I lay in bed with my earbuds in and my laptop playing the show I'm currently binge watching. I used to think that spending a night like this was a waste of a weekend. Now, it doesn't seem that bad, especially not after a long week of work and school. I denied the invite to go movie hopping with Gen and Mel and I haven't even bothered to message Rex or Danny back. Admittedly, it's been a while since I got laid but for some odd reason, I don't mind.
I check my phone occasionally. Cam and I were having something of a conversation earlier before I showered and stopped replying for an hour. I hadn't gotten a chance to see him all week because I had an exam I had to study for and he didn't want to distract me. My phone shakes my covers, signifying a text, and I quickly skim the screen. I stare at his message: Call me. I tug the earbuds from my ear and click his contact. I waste no time in pressing the call button and putting the phone against my face, feeling clingy and desperate but not caring in the slightest. He answers after the second ring.
"Hey," he greets me and I expect him to fall into the purpose of his call. "Hello?"
"Hi." My voice breaks. Amazing.
"Were you sleeping?" Does my voice just naturally sound hoarse and ugly over the phone?
"No." I move my laptop from my stomach and put it aside. "I'm laying in bed watching Netflix."
"Me, too!"
"Really?" I flip over and get comfortable.
"Yeah."
'So why are we on a call?" I try my best not to sound rude.
"I'm bored," he draws out the second word, "I want someone to talk to."
"Is Ashton asleep?" I look at the time and find that it's only 11.
"No but I don't want to talk to him."
"Oh." I struggle to think of something to say. "Well, I'm bored, too."
"Are Gen and Mel up?" I sigh, knowing how my response is going to sound. Then again, I didn't initiate the call.
"They're out actually. I would be hanging out with them if they were here, though."
"They're at a party?" Of course he wants to know.
"Movies," I correct and we fall into a brief silence. "Am I boring you?"
"No. I like hearing your voice." My stomach does a little flip at the compliment.
"I just don't like talking on the phone." Again, I sound awkward.
"Is FaceTime better?" This causes me to shift on my back.
"I don't like FaceTime either. I prefer seeing people in person." He's silent for a second as he absorbs my words.
"I mean, I only live down the street." This causes the corners of my mouth to turn upward. I'm grateful he caught on and didn't make it obvious. I'm also happy he can't see me right now.
"Are you willing to take the walk or should I?" Just as the question passes through my lips, my ears are immediately greeted with shuffling.
"I'll go to you," he insists, "I'll text you when I'm outside."
It takes 7 minutes for him to arrive and two seconds for me to go downstairs to let him in. Wordlessly, I lead the way upstairs and into my bedroom, where he drops onto my bed. He takes a second to acknowledge the R&B playlist coming from my phone, which rests on the table beside my bed. "It's so cold outside." He fights off a shiver as he lays across my blankets.
"You should've worn a jacket." I notice the short sleeve shirt on his upper body. It's weird seeing him without a hoodie, but I'm definitely not complaining. I should be though, seeing as I need to keep my thoughts pure and clean while he's here.
"Feel my arm," he suggests as I crawl onto the bed beside him. I overlook his arm and press my fingers to his neck, which is cold to the touch. He shivers as my fingers press against his skin.
"Jeez." I close my laptop and put it on my bedside table to make more room. I grab his cool arms and pull him into a sitting position. He allows me to without much fight and offers me a goofy smile. An odd sense of admiration for him floats through my body as I think of all the things we can talk about. "So..."
"So?" he repeats as he sits back with his arms propped out behind him to hold him up.
"What do you want to talk about?" My prompting gets a thoughtful expression.
"Have you ever had a boyfriend? Or a girlfriend?" he blurts and I quirk a brow. I thought we'd fall into some casual, friendly conversation but I can work with this. I probably shouldn't but I will.
"No." An embarrassingly honest answer.
"A crush?" I hesitate a bit. If you were to ask me this a few months ago, it'd have been a strong no. Now, I'm not feeling so sure.
"No." Judging by the look on his face, I can tell he's going to pick at my uncertainty.
"Are you sure?" Now I give a weak shrug.
"For the most part, yes," I say and this gets a laugh from him. "Have you ever had a girlfriend?"
"Not a serious one," he confesses, which surprises me a bit. Given his persistent and adoring personality, you'd think he'd have spoiled multiple girls with his love and affection in the past few years since he retired from being a player. "I've had middle school relationships but obviously they weren't ever real. But we're not talking about me."
"Why not?"
"You're the one that refuses to feel human emotions." His blunt comment causes my eyebrows to leap up on my face.
