: three :
His words. I remember them like it happened yesterday. His last day at Kilburn. The memory brings me so much pain. I remember his eyes. The hurt in them. I can never forget. Alexys has the same eyes. They make me hang onto those memories. When I gave birth to her and saw those eyes. I cried. From happiness of course but they won't let me forget.
"Pristine, we love each other we can find a way" Simon said
Maybe we could have found a way. This was our first go at love. I just felt it in my heart that I should not be with Simon Minter. My heart was literally broken. I always thought it was a figure of speech, something you said to express that you were overly sad about something. You will never understand what heartbreak feels like until you experience it. I beat myself up for ages about how I walked away from him like that. I don't know how quickly he got over it but I took my time. Especially when I found out I was having Alexys. It was a constant reminder of my heartache.
"You okay sweetheart?" Mum knocked on my bedroom door
"Yeah, come in" I replied but quiet enough not to wake Alexys who was napping
"How are you?" She asked
"I'm good, you?" I asked
"Good, I was just checking up on you. You've seemed distant these past few days" She said with concern in her voice
"Yeah, just a few things on my mind" I let out a deep breath
"Alexys things?" She asked sitting next to me on the bed
"Yeah" I sighed again
"Well, I'm always here if you want to talk" She said with a sympathetic look
"Thanks mum" I rest my head on her shoulder
"It's alright" She said softly. Soon after she left leaving me alone again. Simon Minter why did you have to do this to me. I love my daughter. I love her so damn much, I'd take a bullet for her, do everything to keep her safe but I can't help but think what would've happened if she never happened. Simon and I might've sorted our shit out and I could be at university pursuing the big career everyone said I would have. You just don't know. Notice how I talk about Simon and I. As much as I say I'm over him, I know if I see him I'll break. I live my life as if I was over him but if I ever run into him in person, I'd probably be sick from nerves. I get them just thinking about coming into contact with him. That's why I haven't told him about Alexys yet. I want to tell him. I don't want to send him a letter or text or get someone else to do it. I should be the one.