~~S H A P E O F M E~~
The good Lord was giving me all the signs I needed, but I still ignored them like the idiot I was. You know that thrumming you feel in your heart, that fluttering feeling that makes you tipsy, that queasiness that makes you question your balance when you love someone. Yes all of that I felt at once and it scared me as I didn't want to admit that I felt anything for him.
At least not yet.
I was falling hard and the only thing that kept me teteering on the edge of sanity was my dignity.
But all the love in the world including what I felt couldn't change the fact that he didn't go to church. Who doesn't go to church, you may ask. Well everyone I knew did except Malik and it bothered me more than I could admit.
"Let's rise for the hymn of consecration." The leader of the praise team announced and I found myself standing up mechanically. I was in church but church was far from what was on my mind. Malik was taking more than enough space than he was supposed to and that meant nothing else could fit in my brain. Not even praise and worship.
Since the past week, we—Malik and I—had started to build a platonic (and dangerously close) relationship. Well that was what Malik thought. My heart on the other hand was misbehaving and catching feelings no one threw my way.
I wondered more than often if Malik saw me as anything more than a friend. Apart from the few hints he sent my way that could mean almost anything, there was literally nothing to show that he saw me as a woman. And I know I shouldn't care, but I did.
Being a gentleman that he was, he had dropped me off at home severally, and even joined me in shovelling snow more than twice. Did people willingly shovel snow with someone they didn't see as special?
"You can now take your seats." The congregation was told to sit down and I sat with them without thinking much of what I was doing.
The church was packed to its maximum today because of Thanksgiving. This was the only reason why I was sitting far away from Mami as there were no extra seats in the row where she kept an eye over Tunde and Titi, making sure they didn't sleep.
Although she wasn't right beside me, I could feel her boring holes through the back of my head from a few seats back, daring me to sleep.
I couldn't sleep even if I wanted to. I had so much to irrelevantly worry myself over. Malik.
The church rose again then sat then rose again and sat. Now the rising thing was beginning to slowly grate on me. I was trying to ponder on important matters and all the praise team could think of was rising and sitting.
People found it weird whenever I told them about my church—Seventh Day Adventist. It seemed like such a fascinating story to hear about people worshipping on Saturdays. The icing on the cake was how very modest we were. We didn't dance or clap and neither did we speak in tongues.
In Nigeria we were known for our university in Lagos, Babcock. Other than that, we weren't overly popular. Not many people wanted to sacrifice their Saturdays for church and I didn't blame them to be honest.
The choir members marched into the church and took their seats next to the altar. It was time for them to render their annoying and poorly rehearsed songs. No disrespect meant, but I didn't really hold our choir in high esteem.
In my opinion, the children's choir was even better. Maybe it was because of the fact that I kept comparing them to the choir in my church back in Nigeria who on the other hand were extraordinarily, beautifully and amazingly good. Maybe that was too many adjectives, but that was how they really were.
A malfunction in one of the microphones caused a loud screech and I was forced to block my ears with my fingers. The choir was singing 'Amazing Grace'. Again.
I wished all the microphones would malfunction so I didn't have to listen their horrendous voices.
A wave of relief hit me as the choir members took their seats. We had had enough singing for the day. I turned back to see Mami staring hard at me. God did she ever stop?
It was time for the preacher to start his sermon which was in other words time to take a power nap for many people. I zoned in and out of his admonition, but still stayed awake. Who knows? Mami could throw her shoe at my head at any time if I tried sleeping. She never failed to embarrass me whenever she wanted to. Being in public made no difference.
A guy walked into church drawing stares from everyone as he arrived late. I watched him walk to an empty seat just a few rows away from me.
His gait was familiar and his statue... It was suspiciously like that of Malik.
Or was I just hallucinating? I was thinking of Malik so much that I was even starting to see him in person.
One more look at my suspect convinced me that he couldn't be Malik. His hairstyle was different. Malik had cornrows, but he had a 'curls with fade' haircut. Credits to Tunde for teaching me the names of the some of the most popular hairstyles for guys.
