it feels weird having to pack again. saori's done this a couple of times already but she still doesn't get used to it. she doesn't want to get used to it. she wants to find a permanent home someday.
luckily her grandma helped her in arranging her stuff, making sure all of her souvenirs fit in her suitcase.
once she was done, she paces around the nakamoto house, looking for her dad.
she leaves tomorrow with yuta and his family, so she wants to spend her last night just talking to her dad.
as usual, she finds him hanging out at the veranda, staring at her grandparent's zen garden.
"hey, dad." saori greets him, taking the spot next to him.
"hey, gumdrop." her dad smiles at her. "you done packing?"
"yeah, grandma helped," saori admits, leaning back and staring up the starry sky. she missed stargazing with her dad.
"hmm." it was silent. there was an elephant in the room they needed to address yet neither of them knew how to. saori pulls out her phone to see various message from johnny, doyoung, and even jaehyun(?).
but the one she stares at is the one that never replied to her.
"i still text her every now and then," she confesses.
her dad glances at her in surprise.
saori lets out a bitter laugh. "i mean, i know she won't ever respond but who knows, right?" she continues.
"i text her whenever i feel down. or when i get a pretty high grade on a test. or even when yuta makes a funny joke, and dons' insults get more creative day by day.
"i tell her about my crushes too. sometimes, i even asked if it's the same feeling she had when she liked you."
saori purses her lips together and meets her dad's teary eyes. "i never found out." her voice cracks.
"sao." her dad was crying now. "i'm so sorry, saori."
"it's not your fault, dad." saori feels the tears escape. "it's hypocritical for me to say that to you but sometimes...
"sometimes i feel like she left because she wasn't ready to have me."
"no, sao—" her dad reaches out for her hand. "it's not your fault either."
"i know, but—" saori sobs, covering her face with her free hand. "—but then momo left me as well. and then it all came back to me...
"i had this idea that maybe it's my fault that people kept leaving me, you know? it's my fault that i'm always alone."
"you're not alone, saori." her dad promises, pulling her into a hug. "you've got me, alright? you still have me."
"i know, dad. i just—i can be such a dumbass sometimes." saori tries to laugh it off.
her dad pats her head softly, giving it a kiss. "you're not a dumbass, alright? you'll always be my smart and witty gumdrop." he says. "and no matter what, always remember that we love you okay?"
"thanks, dad."
"i'm glad you talked to me about this. i'm sorry i'm not good at advice."
"it's okay dad, i'm not good at advice either."
"see, now that's my fault." her dad manages to joke, causing her to laugh. "i love you, saori."
"i love you too, dad." she then pulls away to wipe her tears away.
"so." her dad clears his throat. "who's this johnny i keep hearing about?"
saori flushes at the mention of her boyfriend's name. "i'm—he's my—well, we're dating," she admits. "for three months to be exact."
"oh, this... this is all new?"
"um, yeah. but i've liked him since, uh, june, i think? yeah. kinda. yeah, i like him. too much."
her dad gives her an odd look. "this looks different compared when you were dating that hanbin," he points out. "you look more... happy."
saori blushes, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "i guess." she doesn't deny it. "he makes me happy, dad."
"that's great. i'm happy too, then."
saori smiles at her dad lovingly. "i'll introduce him to you soon," she promises. "i think you'll like him."
"well, if you like him then i guess i'll like him too."
"yeah." saori giggles. god, she suddenly misses johnny. a week with his cuddles is insufferable. "fuck, why did you had to mention him, dad? now i miss him."
her dad laughs and ruffles her hair. he's glad someone's out there showing saori that she deserves all the love in the world.
—
"yuta, get the fuck out of my room." whether it'd be in korea, or in japan, yuta never really learned not to barge into saori's room out of nowhere. that's why ever since saori started dating johnny, she's habited herself to lock the door in case...
yuta flops down on her bed, glancing at her phone that was sitting on the bedside table.
saori was busy rummaging through her old bookcase to bring some of her childhood books back in korea.
"you need a new phone," yuta says out of nowhere.
"what?" saori doesn't pay him that attention and focuses on finding her books.
"i said you need a new phone."
this time, saori looks at her cousin. "what's this about?" she questions.
yuta sits up on her bed. "this is about, you needing a new phone," he repeats. "once we come back in korea i'll buy you a new one."
saori doesn't get where he's coming from. "why? my phone works perfectly fine." she says.
yuta then takes her phone and—"what the fuck, why'd you do that?!"—throws it out the window.
saori panics and watches it fall 3-storeys down, hanging half of her body out the window. yuta pulls her back.
"what was that for?!" saori screams at him.
