Chapter 47
Happy Birthday
"Now I know what love is and I'm not going to give it up."
•••
Peyton
I'm not going to say much about this day. At least not in the beginning. So I'll just get to what happened.
•••
Today was August 8th, Shawn's Birthday. I woke up a pretty early, mostly cause I needed to use the bathroom. But after I did and cleaned up I laid back in bed thankful Melody was still asleep. Shawn didn't even wake when I slipped back into the bed.
I even scooted closer to him. He was facing me but his breathing was slow and heavy. I knew he was still deep in sleep which would explain how he didn't wake. I took this time to just admire how he looked. His dark brown curls all over the place, one in particular dangled on his forehead.
It was long enough that the curl ended right at his nose. I followed it to his nose then up to his long lashes. I was jealous, I'm sure his were longer than mine. The way they were curled as well, not straight, they just sat curled on his skin. I followed the way down with my eyes to his cute scar on his cheek.
The way it was a dip in his skin, little details like this made me love him even more. There's no way to explain why but they made him different. They told a story of his life, and I thought it was perfect. I seen the stubble from the hair growing even when he shaved yesterday. I lightly placed my fingertips on the hairs, feeling the prickle my fingers. I then slowly moved my fingers to his lips, his full pink lips. They were smooth and soft, I brushed his bottom lip with my thumb.
Shawn's eyes slowly started to open. His eyelashes coming off his cheek to now being able to almost touch the bottom of his eyebrows. They unveiled his brown eyes, or were they hazel? Sometimes they were even green, it was crazy. But right now they were brown and staring down at me with a little shine.
His lips moved under my fingers and into a smile, "What are you doing?" He asked as I moved my hands to move his hair.
"Admiring you." I said softly.
"You know most people would find that creepy." Shawn said with a laugh.
I rolled my eyes playfully, "It's not creepy. I was just remembering all the details of you, loving all the details that make you. You." I tell him.
"I thought I was the only one allowed to say cheesy things." Shawn said as he wrapped his arms around me pulling me closer to him.
We were so close our chests were touching and our legs were intertwined. I loved when we laid like this, we were two puzzle pieces that fit perfectly.
"Nope I can be cheesy on your birthday." I told him with a smile.
Shawn groaned, "That's today?"
"Yes it is." I told him as he buried his face in the crook of my neck.
"I'm so old." He mumbled before kissing my shoulder.
"25 is not old." I say as I look at the wall behind Shawn.
"It is to me." He said before he continued to kiss my neck.
I ran my fingers through his hair, "Well it's not to me."
I pulled away from him to look at his face again. He just had a goofy looking smile on his face.
"I love you Peyton." Was all he said.
"I love you too Shawn, happy birthday." I whispered before connecting my lips with his.
It was a short and sweet kiss. Short mostly because that's when Melody decided to wake up. Shawn pulled away and laughed.
"Pinch me." He told me out of nowhere.
"What?" I asked with a laugh at his randomness.
"Pinch me and please let this not be a dream." Shawn said with a sigh.
I took his hand in mine and pinched the top before kissing where I pinched him.
"It's not a dream shawn. We're not a Dream. This is real." I told him slowly.
He nodded, "I'm glad."
He gave me another peck on the lips before he got off the bed. Shawn picked up Melody from her bassinet. He brought her over to the bed and put her in the middle of us. She stopped her fussing immediately as she held onto Shawn's finger with her hands. Shawn laughed because she kept wanting to put it in her mouth. It was cause she was hungry but I didn't want to feed her.
Not yet. I wanted to soak in this moment just for a few more seconds. I loved seeing them together. I loved them in general. This was my life, they are my life.
***
We spent majority of the day with Serenity and Sam. But towards the afternoon I knew I wanted to go out with Shawn. Just the two of us to go out to dinner and celebrate his birthday.
"Are you sure you guys wanna leave?" I asked as I finished getting ready.
"Yeah, we could take Melody to see Dad. Mom is on vacation with her annoying rich friends. So we could leave y'all the house." Serenity said the last part softly and with a wiggle of her eyebrows.
"Don't ever do that again." I told her with a laugh.
"What? I was just making sure you knew you could if you wanted to. We won't be home if you come back early." She continued to hint.
I shook my head, "Serenity thank you for making it very clear you won't be home." I say sarcastically as I put on my heels.
"You're welcome! Also there's condoms in the drawer, don't want any more babies. Or maybe you do, who knows." She joked.
"Ren." I said in a warning tone.
"Okay, okay. No more sex talk." She mumbled.
It's not that I totally dismissed the idea. It's just, when she plants it in my head I start to over think. I start to fall down a hole of what ifs and stress and panic. Shawn and I haven't exactly gotten that far and it's because he wants me to be completely ready. We've talked about it, he wants us to take things slow. Or at least he wants to give me that option.
It's all on my plate and I'm scared. What if there's some high expectation? Or what if our connection isn't there and he can't find a reason to stay? What if- see this is what I meant. A endless hole of stress and panic.
"Ready to go?" Shawn asked as he walked into the room.
I looked over and he was wearing a white dress shirt that was tucked into maroon colored slacks. His hair was done making his hair nice and curled. He was buttoning up the cuff of his shirt when he asked.
"Yup." I told him as I stood up and grabbed my bag.
"Well we are going to see dad, I'm sure he misses Melody. Especially since he hasn't seen her since she was born. Just texts us when you...get back." Serenity said hesitantly as she got up and walked to the door.
She walked past Shawn and left us alone. Shawn had a confused look on his face.
"What was that about?" He asked.
I shook my head, "Nothing, just Serenity being weird."
Shawn nodded his head but I don't think he believed what I was saying. We walked out of the room and downstairs to the living room. I set the diaper bag on the couch, I packed it for Serenity.
