It felt so good to be home. I'd spent so much time resenting Dad and I guess it took being away from him for two weeks to realize how much I loved him. I was a lucky kid in a lot of ways. Sebastian and Francisco were technically my half-brothers, but they felt like my full brothers. Something changed in me while I was away at camp. Something clicked. I finally admitted that my situation was permanent. My mother was dead. My father wasn't in my life for my first 13 years, but he was now. The fact he wasn't around sucked, but there was nothing that could change it. I had him now and that was all that mattered.
Vanessa was my stepmother. Sebby and Cisco were my brothers. This was my family now. I kind of thought of my life in three separate parts. First, just me and my mom. Overall, it sucked. Mom was unstable and we were poor. Life was a constant struggle.
Second, it was my life living with the Mirandas most of the time, and with my mom part of the time. That was like living in a limbo. Half the time my life made sense. I could predict what would happen. I had a routine. Half the time, I was back in my mother's web. I had a hard time going back and forth between both worlds. The rules didn't work in both. At mom's, if I punched someone who'd just insulted me I was praised. At dad's I was punished. How was that fair, to expect a kid to know how to navigate both worlds. I was bitter a lot of the time.
Now, I was with dad full time. Mom was gone, and while I missed her it was also a bit of a relief. Life was calmer now. It had been sad for a while. I self-medicated with alcohol, but I'd gotten through it. I wasn't over my mother's death. I don't know if I'd ever be over it. But with therapy camp, I had some ways to deal with it. And hopefully I still had a friend in Anne Marie.
One other positive to going to camp was that my sleep schedule hadn't gotten completely out of whack. During most school breaks I ended up sleeping til noon most days and staying up until 2 or 3 a.m. Going back to school was hell. The next morning I was fresh. Well, not completely fresh. What teenager is fully awake at 8 a.m.?
Vanessa had gone down to Starbucks and gotten me a french vanilla latte for my first morning. She was so thoughtful. I smiled as she handed me the cup. I gave her and Dad a hug before I headed off to the subway for school.
The first day back at school after a break was like a mini-reunion. We hadn't seen each other for two weeks, so we weren't completely sick of each other yet. Being rested, we had semi-good attitudes. It was a new grading period. We had the opportunity to make the grade; to put in the effort. I knew Dad and Vanessa wished I would put in a bit more effort.
As I walked to second period, I smiled as I saw Aaron coming down the hall. He smiled too. As he reached me, he turned around so he could walk with me.
"Hey, stranger," he told me, squeezing my hand.
"Hey," I said. "How was football camp?"
"Torture," he said. "How was crazy camp?"
I laughed at that. "It was good actually. I feel better."
I hadn't told many people about going to a therapy camp. Mostly I said I was going to just plain camp. Aaron was one of the few people I trusted to tell. He knew I was struggling with my mom's death and just being a teenager in general. I had missed him like crazy.
"Are you free Friday?" he asked me.
"Yeah," I told him. "Your place?"
"Sounds good. My parents will be out most of the night."
As I reached my classroom, we stepped to the side. PDA was against school rules, but he gave me a quick peck on the lips. "See you later."
I watched him walk down the hall, waving at a couple buddies. I sighed as I walked in, thinking Friday seemed so far away. Was it possible to miss kissing? I missed kissing Aaron. It felt so good. I sat down in my seat, looking forward to Friday.
There was a debate team meeting after school. I decided I should give it a try. It was an opportunity to improve my arguing skills. Some of the kids still intimidated me, but I wasn't going to show it. I'm sure some of them had early acceptance to Harvard or Yale or some crazy school like that.
"Nora!" Mrs. Hennig greeted me. I smiled weakly. "I'm so glad you're back! Are you ready to give it a whirl?"
"Yeah, I guess," I said, setting down my backpack.
"Don't worry. I won't put you on the spot the first day. I'm planning on dividing everyone up in small teams, so you'll just have to speak to a few people."