"chill-out. apple clout exist for a reason and i know half of the people you know so i can give you their numbers again," yuta says, taking out his own phone.
saori seethes. "that's not the point! i have memories there! i have—" she pauses. i have my mom's number there. what if she texts me back?
saori feels panicked again as she runs out to fetch her phone.
"saori, wait!" yuta chases her, stopping her mid-stairs. "it's broken, give it up!"
"no!" she tries to yank his arm away. she then realizes why yuta was doing this. "you heard?"
yuta looks away guiltily. "i'm sorry," he apologizes. "i'm sorry, sao."
he gradually lets her go, hands curling into a fist tightly. "i... i'm sorry about momo. i was selfish and—and i didn't even consider—and i—"
"yuta."
"fuck, sao, i had no idea—i didn't know! yet, i—i'm so stupid god!"
"yuta!" saori shouts at him to stop.
yuta breaks out of his babbling and looks at saori before pulling her into a tight hug. "you're a dumbass, sao," he tells her.
saori makes a disgruntled sound but doesn't object. she guesses she is a dumbass. so yeah, she really is yuta's cousin if that's the case. they're both dumbasses.
—
"hey."
"baby, you're still awake?" saori's heart flutters at johnny's raspy voice calling her baby. god, she wishes she could crawl into his bed with him.
"yeah, sorry. did i wake you?" she apologizes, almost forgetting that it's pretty late and that japan and korea have the same time zones.
"no, i can't sleep either." johnny turns to his side, phone in his ear. "i miss you."
"it's only been a week, babe." saori chuckles.
"yeah, and i still miss you." johnny persists.
saori hums in thought, playing with the hem of her shirt. a thought crosses her mind. "hey, johnny?"
"yeah, baby?"
"why do you like me?" saori had to ask. she still has that mindset that she's vanilla.
"what? where's this coming from?" johnny sounds surprised with her question. well, he is.
"nothing. i was just wondering why you agreed to go out with me."
"babe." johnny intones. "c'mon, sao. you're beautiful. who wouldn't want to go out with you?"
"mmm, well..." saori doesn't want to open up via phone but she's too much of a coward. she can't face johnny while telling this stuff to him.
so, she vents it out through phone. she knows it's too impersonal, and that it's better if they talked face to face but she can't. she really can't.
she told him about when her mom left them when she was little. that she never returned any of her dad's calls and any of her texts. she admitted to him that she still texts her, still hoping for a response.
she even mentioned yuta getting fed up and throwing her phone out the window, now she's using the landline.
she told her about momo, and how hurt she was when she realized momo grew out of their childhood friendship. how bitter she felt when she saw her ex-best friend hang-out with her new friends.
how she feels like shit, thinking about being left twice by two important people in her life.
"shit, sao. why are you fucking telling me this over the phone?" johnny is livid. he's not mad at saori but he's mad at himself because he can't comfort her right now. he can' hug her tight and kiss her forehead better. he can't—
"i just—" saori stares up the ceiling. "i just want to leave everything behind when i come back there, you know? i don't want to talk about it anymore and i—i don't know i just—i was honest with my dad for the first time ever, and i thought—
"i thought about you."
johnny's chest tightens as his girlfriend opens her heart out at him. fucking distances' is a bitch right now.
"i wanted to be honest with you too. i want to be honest with you. because you're honest with me and you wear your heart on your sleeve like its nothing."
johnny really wants to fly to japan right now and trap saori in his arms. "can i—can i be honest with you now?" he requests.
"okay."
"i agreed to go out with you because of your ass."
"what???"
"and that you have a sharp-tongue. and that you're capable of winning an argument against doyoung. and that you get along with your cousin despite calling him a dumbass hundreds of times already.
"i went out with you because you aren't shallow. that you didn't want to lead my best friend on when i told you he liked you. and when you called me attractive i was so happy.
"and that you're so caring and you cherish your friends and i—
"i can't fucking believe you're making me do this over the phone. i just—" johnny lets out a frustrated sigh.
"once you come back here, i'm gonna give you the biggest fucking hug ever, and i'm not letting you go until—well, until you have to go home..."
saori thought her face was gonna rip in half with the way she's smiling right now. god, she liked johnny suh so fucking much. a bit too much for her own good.
"johnny."
"—ye-yeah?"
"i can't wait to see you again."
saori's really got stop saying things that'll make johnny fly over to japan.
"me too, sao."
a/n:
it's 1 am here and im screamig over EXO COMEBACK BITCH THEYRE FIANLLYA COMING ABCKA LFSAG;A
ANYWAYS HERE'S CHAPTER 30!! I HOPE YOU GUYS LIKE IT AHHAJSFHA
IM SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW HOPE U GUYS R HAVEING A GREAT TIME TOO
HAVE A NCIE DAY BECAUSE I AM BEC EXO COMEBACK!!!!!!!!!!!!