fuck.
i don't even know where to start but hell did i have to get real high just to try and run from this. theres just so much going on at such an inconvient time. girls don't usually pay attention to me, and after what happened with Sylvia i didn't really ever talk to them much, as if i talked to anyone anyway.
but...she...she's come along now, and i don't want to like her, shoot i really don't.
i ain't got time to feel like this. i'm just trying to make sure i don't get my ass beat every other day and that i got someplace to crash at night. i ain't got time for no girls and i sure shouldn't got time for the girl that my best friend is crazy about.
the one that wears yellow.
sunflower coloured dress bitch
of all people. why did it have to be her?
why couldn't she just ignore me and get my name wrong or have no clue i was even in her class like everyone else? why did it have to be her that decided to go and make me feel special?
i ain't special, i'm just johnny and this needs to stop.
i feel so guilty everytime pony goes on about her and i try not to say too much because i know that if he knew some of the stuff that girl had said to me he'd hate me forever. don't get me wrong, she's gorgeous and i know no other girl will ever look at me the way she does but i won't sabotage my friendship over this. she said she wants to get to know me, that she likes my smoker voice and wishes i would open up. i'm telling her that i'm not interested and it about kills me to say but if she really did get to know me i'll bet she'd wish she never got involved.
sometimes ... a lot of times, i think about her. and man do i feel guilty. but i got other things to worry about and besides, she wouldn't like me if she really got to know me. what if i don't really even like her? what if i'm just lonely and desperate? maybe i'm just scared that i'll never get a girlfriend and so i should probably take this opportunity. na.
its not worth it, even if i think about her a lot.