It's over.
It's really over. I may have cried a little, but here we are.
I started writing CRASH INTO ME in June of 2018 on a whim. I had just joined Wattpad, and I hadn't written anything in so long, but I'd been dealing with a lot of personal things, and I realized the best way for me to cope was to just write. I fell in love with Brooklyn and Natalie and their story almost instantly, though their characters have seen some major changes over the past few years. This story has now gone through THREE quite substantial rewrites (most recently October of 2021), and although my skills have improved a lot since first writing this and I don't consider it to be my best work anymore, it's my first ever completed novel and has seen me through so many milestones, and it'll always hold a very special place in my heart.
As some of you already know, a lot of my inspiration for this book came from my own experiences as someone who has loved ones who struggled with addiction and substance abuse, and specifically being in a relationship with an addict. Brooklyn and Natalie are not like my husband and I at all, but I've given them our real life experiences and created this thing that somehow resembled what we had been through but with totally different people.
It made me realize my purpose for writing what I write - so someone who may be different from me can still look at this and say I'm not alone, I feel seen.
I purposely did not make Brooklyn this cliche, stereotypical "bad boy" because I genuinely wanted him to be a good person who just couldn't get out of his own way to help his addiction. Addiction still has horrible stigmas attached to it, including what people assume a typical addict should be, but here's a reality check for you - they're not just the deadbeat guy in the trailer park with holes in his shoes. They're probably more likely your next door neighbor. People who society deems as "normal" are the ones that are more afraid to get help, for fear of how their peers and acquaintances - who are also "normal" - will view them.
Everyone's way of handling situations like this are different, which is why I chose to leave lots of things, including the ending, open-ended. After reading their story and seeing what they've been through, what would YOU have done in Natalie's situation?
As for me, I chose forgiveness. An addict needs to be willing to help themselves to get sober, but they also need a support system that will help them through the ups and downs. Trust me, some of it sucked. Some of it REALLY sucked.
I had spent my birthday alone the summer my husband went to rehab. I had two weddings to go to that I didn't have a date to, and I had to explain to people where he was, and what was going on, and it SUCKED.
But then it got better. It took a long time, but it got better. We made new friends. We went to a lot of football games. We traveled. We bought a house. We moved 800 miles away from all the shit we had put each other through, and we're happy. Seriously!
UPDATE: We did in fact get married.
Happy endings are real, but they don't just fall in your lap, you have to be willing to fight for them.
I wish I could thank each one of you individually for coming on this journey with me and giving both my writing and my story a chance. I act so tough in person, but honestly I'm such a baby, I'm in tears writing this. Please don't ever hesitate to reach out to me if you have any questions, comments, or just want advice or help. I'm here.
xoxo Tay