love I've ever seen." Emily gently rubbed her cheek. "Just because you hid it doesn't mean I didn't see it. You are so much better at caring than you give yourself credit for."
"You've always seen the best in me, Em." She wiped the tears from her face, her fingers brushing Emily's hand. "How do you do that?"
"Do what?"
"You look at me...you see me, and you make everything okay." Ali smiled. "You are the only person in my life who helps me feel like..." Ali paused, taking a thoughtful breath, "me," she said, peering at Emily. "You're my heart."
"Wow, eye contact and a conversation. We are on a date. You might want to be careful. I think the next step is me taking you to the bedroom and having my way with you." Emily smirked.
They both laughed softly. Emily felt a twinge of pain. Her eyes fluttered. She blinked slowly. Without saying a word, Ali pushed her down towards the bed until Emily was lying down again.
All of Ali's emotions took a backseat to taking care of Emily. She was getting her settled when she heard footsteps approaching. Toby walked into the room. He saw the frown on Ali's face, but before she could say anything about how he didn't have a nurse on his arm he interrupted her silent disapproval.
"She'll be here in a few minutes. She's stuck with some old guy going on and on about his six ex-wives," he said. He glanced at Emily. "How are you feeling, Em?"
"Like I was hit by a mack truck," Emily replied, a timid smile on her face.
"Well, it clearly left your sense of humor intact." He was happy to see that she was at least somewhat coherent.
"How's your head?" Emily's eyes drifted to the angry looking cut on his forehead. Swirls of crimson and violet were forming around it. She had a sudden flash to seeing Toby bleeding inside the car. She shook it off.
"Still attached." Toby gently tapped the injury lightly. He frowned and then let out a sigh. "It's nothing compared to..." He looked at her heart monitor and then looked back at Emily, an expression of remorse on his face.
"Look, Toby, what happened out there today isn't on you. I hope you know that."
"Spencer already gave me the speech." Toby assured her.
"Good."
"I'm going to go let everyone know that you're up," he said.
Ali mouthed a silent "thank you" to Toby. He nodded and then walked out of the room, passing by Joyce as he went.
"Emily Fields," Joyce said as she walked into the room. "What the hell are you doing back here?" She walked over to Emily's bedside, setting the electronic chart down on the table next to her. "You know you could have just called if you wanted to see me again."
"Phone calls are overrated," Emily said with a slight shrug, grimacing at the motion. She kept forgetting that certain sudden movements caused her discomfort. "Especially when I'm dealing with the most popular nurse in town."
"Sorry to keep you waiting." She pulled her stethoscope down from around her neck. "I've got this serial dater I'm taking care of and I think he's eyeing me as wife number seven."
"I don't think your husband would take too kindly to that." Emily smiled.
"Guys like that don't care. They are so busy plotting how to get the goods that they don't hear anything that's said to them," Ali stated.
"Exactly." Joyce nodded in agreement. "Guy is a regular Larry King." She shook her head with a laugh. "He had to tell me all about his exes. Wasn't easy prying myself away from that riveting tale..." she said sarcastically, "...but as soon as I heard you were up I bid Prince Not-so-Charming adieu. Looks like you saved me from becoming another divorce statistic." She leaned over and very carefully placed the stethoscope against Emily's chest. "Take a breath for me."
Emily did as she was told. Joyce listened carefully for a few seconds, her face tight in thought. She did her best to keep her face flat, but Emily could see the concern in her eyes. She looked at Emily, a waning compassionate smile on her face. She listened for a good solid sixty seconds, the quiet air in the room hard for all of them.
"How's your pain level?" Joyce asked as she pulled the stethoscope away from Emily's chest.
"I've had worse."
"That's not an answer, Emily." Ali shot her a displeased look. A look that clearly said 'start talking or I will'.
"Don't make me bring out the little emoji chart and make you point to it like you're a child." Joyce quickly agreed with Ali.
Emily took in a deep breath, trying to put a number on her pain. It felt so weird. Like she was a "rate your experience after this near death situation" survey.
"I guess maybe a six or so."
"She's downplaying it." Ali pushed her lips together and glared at Emily.
"Oh, believe me, I know." Joyce nodded.
She reached into her pocket and pulled out an electronic ear thermometer. She pulled out a sterile disposable slip and put it over the probe. She put the device in Emily's ear. It beeped after a few seconds.