Now, boredom was like a sedative. No matter how many times I promised myself never to doze off in church; when sleep came knocking I was always tempted to sway my head to its music. The end result was usually drooling and then receiving a hard knock on my head from Mami.
"Praise God!" The pastor said for like the hundredth time today and I found myself bracing for a long ride of wearisome shenanigans.
"Amen!" A voice shouted louder than the others and I found myself staring at Malik's clone again. Their side views were almost identical. Yup. I was slowly going crazy.
With each passing moment I couldn't help but let my mind wander into my secret world where all I could see and think of was him.
What was he doing right now?
Was he thinking about me like I was going insane about him?
Or was I the only one stuck in a delusional fairytale?
*
"Where is Tunde?" Mami asked me as everyone milled out towards the exit.
"I don't know." I shrugged in response. I never knew where Tunde was except when he needed me to do something for him.
"Hmm. Tell him that he better be here when we are ready to go or he's trekking home with his two legs." She said as she searched in her bag for something I assumed to be her phone. "Where is the phone again sef?" She asked, confirming my thoughts.
"Have you checked in your purse?" I suggested.
"Oh it was here all the time!" She exclaimed as she checked in the purse while I refrained from giving myself a facepalm with all the inner strength I had left.
"Okay so I'm taking Titi with me. We have women's meeting now." She announced and I let out a sigh of relief that I didn't have to babysit a nine year old who was as stubborn as a goat. At least with Mami, she knew to behave well.
"How many minutes are you people spending in the meeting today?" I asked even though I knew what the answer was going to be. It was either she said thirty minutes or an hour. In the end they took up double the time she said. I know, the meeting planners really need to get their sh*t together.
"They said like thirty minutes in the announcement last Sabbath." She said as she turned to leave with Titi–who had just arrived–trailing behind her.
"You mean at least an hour." I mumbled as soon as she was far away from me.
Having free time in hand, I strolled out of the church to see if I could find anything interesting to do or someone cute to stalk.
A tall guy walked past me and I ducked my head quickly. True fact: he asked me out before but I turned him down, giving dumb excuses. Now I had to avoid him every time I saw him as awkward moments seemed to take a likening to me.
The actual reason I didn't want to date him was because I didn't do church relationships as Mami would make me regret my choice. She finding out was the same as me dead and buried.
Apart from that, I felt so insecure that dating someone didn't seem like the right thing to do. Like, what if they found out about all my flaws and hated me or saw me as disgusting? The pain would be too much for me to bear.
Although I had many legitimate reasons not to date anyone in church, I also somehow knew that guys in church didn't suit me just like those in school didn't either. Or rather, I didn't suit them.
Did Malik suit me?
"Ohmygosh!" I gasped as a hand clamped down on my wrist and pulled me to the side. "Malik?" My eyes widened in surprise as grey orbs peered down at me.
"Hey shawty?" He grinned like he was doing a toothpaste advertisement. "Missed me?"
"W...what are you doing here?" I asked as I looked around us to make sure no one was paying us any attention.
"I came to see you."
"It was you." I murmured as the truth dawned on me. I was right all along. I did see him in church. "You cut your hair."
"Yeah." He grinned again. "You like?" He tilted his head to the side, asking my opinion.
I took in the soft curls on his head, springing out like little flowers as I reached out to touch them, and I knew that nothing on him could ever look ugly to me.
"Yes. I love it."
"You know, there's something I've always wanted to do." His eyes rested on my lips and I felt myself grew hot under his intense gaze.
"W...w...what is that?" I moved back mistakenly and almost fell, but he held me up and pulled me into his arms.
"This." His head dipped and everything around us muddled into a blur.
It was just like my fairytale...
We were outside—Malik and I; me leaning forward on my tiptoes with my heels raised, sharing a warm kiss in the frosty air behind the church–his lips claiming mine so deeply that I felt myself melting into his arms.
Yes he absolutely suited me.
•