If anyone asked me whether my relationship with Zack was temporary, I would immediately assure them that we would always be friends no matter what. I can't say that now. Now I now that it was only on my part and that to him we weren't always going to be friends. My eyes get wet all of a sudden. I quickly swallow the tears that wallowed up inside me, take a deep breath, and go on about my day trying not to think about it as I work the register.
He was working too but was stocking and I didn't see him much which was perfect for the moment. When I started working at the Food Mart I didn't think we would end up working together, but when he came out smiling bigger than ever after his interview with the manager and looked at me with his baby blues my stomach leapt and I couldn't wait for him to start working with me. It seemed then that everything would always be perfect with us. That memory took me back to when we first met.
***********
Zack made friends easily that was always certain to me. All the boys wanted to be his friend and all the girls wanted him to talk to them. Fourth grade was great because of him. Something just clicked when we met. It wasn't just the fact that we had many of the same interests, it was the ease in which we spoke about everything and confided in one another.
Although the boys wanted to be his friend, he was not the best kid in class. He was always up doing something. He couldn't sit still and got into trouble too much. But there was this one time, I presume the teacher had enough of him, and she went off on him and really let him have it. I hated the way she did him and I felt his pain. When she left the room, I went up to him and gave him my last piece of chocolate. I felt bad for him and wanted to make him feel better. "Thanks!" He exclaimed in a whisper. He smiled so I smiled back and went back to my seat.
We began to sit together in the lunchroom and during break. I would share my snack with him and he would share his with me. We'd talk about Mrs. Bell, how boring her class was, and how mean she was. He listened to me. And as a middle child I didn't always feel like people listened. And felt alone. A lot.
I was having one of those days. Feeling ignored by my parents, was a constant battle. People were inexplicably making me mad when he asked,
- " Everything alright?"
-" Not really. "
- " What's the matter? He asked inquisitively.
"It doesn't matter." I waved my hand in indifference.
"You don't have to tell me. But you're going to be alright." His earnest sense of compassion won me over, so I told him.
-"My mom is always with my older sister, Ava . And my dad is with my not so little brother, Johnny, who is just 1 year younger than I am. So I stay in my room watching videos and movies." I explained.
-"All the time? They ignore you all the time?" He asked in disbelief.
-"Not all the time. But enough for me to be alone a lot!" I assured him.
- "I'm sorry about that. Maybe you could do something with me and my family." The tone of his voice was earnest and I knew he was trying to cheer me up and I was thankful to him.
Having him as a friend made the lonely feeling go away. We were sort of inseparable. He then told me his first name wasn't really Zack but Zachariah. He asked me not to tell anyone because he was pretty embarrassed by it. So I didn't. Then out of nowhere all these girls in my class wanted to be my friends. I didn't know why but they were around me all the time which I enjoyed because I didn't feel alone anymore. I was happy. Zack and I usually sat across from each other during lunch. And even though he brought his lunch from home he'd still grab the school lunch and we'd trade. He'd give me his fruit or anything he didn't like and I gave him what he liked. We usually ended up eating double of what we liked. Except pickles we both loved pickles and we competed for the other kids' pickles.
My dad decided to come eat lunch with me one day. He said he wanted to come eat with me, but I knew it was because he knew he wasn't spending enough time with me. He sat where Zack usually did and because Bree and Lilly sat beside me Zack ended up beside my dad. My dad called all the boys John and they loved it. Especially Zack. He thought it was hilarious and talked his ear off. Dad and I hardly said a word to each other. I finally interjected.
"Dude, I haven't spoken to my dad this whole time. He came to see me. Not you."
"Sadie! It's okay. Let him talk." My dad replied.
"No. It's okay. She's right. Sorry!"
I knew Zack was okay with me being blunt and he usually agreed with me. He understood that I wanted to spend time with my dad. He understood that I felt alone. So he tried not to speak as much.
When we both saw a flyer for try-outs for Mulan, the play, we decided to audition. He liked the idea so we tried out. He got the role of the emperor, I got the role of a sales lady, and my brother, who was just one grade below us, got the part of one of the main soldiers, Qian Po. That's how Zack and Johnny met especially since I had to leave the play because of a sprung ankle. All the time I was supposed to spend with Zack was instead Zack and Johnny time. That's how they became friends and I became the third wheel in their friendship. I talked to him still but it was almost as if all we had in common was Johnny.
Summer break was a definite slap in the face. My parents decided that I finally needed a phone, so I immediately got Zack's phone number from Bree who had almost every one's number to text him but that didn't go well.
Hey Zackie! How's your summer going?
It's fine! Who is this?
Oh! It's Sadie! Lol :)
Oh hi Sadie! How did you get my number?
Bree gave it to me.
Wait. Do you like me?
What? No! Why?
Cause. You're texting me.
Well I didn't have a phone before and now I do. So I can't text you?
Sure! But I gotta go. Bye
Okay....bye!
At that time I felt that he had brushed me off. I was hurt that he did not want to talk and felt a definite guard around him. He obviously did not want me to text him, so I took the hint and did not text him again.I briefly wondered why he asked me if I liked him. I remembered he desperately wanted a girlfriend but I didn't think he had me in mind. Not til now looking back. I should have known, but that's the problem with hindsight. We don't realize what is right in front of us until it is too late. Or is it?