"Hmm." She frowned at the numbers reflected on the screen. "Your temp is a little elevated."
"Told you," Ali said with a frown.
"You haven't been moving around too much, have you?" Joyce tossed the disposable slip in the trash and then put the cover back on the thermometer.
Before Emily could answer her, Ali piped in,
"She woke up disoriented after a nightmare. She was thrashing around a lot."
"How much kicking are we talking about?" Joyce asked.
"I'm just going to let her answer for me, because she's going to do it anyway." Emily jutted her thumb out and motioned to Ali.
"It was just a few minutes. I did my best to keep her still."
"Some patients have a rough time coming out of anesthesia. It's not entirely uncommon for some people to be agitated." Joyce picked up the iPad with Emily's digital chart on it. She scrolled through some notes. "It was probably just a reaction to one of the sedatives."
Emily looked at Ali with an expression that said 'I told you so'. Ali was unwavering in her silent retort of 'do I look like I care?'
"I'll let the doctor know about this. He'll probably want to use a different anesthetic next time."
Ali felt her heart speed up at the mention of Emily being sedated again. Joyce took note of Emily's blood pressure and finished up her assessment and then typed a few things into Emily's chart. She walked over beside Emily's bed and grabbed a remote out of a slot near the head of the bed. The remote was attached to a wire. She held the remote up in front of Emily.
"This, my dear, is a magical button that summons me." She put it in Emily's hand. "Use it." She paused and then faced Ali. "And if she won't, then I'm giving you permission to use it." She smiled. "I'm going to go let the doctor know you're awake." She pat Emily on the shoulder and walked out of the room.
"I like her." Ali smirked.
"Of course you do. She's telling me what to do." Emily rolled her eyes.
"Well someone has to. Do you not get that you're laid up in a hospital right now?"
"No, that's pretty self-evident."
The doctor came in to do his exam a few minutes later and Emily finally got the full explanation as to why Ali and Joyce seemed so gloomy. He talked to her about the damage the wreck had done to her heart. He talked to her about his recommendations for surgery. And then he dropped the bombshell that her odds of survival were even lower because of her injuries.
Emily barely reacted when the doctor told her the news. She'd known something was wrong. She'd seen it in Ali's eyes. She'd seen it on Joyce's face. She'd felt it in her body.
Ali watched her with careful eyes, uncertain if Emily's stoicism was shock or something else. She couldn't tell if Emily had been anticipating the news or if she was just being Emily and forcing it all down inside of herself. The girl internalized more than anyone Ali had ever known. She was stubborn down to her core.
The doctor told Emily that he was carefully monitoring her blood pressure, but that he felt confident that it was stabilizing enough for her to have surgery tomorrow. Emily looked at Ali, no words spoken between them. They both understood that this was Emily's only shot.
After a moment of silence in which the only sound in the room were the machines monitoring Emily's vitals, Emily nodded and told the doctor she wanted to go ahead with the surgery. He left to grab some paperwork and to put her on the schedule for the following afternoon.
Ali expected some kind of reaction out of her after the doctor left, but Emily was as calm as ever. She faced Ali, a passive expression on her face.
"Get the girls."
"But the doctor said that too much stimulation..."
"They're family." Emily interrupted her. "I want them here." She sighed, finally a hint of emotion on her face. "Besides, I know them. I know they haven't moved from the waiting room since they got here. And they won't leave until they see me. Spencer's probably so jacked up on caffeine that she's not going to sleep for weeks after this. Hanna is definitely freaking out and spiraling. And Aria has probably cried herself into dehydration."
Emily expected Ali to argue for the sake of her health, but Ali seemed to understand how important it was for the girls to be there. For as long as Ali could remember, it had been the five of them. They had gotten to know each other very well. So well that Emily was spot on in her assessment of how the girls were doing. Ali couldn't help but smile at Emily's perfect analysis of the situation.
"I'll go get them." Ali put her hand on Emily's arm. "Do you want me to call your mom?"
Emily flinched. Her mother had seemed so hopeful that they had time to figure this out. It was a combination of desperation, denial, and trying to hold on to control. Her mother didn't like feeling out of control. Knowing her mom, she'd probably texted her a few times today and left her a message checking in on her. Emily knew she was worried.