"Okay well we're heading out, everything you could possibly need is in the bag. Please pay attention to my baby." I tell Serenity as I pick up Melody and give her a kiss.
"I will, i love her too you know." She said sounding hurt.
Shawn took Melody from me and gave her kisses. He then handed her to Serenity.
"Okay were going, bye." I said as we walked out.
"Bye." Serenity said before closing the front door.
***
Shawn and I had went to the Cheesecake Factory for dinner. We were pretty dressed up but we couldn't careless. It was a special occasion. After we ate we decided to drive to the beach which was close by. When we got there it was pretty late, but there were still people around.
"The Ferris wheel looks so pretty lit up at night." I say as we walked barefoot on the sand.
We took off our shoes in the car before walking down the beach. We walked hand in hand, letting them swing between us. We got to the water and it was kind of cold.
"It really is." Shawn said before spinning me around before pulling me back to him.
"That was smooth." I tell him as I wrap my arms around his neck.
"Thank you for the past few days. Best birthday by far." Shawn told me as he rested his forehead against mine.
I smiled, "You're welcome."
Shawn leaned down and captured my lips with his. My eyes fluttered shut as I leaned into the kiss. If he wasn't holding onto me right now I'm sure I'd melt. I pulled away when I started to feel the kiss heat up. I rested my forehead on his chest so I could catch my breath.
I look up at him and seen he had smudges of my lipstick on his lips. I tried to wipe it off of him.
"Let's go home." I told him.
He gave me a puzzled look, "We just got here."
"I know, but your birthday isn't over yet." I told him trying to sound confident but really I was freaking out.
Shawn gave me a smirk, "Okay."
He picked me up bridal style before he started walking back to the car. The whole ride back to Serenity's house I felt nervous. I felt like a girl who was about to lose her v card but in reality I wasn't. Obviously. But there was something nerve wrecking about it happening with Shawn. And it has to do with what I was already stressing about earlier.
Shawn pulled into the driveway and we got out. We walked up to the front door and I took out the spare key. I unlocked the door and turned on the light as we walked in.
"Should we text them that we're home?" Shawn asked as he closed the door behind him.
I took a deep breath and turned around, "No."
"No?" He questioned.
"No." I repeated as I walked towards him.
I placed my hands on his chest and slowly slid them up. I stopped till my hands were interlocked behind his neck. I stood on my tippy toes and connected our lips together. Shawn responded right away to the kiss as his hands moved to my waist.
It began pretty heated fast. Making my heart beat fast with anticipation, excitement, and fear. I hated that I was nervous and scared. I hated that I over thought everything.
I could feel my breath begin to run out. I pulled away but Shawn's lips continued to work against my skin. He kissed my neck as I worked the buttons of his shirt. I hadn't even noticed that we were walking till my body hit the arm of the couch. Shawn picked me up and sat me down on the arm. I undid all of the buttons I ran my hands down his now bare chest.
Shawn pulled away from me to look at me. I didn't meet his stare, mostly because I was contemplating. Do I stop here and go on with how we are? Or do I take the leap of faith that he won't be done with me after it's all said and done.
Shawn grabbed my chin gently before making me meet his stare. He had a concerned look.
"Peyton, if you don't want to do anything you're not ready for, It's okay. Just cause it's my birthday does not mean I expected us to take this step." He told me as if he could read my mind, like he knew this was something I was unsure about.
I shook my head, "I want to it's just my overthinking always gets the best of me." I whispered.
"What were you overthinking?" He asked as he cupped my cheeks and moved his thumbs against my skin.
"Silly things. Like maybe you'd be disappointed or unsatisfied. Like there wouldn't be a connection and you'd see that and leave us. Or that maybe you've only wanted this and once you get it you leave. It all ends with you leaving, and I'm scared." I rambled.
Shawn gave me a sad smile, "I'm not going to leave you Peyton. Sex or not. I didn't take you to my parents house if all I wanted was sex. I didn't love Melody with almost all my heart because I wanted sex. And I sure as hell didn't fall in love you with the rest of my heart for sex."
"I know I just, i start thinking about the worst things. And they always get the best of me." I sighed feeling guilty for even thinking he could possibly only want me for one thing.
Shawn looked me in the eyes with seriousness, "Peyton, I know we've only been dating for 6 months. We've only known each other for a year. But I can't think of a better way to spend the rest of my life than with you and Melody. I promise with everything in me I'm not going to leave you. Unless something tragic were to happen but other than that there's no way in hell I'm walking away from you. I cant, I'm in too deep with you. I thought I knew what love was when I proposed to my ex, but I didn't. Not until you, not until Melody. Now I know what love is and I'm not going to give it up." He told me.
As if he couldn't have made me fall in love with him even more than I did when I met him. Even more after the day he sang to my belly the night at my parents house. Even more after he fought for me at my front door. Or after he was in the delivery room when I had Melody. Or at Disneyland. But he did, it's like everyday I fall more and more in love with him. If that's even possible.
But that confession was all I needed. It's all the reassurance I could have asked for. I immediately move forward to capture his lips with mine. He picked me up and took me upstairs to the guest bedroom.
And it was a perfect end to a perfect day.
•••
There's a lot of fears when you're a single parent. I mean Shawn has been with me since Melody was born. But he wasn't her dad, he didn't have the baggage. He could leave anytime he wanted and not have a care in the world if he wanted to. That was the scary part.
But the fact that he loves her like his own. Takes on everything dealing with being a dad for her. That's what counted. Overthinking is toxic and can make you think and say crazy things. But they aren't always right. And Shawn proved that once again.
Authors Note//
Mushy mushy mushy
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Until Next Time Peace Lovelies✌🏼💚