I was relieved I wouldn't have to get up in front of a podium and speak to everyone. I could ease into it. The other kids started to come in. They glanced at me and a couple of them offered a small smile. I kept to myself for the time being. Mrs. Hennig called the meeting to order and explained what we'd be doing. We'd be given some random topics. Our job would be to confer with our partner and then debate back and forth with the other pair. We'd have a timer for speaking time.
I was paired up with a senior girl. I was pretty sure she was on the math team and was in the top ten for her class. I was lucky if I broke the top 200. That wasn't due to lack of intelligence. It was pure laziness.
I let the other girl, Stephanie, take the lead. We started by jotting down bullet points for the arguments we were going to make. Then, we divvied up who would say what. Then, we brainstormed what we thought the other team's counter argument would be and possible responses. We felt ready.
The teacher told us to start debating. We used the timers on our phones. The first team got two minutes to present their argument. The second team had the same time, then there was one minute of follow up for both. I had to admit, it was kind of fun. I liked having a set amount of time when they had to listen to me. They couldn't interrupt. I'd always been good at thinking up things off the top of my head. I didn't have any problem coming up with counter arguments.
At the end of the session, Stephanie complimented me and said she hoped I would be back. That made me feel good. I grabbed my backpack and hopped the subway home. I guess I looked happy when I walked in.
"Good day?" Dad asked me as I set my backpack down.
"Yeah, I guess you could say that," I told him, sitting on one of the bar stools.
"You're a bit later than usual," he observed. "Did you go somewhere after school?"
"I stayed for debate practice," I said, knowing he'd be happy to hear it.
"Oh great," he said. "Did you dazzle them with your arguing skills?"
"I did," I smirked. "The girl I was paired with said I did a good job."
"Nice," he said as he continued working on dinner. "Are you gonna go back then?"
"Probably," I said. "It's every Monday."
Dad and I chatted about our days for another few minutes. I then decided to go relax in my room for a few minutes before dinner time. After dinner, it would be homework time. The teachers were already piling it on.
Vanessa, of course, was thrilled I had gone to debate practice. She told me she could help me practice if I wanted. I'm sure I'd take her up on that at some point. I had way too much homework to read to the boys that evening, but I promised I would later in the week. I holed up in my bedroom and got down to business.
I tucked my phone away while I was working so I wouldn't get distracted. Around 8:30, I decided to take a break. I smiled when I saw I had a couple messages from Aaron. Ever since the whole Justin thing, I was cautious about what I said and posted and texted. I still felt exposed. I wondered if Aaron had looked at the picture.
We flirted back and forth for a while. Around 9:00, I told him I needed to get back to my homework. We said goodbye and I tucked my phone into my bedside drawer. I got back to work on AP History.
Dad knocked on my door close to 10:00.
"V and I are going to bed," he told me. "Are you almost done?"
"Yeah," I told him. "Just AP History. Thanks again for that."
He chuckled a little but then yawned. "Don't stay up too late. Love you."
"Love you too," I called as he closed the door. I turned my attention back to my homework. About twenty minutes later, I thought I heard little feet in the hallway. A few moments later, I saw my doorknob turn and Sebastian timidly poked his head inside. I smirked.
"Sebastian," I gently scolded him. "What are you doing up?"
He giggled and jumped once in excitement. "I can't sleep!"
I rolled my eyes and put my book down on the floor, then held out my arms. He giggled again as he trotted over and then jumped into my lap.
"Oooff!" I complained. He was definitely getting bigger. Sebastian wrapped his little arms around me, cuddling in. He was a snuggler. I talked to him quietly for a few minutes as I held him. I could tell he was tired. He just needed his big sister time. I could feel him start to drift off, so I reached back and grabbed the quilt from my bed. I spread it out over us and then did the last few problems one-handed.
I looked down at sleeping Sebastian, gently rocking him back and forth. Carefully, I stood up and carried the little guy back to his own bed. I tucked him in and then kissed him on the forehead, just like Dad does. I closed the door and smiled to myself, liking the feeling of being loved and needed.