"Calling her is bound to push her over the edge. I don't want her emotional behind the wheel of a car. She'll be back tomorrow morning. I'd like it if someone went to get her then."
"Done." Ali was making mental plans to make sure Emily had everything she needed.
"But text her. Tell her I lost my phone. She doesn't like it when she can't get in touch with me."
"I just need her number and I'll do it."
Emily gave Ali her mother's number and Ali stepped out of the room to text her and go get the girls. As soon as Ali walked out Emily closed her eyes and let out a heavy sigh. She stared at the ceiling, her mind a swirling circus of thoughts. She concentrated on the imperfections in the trim of the ceiling tiles above her as she considered the complexities of life and death.
She'd thought a lot about her own mortality, but she never thought she'd be coming face to face with it so soon. Even with her heart problems, she thought she had more time. And there was a fifteen percent chance that was true. But it was that other eighty-five percent that was nagging her. She felt weird. Not angry. Not sad. Not scared. Just weird. Thinking you were going to die and knowing it were two different things.
The sounds of hurried footsteps pulled her away from the thoughts in her head. She used the controller for the bed to tilt it up until her head was at a 45 degree angle. Seconds later, her friends walked in the room. Spencer was the first one next to her bed, her normally expressive eyes dull with grief. Emily could tell she'd been crying. Hanna and Aria were right behind her, both of their cheeks red and puffy. Seeing how hurt they were was worse than any physical pain she'd ever felt.
Ali came into the room last, stopping at the door to peer down the hallway. She'd had to sneak the girls in since the doctor was being so strict about visitors. She closed the door and turned around. For a split second, Emily felt like they were back in high school and they were sneaking around doing some silly sleepover antics, trying not to get caught by their parents.
"We've got to make this quick," Ali said quietly. "I think the orderly saw us come in here...and she looks like the kind to rat us out. Toby is being lookout for us."
The girls stared at her, no one knowing what to say. Usually in this kind of situation they'd fall back on Emily's guidance. She was usually the pillar of strength, the one to offer the sage advice.
"You'd think after all these years I'd be used to people staring at me." Emily finally broke the tension.
Hanna heaved out a breath and put her hand on top of Emily's.
"I don't know whether to hug you or slap you." Hanna squeezed her hand.
"Why is it always violence with you?" Aria laughed softly.
"It's how she shows love." Spencer grinned at Hanna.
"Oh, whatever. I'm not the one who almost choked out Mona in high school over a nerdy debate thing." Hanna rolled her eyes.
Emily smiled. This was normal. She liked normal. Everyone needed a dose of normalcy at the moment. They traded quips for a few minutes, everyone tiptoeing around the elephant in the room. Emily kept an eye on Ali, who was quietly watching the exchange. She had a soft look on her face, her sad tight smile hiding her misery. Emily shot her an affectionate glance. There was a silent understanding between the two of them: they all needed this moment.
"Aria made a bunch of origami out of the STD brochures in the lobby." Hanna interrupted Emily's train of thought. "Orgasmi." She snorted.
Emily chuckled, doing her best not to let her friends see that she could feel the pressure of the internal bruising when her chest moved.
"They probably put those things out for the staff. I bet half of the people working here have given one another syphilis." Spencer added. "The things they do behind that closed on-call room door..."
"Spence, be nice. These people could kill you and make it look like natural causes." Emily smiled.
"Huh. We could use some of that. Do you think we could convince them to team up with us to take down A?" Aria mulled it over.
"If you do assemble a team make sure you recruit my old nurse Ida. That woman has some serious repressed anger, and I saw her basically bench-press a 300 pound man when he got unruly." Emily suggested. "It's too bad I didn't have her with me after the wreck. She probably could have just sat on A until the cops got there."
"I still can't believe you went toe to toe with A. You're either really brave or really stupid." Hanna pinched her mouth together in annoyance.
"Both." Ali finally interjected herself into the conversation. "And I've already lectured her."
"I just kind of acted on impulse. I wasn't really thinking," Emily admitted.
"Toby says you were pretty badass," Spencer said.
"A still got away." Emily shook her head with a sigh.
"Hey, we'll get the bastard." Spencer assured her. "We're going to check out two locations where the texts are originating from tomorrow morning."
"Sounds like a plan. What time do we leave?" Emily joked.