"That's not true. I feel plenty of human emotions." Take right now, for example, I want to jump on top of him. That's pretty human, right?
"Not the ones we're talking about," he doubts me.
"I can't help that I've never had opportunities to," I throw my hands up in slight defeat.
"Are you capable of liking people? Is it a sexuality thing? Have you explored that?" he asks with a curious expression on his face.
"Yes, I'm capable of liking people and having crushes," I answer in a poor attempt at skirting around the topic.
"But you've never liked anyone?" His tone is now filled with disbelief. "Seriously? You've never genuinely enjoyed being around someone, even if you aren't doing anything fun? You've never craved someone's presence? You've never been a little too happy to see someone?"
I swallow nervously as I rub my hands together in my lap. "Well, when you put it that way..."
"So you have had a crush?" He perks up a little.
"I don't know. Maybe." I keep my gaze locked on my yellow socks.
"Tell me about your crush...or a hypothetical dream person," he insists and I repress the urge to scoff. 'Well, his name is Cameron.'
"Uh..." I trail, unsure of what to say without giving myself away. "He's cute. He's funny."
"You're talking in present tense," he acknowledges with a curious grin on his face. "You have a crush right now?"
"Uh, I thought we were being hypothetical." My awkward stumble doesn't really do much to save me.
"Okay..." He offers up a slow nod before his grin becomes knowing and he drops the entire hypothetical mindset. "Do I know him? Or know of him?"
"Uh..." I'm literally an idiot. Why couldn't I have just lied and said no? "Hypothetical, Cam, remember?" My voice shakes so bad that I don't even believe myself.
"Is it Rex?" He sees through my facade quite easily and tugs his brows together.
"No," I say with a quick head shake. "No, no, no."
"Danny?"
"I haven't even talked to him recently." Cameron seems surprised at this revelation.
"Why not?" I just shrug.
"No interest anymore," I explain vaguely. "Same goes for Rex."
He grins at me. "You must really like this guy to be changing your ways." I roll my eyes at that comment. Little does he know, right?
"Do you have a crush?" I ask, dismissing the previous topic of conversation.
"We're not talking about me right now," he reiterates, which gets an annoyed sigh from me. "Tell me more about your crush. Do you hang out with him?"
"Hypothetically speaking," insert pointed look here, "I'd hang out with him on occasion, but not too much because I like my space." What if he starts asking my whereabouts now? He's the only guy I really hang out with anymore.
"Can I ask you a question?" His words alone get my heart racing.
"Isn't that what we've been doing for the last ten minutes?" I reply in my usual asshole-ish fashion.
"No but this one's more personal." I just shrug in response. "You and Rex...and you and Danny...you guys were...are...friends with benefits, right?"
"Yeah," I nod, "less friends, more benefits."
"You wouldn't have conversations?" he wonders, which gets a head shake from me. "Would you kiss them, at least?"
"No." I look around my room. "I only ever kissed Rex once. And I've never had them over here. I never have anyone over here."
"Really?"
"You're the only person that has ever been on my bed, aside from the other people that live here."
"Interesting." His arms tense from his relaxed position and a slow grin falls onto his lips. An amused chuckle slips out of his mouth as his head bobs up and down.
"Not really." I let out a long sigh and shake my head. Of course he'd get a kick out of that comment.
"It's funny because you tried so hard to get me in bed when we first met," he says as he looks around my room.
"I did not." I wonder how long until he gives up pushing that narrative.
"We've been friends for a while now. You can admit it, you know?" I narrow my eyes at him and the teasing look on his face.
"Okay, fine," I snap, which catches him by surprise. "I approached you at that party because I wanted to sleep with you and then never talk to you again. Does that make you feel better? Because it makes me feel like shit."
"It makes me feel pretty damn good, actually." I repress the urge to tell him that I could make him feel pretty damn good, too. "You refused to tell me your name that night. Now I'm the first guy to be sitting on your bed. I call that: progress."
"Oh, shut up." The small scowl on my face doesn't give way to the fact that deep down, I know he's right.
"You know, it wouldn't have worked," he watches my brows furrow before pointing between us, "sleeping with me."
"Why not?" A teasing smirk forms on his full lips.
"Because you'd have to kiss me to get me into bed." I allow my eyes to widen a bit. Is that where this conversation is headed? If I wanted to redirect this discussion, I'd confess that I do whatever it takes to get a person into bed, whether that be kissing them once or heavily making out with them; as long as I reach my end goal, I don't mind. But because I want to see where this can go, I play into his little game and offer a quiet scoff. "Come on, what's so bad about it?"