The room echoed with laughter, something that was sorely needed for all of them. Spencer quickly briefed Emily on what was going on with the investigation and what their plan was to track down A and put an end to it all. She had just finished telling Emily everything when the door creaked open. Toby popped his head in.
"Hey, it's about time to wrap this up. You've got a bogey on your tail."
"Can you just talk like a normal person, please?" Hanna furrowed her brows at him.
"The doctor is heading this way. You may want to amscray before visiting privileges are completely revoked," Toby said.
"Got it." Aria nodded.
"I'll see if I can distract him." Ali slipped out the door.
"What time is the uh..." Hanna glanced at Emily's heart monitor, stumbling over her words, "big...event tomorrow?"
"It's surgery, Hanna. Not a rehearsal dinner." Aria rolled her eyes.
"They have me down in the afternoon around three."
"Perfect. That gives us plenty of time to wrap up A in a nice neat little noose and deliver the bitch to the great beyond and then come back bearing presents for you." Spencer smiled.
"We'll be here, Em." Aria put her hand on Emily's shoulder.
Emily smiled weakly at her friends, each of their eyes awash with a whirlwind of emotions, heart-clenching words that couldn't possibly be spoken. And yet, three words covered what they were all thinking.
"We love you," Hanna said, giving Emily's hand one more squeeze before she pulled her hand away.
"I love you guys, too."
Aria and Hanna headed for the door. Spencer lingered by Emily's bed for a few seconds before she followed.
"Spence..." Emily said quietly. She reached out and gently took her arm. She watched as Hanna and Aria followed Toby through the doorway. Her gaze lingered on the empty door for a moment and then she looked up at Spencer. "Be careful tomorrow. Look out for each other."
Her words carried more weight than normal and Spencer picked up on it immediately. She knew that Emily was asking for more than just one day of being there for each other. She knew that Emily was trying to tell her to take care of Aria, Ali, and Hanna in a way that only Spencer could.
"Always." Spencer nodded. She pat Emily's hand. "Hey, you got this, Em."
"Spencer 'hope breeds eternal misery' Hastings is betting on that dirty four letter h-word?" Emily pulled back in shock.
"No," she said. "I'm betting on you." She cleared her throat, trying not to cry. "So you better pull through or I'll never believe in anything again...and I'll be really pissed at you."
"Pressure's on." Emily smiled.
Spencer gave her a look of encouragement before she left. A few seconds later Ali walked back in. She'd successfully distracted the doctor so the others could sneak away without getting reprimanded. Operation High School Slumber Party had been a success.
Ali pulled the chair back up next to the bed and took her place next to Emily, their hands automatically reaching out to find one another at the exact same moment. They looked at one another, both of them searching for something to say, but in the end they knew that everything that could have been said had already been said.
The doctor came in to check on Emily and go over the procedure again, making sure Emily understood everything. She heard Ali choke back a quiet whimper when the doctor brought up the topic of whether or not Emily wanted to sign a DNR waiver. Emily's thoughts started crashing around in her head. She never in a million years would have thought that at twenty-three years old she'd be having a conversation about life or death with her doctor. It was only then that the full reality of the situation started to sink in. She'd known things were bad. She'd known her chances were slight. But hearing the physician discussing the possibility that she might not wake up really hit home for her. She was quiet after the doctor left the room. Ali could see she was struggling.
"Em?" She gently tugged on her hand to get her attention. "You okay?"
"I don't want to be here." Emily sighed. "I hate this."
Hearing Emily say that broke something inside of Ali. If there was one thing Ali couldn't stand, it was Emily's pain. She could handle anything else life threw at her, but not Emily's suffering. If she could give Emily her heart, she would.
"I know," Ali said softly. "I wish..." She felt her throat tightening and her nose burning, "I wish I knew how to fix this. I would do anything in the world to fix this." Ali lowered her head, holding in her tears. Emily could tell that she was exhausted. "But I can't do anything, and it's killing me." She looked up from the floor and into Emily's eyes. "It's killing me...because you saved me from myself all those years ago. I was drowning and you saved me. And I...I can't save you. I am so sorry." Ali had never felt so helpless in her entire life. "You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, Emily. I should have told you that. I should have told you that the day I met you."
"You didn't have to tell me." Emily squeezed her hand. "I knew. You looked at me, and I knew."
Ali hadn't been outright about her love for Emily when they were younger, but Emily felt it down in her soul. She knew that she and Ali belonged together. And she knew Ali felt it, too. Emily could see it in the way Ali looked at her. Ali had always been softer around her. She let her guard down around her. She'd always reached out to Emily when she was hurting or afraid. She cared for Emily in a way she had never cared for anyone else. They just fit.
"God, we're some pair, aren't we?" Ali rubbed her fingers underneath her eyes. "A heart patient and a murder suspect. Prison HeartBreak." She laughed darkly.
"We all know you didn't kill anyone," Emily said.
"Tell that to Tanner. Unless we catch A she's got no other suspects and nothing but time on her hands."
Something dawned on Emily.
"What if we give her another suspect?" Emily asked.
"Who?" Ali asked curiously.
"Me," Emily said. "I could confess. She already suspects I'm involved anyway."
"Excuse me?" Ali questioned. "Are you high?"
Emily lifted her hand, palm flat, fingers extended, and motioned it from side to side saying so-so.
"Emily, you are not going to dive in front of this bullet for me." She shook her head vigorously. "You aren't even capable of walking in front of a bullet right now. And after the surgery, if you..." Ali caught herself, "...when you survive, you'd get hauled off to jail and punished for something you didn't do. I know how that feels and I will not let that happen to you."
"It might be our only shot."
"So, you're just throwing in the towel then?" Ali snapped, more out of fear than anger. "What happened to hope?"
"Ali, I'll fight for you. You know I will. But this could be an out for you if I don't..."
"Don't even think it, Emily." Ali cut her off. "The second you start thinking you're not going to come out of this you're giving up. And I won't let you do that."
Emily could tell that Ali was on the verge of losing it again, so she quickly backed down. The day's events started to take its toll on both of them. For a while, Emily fought her exhaustion. Ali could tell she was struggling against her fatigue.
"Em, you need to rest." She finally couldn't take seeing Emily overexert herself any longer. She leaned forward, gently pushing her hair away from her face.
"What about you? That chair can't be comfortable." Emily frowned. "You don't have to wait here with me all night, you know."
"There's no way I'm leaving you here alone." Ali caressed Emily's cheek. "I'll be right here when you wake up."
Despite Emily's fatigue, it was Ali who fell asleep first. Emily rolled on to her side, trying to distribute her weight on her shoulder and her hip. She curled her arm across her side and pressed it against the discomfort she felt in her ribs. The doctor had advised her to try and stay on her back, but she couldn't stand to look at the ceiling anymore. She wanted a better view. She rested her cheek against her pillow as she watched Ali sleep.
She kept replaying the day in her head. It all seemed so surreal to her. She'd barely had time to process the fact that she might actually die. A million things were running through her mind. She felt a strange sensation bubbling inside her chest. But it wasn't due to any of her injuries or her heart problems. It was every thought and feeling she'd buried up until now. It was the walls she'd put up that she'd never intended to let down. It was every fear, every instance of grief, and every heartbreak. It rolled over her like a tidal wave, and she was helpless to stop it.
Ali pulled herself back into consciousness when she heard Emily heave out a heavy breath. Her eyes fluttered open and adjusted to the dim light in the room. She saw that Emily's eyes were open, but they were fixed, staring blankly at the wall. Ali reached out to touch her arm. Emily barely responded. She blinked, keeping her gaze on the wall, deep in a trance like one Ali had never seen before. She'd seen Emily disappear within herself before, but this seemed different.
"Hey, do you need anything?" Ali asked quietly.
Emily still didn't reply. Ali bit her lip, worried, unsure of how to proceed. She wasn't sure if she needed to let Emily have her space or if she needed to comfort her. After a few seconds of deliberation, she carefully moved out of the chair and towards the bed. There was enough space on the edge for her to squeeze in next to Emily.
She slid in next to her, being extremely mindful not to hurt her. She was so close to the edge she was nearly hanging off. She inched towards Emily, giving Emily time to pull away if she needed her space. But Emily didn't move. Ali put her hand against the side of Emily's head, her fingers tickling her soft hair. The motions of her fingers seemed to bring an awareness to Emily.
Emily finally looked at her. She didn't say a word. She just scooted closer to Ali. She moved the hand she had against her pained ribs to Ali's side. Ali kissed her forehead, her nose lingering against Emily's brow for several seconds before she pulled back.