"It's just...weird." My answer is honest.
"You say that because you've never kissed anyone you liked," he argues with a tilted head.
"I've kissed some pretty hot people," I inform him with a shake of my head, "still...nothing."
"How many people have you kissed?" I wrinkle my nose and attempt to estimate.
"6," I suppose, "maybe 7."
"Are you any good at it?" he wonders with raised brows.
"Probably not," I answer honestly. "I avoid it at all costs."
"You'd probably like it if you did it more," he assures me before taking a playful tone to his voice. "You better gain some experience before you pursue your crush. He might not like you if you're a bad kisser."
"Oh yeah, let me just hit up my local kiss dealer." I jokingly reach for my phone.
"You could always ask someone to practice with you." Cue a bold smirk at me. "I mean, I like practicing."
There's a brief silence in which I contemplate a response. I've never had to actually think about what to say to a guy. Usually, we're both pretty apparent with what we want from each other. Cam is different. I stare at him for a second as I calculate my potential replies. The intense and emotional music does a good job at filling in for conversation as I rack my mind for a decent comment.
"Are you high?" I blurt again and he laughs boisterously.
"No." My eyes only squint more as I assess him.
"Drunk?" I continue to assess his face.
"Nope," he assures me and I make a 'hmph' noise as I think of something else to say.
"Are you just saying this because you want to kiss me?" I allow my brows to slowly inch up my face. The thought of it sends my heart into overdrive and I pray he can't tell.
"Duh," he confirms with a nod. "Just say when."
I swallow nervously as I examine his facial expression. Does he really mean that? The last thing I want to do is try to kiss him and he moves away because he wasn't serious. "Really?" He seems slightly surprised that I'm actually considering it. However, his flirtatious expression doesn't waver.
"Yes." His answer is strong and sends a single shiver through my stomach.
"Oh..." I stare at him again. He watches me, letting his eyes fall over my face time and time again. "Now?" I propose and he seems even more shocked, yet he doesn't complain.
"Really?" Now he seems doubtful. I give him a short nod. "Okay." He shifts off of his hands so that he's sitting up straight, which is short lived because he inches forward slightly. I hastily back up, which gets a hushed laugh from him. "Flizzy."
"Sorry, force of habit," I mumble as I slowly return to my previous position. It feels weird to have him this close to me. I don't mind it; it's just odd and sends my stomach into a frenzy, which I'm really not used to. He stares into my eyes as he hovers a few inches from my face and I hear his slightly shaky breath.
"You have really pretty eyes." His voice is low as he vocalizes his appreciation for the hazel color.
"Thanks." I look up at the ceiling in hopes that he'll just move in. I'd try to countdown the seconds until we kiss if I had any idea how long it'd take.
His hand lightly touches my chin and sends fiery sparks throughout my body. It was such a small touch yet it felt so intimate, which I'm not used to. "Look at me," he requests quietly and I roll my eyes before glancing at him for a second. "Flizzy." I let out a small sigh as I follow his instruction. My stomach feels tight and there are swarms of butterflies flying around, which is just putting me on edge. My hands are sweating and the only thing I want right now is to kiss him, something I never thought I'd have such strong feelings about. I watch as his gaze drops to my mouth and my breath catches in my throat; he apparently hears because his grin only widens.
"Excited?" he teases in a breathy whisper.
"Are you going to kiss me or stare at me?" My snarky comment is barely audible. He tries to stop himself from smiling but can't. I'd be smiling too if my stomach didn't resemble a boy scout style knot.
He moves in closer and I follow suit, shutting my eyes. It takes a second before he presses his lips to mine and I release the breath I was holding in. Except, it doesn't come out as a breath. It comes out as a moan, a full-fledged, audible moan. I feel him smile against my lips before he pulls away and lets out a loud laugh. My face immediately reddens and I bury it in my hands, feeling too embarrassed to even look at him.
"Sorry," I apologize awkwardly. "I didn't mean to...I was just..."
"Anticipating it?" he asks once he stops laughing and I nod. "That was a memorable first kiss, huh?"
"Shut up," I complain as I drag my hands down my cheeks. He stares at me with a joyful smile on his face.
"Get all your moans out now," he insists and I narrow my eyes at him.