Emily peered into Ali's eyes. At first her expression was distant and aimless. But then she blinked, and for a fraction of a second, Emily's walls came down and Ali could see the pain haunting her, a deep sorrow she'd never seen before. Emily blinked again and a tear started rolling down her cheek. Ali quickly caught it with her thumb. Several more tears followed.
Ali delicately put her hand on Emily's face and pressed her lips against Emily's lips, hoping that she could take away her pain at least for a moment. Emily kissed back briefly, her oxygen line tickling the sensitive skin above Ali's lips. After Ali pulled away she slid up the bed a few inches. Emily followed her motions, slightly rolling back to let Ali slide in closer to her body. Ali put her arm over the top of Emily's head, her elbow bending and her hand curling against Emily's shoulder. Emily leaned up against her, her cheek resting on Ali's chest.
They held each other, neither saying a word as the night wore on. Emily started drifting in and out of consciousness, her exhaustion finally getting the better of her. Ali had almost drifted off to sleep when she heard Emily call out her name.
"Ali?"
"Hmm?" Ali muttered, half-asleep.
There was a pause, the beeping of the machines was the only noise in the room. Then Emily sighed.
"I don't want to die."
Ali squeezed her eyes shut and the corners of her mouth twisted down into an anguished grimace. She huffed out a quiet cry as tears leaked from the corners of her eyes. She felt a pain greater than she'd ever felt before. Her heart was aching. For Emily. For herself. For their friends. For Pam. For a world that might not know Emily Fields.
"You're not going to die, Emily." She forced herself to say. She wanted to believe it. "The world wouldn't be that cruel."
But Emily had already drifted back to sleep. Ali stayed up a little while longer. She kept waiting for one of the nurses to walk in and shoo her out of the bed. Eventually, she fell asleep. What neither of them knew is that the night nurse did come in, and rather than pull them apart she let them be.
Ali woke up around seven the next morning. Her phone was vibrating against the chair next to the bed. She slid out of Emily's bed, surprised that the two of them had actually been able to sleep in it all night long without one of them falling out. Ali saw that it was Hanna calling. Emily stirred and looked up at her, groggy.
"Hey, go back to sleep." Ali kissed her forehead. "I'll be right back." She whispered as she reached for her phone.
She walked out of Emily's room so she wouldn't disturb her.
"7 AM, Hanna? Really?" Ali grumbled as she answered the call.
Hanna said something in response, but she was cutting in and out. The reception was horrible.
"Hang on, the reception here is crap." Ali walked down the hallway and out into the waiting room. She saw Toby in the lobby sleeping in a chair. "Hanna? Are you there?"
"Hey, can you hear me?"
"Yeah, that's a little better." Ali walked out the front door into the crisp morning air. "What's with the early wake up call?"
"I'm getting ready to swing by Aria's. We were talking about coming by the hospital before we head out to meet the guys. I'm picking up breakfast and I wanted to know if you wanted anything."
Ali was no longer annoyed. She was actually kind of hungry. She could smell the coffee from the café across the street and suddenly she was craving java and biscotti. She knew that she wouldn't be leaving the hospital any time soon, and she certainly didn't want to eat the cafeteria food.
She took Hanna up on her offer, ordering like she was at a drive-thru. She thanked Hanna and then headed back into the hospital. She'd gotten to the front door when she heard someone call her name from behind her. She turned around and saw Lorenzo walking towards her, Officer Maple right behind him.
"Ali, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to come with us," Lorenzo said, his face tight and rigid, very professional.
"Uh..." Ali was caught off-guard. Her eyes flickered to the hospital. "I can't right now."
There was no way in hell she was leaving Emily.
"It's not your decision to make." Lorenzo put his hand on Ali's arm. His grip was firm, but not excessive. But he was very much in "cop" mode. "I have to take you in to the station. Tanner's orders."
"But..."
"Come on, please don't make me cuff you," he said with a frown on his face.
He confiscated her phone and walked her away from the hospital. Before Ali knew what was happening, she was being loaded into the back of Lorenzo's cruiser watching the hospital disappear in the rearview mirror. She started to panic when she could no longer see the building. An overwhelming sense of dread seized her. Because what if she'd just seen Emily for the last time?