"It won't happen again." He inches closer to me once again. This time, he doesn't make me wait and instead, presses his lips to mine like he did before. I control myself and allow the knot in my stomach to slowly untie. I put my hands on his shoulders as he leans into me. I never thought I'd enjoy the feeling of someone's tongue in my mouth but low and behold, here I am...reveling in it. His hand snakes up my thigh and to my hip, which he tugs forward a bit. I take the hint and stretch my legs out and into a lying position, allowing him to crawl on top of me. I try to take things slow and not jump the gun but it's more difficult than I expected.
In fact, now that I think about it, it probably wasn't a good idea to do this. Given, I was under the impression kissing wouldn't feel as good as it does, but now that I know, I want more. His lips feel like magic against mine as he continues to kiss me, only making the desires in my stomach grow stronger with the way his fingers trace the inner seam of my pants. I put my legs up on either side of him and he adjusts himself accordingly.
Wow, this feels so good. I go to release another breath but find myself moaning into his mouth again. Yet, he doesn't break away from me and only grabs my hips tighter, which eggs me on. I lightly tug at his shirt and he smiles against my mouth. He pulls away for a second to whisper something to me, which I barely catch.
"Slow down," he requests and I do as he asks. We kiss like that for a few more minutes until he breaks away. I expect him to roll off of me but he travels to my chin with his kisses and I stare wide eyed at the ceiling, feeling the fire in my stomach continue to grow. He makes his way down to the opening of my t-shirt and I suddenly wish I wore something that cut lower.
"You can take it off if you want." I tangle my hands in his hair. He smiles up at me as if he can tell where my mind is traveling to. No, not traveling to- where my mind has long arrived at.
"Nope," he answers as he leaves a light kiss on my neck.
"Why not?" I whisper as he continues to nip at the area above my collarbone.
"I'm not having sex with you," he whispers back and I feel the urge to scream. I stare at him from my place a few inches below him. We kissed for ten entire minutes. There's no way he's not feeling the same way I am right now. Hell, he literally wouldn't be able to hide it and discreetly trying to check wouldn't make things better on my part. And because I'm not an asshole and I understand how consent works, I don't push him.
"Then can we at least kiss more?" He grins at my question.
"Of course." I immediately pull him back to my mouth. The chaotic beating of my heart becomes the norm as I continue to lock lips with him. Parts of my body go numb with urgency as I hold him as close to my body as I can get. He has a lot more willpower than me, that's for sure.
I push him away after ten more minutes of intensely making out and let out a slow, shaky breath. I blink up at the ceiling in shock and try to regulate my breathing. In a desperate attempt to calm myself down, I close my eyes for a second and sigh noisily. It doesn't work. At this point, I don't think anything will. I risk a glance at him only to find that he's staring at me with a satisfied grin on his face.
"Fuck," I exhale as I let out another laborious breath.
"Fun, right?" he questions with his chest rising and falling rapidly. I don't even bother looking back at him and keep my eyes locked on the ceiling.
"Not when it doesn't end in sex," I concur as I rub the bridge of my nose. He seems amused by this because he lets out a short laugh.
"Is that all you think about?" I give him a flat look.
"It's not warranted now?" I return back to my relaxed position.
"I mean, I guess it is." His shoulders rise and fall weakly. "You know what makes kissing even better?"
"What?" I wonder what else could make it better, other than my suggestion of course.
"When it's a spur of the moment. You see, what we did was premeditated. It was still really, really good but kissing someone when you don't expect to is fun. It's the little things, you know."
"Oh, I bet," I grunt before reaching for my phone and pausing the music. "Well, thanks for helping me practice. I feel as though I've mastered that skillset." I skim over my notifications and acknowledge the text informing me that Mel and Gen are on their way back.
"No problem. You learn fast," he compliments with that same stupid grin.
"Mel and Gen are on their way back," I inform him as I drop my phone on my stomach.
"Is that my cue to leave?" A single brow lifts up as he watches me.
"No, but I think you should," I admit, "because you're really not helping the situation."
He grins at me in a triumphant fashion, which only makes me want to jump on top of him even more. "Are you going to call Rex or Danny?" he wonders as he gets off of my bed. I offer him a glare as he stretches.
"And why would I do that?" I notice him rub his stomach beneath his shirt in my peripheral. I don't bother looking lower than his face.
"To finish what I started." He seems satisfied with himself.
"Keep talking and I just might have to," I mumble as I flip onto my stomach and bury my face in my pillow.
"What? You're not going to walk me to the door?" he teases me. I feel his hand reach out and lightly slap my butt, which gets another groan from me.
"Fuck you," I complain as I cover myself in my blankets.
"I'm sure you want to," he announce confidently and I sigh into my pillow. I listen as his laughter trails down the hall. I wish he wasn't right.